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Colfax McLiverneck

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About Colfax McLiverneck

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    El Duque de Maiz

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  1. Chapter the Eighth: In Which Timothan the Younger Becomes Discombobulated in a Corn Maze and is Further Hindered by a Surly Five-Legged Stoat
  2. Chapter the Seventh: In Which Our Pilgrim Encounters a Bloviating Milk Camel in Hereford-on-Shartshire and Learns a Valuable Lesson Concerning Personal Hygiene
  3. Well I’m runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load because the colonic flow therapy has been less than successful.
  4. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but at the same time, so basically it was just a regular time.
  5. There’s less than one way to skin Schrodinger's cat.
  6. This catchphrase is about whatever you’re thinking about right now. Unless you’re thinking about corn. I don’t write catchphrases about corn, because corn is stupid.
  7. Non sequitur? I barely shampoo Beowulf!
  8. Mr. Nongman walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey!”
  9. Glottalized ejective. Uvular sibilant. Alveolar bilabial. This has been Filthy Phonetics, with your host, Ogod Dontstoperman.
  10. Outside what may be a man in a bear suit, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside what may be a man in a bear suit, it’s both too dark to read and impossible to determine whether it’s a bear or a man in a bear suit.
  11. Colfax McLiverneck


  12. And right there, in a cornfield in ancient Nebraska, Jesus himself used a muleosaur to plow the Garden of Reagan and grow the first tobaccy plants. Did you like the story? Good, now go to sleep, you tiny idiots.
  13. What cow? That cow. When cow? Now cow. Why cow? Because cow.
  14. James fractured maize, yet I remain uninterested.
  15. And now, a moment of silence for the four street mimes who were killed by a Tesla with license plate RKN MRTY last week.