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Colfax McLiverneck

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About Colfax McLiverneck

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    El Duque de Maiz

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  1. Colfax McLiverneck

    Cornburglar™

    Cornburglar™
  2. For English, press one. Para Espanol, presione de dos. For Cornshine, hop in my jalopy, sloppy—we goin' to the hoedown!
  3. Atticus “The Finchmatic” Walliston-Threadgill has left the weirdling.
  4. Slingintent slingintent slingintent. Slayintang slayintang slayintang. Welcometo welcometo welcometo. Comedybang comedybang comedybang.
  5. Dammit, Jimmy! You’re a doctor, not a corn-cracker!
  6. Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, because the latex man-suit kept rubbing it off.
  7. Milquetoast. Milque. Toast. Mil. Que. To. Ast. M. I. L. Q. U. E. T. O. A. S. T. This has been “Milquetoast, Deconstructed”, with your host, Milque Toasterman.
  8. Back in my day, we had to submit catchphrases to catchphrasery@aol.com on our Commodore 64s and wait for a response via pager from Scott’s grandfather, Old Groucherman.
  9. And now it’s time for a new segment—Listener-Submitted Questions! Colfax from Nebraska asks “Scott, do you ever get tired of people making fun of your name by constructing spooneristic parodies like ‘Butt Facerman’?”
  10. Attention, Pure Guava: I know. And now you know that I know. Meet me at the truck stop at midnight. Bring the corn. And if I see anyone that even looks like a cop, the squirrel gets it.
  11. She sold seashells by the seashore until Shelby’s Seaside Sundry Shack and Shoe Shop subverted her scheme by short-selling shinier shells at substantial savings.
  12. I like my women like I like my corn—sweet, creamy, and fresh from the can.
  13. Pardon me, my good Lady. In which aisle might I find the creamed corn, and whereabouts are the fisting booths? Ah, many thanks, and have a lovely day!
  14. If turning left is wrong, you’re gonna wanna go right.
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