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Oh, I just realized, I think that tagline about love needing to be blind was supposed to be a play on Paris' hit song at the time "Stars Are Blind". Thanks, brain, for retaining that nugget of pointless information but forgetting basic math!

I wouldn't have put it past them to just have a black guy dressed in western wear come out. (un)Fun fact, A Chocolate Cowboy is the name of a terrible blackface movie from the 20s. I did sign spinning for a few weeks, first dressed as Santa and then as a clown. Passersby were very vocally supportive of Santa; honking, yelling/wooing out car windows, high fives. Save for one elderly lady who waved to get my attention and then gave me the finger, and one dirtbag that catcalled me. As the clown, people screamed insults at me, lotsa middle fingers, and someone gave me a Big Gulp driveby. I wonder how a mime costume would have fared. I don't remember having a crush on anyone in elementary school. What crushes I did have were either on actors, singers, musicians, or cartoon characters. I do remember a couple of kids "dating" in sixth grade and kissing, and I thought it was gross.

I was getting this movie confused with that one where the girl is cursed and turns into Rob Schneider. And now I'm bummed out that there isn't a movie where Paris Hilton turns into Rob Schneider.

You keep in a dedicated shrine like a civilized person.

Description: Recorded live from Charleston, South Carolina, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the 2008 romantic comedy The Hottie and the Nottie starring Paris Hilton. They talk about June auditioning for the role of the Nottie, earth suits, the stalker, farts, and much more. This episode is brought to you by Bombas (www.bombas.com/BONKERS), World of Warcraft Classic (www.wowclassic.com/howdidthisgetmade), and Starbucks Triple Shot Energy Drink. Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: http://www.earwolf.com/show/unspooled/ Check out our tour dates over at www.hdtgminfo.com! Check out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepubli…wdidthisgetmade Where to Find Jason, June & Paul: @PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter @Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on twitter it is still very early here on the East Coast but my neighbor kept me up by watching very loud movies and I will murder him eventually. I didnt watch this movie and I am so glad after listening to this episode. It sounds like it was written by incels. Maybe it originated on 8chan. There is a huge problem with media in our society where men EXPECT to be able to date a woman like Paris Hilton just for being. They don’t have to be smart or funny or earn a “high status” mate (and here I would point out that there is an issue with a woman being hot and dumb—which is her persona, I have never met her—as being that “thing” that every man wants). i would like to believe there was another version of the script where the main guy ends up with June, and it was about realizing looks don’t matter, and that perhaps the studio decided he had to end up with Paris Hilton if it’s a Paris Hilton movie. That is perhaps the nicest thing I can think to say. I’d also like to point out that the actress who did get the role of June, was on the TGIF show “Step-by-Step” and I thought she was gorgeous. The fact that they can’t even find an average looking person to give those teeth to is a scathing indictment of how Hollywood treats women in and of itself. They don’t exist in Hollywood’s world. ETA: did anyone have a crush in 1st grade? That seems to early to me. Isn’t there a thing where people who are molested are sexual too young? Could that be what is happening?

I remember having what I guess would have been a crush on my Kindergarten and 2nd grade teachers. First grade teacher was an old lady so that never would have worked out. I didn't really have a crush on a classmate until around 3rd grade.

Was Sophie able to choose both? Because...

This week on Unspooled: the ultimate Sophie's Choice, mimes or clowns!

Aww... thank you.

Sounds like you kind of lucked out to me. Think of how much more terrible it would have been if you had dated someone capable of saying that to someone? Either you would have been even more miserable or you would have changed to be like her and then we wouldn’t have our own lovable, cuddly Cam Bert! Besides, I’m sure this gave you tons of time to get into The Cure which is always a win

Can we talk about how Nate and his terrifying best friend only have references in their friendship from elementary school? I've known one of my best friends since the 4th grade ( we didn't become friends until the 7th though) and we both moved away before high school. We are super close to this day and while we do talk about that time we went to Llamafest ( twice because heyo what cool kids we were!) We also talk about the present world and our lives now and the people who have been in them in the interim. We talk about the skills and passions we have as adults and our hopes for the future. Even though we have gone years without talking because life got busy we still can always pick right back up and get back into the groove. Outside of their stalker mission the only things they could talk about in their friendship was their first grade glory days. Who even had those?! It's first grade! Honestly all these two have is their sick obsession. That's it. That's the friendship. Speaking of what exactly does the friend get out of this? It's clear he's been gathering this information for a long time. he had files all set up and ready to go on both Paris and June. Why? He's not trying to get with Paris. Is he just another stalker? If so why would he let his friend use his material to get his dream girl? Why is he so invested in him getting her at all? Has he been stalking her since elementary school out of some insane sense of loyalty to his only friend? If she had rejected his friend once and for all do you think he would have killer Paris, June, Nate, himself, and his mother in a very upsetting revenge murder suicide?

This movie is gross and disgusting and offensive. It it horrible towards everybody. "Hey let's make her one weird stalker and albino? Their lack of pigment is hilarious because who could love that? hahaha I know why don't we give him some sort of twitch with his hands and a speech impediment to indicate a possible learning disability or mental problem as well? Genius! Hahahaha" The movie even stoops so far as to make a "midget" joke with the little girl crying out "I love midget mimes" and thus undoing the hypnosis. Now disregarding the terrible joke of how this is suppose to be an impossible phrase to hear yet there are so many little people mimes out there that a small child loves them more so than any other kind of mime to specify she likes little people mimes instead of just mimes in general. Also what child loves mimes? No! What is truly crazy about this scene is the father coming in to correct her with "They are called little people honey." This movie who could give two fucks on who it's offending and making fun of stops to say "Hey audience, midget is an offensive term and not cool." The kicker to me is nothing to do with the mime and the jokes around him are height based so that line could have literally been anything else. They could have made that code phrase "purple clowns" or "chocolate cowboys" and had a clown in purple or a candy themed cowboy and the scene plays out the exact same. Yet the writer decided "midget mime" was the most hilarious thing. Then they felt guilty about that and so they stop to inform us that we shouldn't be offensive towards this one group. It's just so inconstant and weird. Where is the bit where they stop to apologize to women?

So from Wikipedia, for the release in the UK, posters were put out with the phrase "The Number One Film" but in very tiny print also wrote it was for the IMDB Bottom 100.

It’s guarded by a golden dragon and a couple of sphinxes but nothing I’d call excessive. ...and the booby traps of course. But that’s pretty standard.

They brought this up during the episode but, despite its incel-ishness, the sole credited writer is a woman named Heidi Ferrer. She apparently quit showbiz in 2008 to become a Lifestyle Brand, which might be a convenient cover story when The Hottie and The Nottie destroys your career.

She wore 4 inch brown shoes with a kitten heel from bebe!!!

Omission: In reference to Arno's file on "The Every Move of the Hottie", as Jason pointed out, he also references a website that tracks Cristobel's life. Besides the abysmal quality of this shit film, I have to wonder how Paris Hilton feels about this movie and that exact moment because of this: In late 2008 (after the release of The Hottie & The Nottie), a group of Los Angeles teens (affectionately known as The Bling Ring) robbed Paris Hilton's multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion. The group was notably obsessed with famous people and chose Paris Hilton as their first robbery because they figured she was dumb. They got into Hilton's mansion by finding a key under the welcome mat and then had a duplicate made and robbed her home several more times. At first the group only took small mementos: some shoes or fashion jewelry, but by the end were tearing apart Hilton's belongings and stealing her personal nude photos. It took Hilton several months to even realize she had been robbed. And how did these crafty genius's figure out when would be a good time to rob Paris Hilton? That's right... you guessed it, by tracking her every move through her website (and possibly her MySpace since it was 2008 after all.) They easily found out when she would be out of town, found out her address through one of those "maps to the stars" type of website, and seized the opportunity. They also robbed a bunch of other celebs, but Paris seemed to be their biggest obsession. The true sadness is that this movie in conjunction with the Bling Ring robbery could very much be considered the end of Paris Hilton's career as an entertainment brand name. Sofia Coppola made a movie about it based off a very well researched book by Nancy Jo Sales.

I had a crush in maybe 1st or 2nd grade, but it certainly wasn’t sexual. We just made each other laugh at school and I thought she was pretty. I do not keep a picture of her in my dresser. That’s creepy-crazy!

I'm just going to put this out there as a single woman who refuses to settle. Buy a great vibrator and never feel unsatisfied in life. I am still haunted by that man and his poor poor wife. Love yourself ladies metaphorically and literally.

you know your movie had a fuckboi when the opening scene with a woman smashing a guitar over a man's head has you screaming "YAS GIRL!" I'm a bisexual woman and watching this movie I came to realize that Paris and June should have ended up together and had the only healthy relationship in the film. They lived together, have a deep close relationship between the two and have for years, care about the others happiness and want the best for the other / support them. They belong together! I don't think Paris would have ever needed June to change her appearance. I think she supported her friend for her friend's sake but I truly think she loves her just fine. They are so clearly in a sapphic relationship and if this movie wasn't written by incel Nice Guys I would love to see that explored. Except not because watching Paris Hilton act is far too painful. But the story of women constantly being sexualized by the male gaze while in a committed same sex relationship is nothing new. The optics can get worse on both sides if the woman is bisexual, pansexual, or queer like I am reading Paris's character to be. Then both lesbians and men judge you as not being one thing truly. Men tend to try to " turn " you regardless whereas some lesbians just refuse to have anything to do with you.

I love this! I do feel men like women like Paris who let themselves be viewed as dumb and blank canvases for them to fill in the details of what they think that the woman really is. They enjoy having the ability to see what they want. I just finished this and June does end up with the main love interest. Unfortunately as you mentioned she goes through truly painful procedures in order for him to see her as a viable person worthy of love. I actually didn't hate Paris' character in this. She very clearly cared for her friend, they have a deep close bond. She looks out for her, multiple times she tried to say she was uncomfortable with the situation and felt her boyfriend was pushing things. She works for a non profit and is passionate about yoga and fitness. When it comes to her friend's transformation She feels supportive because she thinks she wants it and isn't like forcing her. She has some layers. Not many because this movie is a hellscape written by Nice Guys but she's not The Worst. She even is happy when her boyfriend leaves her for her friend because she wants her to be happy.

I’m doing well, Elektra. How are you?

The second link is for the Seattle show.

Just a quick note: I took this photo in San Francisco a few years ago. It's one of my favorite finds from wandering the city.

I just started watching this on Amazon and could not believe that rather than have a male actor play the hitman before the operation, they horribly glue on the worst fake beard and mustache on Michelle Rodriguez's face and have her speak in a slightly lower tone of voice. Then to further push the point of the character being male they give a full frontal shot of pasted on chest hair, CGI porn star dick, before having her turn around showing Rodriguez's ass. It's like they forgot to change her whole body's appearance so you have front as computer generated male while the back is Rodriguez's own body. On top of that Walter Hill admitted that he was trying to make a sleazy, modern-day exploitation film, but this just comes off as absurd and flat.