Bernard_Shakey

Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, smell like no one's tasting.

By Bernard_Shakey, March 25, 2019 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Smooth move Exlax, I had ham in those slacks.

By Bernard_Shakey, March 25, 2019 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy? And being able to ask your employees if you can jerk off in front of them, while they watch?

By Bernard_Shakey, January 24, 2019 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

No shirt, No shoes, No service? - No don't know anymore!

By Bernard_Shakey, January 24, 2019 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. - Let's just say Times was all over the place back then and it was really sad to watch.

By Bernard_Shakey, January 24, 2019 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• this is a tag

Give a man a fish - feed him for a day. Wait till that man falls asleep after eating that fish - steal his shoes.

By Bernard_Shakey, December 21, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Isaac Asimov? When does Isaac ever have 'em on? 

By Bernard_Shakey, December 13, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

My gingerbread House cures unusual and hidden gingerbread illnesses.

By Bernard_Shakey, December 13, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I told my wife I wanted a Nutcracker for Christmas and so she did. She bought me a lovely Nutcracker. Not everything has to be a joke.

By Bernard_Shakey, November 29, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Auld Lang Syne? ​​​​​​​More like "Old Wang, Sigh" am I right Ladies?!

By Bernard_Shakey, November 29, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

We didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it but we also didn't try to prevent it from being lit. So technically yes, we are somewhat to blame for all of those deaths.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 2, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I'm here to kick bubblegum and chew ass and I'm all out of ass. P.S. You got any ass?

By Bernard_Shakey, April 24, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

When God closes a door he opens up the possibility for a lawsuit because that's a fire safety violation.

By Bernard_Shakey, March 14, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Shampoodler for my real friends, and real poodles for my sham friends.

By Bernard_Shakey, March 9, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

A doctor a day will keep Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter away.

By Bernard_Shakey, February 21, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• cause her name is Apple
• Get it?

Wyclef Jean? Because Clef Jean.

By Bernard_Shakey, February 20, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• RIP Harris

The gutters in this city are filled with people like us. - Mostly street sweepers and gutter repairmen, but still.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 9, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Never look a gift horse in the mouth. And don't find fault with this free advice.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 8, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. This condition amongst doctors is called apple-phobia and is quite rare.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 8, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• fruit based

Jack n Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water? Wait a minute. Who puts a well at the top of a hill?!

By Bernard_Shakey, August 8, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

One in the hand, Two in the bush, Three on the sidewalk, Smoke some kush.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 8, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

You expect me to bow down and kowtow to you now? Pal, I wouldn't even know how!

By Bernard_Shakey, August 7, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Some folks whistle while they work, I like to calculate while I copulate.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 7, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• sgaT cipoT

I wanna John in the Keats and a Lord Byron in the sheets.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 7, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

"Listen honey," said the mansplaining bee keeper.

By Bernard_Shakey, August 7, 2017 in New Catchphrase Suggestions