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Episode 19 — Unsucking ‘Star Wars’


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#1 July Diaz

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 12:08 AM

Dan O’Brien, Michael Swaim and Cody Johnston just finished filming their own take on the 'Star Wars' universe. This week they sat down with Jack O’Brien and came up with some advice for how Disney might unfuck the series. Lightsaber shields and arrows! A Boba Fett / Han Solo anti-buddy cop movie! Spike Lee directing a goddamn 'Star Wars' sequel!

All these ideas are better than watching a 108-year-old Harrison Ford pretend to be a scruffy nerf-herder. You can hear them all now if you throw on your headphones and click play.

#2 must turd

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 11:55 AM

ok so I'm glad theres a forum here for me to be a total weird geek right now, cause as soon as i heard there were going to be new star wars movies i couldn't help but start coming up with ideas of what i'd like to see. so here's my rediculous idea for a star wars sequal

After the death of the Emperor and the destruction of the 2nd death star in return of the jedi most of the non-clone Imperial Navy and such fight it out of a short time but eventually surrender to the Rebellion but the Stormtrooper's who have been raised from birth and condition to never give up their posts continue to fight on, like those stories you hear about Japanese soldiers in WWII who never left the jungle because they never got a surrender order. so the war continues on with rogue Stormtroopers for like another ten years until the the rebellion/new republic, now lead by princess leia, decides to unleash a new secret weapon, a genetic bioweapon, like the Legacy Virus from X men, specifically designed to target one genetic make up, Jango Fett, there by only affecting the clones and effectively wiping them out of existence, a clone holocaust, this causes a rift to for between Leia and Luke, Leia has become much ore ruthless after years of leading the rebellion and fighting, and Luke who's been training the first new class of jedi's has gotten more and more peaceful, after his experiences on the death star, watching his father die and seeing what hate and anger and violence can do to a person, this causes luke to disband the new jedi order and go into self imposed exile. meanwhile the genetic weaopn works almost perfectly, 99% of the clones are wiped out in an instant and the war is finally over. the 1% who arn't killed are forced to scatter to the far corners of the galaxy and go into hiding, unaware that the weapon has altered their dna.

fast forward 20 years or so, the clones in hiding have set themselves up on various planets, assumed new identities and in most cases started families, their kids would all be in their late teens early twenties, and they children of the clones all start having weird dreams and visions, feeling drawn to some planet they've never been to before, like Close Encounters, and they all start leaving on this pilgrimage to this planet, when they all get there 1000's of them, they are greeted by an old man, whos kinda all fucked up, robotic arm and burns on his face and shit, he welcomes them and calls them his brothers and sisters, it's fuckign Boba Fett! he escaped the sarlacc with the help of a apprentice sith lord and was taken back to this planet , the original home planet of the sith and had his body possesed by the spirit of an ancient sith lord, and is using some ancient force magic to draw the children of the clones of jango fett to the sith planet to form a new sith army, see the genetic weaopn fucked up their dna to create a new kind of force power that makes them invisible to jedi force senses and they can now launch a surprise attack on the new republic.


phew, there's bunch more insane convoluted nonsense, maybe i'll post it later

#3 .....

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 01:07 AM

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#4 Mealstrom

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 03:29 PM

Hey, you know what would be cool on a Star Wars podcast? Having at least one person that has read the books. Virtually every single things that started with "You know what I'd like to see...?" or "They could explain this..." was fully and in great detail explained, shown, or done in the books.

Obviously you don't need to read the books to have an opinion on the movies. But if commenting on the Star Wars universe, remember that the movies make up like 2% of the universe. What started out as a podcast I was excited about quickly became the most painful podcast I have listened to yet. It was like listening to a bunch of deep Texas Tea Party racists talking about Obamacare - contradictory, uninformed, and just frustrating to anyone who has done even a tiny bit of research.

#5 PlanBFromOuterSpace

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Posted 31 January 2014 - 09:22 AM

View PostMealstrom, on 30 January 2014 - 03:29 PM, said:

Hey, you know what would be cool on a Star Wars podcast? Having at least one person that has read the books. Virtually every single things that started with "You know what I'd like to see...?" or "They could explain this..." was fully and in great detail explained, shown, or done in the books.

Obviously you don't need to read the books to have an opinion on the movies. But if commenting on the Star Wars universe, remember that the movies make up like 2% of the universe. What started out as a podcast I was excited about quickly became the most painful podcast I have listened to yet. It was like listening to a bunch of deep Texas Tea Party racists talking about Obamacare - contradictory, uninformed, and just frustrating to anyone who has done even a tiny bit of research.

To most people that have ever seen Star Wars, the movies are the ONLY Star Wars they're familiar with, and many of the things that they brought up in the podcast have not happened in a movie. What's contained in the films may be a small portion of the overall amount of Star Wars stuff out there, but what the people that have read ALL the books, etc., often don't realize is that they make up a microscopic slice of the overall Star Wars audience, and as mentioned on the show, a lot of the book and comic stuff may be stricken from the record or at least ignored as far as the future of the films is concerned. A lot of that extra stuff is fun to know as a fan, but if it gets jettisoned for the sake of being superfluous to the plot, pace, or overall enjoyment of the film, I'm fine with that.

I was always more of a superhero guy, I had so much ridiculous Spider-Man and X-Men knowledge stored up in my brain, but when it came to the world of the movies and people hypothesizing what would happen if this guy fought that guy, or if Spidey found himself in this situation or that, I didn't start calling everyone idiots for not being as versed on the fictional lore of these characters and not already knowing the answer. In this case, the comics, cartoons, etc. clearly came first, they didn't originate with a film like Star Wars did, but you have to realize that no matter how many people you think have read and care about every single book, no matter how many people you think bought all the action figures, no matter how many people you think have played the video games, it's a relatively small portion of the overall chunk of the billion and half dollars that The Avengers made in theaters.

This reminds me, after having managed a movie theater and worked at a comic shop for approximately forever, I'm really shocked at how opposed to new ideas and original stories "fans" really are. The same people that will piss all over the idea of remakes or reboots will still be there to see them on opening night, and then they'll be the most excited at the prospect of a new version of a character they've already seen, until an out-of-left-field casting choice is made, in which case it becomes the worst idea ever, which they'll discuss to no end over the course of the next couple of years, until they SEE the movie and proclaim it the greatest thing ever made and start shitting on everyone that doesn't share this belief. They'll then proclaim that the series should just stop now, because nothing's ever going to top this ICONIC performance of this character, which makes the previous actor's portrayal look like complete shit. In fact, maybe they should just start over with a reboot...
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