Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×

ElieB

Members
  • Content count

    230
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by ElieB

  1. ElieB

    Hardcore Henry (2016)

    LOL albino wiseau, for SURE. Movie was aiight for what it is. Sharlto saved it from being crap. Fuck I love Sharlto!! Mostly I'm pissed at this movie radically underperforming cause movie fantasy league ARGHH
  2. ElieB

    A plea to return to bad movies

    Hell Comes to Frogtown and Solarbabies... What in the fuckkkkkkkk. The only thing worse than 80s post-apocalypse is 80s post-apocalypse with non-stop roller-skating. Isn't roller-skating one of those things Scheer said was a sure sign of a terrible movie? Edit: Ok. A quick skim through Frogtown and I'm all about it hahaha. Laughing my ass off at the frog people. But YA rollerbladers though...
  3. So I went back for a tuesday viewing. Got there late cause I got shit to do and I know how bad it is, didn't want to sit through the ENTIRE thing. But I had some great June theories about Lex the second time around. About how he's playing a big game of chess against superman. But im not here to talk about that. I'm here to ask if anyone else saw Lex's cake at that big party scene. Bruce Wayne gets caught by Lex's "queen" when he goes to plant the data thieving device in his conveniently located server room. When Alfred tells him to go back upstairs and mingle we get a glimpse of this absurd iconography just thrown in there because snyder thinks he's a genius. As Bruce is walking away from the stairs back to the party, a pair of servants are carting an enormous replica of the Parthenon into(or out of?) the kitchen. It looks like this, but bigger and I think its a cake. As if he's referencing either Wonder Woman(I guess she's athena now?) who we meet at this party. Or he's referencing all the "gods" that he's going to kill to prove they aren't better or smarter than him. Cause he's a giant sociopathic dumb dumb with a love of books.
  4. ElieB

    Brooklyn 99

    *sighs* "I wanna lick your whole body clean like a kitty cat"
  5. I could destroy this movie if I had the time. There are a handful of great moments at best. My absolute favorite failure in this movie is how it never, through 2 and half hours, it NEVER has 3 or more people involved in any given conversation. I mean, there are moments with 3 or more people in proximity but there are zero complex dialogues. The entire film is a confusing series of 2 characters facing off with statements, accusations and bad face-acting. How is that even possible? How could any studio execs see this and think it's acceptable? How can anybody enjoy over 2 hours of one on one bitching? The thing about making a choice to go dark is absolutely fine, if you pull it off. But this film is a disaster of story telling. Most of it is boring which is the cardinal sin of blockbuster movies. Besides boring, the plot just rambles on and hits so many deadends as to become confusing. It`s 5 different movies in one and four of them are boring. Things that Snyder simply doesn`t understand: plot structure, character, motivation, scene transition, DC lore, what heroes are, what kids like, what general audiences can enjoy... etc. Everything to do with framing superman, reigning in superman, mysterious bullets, covering football games, Batman`s parents, congress, and dead parents is fucking pointless. At no point does Superman actually do anything to demonstrate who he is, what he wants to be or why he's doing anything. Yeah, I enjoyed seeing it. It's batman and superman for gods sake, it could have been directed neal breen and still been fascinating. More than anything I've enjoyed dissecting just how badly WB and Snyder fucked it up. In the same way it was so fun to dissect fantastic four. Edit: Regarding source material. I don't know. I didn't read much DC so I couldn't care less about batman killing people and character choices. But one choice that did bother me because I actually watch the flash TV series: Ezra Miller as Barry Allen makes little sense at all. In the teaser they give us he looks like a dirty loser emo teen that hasn't learned to shave... and he already has his powers... what?? At the very least he should be a respectable forensics/CSI officer who GAINS powers somehow, no?? So they're just making up origin stories. Cool. But why did we have to see Batman's god damn parents get killed again. UGHH. I'm pretty sure they're going to try and make The Flash their spiderman, young smart mouthed exuberant teenager.
  6. Hahaha saw it saturday night and ohhhh boy is it a HOT HOT MESS. I would definitely love an HDTGM episode about it but don't see it happening.
  7. They've railed on Snyder before but I think this movie(studio & cast) is a little too 'big-time' to openly make fun of. Would love to hear it though. I love it when they do current theatre release episodes.
  8. ElieB

    San Andreas (2015)

    lol I love this movie so much because of how prominently it figures my 2nd favorite movie trope: an architect and/or buildings are antagonists. (my 1st favorite is the villain is bald) (im a bald architect)
  9. ElieB

    Elektra (2005)

    Hahaha was just doing my rounds of the usual media pirating sites and noticed somebody just recently uploaded Elektra again with commentary tracks. Oooohhh boy.
  10. Agreed. Saw this with a lady friend because it appealed to dainty sensibilities. It was awful and I didn't have the heart to tell her
  11. ElieB

    Summer Movie League. Year 2?

    Never played FML but I'm learning two lessons right away. 1/ Weekend estimates are basically spot on for the top opening movies. There's way too much money in too big an industry to fuck up those estimates. 2/ There are bonuses for various things including best performer/$, so it seems to explain why the winners are picking the top opener + like 7 of one other movie they think will have the best performance ratio... That seems kinda boring but maybe it gets more interesting with bigger summer weekends.
  12. ElieB

    The Wraith (1986)

    Ughhh please don't. This is exactly the kind of bad-bad 80's trash they've done too much of already. Skank and gutterboy?! GTFO. The movie is so absurdly simple that most of you summed it up in 3 lines. Let's not waste their time having to dissect this garbage. It's such an inferior version of movies they've already done, and this one has way less to offer. The wraith doesn't even talk does he? The scenes just repeat themselves over and over until the bad-guy crew of sub-humanoids is all dead. Big whoop. The majority of dialogue they will have to discuss comes from characters called Skank, Gutterboy, Rughead, Oggie, Redd and Stokes... noooo thank you.
  13. So this happened today. Bernie talks Phish on the campaign trail... http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bernie-sanders-on-phish-one-of-the-great-bands-in-this-country-20160302 Can only wonder what Harris would think about this.
  14. ElieB

    Deadpool (2016)

    Should watch "Other Space" if you haven't already. 8 episode space-travel comedy about a small ship of misfits captained by Karan. Rest of the cast is great too including Eugene Corderro and Neil casey.
  15. I am genuinely worn out on bad-bad 80s movies and musicals in general. Can we move on, pls? We all know how 80s movies got made. Cocaine and illiterate dummies in a world without internet. It was just a dark, dark time and most of these cheesy 80s movies just blend together. And musicals? Just who gives a shit, they're barely even movies. Jason himself has admitted to hating them recently on CBB. 90's were a golden age but still has plenty of good-bad movies like virtuosity(^) or johnny mnemonic, 2000s were a swing back into the retarded cycle and I'm sure its full of terrible movies to watch with actors/actresses that are actually still acting. And directors that are still alive. Would mostly like to see more recent movies, they're some of my favorite episodes like after earth or winters tale.
  16. ElieB

    Roar (1981)

    Update. This movie is amazing... It is crazy. Mind boggling. Perfect. The people who made this are paragons of insanity. I was constantly both horrified for the actors and profoundly amused, in rapid succession over and over and over. I don't even want to say any of it was bad because I'm so blown away by the commitment it would have taken to make it. And yet, there has never been a movie that I've more desperately needed to know: How did this get made? You can literally see the fear in the actors for so much of it and its horrifying. But also: JUUUUUUUUUNE! This podcast would be monkey shines animal acting credits debate part 2, electric buggaloo. They literally give animals WRITING CREDITS! What!
  17. ElieB

    Roar (1981)

    Guys! Guys! Holy shit! Did anyone hear know that Jan De Bont, infamously shitty director of Speed 2, was mauled and scalped by lions while working as a camera-man for the filming of 1981's Roar?!??! Trailer: This movie seem absolutely insane. Am going to see it later this evening at my local indie theatre (The Mayfair, Ottawa-Canada) and will report back. I assume from the trailer and its amazing IMDB trivia page, that it will be amazing in the worst possible way. For now, I encourage people to skim through said trivia page: http://www.imdb.com/...ref_=tt_trv_trv Edit: Bah. I swear I ran a search before posting Edit edit: o i c. Searching HDTGM forum doesn't include the sub forum. Noted.
  18. ElieB

    Ask Paul!

    So true. I've been using this in my fantasy league all year. Balding a photo of my opponent for my team icon. It has had devastating effects. Grim look into their future indeed. Thanks for answering. You're MY favorite bald star! (and then the Rock)
  19. ElieB

    Ask Paul!

    What are your thoughts on how bald people are represented in Hollywood? For instance, the predominance of bald characters as villains/antagonists. and who is your favorite bald Hollywood star, not named Bruce Willis? Bonus question: Why did Andre betray his bald brethren in the League flash-forward by wearing a wig or somehow growing huge grey birdsnest/ponytail combo?
  20. ElieB

    Sisters

    Oh man Bobby was so annoying at first but he got a few surprisingly good bits in there(like the cabinet surprise.) There was a line early on in the party where Tina asks Amy what he's doing here and she says something like 'I don't know, he was just around and I felt bad for him' I like to imagine they were breaking wall and literally talking about why he was in the movie.
  21. I wanted to start a thread about the worst, most irritating and movie-ruining characters in film history. Those characters in films which are simply there to panic and yell and demonstrate absolutely no survival instincts while they bust your ear drums. Here are the ones I can think of Helpless Female shrills: Tea Leonie - Jurassi Park 3, non-stop yelling with zero situationnal awareness. Kate Capshaw - Indiana Jones Temple of Doom, Anything goes but mostly just screaming indefinitely Dakota Fanning - War of the Worlds, literally just there to be helpless and afraid and loud. Helpless Male shrills: Harvey Fierstein - Independence day. "DAVIIDDDDDDD" Chunk /jeff whatever - Goonies. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Bill Paxton - Aliens "It's game over man! It's game over!" Disclaimer, this thread might be kinda sexist. I tried to add male candidates but those guys are all funny and endearing cause they're such sissies, and they tend to have actual lines. Where as the female parts are typically just women shouting at the top of their lungs for prolongued scenes, which just makes my fucking skin crawl.
  22. ElieB

    Top 10-15 Movies of the Year

    Not even remotely a fan, no. Hence the hate-watch. Figured it would be at least semi-decent just for the never-ending cameos and maybe even pleasantly surprise me. But it left me feeling sick and shedding tears for humanity. Like if Trumbo was a movie about hollywood's redeeming qualities, entourage was a movie about its worst qualities. So yeah, wasn't a fan. Take this with a grain of salt.
  23. 1. Vampire's Kiss - 1989. The absolute peak of Nicholas Cage insanity and the source of too many memes and gifs. 2. Now you see me - 2013. A real turd here, with too much charisma on screen to ignore which is all sleight of hand to distract you from the laughable plot line. I think it would lead to a LOT of great June theories and general disagreement and confusion of plot. 3. Fantastic Four - 2015. Just an absolute disaster in movie-making. I'd hope they'd get a nerdy guest to talk about it with like Posehn. One of those movies where the real answers to "how did this get made" are fascinating. 4. Lucy - 2014. Luc Besson at maybe his worst. I think everything about this movie is worth laughing at. The drug, the asian crime boss, the setup, the science and retarded exposition, using morgan freeman as a shortcut to make your premise more believable, the outrageous catch-phrase, the crazy bananas lengths to which they stretch the premise by the end. The rapidly evolving and almost random progression of her powers. Scarjo's brutal teleprompter line delivery. The many many brutal cutscenes of animals, molecules, anatomy, time-travel, etc, that are cut into live action scenes. Probably the selection which best lends itself to Mantzoukas gross-sex jokes. 5. The Pacifier - 2005. Young Vin Diesel as a navy seal turned nanny in a children's comedy. Just bonkers, complete with ninjas, home-alone-style home security, rube goldberg-esque raiders of the lost ark style treasure gauntlet, gender-norm-challenging musical scene, completely made up hand-to-hand combat techniques, and VinnyD getting outmatched by children.
  24. Woooww I knew about the Wilhelm scream but had no idea it was that widely used... Can't unhear! I'll be laughing inappropriately every time I hear it now. 65 years of re-using the same shitty stock sound effect, whyyyy hollywood!? Haha good nominations so far. Some of my favorites so far are Wendy in the shining and Ruby Rhod in 5th element, hahaha Ruby is perhaps a thread ender. God he was irritating. Haven't seen Blair Witch since i was a kid, think that just saved me the hassle of revisiting it. Looking forward to updating this thread with new finds over time.
  25. ElieB

    Top 10-15 Movies of the Year

    1-The Martian 2-Chappie 3-Fury Road 4-Krampus 5-Room 6-Trumbo 7-Ex Machina 8-Spy 9-Antman 10-Age of Ultron 11-Kingsman Secret Service 12-Sicario 13-MI5: Rogue Nation 14-Me and Earl and the dying girl 15-The Big Short Honorable mentions: Southpaw The Night Before Green Inferno Spotlight The Overnight Biggest disappointments: Jurassic, Terminator, Furious 7, Star Wars, Legend, Spectre Best Hate-watches: Fantastic Four(by a mile) Last Witch Hunter Pixels The Visit No Escape Paranormal Ghost dimension(loud drunk haters in the audience + bonafide shhh-ing war) Edit: Entourage, so mind boggling
×