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Pure Guava

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Pure Guava last won the day on September 5 2018

Pure Guava had the most liked content!

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About Pure Guava

  • Rank
    This is actually Adam Scott, Hollywood Bad Boy
  • Birthday 04/03/1973

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Profile Information

  • Location
    Adam Scott's house, usually.
  • Favorite Earwolf Podcast
    Hangin with My lovely wife Naomi, reading Harry Potter to my kids, listening to U2, REM, and if I need to change my vibe? Drop some choice Dead shows (1972 for mellowing me out after kicking Hollywood's ass, 1977 for getting me revved up and ready to kick Hollywood's ass again). then it's time for some straight chillin' round the way, Santa Cruz style, ya know? Puffin' hooters, chewing boomers and making tie-dye shirts for my Dad's friends, then at sunset head down to my church, which you might know as the beach, but for us Cruz Cruisers AKA the Boardwalk Bunch AKA the SCBOYZ it's known as church, not the beach. So church bells ring and I open my eyes to discover I'm kneeling in front of an altar boy not a blue foamy crusher that's when I realize I went to an actual church, not the beach, which is known as church to me, but instead of hitting the gnar-gnar water ladders with my 8ft soft-top boogie board (ages 12-up only, I don't play around with that kiddie stuff, that stuff that is for kids) custom spray painted to have the original poster art for The Lost Boys but my head airbrushed over that dude from Bill and Ted that's not Keanu because that's why I got into pretending to be other people in front of cameras, to meet remake Lost Boys with the same cast except not-Keanu and I guess another reason I slyly waited until now to smirk at you knowingly, pull my sun shades down my nostril middle and I turn to the camera I envision everywhere I go at all times " I heard you can make some pretty big paychecks, we're talking BOO-KOO-DOLL-ORR-AYS BROOOOOSSS"

Recent Profile Visitors

7559 profile views
  1. Naked wieners make me chuckle, braless boobies? My knees buckle. If this sort of nonsense is what I'm most famous for in 20 years? A shotgun I will suckle. #IFeelBadForTypingThis #BetterCoverMyAss #suicideIsNoJoke #talkToSomeone #PreferablySomeoneNotProSuicide #ImportantDistinction #CallMeIfYouNeedSomeoneToTalk To #8315219762
  2. Next up on All Things Considered, the one thing that snuck by our considering crew, who should now consider themselves unemployed.
  3. Me and Colfax Corndog huffin' gas with a weird mall kid
  4. To poke fun at a war veteran's knee void? Even for a scandalmonger such as you, Cornflask Nibblerstalk this is a cob too far. Sure he lied about serving in the military and sure he got caught with beastiality porn several times and sure he can get rapey during full moons and sure he may have been directly responsible for several instances of genocide world-wide and sure he cut his own knees off while in a PCP binge, throwing the detached knees at a nursing mother in a park he claimed was "too ugly to be trusted" (the park not the mother) but this not a war veteran war veteran did not suffer for his country and that is where your line crossing has crossed the line, Crossy McLinerspeck. This didn't end at Squirrelgate, cornstar.
  5. Hot cross buns. Hot cross buns. Boy, someone really pissed off those buns.
  6. Hey you fucking corporate newspaper whore, take the white house's dick out of your ass and quote this: "I'll give you a proper interview after I finish my breakfast, I'm simply a bear without my tea and biscuit, please return in 15 minutes if it's not too much trouble, Cheerio"
  7. Jam on toast, taste buds can boast. Jam on toes, waste muds ban roast. And so began chapter one of my father's dementia diaries.
  8. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this braking news: The harder you press the quicker you stop, same as before.
  9. Pure Guava

    No you imagine dragons, nerd.

    Shots fired. You rolled a 4 on the dexterity check sorry, that's not gonna cut it, Elvish or not you just got a side of McG to the FACE HOLE, SON
  10. They say the line between madness & genius is thinner than the wire the CIA planted in my teeth to keep track of my spending & send instructions on overtaking Peru's gold supply using the laptop I made out of walnuts, car batteries & mommy's night soil
  11. So thankful that dog parks have moved out of the "meet cute" location placed in every rom-com phase and into the "meat flute" location placed in every Tom's mom phase. Ha HA TOM, DOG PARK BANGED YOUR MOM!!!
  12. Except for the occasional necromancer shenanigans, inside-her trading is virtually 100% in-utero babies determined to put together a retirement nest egg weeks before they are born.
  13. Deceptively simple, ye olde phrase of catch be
  14. I've heard of whiskey dick but experimental psychedelic research chemical snuck into my water supply by the government as punishment for defaulting on my student loan penis?
  15. In the name of the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit, there are vowels and there are consonants. Thus ends your grammar lesson for today.