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Colfax McLiverneck

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About Colfax McLiverneck

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    El Duque de Maiz

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  1. Well my name is Wrappin’ Scott and I’m here to say / I’ll clad your gifts in fancy paper any day!
  2. A hotdog walks into a bar. The bartender says “What’s up?” The hot dog says, “What is this—National Discontinued Catchphrase Day?”
  3. I’d rather have an Uncle Hieronymus than a hairy unclonymus.
  4. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore corn et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
  5. How much Charles would a Woodrow Charles Charles if a Woodrow Charles would Charles Woodrow?
  6. Come on down to Chuckie’s Championship Chimichangas next to the Church of Our Churlish Cherub on the Chickasaw Loop in Chattanooga! (This catchphrase brought to you by the Google search “words that start with CH”)
  7. Burritos are just very small male burrs.
  8. You can lead her to the seashore, but you can’t make her sell seashells.
  9. How much chuck would a beef cow eat if a beef cow was a cannibal?
  10. Breaking news: North African archaeologists discover new human species—Homo heynongia, found frozen in time in the very act of slaying Neandertang.
  11. Jimmy smashed corn—no, Jimmy punched corn. I mean, Jimmy smacked corn. Goddammit. Jimmy slapped corn? Fuck it. I don’t care.
  12. The number 800 is the sum of four consecutive primes. Charlemagne was crowned Emperor in 800 AD. There are 800 kernels of corn per ear. You do the math. It’s right there, clear as day.
  13. Jimmmm-eee—you don’t have to crack that corn tonight.
  14. I get two sides? What are they? Oh, right here on the menu in the bright orange box with the ginormous title that says SIDES? Okay, I’ll have the okra comma fried and the cob comma corn-on-the.