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BorisMelvin

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

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Perhaps only The Wicker Man (2006) is a shittier remake of a classic. Keanu Reeves plays a montone alien robot who comes to Earth to tell all humans to stop global warming or he'll kill them all. The writing is melodramatic, the acting is stoic and the film has an embarrassing misguided environmentalist message that effectively advocates genocide in the name of ending global warming.

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I refused to see this because...well, hopefully for obvious reasons. In the original, Earth's wars threaten to spread to other planets and that's why Klaatu makes the threat. If this movie changes that to global warming then that is truly bonkers. 'Don't ruin the planet or we'll blow it up!'

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One of the most astonishing things about this movie is that it almost seemed to go out of its way to avoid being anything like the original. Keanu Reeves actually had to fight to get the line "Klaatu barada nikto" into the movie, and it's barely recognizable (supposedly, it's played backwards and forwards simultaneously).

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This movie is a perfect example of what happens when you make all the wrong storytelling choices. Capricious demigod shows up, wrecks the place, changes his mind, hits the reset button and leaves. End of movie. Nothing is resolved. They ask Cowboy X if he wouldn't rather be Cowboy O, and he agrees. Who is the hero of this movie, anyway? Global warming? Because the capricious demigod is clearly the villain.

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I refused to see this because...well, hopefully for obvious reasons. In the original, Earth's wars threaten to spread to other planets and that's why Klaatu makes the threat. If this movie changes that to global warming then that is truly bonkers. 'Don't ruin the planet or we'll blow it up!'

 

They tried to justify it by saying that planets that could hold life were very scarce in the universe and they weren't going to blow us up exactly, they were going to destroy our technology and kill all of us with nano-bugs.

 

However, I always thought it was absurd that these aliens with advanced technology would find it easier to kill us than just give us better technology. This movie should have been about 5 minutes long.

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Who is the hero of this movie, anyway?

 

The Prius

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They tried to justify it by saying that planets that could hold life were very scarce in the universe and they weren't going to blow us up exactly, they were going to destroy our technology and kill all of us with nano-bugs.

 

However, I always thought it was absurd that these aliens with advanced technology would find it easier to kill us than just give us better technology. This movie should have been about 5 minutes long.

 

Ahhh I see. Well that makes...not sense, exactly, but more sense than 'Stop that global warming or we'll blow up Earth!'.

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This movie is why I have almost no hope for After Earth being any good. Only the kid from Spielberg's The War of the Worlds annoyed me more than Jaden Smith in this movie.

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I have little hope for After Earth because it's an M Night joint. I'm pretty indifferent to the Smith children. Except for Willow's 'Whip Your Hair' song, which was auditory torture.

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I completely agree about M. Night but he is atleast a capable director in a technichal sense. The previews for After Earth look amazing but one thing he can't do is get a great performance from a good actor or a good performance from a not so good actor. Marky Mark being the most obvious example.

 

One thing I find interesting, the studio behind After Earth was smart enough not to put M. Night's name anywhere in the trailers even though he's a very well known director who wrote and directed it, while White House Down has Emmerich's name all over it. I wonder which strategy will pay off.

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Even though I'm sure neither will, it would be great if After Earth and White House Down bombed. Maybe then M. Night would only be able to direct and not write and Emmerich would be deported for life.

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I dunno, M Night's been bombing for a while now and no one seems to care. I don't know that AE will break him. Emmerich's movies, on the other hand, make billions. I don't think one flop would hurt him, either.

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I would be way more surprised if After Earth doesn't bomb. Many people consider M Night films to be bad and consistently getting worse, and I get the sense the general public is starting to be turned off by Will Smith, what between his force feeding his offspring to entertainment consumers, his weird semi-scientology ego trip and his strange Hollywood open marriage/not an open marriage thing.

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On the other hand, at least Emmerich appears to be a decent human being in his personal life. He donates a lot of money to charity, and specifically supports a number of women's rights organizations. Maybe that's some small consolation for his shitty movies?

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The only problem I see with After Earth bombing is worldwide gross. It will easily make 50-80 million in America and sci fi movies with big name american actors always do really well internationally. I can't think of them now but I know there have been multiple action/sci-fi movies that barely made back their budget domestically and went on to make a pretty good profit based on worldwide numbers.

 

So even if it bombs domestically studios will only look at total, worldwide gross when deciding whether to allow him to shit all over us again.

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The Prius

 

Only if the Prius makes a statement denouncing the genocidal demigod as not representative of its position.

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On the other hand, at least Emmerich appears to be a decent human being in his personal life. He donates a lot of money to charity, and specifically supports a number of women's rights organizations. Maybe that's some small consolation for his shitty movies?

Emmerich also brought us the "Universal Soldier" franchise, as well as being responsible for the gajillion or so episodes of "Stargate", which some people have enjoyed.

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Emmerich also brought us the "Universal Soldier" franchise, as well as being responsible for the gajillion or so episodes of "Stargate", which some people have enjoyed.

 

Nah, he didn't have anything to do with the TV show. He wasn't even a producer. Just a 'based on' credit.

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Nah, he didn't have anything to do with the TV show. He wasn't even a producer. Just a 'based on' credit.

I guess that's what I meant, since he made the movie, which then launched a gajillion-billion TV shows.

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I would be way more surprised if After Earth doesn't bomb. Many people consider M Night films to be bad and consistently getting worse

Dude's career trajectory and the objective quality of his movies is hilarious. He has gone down a tier with each film and if this one bucks the trend I will eat my hat.

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I got so angry when I watched this movie and just now when I noticed the day the earth stood still I almost got more angry tell I noticed it said 2008 the crappy version with Keanu Reeves. The original movie is one of the best movies ever and I don't think anyone could ever dare try remaking such a great film yet someone did. You know whats sad is it's nothing like the original film. it's just that dog shit Hollywood action film we all know and love. IF anything it's more like a cheap copy of Independence Day then it is like the day the earth stood still. I was trying to forget about this movie until now.

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Will Smith's kid was so fucking annoying in this "film" that I was hoping Keanu would go Neo on his ass and kick him in the teeth. That might shut him up for a few minutes. And what the hell was with Gort? Turn him into basically a fucking cloud. I know he's trillions of nano-robots or whatever, but still, he's just a cloud. What is with Hellywood's obssession with clouds. Not every villain needs to be a damn cloud. Lost, Green Lantern, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - all villanous clouds.

 

The only reason I wouldn't want them to do this film is beacause if they did, I'd have to force myself to sit through it again. Once was one time too many...

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