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JulyDiaz

Episode 81 — Mortal Kombat

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As a Venezuelan I feel obligated to reverse-engineer this review that the gang had a hard time undestanding and correctly re-translate it back to basic english...

 

Here I Go!:

 

"I was a fan of the first MK video game when it came out, I remember playing it on my Intel 386 PC. When the movie was announced, I almost got an orgasm, and when it came out (on VHS and many many years later on DVD) I saw the movie once and then another time, and another. In fact, while making an interstate bus trip, I convinced the girl that attends the passengers to screen the movie during the trip (yup, I always carried the tape with me).

 

One day, the tape broke. yup, I saw the movie more than a 100 times and the overused tape broke. I cried a lot that day and I still keep the broken tape with me. When the movie came out on DVD, I was ubber happy and I bought it, until my house got burgled. They broke into my house and took my DVD player, with the MK disc inside. Of course, I bought it again and even today, with its lame FX compared with current movies, I still enjoy this movie a lot.

 

About the movie, well, what can I say that has not been said already?. Decent performances, decent FX, great combat scenes, awesome techno metal music and lots of fun for MK fans. That's it, but if you are not a MK fan, you will dislike this movie, and if you like MK even a little, you will enjoy seeing all of you favorite characters come to life, even if some of them are a little disappointing in the movie, like Shang Tsung and Sonya.

 

I have some complaints, and maybe this could be considered a spoiler, Kano does almost nothing and dies early on, Raiden doesn't even fight, Sonya was under used and let's not talk about Kitana.

 

But the Liu Kang fights where great (spoiler again), the fight against Zub Zero was awesome. The wall-walking and backward wall jumping is nothing new but watching Zub Zero doing it is just so cool. And the one against Reptile, well, is indeed the best fight of the movie, so full of action, such great music, that it makes you want to punch somebody, in a good way. XD

 

The ending was great too, and when I saw it I was stunned to learn that there was a sequel. But I must say... STAY AWAY FROM ANNIHILATION. Only buy it If you collect everything that is MK, but DON'T WATCH IT! Because it will make you want to punch somebody, but in the worst way possible.

 

I was happy when I bought the DVD and saw that it had spanish subtitles because, as you must know by now reading my review, my english stinks (but not as much as MK2: Annihilation) I only buy DVD's that have spanish subtitles so is like some divinity wants me to save my money, the MK2 movie doesn't have spanish subtitles and I really can't remember what I did with my VHS tape, I want to believe that I threw it out the window. :P"

 

I tried my best...

 

 

 

P.S.: The part when he says that he convinced a bus attendant to play the Mortal Kombat movie for everybody in the bus to see did not surprise me at all... One time my mother and brother (he was 10 at the time) got on a bus and the movie they played was "The Devil's Advocate" (or "El Abogado Del Diablo" in spanish) and there where kids and small children in the bus... Now I'm starting to think that the MK guy somehow was also responsible for ruining my brother's childhood that time...

 

Only In Venezuela.

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I loved how much fake animosity there was in this episode.

 

"June we didn't make this movie, so stop yelling at us."

 

"June what the fuck do you want to plug?!"

 

I also loved how defeated June felt about the plot and characters.

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I can't believe no one noticed that this movie is essentially a remake of Enter to the Dragon with the MK franchise pasted on top of it.

 

Our main heroes are a shaolin monk, a cocky American martial artist, and a martial artist with a US military background.

 

Our villain are a mysterious host with mystical powers, a guy with a mutilated eye, and a big strong seemingly unstoppable guy.

 

Shit, even the Katana character has a corollary.

 

Scenes that borrow from Enter the Dragon include(but not limited to): The boat ride to an island, the banquet, the goro/bolo beatdown of an ancillary character, the kano/sonya fight, the goro/johnny cage fight, the shang tsung/lui kang fight. Maybe if they had used a maze of mirrors instead of outworld, more would have noticed how much they tried to mirror Enter the Dragon. Boo!

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A few things I had:

 

Johnny Cage and his whole being a "fake" thing. Isn't that what an actor is? Even the greats like Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan aren't actually fighting the actors, so are they fakers as well? Sure they are actually accomplished martial artists but they aren't "fake" because they are actually accomplished fighters. They can prove that by fighting with someone. Couldn't Johnny just do the same thing? Also why is even a thing? Did we give Sean Willam Scott shit because he wasn't ACTUALLY fighting in Bulletproof Monk. No, we give him shit because he was in Bulletproof Monk.

 

Next: the LIBERAL use of the phrase "FLAWLESS VICTORY". Any MK fan worth his/her salt knows a flawless victory means just that. You fighter took no damager and was able to beat the other fighter. In both instances, when Goro fought the black dude (RIP) and when Liu Kang fought, they took SOME damage. They may not have been enough to hurt, but definitely not "flawless".

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Regarding that last one, neither of them have HBO Go?

 

Awesome episode. Total garbage movie.

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One thing i didn't understand was that when Johnny Cage tells Shang Tsung that he wants to fight Goro, Tsung tells him that he will arrange it, but in return Tsung can now chose to fight a person whenever and where ever he wishes. Why the hell does Johnny agree to this? His whole reason for electing to fight Goro is to protect Sonya Blade, yet he grants Tsung the right to fight her himself on his terms. Also Johnny shows up to the island with 6 suitcases but only goes to the docks with one, which Lui throws into the water...

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Re: the $9/$15 memes...

 

Gohastings.com has the film on Blu-Ray for #5.66, plus $ 0.96 S&H. That's for a brand new copy AND on Blu-Ray. There are cheaper options.

 

Just sayin'.

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Also Johnny shows up to the island with 6 suitcases but only goes to the docks with one, which Lui throws into the water...

 

He goes to the dock with a bunch of them (there's a big pile of them as he limo drives away, those are all his), he's basically hemorrhaging suitcases the whole movie. Liu only throws one of them.

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Jason blew my mind by talking about one of my favorite comics, Immortal Iron Fists (which goes back to something I noticed of him not just liking comics but having impeccable taste), and then he WROTE Ride Along? whaaaaaaaaaaaat.

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Re: the $9/$15 memes...

 

Gohastings.com has the film on Blu-Ray for #5.66, plus $ 0.96 S&H. That's for a brand new copy AND on Blu-Ray. There are cheaper options.

 

Just sayin'.

Best Buy has a Blu Ray collection with this, Annihilation, the first Legacy web series, and fucking SPAWN on it for $20 or less.

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Great epsiode! I am with Paul, I loved this game, the movie is straight up awful, and the theme song to this movie is amazing. I used to do dance routines to it with my friend all the time. The same friend (who doesn't listen to podcasts) has spent this week facepainting Mortal Kombat characters randomly. She told me to share, so here she is as subzero and reptile. She's @missydeanna on instagram.

1535716_473239732782083_244397105_n.jpg154879_472615136177876_1605369233_n.jpg

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Also, on Johnny Cage's career post-tournament, basically the sequel picks up immediately after, and he turns into bobo Scott Wolf and gets murdered within 30 seconds.

Ugh, reminds me of the bad game(s?) after Deadly Alliance where all the good original characters get turned into zombies and therefore everything gets all edgy. Also isn't that the era where they really wanted Striker the cop to become everyone's darling even though he just oozed asshole?

 

[For me the best MK's go 2D:2nd and 3D:Deadly Alliance]

 

I also loved how defeated June felt about the plot and characters.

 

With her also hating Street Fighter I would love for them to review the supposedly terrible

(I haven't seen it) just so she doesn't pick up a fighting game habit. Because that would be bad.

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Ugh, reminds me of the bad game(s?) after Deadly Alliance where all the good original characters get turned into zombies and therefore everything gets all edgy. Also isn't that the era where they really wanted Striker the cop to become everyone's darling even though he just oozed asshole?

 

[For me the best MK's go 2D:2nd and 3D:Deadly Alliance]

 

 

 

With her also hating Street Fighter I would love for them to review the supposedly terrible

(I haven't seen it) just so she doesn't pick up a fighting game habit. Because that would be bad.

 

 

I... had no idea there was a King of Fighters movie... is King in it? I'm not one to crush on fictional characters.... but I have always made a nerd exception to that for King.

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When Jason was asking about Final Fantasy could he have meant Fatal Fury? It was another important fighting game in the world of game development. First to have boob jiggle.

 

I worked the newest installment of MK btw. ... No cool stories to tell off hand but bragging to a group of people who don't know me seems like a good use of my time. ;)

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Great epsiode! I am with Paul, I loved this game, the movie is straight up awful, and the theme song to this movie is amazing. I used to do dance routines to it with my friend all the time. The same friend (who doesn't listen to podcasts) has spent this week facepainting Mortal Kombat characters randomly. She told me to share, so here she is as subzero and reptile.

1535716_473239732782083_244397105_n.jpg154879_472615136177876_1605369233_n.jpg

 

*Mortal Kombat Voice*

 

IMPRESSIVE

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a lovely episode. Proof that you needn't shit on 50+ years for the sake of an awful joke! How about that.

 

Jim Henson is dumb bro, sorry.

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I... had no idea there was a King of Fighters movie... is King in it? I'm not one to crush on fictional characters.... but I have always made a nerd exception to that for King.

King is not in it (sadly...I'm with you on that crush). And most of the characters that are in it are completely unrecognizable. Terry Bogard wears his signature hat for maybe a minute tops.

Is it normal for a bus to have a TV and a VHS player onboard?

When I was on a high school field trip in the late 90s, we had one. We watched The Matrix.

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With her also hating Street Fighter I would love for them to review the supposedly terrible
(I haven't seen it) just so she doesn't pick up a fighting game habit. Because that would be bad.

 

The King of Fighters movie is neither interesting enough nor bad enough for a good HDTGM. It is mostly boring, even for someone who played multiple installments of the game. I think it was a straight-to-Blu-Ray and if it wasn't, it definitely has the feel of one.

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