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Colfax McLiverneck

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About Colfax McLiverneck

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    El Duque de Maiz

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  1. I find it odd that no one has mentioned the 800-lb. can of corn in the room.
  2. The Captain’s log. Fascinating. Just as I imagined it, but longer, and with more corn.
  3. Don’t assume anything. Because “assume” is a word that begins with the word “ass”, which is what you are.
  4. Two roads diverged in a yellow field, and I took the left one because I google-earthed the corn maze in advance.
  5. The only thing necessary for the triumph of weevils is for good corn farmers to do nothing.
  6. Colfax’s Paradox: If you go back in time and prevent corn from being domesticated by ancient Mesoamericans, this catchphrase doesn’t exist.
  7. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the messenger of the omen of the inevitability of the harbinger of death, I shall fear no redundant run-on prepositional phrase.
  8. Once if by land, twice if by sea, three times if by a lady.
  9. Open the door, clean up the floor—SOMEBODY didn’t walk the dinosaur
  10. You can lead a Jimmy to corn, but you can’t make him crack it.
  11. If you love ketchup so much, why don’t you marry it?
  12. If I had a nickel for every time I wondered why I didn’t have any nickels, I’d have more nickels than I would have had had I never wondered why I didn’t have any nickels, but not a life-changing amount of nickels because I’ve almost never wondered that.
  13. In the land of the cornless, the one-eared man is king.
  14. This is the show that is a show about comedy, and being funny with jokes or pretending to be characters is what we do to make you laugh while experiencing feelings of amusement and enjoying our humorous program.
  15. Colfax McLiverneck

    You had me at Comedy Bang.

    You had me at Comedy Bang.