Colfax McLiverneck

My bologna has an unfortunate first name, it’s A D O L F

To Die Hard, to sleep; to sleep, perchance until the yippee ki-ay motherfucker scene

In Soviet Russia, phrase catches you!

Now here’s a little story I’ve got to tell about three entrepreneurs and some plugs

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang! You take three D8 bludgeoning damage and lose a turn.

I like small butts and I am lying.

Your mom sells skank-shells by the ho-shore.

There’s no “I” in alphabet.

Please stop conflating Stonehenge and the Easter Island moai. Monoliths are not a monolith.

D I N G O, D I N G O, D I N G O, a dingo ate my baby

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of corn, I shall fear no weevil.

It’s been a quiet week in Lake Bangyourmom

You can lead a horse to water. Or you can just let it get thirsty, and it will go there by itself

Old Mother Hubbard went to the lockup to serve 30 days for animal cruelty

I shat my sheets my sheets I shat upon my hat I put a hat

If wishes were horses, beggars would have a logistical nightmare of livestock inventory on hand

Teach a man to fish and you may be entitled to compensation for providing fishing lessons

My other car is your mom

Is this the Bakersfield Regional Bubblegum Chewery and Asskicking Center? I think you know what I’m here for.

You could even say it blows

In Soviet Russia, Ho Ho ho hos you.

Ohh the weather outside is frightful but your contention that free will is an illusion because of the inevitability of death is so delightful.

Can I get a little more hey in my eggnong, man?

Roses are red, corn is yellow, yo mamma looks like Danny Trejo

What do Donald Duck, Porky Pig, and me after I climbed out of your mom’s bedroom window last night have in common?