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Blast Hardcheese

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  1. So, I may be mis-remembering this, but I seem to recall a line where, possibly during the climactic beat ‘em up scene, Deckard blames Brixton for killing Owen, or getting him killed. If so, that kinda sucks. I mean Jason Statham’s entry point into this franchise—his character’s little brother, Owen—essentially gets erased out of existence with a throwaway line of dialog. R.I.P. Owen Shaw, I guess... As much as I enjoyed the “chest math” that went into the scene where Hobbs and Shaw(s) escape in Deckard’s McClaren, I found it much more distressing that Hattie had to sit sandwiched between these two hulks in the cockpit of this fairly tight-quarters sports car. I’m typing this (slowly) on my iPad so I don’t even know how to include pictures of the interior of a McLaren 720c with this thing, but Google it and tell me if you think The Rock alone could fit comfortably inside one. Tall mentions Brixton’s Weyland Corp. tattoo, and I thought I saw it too when watching this movie. I agree with Tall that this film now exists inside a shared universe with the Alien franchise, but... I want to take this one step further and posit the theory that the producers of this film, in a methodical hyper-meta gambit, are gradually trying to systematically dissolve the walls between every film franchise in the world so that the F&F franchise can exist in pretty much any and every film franchise it wants to. I know this sounds slim, but hear me out: we have that Weyland Corporation tattoo, Deckard’s mention of using a Mini for an Italian Job, “Black Superman” (and the cut line about Brixton being the “black James Bond”), Ryan Reynold’s essentially playing Deadpool, Han is the same character from Better Luck Tomorrow, etc. Add to this... No, wait. I just watched Under the Silver Lake last night, and that film apparently really rubbed off on me. Sorry. Sorry. Moving on... Is Hobb’s daughter’s mother dead and was this already mentioned in a previous F&F film? Who took care of Hobb’s daughter when Hobb’s went out on missions/got imprisoned/beat asses like Cherokee drums in the previous films if he’s estranged from his extended family? I’m convinced that Brixton’s motorcycle is the love child of Bumblebee and KITT from Knight Rider. It’s a place I go to now. As much fun as this movie was, can we all just admit that nano-viruses are to action/spy movies what sky beams are to superhero movies? My biggest takeaway from this movie? That the application (or lack thereof) of make up is very important.
  2. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 217 - Jaws 3-D

    Seriously?!? Their gear alone (air tanks, wet suits, inflatable raft, etc.) would have set them back way more than any profits netted from this score. "Florida Man Attempts to Steal $200 Worth of Coral, Eaten by Shark."
  3. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 217 - Jaws 3-D

    I actually saw this movie in 3-D in the 80's. My older sister, who was stuck baby sitting me, snuck me into to a showing of Jaws 3-D at the crusty old second-run movie theater across the street from our house. She and her high school friends razed me every time I'd cover my eyes during the scary parts of the film (keep in mind, I was 9 years old). From what I can remember, the 3-D effects were indeed 3-D-ish, but not overly impressive. I do remember wearing the 3-D glasses to school the next day like I thought I was the absolute shit, only to be mercilessly made fun of by some older bmx-er/rocker dudes. Man, I've really been suppressing that memory for the last couple of decades... One of my favorite parts of this film occurs at beginning, after the water skiers tumble out of formation and fall into the water. The boat captain is trying desperately to re-start the boat's engine, which has, for some reason, stalled out. We, the audience, know Baby Jaws is lurking around the swimmers under water, but they do not. The boat captain, however, is reacting like he does know a shark is in the water, because, as he's trying to restart the boat, we see him frantically shifting the gear lever back and forth while repeating the line, "C'mon, baby! C'mon baby!" Now, I know next to nothing about boats, but I would think turning the key on the ignition repeatedly would be more effective in restarting a boat than shuffling between gears (I could be wrong). This would be like the stalled car scene in Double Indemnity, but instead of turning the key pumping the gas, Walter Neff frantically cycles through gears on the column shifter until the car eventually starts. Did Dennis Quaid's rigid jet ski riding posture reminded anyone else of GOB riding his Segway scooter on Arrested Development? I believe the push-over game in the bar is called "Roadhouse Chess." Or, it should be, at least. Besides narrating their escapades in the most ASMR-ish hushed voices they could muster, why were the two bumbling diver-thieves breaking into Sea World? And why was I rooting for the shark to kill these guys? Paul mentions that Quaid's character, Mike Brody, has absolutely no compunctions about jumping into the water fully clothed--shoes and all. The best instance of him doing so, however, occurs when his girlfriend, Kathryn, is trying to get out of the water and back on to the boat after getting rag-dolled underwater by Baby Jaws. He could have easily reached down, grabbed her arm and hoisted her onto the boat with him, but instead opts to jump into the water as she's climbing the boat's latter so he could push her up by her ass. This "action" move makes absolutely no sense and actually puts Mike in danger, too. Another poster commented on Momma Jaws' growling noises, which, to me, sounded like a dog. But did anyone else notice the obviously human-voiced ADR-ed dolphin noises? And how about that flawlessly rendered final celebratory still shot of the dolphins jumping out of the water with Mike and Kathryn lifting their arms in triumph? Still holds up!
  4. Blast Hardcheese

    Body of Evidence (1993)

    I'd just like to start this movie recommendation by mentioning how elated I am that not only is HDTGM coming to my fair city--Portland, Oregon--but that I was able to get tickets to the show. So, you know: huzzah! Now, on the very slim chance that Paul, June, Jason, and (guest) already don't have the movies they plan on discussing mapped-out well in advance of HDTGM's upcoming national tour--and most likely won't be watching movies based on if they were filmed regionally in accordance to every city the podcast is visiting--I would like to make a pitch for a movie that was filmed here during a very bleak period in Portland's cinematic history: the 1992 sex-thriller Body of Evidence starring a full frontal cardboard cut-out of Madonna, Willem Defoe, Julianne Moore, Joe "Da Whackiest" Mantegna, Anne "The Archer" Archer ...and I wanna say David Duchovny, because of all that gratuitous sex scenes, but I don't think he's actually in this one. Yep, just like Basic Instinct, Jade and Color of Night, Body of Evidence is one of those sweaty boobdunnits so popular in the 90's. As this movie is so succinctly described on the its IMDB page, "A lawyer defends a woman accused of killing her older lover by having sex with him." Uh-huh. If you've been yearning for a film that features a sex scene involving that most sensual of fluids (burning hot candle wax), then you, my friends, are in for a real treat. Don't just take my word for how absolutely batshit bananagans perfect this movie is for HDTGM. Here's what Roger Ebert had to say about the film: "When it comes to eroticism, Body of Evidence is like Madonna's new book. It knows the words but not the music. All of the paraphernalia and lore of S & M sexuality are here, but none of the passion or even enjoyment. We are told by one witness that sex with the Madonna character is intense. It turns out later he's not a very reliable witness." Currently, it's free on Hulu. So, it's also got that going for it.
  5. She's an insanely talented and multi-faceted actor: from Monster to Arrested Development to (the criminally underrated) Young Adult to Atomic Blond to one of the best HDTGM guests of all time. Seriously, what can't Charlize Theron do?
  6. I have to say that my favorite part of this batshit bananas film has to be be the scene where Principle Nordham (Michael Ironside) furiously drives up the town's church to see Father Cooper just standing outside. The scene is set up for the two to discuss Nordham possibly coming clean over his guilt in his roll in Mary Lou's violent-yet-accidental murder. But taken out of the context of this movie, this scene plays like a forbidden, unrequited love affair: Principle Nordham looks out the windshield of his car and sees Father Cooper. Father Cooper stares back with puppy dog-eyed yearning. Principle Nordham then gets this "I can't do this anymore" look on his face and peels off, to wit Father Cooper calls out in a desperate plea, "Bill...!" What the fuck do Vicki's parents still see in each other? Her mom is this ultra religious zealot and her dad is this put-upon sad sack. Did they drift apart as Mrs. Carpenter started channeling Piper Laurie from Carrie, or was Mr. Carpenter becoming increasing lax in his Bible thumping ways? I do not get this pairing, like, at all. Also, the roll between Vicki and her mom would have played so much better if Vicki started out as an obedient, straight A student who becomes increasing out-of-control and essentially her mom's worst nightmare once Mary Lou takes over Vicki's body. Charlize Theron was absolute right about how disgusting the boys room in this movie was. This scene takes place in the 1950's, but that restroom looks like it's in a Greyhound bus terminal. Also, did anyone else notice the old time-y, high-up toilet tanks near the top the ceiling in the stalls? How old is this school? Is this a Canadian thing? I don't recall any of the toilets in the restrooms of schools I went to (grade school through college) having tanks; just pipes that went from the back of the toilet directly into the wall(s). Is the room Josh (Brock Simpson) hangs out in his own private space at the high school? It's not big enough to be a classroom and it's decked-out with all of his creature comforts (a mini fridge full of beer that looks like a TV, all of his computer equipment, a dartboard, an Albert Einstein poster, etc.) The dude seems to feel pretty secure in that room, as if no one (students or the school's insanely minuscule faculty) would just barge on in while he's receiving a coerced blowjob. Why are only Mary Lou and Vicki receiving prom royalty coronations? Traditionally, don't most (if not all) high schools crown a prom queen and king? Or is this a more progressive Canadian high school ritual where boys say, are allowed to get away with murdering students and then become the principle of the same schools their crimes occurred in while girls get tiaras and flame-resistant sashes? (Also, semi-but-not-really-related: remember the time Buffy Summers won the Class Protector award at the '99 Sunnydale High prom? Now that was a great prom!) Finally, a direct question for Paul: as a fellow Star Trek fan, do you watch The Orville? If so, what do you think of it?
  7. I remember watching this movie and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters back-to-back one day when I was home sick (and, apparently, mentally impaired). It seemed like a great double-header idea at the time, but ultimately left me feeling sick; like eating an entire box of Peeps and chasing it down with cotton candy and Jolt Cola.
  8. Thank you for bringing this up. I was a little confused as to if Mrs. Ricky Martin was actively teaching science biology. In the beginning of the movie she sees her kid off to school and then goes back home to mill around in the kitchen. Shouldn’t she already be a school by this time in the morning? But, yeah... not to clothes shame Mrs. Ricky Martin, but is a tight skirt, pumps and fishnet stockings the best outfit for a science biology teacher to wear to school?
  9. I love it when the dialogue in shitty movies is clearly speaking to the audience because it doesn't trust them to pick up on visual cues. This movie had an overabundance of this sort of gap-filling. My favorite example of this is when Kim Basinger's Mrs. Ricky Martin cuts the cop/goon/professional wrestler's arm with a shard of glass after he discovers that she's found a way to use the phone in the attic. She slices the inside of his arm and he gets all shaky and asks her what she did to him. She then proceeds to give this dying man a "science biology" lesson on the brachial artery and how he will bleed-out and 30 minutes. Time is of the essence and she needs to rescue her kid and get the hell out of there... and she's lecturing this dying goon on arterial blood flow?!? Had she skipped this One to Grow On, she would have had ample time to bust Ricky Martin Jr. out of the garage and escape before Angelino-American Jason Statham and his crew returned. Then I read this comment on the movie's IMDB Goofs page: When Jessica cuts the goon's arm she tells him that he will bleed 30 liters/minute. The blood flow through a brachial artery is nowhere near that much. During vigorous exercise the entire heart puts out a total of 30 L/min, but that's the sum total flow through every artery of the body. The flow though a single brachial artery is fraction of that. In addition, the goon was not vigorously exercising. At rest, the cardiac output is about 5 L/min.
  10. Here's my list: 1. Maximum Overdrive 2. 3. Southland Tales 4. 5. Showgirls I know Paul said in the latest Minisode (86.5) that Showgirls' pure awfulness has been covered enough by other outlets, but I'm still holding out hope that this cinematic ipecac will be episode 100.
  11. I had an idea similar to yours. Each week, a different guest would interview Paul based on a starter paragraph outlining one of his past misadventures. And this podcast would be called How Did We Get Scheer?
  12. The one line that got me the most in this movie was MJH describing her exceptionally spacious loft apartment as a crappy dump. Mind you, it is decorated in copious amounts of curtains (even the bathroom is partitioned in bathtub curtains - which, for any date she brings home that suddenly needs to take a dump, is very unfortunate, audio-wise). Even in 2007, her loft apartment would have been going for big bucks, and her artist ass would have been gentrified out of that space once the Yuppie transplants started moving into the urban core. The ice skating scene really got me because the bandstand is in the middle of the frozen lake or lagoon or whatever that body of water is. Does this mean in the autumn, spring and summer months, the bandstand is just floating out in the middle of the water? If you were kidnapped and granted access to a cell phone, which number would you call first? If you said "911," then you are a fuckin' idiot! Everyone knows you call your vacuous girlfriend's drunk parents first. MarLo and the dad go into town for "extra virgin olive oil." MarLo get's no help from the store owner when he explains he's been kidnapped and needs to use the store's phone. His next move should have been to tackle the dad, grab the car keys and drive the fuck outta there. I mean, right? During the dinner scene, MJH's sister admits to her parents that she has taken her tuition money and is going to open a palattes studio in California. The dad seems mildly angry, but not nearly as angry as he should be. His daughter basically embezzled tens of thousands dollars in tuition payments under the false pretense of going to law school so that she could have seed money for her new studio 3,000 miles away. On that notes, when learning that his daughter is moving to California, the dad makes a very dated crack about this being the place where are the whackadoos live. Hey Dubya, that line would have worked in John McClane's day, but it's 2007. Have you been to Florida?
  13. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 201 - Skyscraper

    With the right amount of Zucker Abrahams Zucker retooling--and if Leslie Neilsen were still alive--this movie could have been a great Die Hard parody titled... Try Hard! (((Ba-duh-dun.)))
  14. Blast Hardcheese

    Celebrate #HDTGM200 !!!

    What was your first episode of HDTGM? My first episode of HDTGM was Punisher: War Zone. Years after this movie's theatrical release, I was curious-enough to watch this gonzo action film. After doing so, I scoured the Internet for more information on it and stumbled upon the HDTGM episode with Patton Oswalt and director Lexi Alexander. I was hooked on this show--the first I have actually ever listened to--instantly. From there, both my wife and I started devouring all of the back episodes between the weeks when new episodes would appear. My wife, Amy, now listens to a wide range of podcasts (My Favorite Murder, James Bonding, The Dollup, Myths and Legends, Sordid Details, Do You Need A Ride?, etc, etc.), and her listening habits/fandom can be directly attributed back to HDTGM. When Patton Oswalt came to Powell's Books here in Portland to promote his book, Silver Screen Fiend, my wife and I asked him to sign a DVD copy of Punisher: War Zone (which he graciously did) and we thanked him for essentially introducing us to this wonderful podcast that has been a huge part of our lives. Favorite catchphrase? "Hello people of Earth." While "What's up, jerks" and What's it's mission?!?" are great catchphrases, Paul's "Hello people of Earth" will always be my favorite. This is going to sound cheesy, but Paul's introduction makes me feel, as a listener, included in on this wonderful thing only my fellow bad movie-loving misfits know about and enjoy. A clip or moment that you'll always remember? (timestamps are nice ) The one moment from an episode that comes immediately to mind is from the Batman and Robin episode where Jessie Falcon does the imitation of the X-Men movie producer: "They will be on snowboards, claw fighting the entire way down." The episode you revisit the most I bring this episode up quite a bit, but hands-down my favorite is 88 Minutes. This episode is nothing but wall-to-wall jokes, laughter and spot-on insight into an insane (and insanely re-watchable) movie. Pete Holmes laughter is infectious, and his Al Pacino impression ("Give me your fuckin' phone, you cock sucker!") is absolutely amazing. This episode (much like this week's, Action Jackson) is so much fun to listen to. It's one I definitely go back to when I need a comedy pick-me-up. The movie that you loved or hated watching Van Helsing. I both loved and hated this movie. I remember only watching the first couple of minutes of this movie when it first came out on home video and turning it off about 10 minutes in: the campy acting and trite action movie plot were too much for me at the time. Thankfully, when it was announced for HDTGM, I watched it from beginning to end with my wife, who was absolutely giddy at the film's sheer a awfulness. Seeing her enjoy the insane plot contrivances, blistering CGI and over-the-top hammy acting made watching this film so much fun. My wife's pretty much the best bad movie watching partner in the world. How HDTGM fits into your weekly routine I have Fridays off from work, which is when new episode and minisodes usually land. While I'm straightening up the house, doing laundry and generally getting shit done, HDTGM is beaming either from my TV or through my earbuds. When there is a particular movie I really want to comment on, I'll sit down and take the time to craft observations I hope Paul, June, Jason, and the message board will hopefully find entertaining, funny and not a complete waste of their time. What the show has meant to you after all these years or any other sappy stuff  This is going to sound sappy as all get out, but HDTGM is like family to my wife and me. We've spent seven years listening to this show, and it never fails to entertain us or lift our spirits when we're down. Not to give away to much of the store, but I suffer from depression (anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks, etc) and I've been slowly learning how to positively navigate my way through it all. HDTGM plays a huge part in helping me tackle my depression. When I lost my sister in 2014, and my mom was diagnosed with cancer a year ago (she's recovering now), I'd listen to old episode of HDTGM to get me through. I don't know Paul, Jason or June personally, but I love, admire and respect them as if I did. That old cliche about people you'd want to get a beer with? It totally applies here. This show has been there for me when I needed it most, helping me to realize the world is a great place with wonderful, talented and like-minded people in it. Our fellow fans on the message board are an absolutely delightful and intelligent group of compatriots, and my wife and I look forward to their hilarious insights and observations each week. Thankfully, there's no troll-like shittiness there: just people who love bad movie as much as my we do. HDTGM means quite a bit to us. If the show ever makes it's way up to Portland, there will be two goofy fans up here waiting to welcome you guys with open arms (arms we promise not to utilize to grab the mic during the audience Q & A). Thank you Paul, Jason, June, the crew, and the message board for making HDTGM one of the absolute best things in the world!
  15. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 200 - Action Jackson: LIVE!

    Happy 200th episodes, Paul, Jason and June! This episode is hilarious and so much fun. It ranks right up there with my personal favorite, 88 Minutes. I'm lucky enough to be married to a woman who loves 80 action movies (Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, Die Hard--essentially the films Action Jackson is in the center of the Venn diagram of). She had never seen, let alone heard of, Action Jackson, so this was her first time watching this endlessly entertaining film. Needless to say, she absolutely loved it. "This movie is fuckin' perfect!" she exclaimed 20 minutes in. It was so much fun watching this movie with her (I haven't seen it in over 20 years since first watching it on VHS) and we had a blast. Thank you for making this movie HDTGM's 200th. Okay, so never having tried heroin, I have to admit that I am not exactly an expert on this illicit drug. My general knowledge of its addiction is derived primarily from seeing it portrayed in films like Trainspotting, Pulp Fiction and Requiem for a Dream. In Action Jackson, it's established that Dellaplane has hooked Vanity on heroin (or, is he fostering her already established addiction--this guy's a creep, so either way... ). Okay, but does the old-timey syringe she uses look a bit too hefty for shooting-up with? It looks like the kind of syringe an veterinarian would use on large animals. Then there's the effect the drug has on Vanity: instead of coming across as lethargic and, well, stupor-y, she's acts like a fidgety, drunken sex-pot who, once she gets back to apartment, has "the munchies." Now, I don't want to say that the filmmakers had a sub-remedial understanding of heroin addiction, but their portrayal of it is like a grab bag of lurid addiction symptoms à la Refer Madness. Dellaplane owns a car company located in Detroit, MI, a highly competitive market which is dominated by "the big three": Ford, Chevrolet and Dodge. Dellaplane's company doesn't seem to produce any other models of cars other than the two-door sports car that looks suspicious like a Pontiac Fiero with 80's Ferrari vents glued on to the side of it, so how successful can this guy really be? Additionally, Dellaplane, a "successful" automobile magnate, is driven around town not in a luxury car manufactured by his own company, but rather in a Mercedes Benz limo instead. Also, the establishing shot of his narrow, multi-story factory (which must be super convenient for mass producing cars on an assembly line) shows a large, old brick building with several windows busted out. The guy can afford a private army of assassins (with an endless supply of butterfly knives), fund a convoluted murder scheme and lives in a very nice old school mansion, but he can't repair the windows in his company's headquarters? It was mentioned during the podcast how the producers came up with the name Action Jackson, and an Australian crew member exclaimed, "I'm in like... " yadda, yadda, yadda. Action Jackson is actually the name of a line of action figures produced by the Mego Corporation during the 1970's. The commercials had a pretty catchy theme song: "Action Jackson is my name/Bold adventure is my game!" which , incidentally, was also sung by by Joel and the Bots on an episode of MST3K. Anyhoo... here is one of the Action Jackson television commercials: Lastly, the actor who played the butler in Action Jackson is Nicholas Worth. He was also in another great action movie: Sam Raimi's Dark Man. He sadly passed away in 2007.
  16. Blast Hardcheese

    Die Another Day (2002)

    Oh, and Madonna performing the theme song and appearing in a cameo! Also, The Clash's "London Calling" morphing into an Imperial March-esque theme telegraphing who the villain is before we get to meet him.
  17. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 197 - Beastly: LIVE!

    Cam, you are absolutely spot on. By the end of the film, Kyle hasn't learned to be a more thoughtful person but rather someone who can mimic human emotions in a convincing way. The scene with NPH getting his sight back would have been much better if he looked down at his outfit and said, "What the fuck have I been wearing all this time?"
  18. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 197 - Beastly: LIVE!

    Okay, okay okay... 1. What's ultimately in it for Kendra/The Witch for her to do what she does in this movie? Yes, Kyle is a shallow and vociferous douche bag, but how would his winning the presidency of the green ...initiative (?) really effect her life? He gives his speech to the school, she vandalizes his many, many campaign posters. Okay, tit for tat. When he tries to humiliate her at the school dance (taking place at a trendy New York bar for no reason), she doesn't seem particularly bothered by it, like, at all. Later, when "Hunter" is trying to find Kendra to reverse the spell, he tracks her down at the high school's Halloween block party, where she's just hanging out and dancing around like it ain't no thing. For a supposed outcast, she doesn't seem to be uncomfortable zipping in and out of the school's socials functions. Her character comes across as the being who knows the full extent of her supernatural powers and, because of that knowledge, has no absolutely fucks to give: casting this spell/curse on Kyle and behaving the petty manner she does seems like a complete waste of her time and powers. Had she been portrayed as being bullied, harassed or maligned for being different, that would give her motive and the movie stakes. But, she's lashing-out at one guy in her school (who is, admittedly a prick, but not really a serious threat to her at all) and using her considerable powers to teach him (and, as implied at the end of the film, his father) a lesson makes her unsympathetic: she has nothing to gain and no real wrongs to reverse. I'd argue that Kendra acting upon her petty whims makes her the bully/antagonist of the film, not Kyle. 2. On that note: to lift the curse, Kyle, a thoughtless asshole who puts more stock into one's physical appearance than the content of their character, has to convince someone to love him in spite of the marring of tattoos, open (yet bloodless) wounds, nose boils, and solder scoring to lift the curse Kendra put on him (seriously, she should have instead just turn Kyle into a middle-aged schlub, transported him to L.A. and wish him luck with). Why condemn some hapless innocent into this game or ridicule and retribution? If Kendra's plan is to make petty jerks learn to be better people, why not go after bigger game (cough *Trump* cough) and do so without manipulating the emotions of an additional person who's oblivious to what's actually going on and can potentially get their heart broken? Kendra is a thoughtless asshole. 3. Rather than setting him up at Brooklyn brownstone, why doesn't Kyle's father just hide the now-deformed son he's ashamed of at the much more secluded cabin-mansion upstate? 4. Lindy's reaction to Kyle/Hunter at the end of this film should have been, "What. The. FUCK, Kyle?!? You're Hunter? You blackmailed my father into sending me to live with you?? And magic is real??? I can't fuckin' process any of this shit right now!" Which is then immediately followed by her running away from Kyle in any direction as fast as she can. 5. Frank O'Hara's "Sharing A Coke with You" may be a celebrated and beloved poem (right?), but does its inclusion in this film feel like blatant product placement for Coca-Cola to anyone else?
  19. Blast Hardcheese

    Van Helsing (2004)

    This is the best news I've heard in quite a long time.
  20. Totally agree! The Laz lacks Connery's charisma, Moore's smarmy charm, Dalton's steely determination, Brosno's hammy wit, or Craig's Craig-ness. Also, for a guy who bailed on the Bond franchise to get hippie wet, Lazenby sure did a lot of guest appearances in what were essentially "Bond cosplay" to remind audiences that he once (!) played the suave British secret agent. In the Master Ninja II episode of MST3K, for instance, Lazenby plays "Chip" Bond-like character, complete with tuxedo, gadgets and a vintage Aston-Martin DB-9 he stole from the set of Goldfinger.
  21. Blast Hardcheese

    Double Indemnity

    This is my first time posting over here on the Unspooled message board, but since Double Indemnity is my absolute favorite movie of all time I thought I'd chime in with some of my thoughts regarding the film. 1. Every time Edward G. Robinson is on the screen in this film does for me what I often hear people who discuss Heath Ledger' s Joker does for The Dark Knight (and deserving so: Ledger was a revelation in that roll of course). One of my favorite aspects of Keyes' character is that, true to his last name, he's able to gleefully unlock Phyllis and Walter's scheme (up to a point), even going so far to realize that Mr. Dietrichson wasn't even on the train, but rather a "someone else" posing as him. Papa's got it all figured out. 2. Paul questioned a couple of times why this movie has never been remade, but it actually was. In the mid-70's Double Indemnity got a hilariously abyssal, shot-for-near-shot made-for-TV update starring Rambo's William Crenna. It came as a bonus disc with the remastered Universal Legacy Series edition of Double Indemnity, and deserves a HDTGM outing all its own (the TV version, that is). One of the most entertaining scene in the remake is when the main characters "attempt" the famous "How fast was I going, officer?" scene, and it just deflates right there in front of the camera before the scene gets going, as if the actors just got tired and gave up. 3. When he wasn't ripping off Quentin Tarantino's early films wholesale, British director Guy Ritchie would find time to lift and mutate lines of dialogue from other famous films as well. For example, here's a line of dialogue from Benicio Del Toro's Franky Four Fingers in 2000's Snatch "I am not in Rome, Doug. I'm in a rush," which is a simply variation on Keye's "Well, we're not in Medford now, we're in a hurry." Revenge for what we did to The Office? Who knows? 4. Billy Wilder's follow-up, The Lost Weekend is a direct jab at Raymond Chandler, as the character in that film is supposed to be Chandler himself.
  22. Of the various problems with this movie, I think the lack of charisma of its stars is one of the main culprits to it being as horrible as it is. In particular, Judd Law is woefully mis-cast in a roll that should have gone to someone who could pull off that certain Indian Jones/Han Solo-like smart ass swagger. I'm thinking of an actor along the lines of the Ryan Reynolds, Sam Rockwell or James Roday. Someone who can provide levity, charm and is instantly relatable to the audience. Judd Law is a great actor, but in this roll he came off as stuffy, poncy and smug. You know: traits the hero's nemesis should have. Or better yet, re-cast this role as a strong, intelligent female daredevil with the confidence and joie de vivre of a character like Roxy Rocket. Ta-da!
  23. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 187 - Beautiful Creatures

    As Hans Gruber's younger brother, Simon, no less. So yeah: forever in the shadow of greatness.
  24. I know good weird movies a la Crank 1 & 2, Punisher: Warzone and the Fast/Furious franchise are few and far between on HDTGM these days, but if you had your druthers, what good-yet-strang-ish movies would you like to see Paul, June, Jason, and a guest discuss. To get the ball rolling, here are some of mine: 1. The American Astronaut (2001) 2. A Boy and His Dog (1975) 3. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984) 4. Johnny Suede (1991) 5. Dead Alive (1992) 6. Repo Man (1984) 7. Suburbia (1983) 8. They Live (1988) 9. Murder Party (2007) 10. May (2002)
  25. Blast Hardcheese

    Episode 186 - Geostorm: LIVE!

    I know most of what I've written below was broached by other posters on this forum, but I basically wrote the following (which was transcribed my copious notes) last Saturday night (whoo-hoo!) when I watched this movie: I have to admit that I was actually (and ashamedly) excited to hear that Goestorm was this week’s movie: I was curious about this film and finally had an excuse to watch it and see what all the fuss was about. After paying $6 to see it on Amazon Prime (!), however, I quickly realized why this movie is so derided. Geostorm isn’t a “so bad it’s good” movie: It’s just bad. Geostorm is a CGI-heavy disaster-fetish movie that would have felt right at home in the 90’s (the decade that, of course, gave cinema goers the floodgate-opening blockbuster Independence Day), but by today’s post-911, post-Katrina trauma and mistrust standards feels depressingly out of place and naïve. Everything from the forgettable and familiar, one-dimensional character tropes (and these character’s odd, superficial familiar-ness with one another), to the half-baked “conspiracy at the highest levels of government” plotline, to the main character’s flippant and douche-y attitude in the face of extreme life and death circumstances feel painfully dated and labored. Maybe the director and producers were gunning for a quainter era of grandiose screen death and destruction: I don’t know. Geostorm failed as a movie, and failed in a spectacularly underwhelming and under-entertaining fashion. Of the many, many perplexing story devices in Geostrom, none irked me more than the Scooby Doo-esque reveal by Ed Harris’ Secretary of State character in utilizing the weather satellites (which, side note, Gerard Butler’s character takes credit for designing, but I have a feeling he just ripped off the idea from either Superman III or that episode of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero where Destro built a “weather dominator”) to destroy America’s enemy’s. Okay, but… As we learn in the opening voiceover from Butler’s character’s world-weary 14 going on 40 year-old daughter, the nations of Earth have put aside their differences to come together and confront extreme weather events head-on. Nowhere in this movie are we told—or are they even alluded to—who America’s enemies are. We are left to presume that America’s closest threats are the ones we have now: state actors and terrorist cells. But, these threats are never expounded on. Also, are Brazil, Japan and China (three countries we see horrifically devastated in this grand scheme) our enemies in the movies universe? The other portion of this movie that annoyed the shit out of me was the relationship between Butler’s characters brother (I’ll call him “Mini Mullet”) and Abby Cornish. These two work in the White House and can’t let it be known that they are dating, for some reason (I honestly tuned-out for parts of this movie, so there may have been an explanation, I dunno… ) That being said, what is the point of this? Their secret love affair places zero strain on their relationship and they seem to be relatively carefree and a happy, domestically. Also, for a secret relationship, they do a shit job of hiding it, as they both live together. I’m sure the HR rep at the White House who refuses to give these clandestine lovers the workplace romance rights and responsibilities statutes review would have no problem putting two and two together to see they both live at the exact same address. Lastly, who is this movie made for? In watching this endless stream of death, destruction, wooden acting, and desperate stabs at humor, I was left to wonder, “Who enjoys watching this shit?” Aren’t movies supposedly a form of escapist entertainment? What audience actually enjoys watching amplified, ham-handed computer-rendered versions of the shit that causes us real-life grief, misery and anxiety? At one point, I think it was during either the flash freezing of Rio de Janeiro beach-goers or the satellite disintegration scene, I unconsciously blurted out, “Oh, fuck you, movie!” at my television. This movie took me to a place I did not like. A bad touch kind of place. Paul, having now endured this slog of a movie, can we please get Tank Girl (the perfect bookend to Johnny Mnemonic, in my humble opinion) or The Day After Tomorrow for the next (or an upcoming) episode of HDTGM? These movies are endlessly entertaining and bananas in all the ways Geostorm most assuredly was not.