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Pure Guava

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About Pure Guava

  • Rank
    This is actually Adam Scott, Hollywood Bad Boy
  • Birthday 04/03/1973

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Profile Information

  • Location
    Adam Scott's house, usually.
  • Favorite Earwolf Podcast
    Hangin with My lovely wife Naomi, reading Harry Potter to my kids, listening to U2, REM, and if I need to change my vibe? Drop some choice Dead shows (1972 for mellowing me out after kicking Hollywood's ass, 1977 for getting me revved up and ready to kick Hollywood's ass again). then it's time for some straight chillin' round the way, Santa Cruz style, ya know? Puffin' hooters, chewing boomers and making tie-dye shirts for my Dad's friends, then at sunset head down to my church, which you might know as the beach, but for us Cruz Cruisers AKA the Boardwalk Bunch AKA the SCBOYZ it's known as church, not the beach. So church bells ring and I open my eyes to discover I'm kneeling in front of an altar boy not a blue foamy crusher that's when I realize I went to an actual church, not the beach, which is known as church to me, but instead of hitting the gnar-gnar water ladders with my 8ft soft-top boogie board (ages 12-up only, I don't play around with that kiddie stuff, that stuff that is for kids) custom spray painted to have the original poster art for The Lost Boys but my head airbrushed over that dude from Bill and Ted that's not Keanu because that's why I got into pretending to be other people in front of cameras, to meet remake Lost Boys with the same cast except not-Keanu and I guess another reason I slyly waited until now to smirk at you knowingly, pull my sun shades down my nostril middle and I turn to the camera I envision everywhere I go at all times " I heard you can make some pretty big paychecks, we're talking BOO-KOO-DOLL-ORR-AYS BROOOOOSSS"

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  1. If you ever crack an egg and find a baby chicken inside consider yourself lucky because hey, at least you didn't screw up and buy a carton of snake eggs again
  2. I bet the band Can decided on that name so they could get a good laugh by calling any band that opened for them the Can openers. Classic.
  3. Status update #308


    We are still without food or water after nearly 8 months here on the island. We survive by catching and eating the weird inside-out bird-creatures that hover over our heads any time we leave the cave. Weird that after watching us capture, kill, cook and eat thousands of these creatures they never seem to be scared or worried when we break out the nets and machete. It's almost like they purposefully fly into the net and that weird gurgle they make right as the knife hits could be classified as both relieved laugh and pleasurable sigh but then again I've almost gone a year with no other company than the "birds" and Jakob, why oh why out of 56 passengers it was Jakob that survived?????? That guy.....I'm not quite ready to talk about that guy yet.

  4. Crossing time zones too often will cause havoc on my poor mime bones. To calm down I make hand motions like I'm putting cones around a crime zone (to protect anyone from slipping on the bloody limestone), make a sitting motion, pretend to plug a mic and amp into a frog (only way to get that authentic slime tone), and proceed to noiselessly rap so well it would cause the mime groupies (if such a thing existed) to make sublime groans, unable to keep their hands inches away from me until one thing leads to another, finally I'm motioning exhaustion from getting Anaheim Blown (that's getting a b.j. while wearing mouse ears), fake chewing dime scones from Thyme Throne until the magic spell is broken, sun comes up and that's when the grime is shown and all known rhymes have flown from my voiceless mouth, taking flight, climb alone to find the planet where I'm known
  5. Not much is known about 18th century pirate Bong John Silver, other than he seemed to have never strayed more than a mile or two from Jamaica in his ship, the Queen Anne's Reefervenge
  6. All our food is deep fried in hemp oil. That's the Bong John Silver's guarantee
  7. Mossy wetlands weren't supposed to be a thing on Earth but on the 7th day God took too big of a hit, had a coughing fit and knocked over the bogwater
  8. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, hotdog, what up what up
  9. After nearly losing his life in Wonka’s plumbing , it’s no surprise Augustus Gloop’s obsession with golden tickets switched to golden showers practically overnight
  10. Giraffes would be more popular if they had a pair of big ol' pair of giraffe titties to stare at instead of pulling out that boring old neck trick we've all seen a thousand times.
  11. Cokahauntas was a better translator and guide than her more famous sister but after three straight days & nights of non-stop chain smoking and chatting non-stop about buffalo both Lewis and Clark agreed it was time for her to leave the expedition.