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Which Movies Does HDTGM Absolutely Need To Review?

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I have to put in my recommendation for a hdtgm review. 2005's Death Tunnel. As my evidence I present the imdb review that prompted me to watch it.

 

"Jesus Christ.

I want my 90 minutes back.

It seems like people involved in making the movie must be writing all of the incredibly glowing reviews on here, so after having watched this gutted, burning shell of what could be called a movie I decided to write a little something as a stern and honest warning to people who don't like wasting their time and money.

Death Tunnel, Death Tunnel, oh god end my pain, Death Tunnel.. How could you be so terrible? You have so much going for you on paper:

1) Creepy setting

2) ...

OK, so you really don't have so much going for you, so why did I expect so much out of you? I think it was because I read an interview with your director and he name-dropped a few movies that I really enjoyed as some of his favorite movies of all time. I guess that's makes us all individuals; we can all share seemingly endless qualities with one another as a people, but not all of us have the ability to convince people to pay them to defecate.

Were I able to find someone to financially back my excrement, I would first want to know what they, my financiers, wanted to do with said excrement. Were they going to wear it as a hat? Possibly use it to plug up a leaky faucet? Try and make other people pay more money than they invested in it to sit down and watch this turd for 90 minutes? OK, hold the phone, you're telling me that people would pay money to look at my feces if you had your say about it, Daddy Warbucks? It's a deal, but, would you mind if I polished it up a bit? After all, it is MY feces.

Oh Death Tunnel, if only the people responsible for your excretion wanted you to be anything more than a pile of droppings... If only they could see that, as you are, you are so much dead weight around the shoulders of humankind, the yoke of Rushed Out Crap to DVD that is synonymous with other movies that fail as miserably as you do. If only people wouldn't stand for your brand of completely banal tripe with horrible, ADD editing glazed on in post to try and stupefy the audience since there's no other form of emotional connection to them that you are capable of presenting.

If you love your life, if you cherish your time spent being alive, please, resist any and every urge that you may have to watch this travesty of cinema. Cut off your own feet if it would stop you from walking to the store where you might accidentally buy it because you think the box art looks interesting. Gouge out your own eyes if it somehow finds itself in your DVD player. You might even want to go so far as to remove your own tongue if it would keep you from mentioning the movie to someone else.

This movie is Death Tunnel, after all, and yes, it really is that bad."

 

Please take the time to read this. And to watch the beautiful piece of cinema that is Death Tunnel.

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Please, please, please review the film:

 

MIAMI CONNECTION.....

 

I promise you won't be disappointed! It is so achingly bad yet hilarious because of it!

My boyfriend and I watched this film recently and just kept looking at one another periodically during the film in shock and amazed at how awesomely bad it is!

It is definitely a film that would make one wonder "HOW DID THIS GET MADE?!"

 

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

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1). Teen Witch

 

This absolutely has to happen. So many cringeworthy song and dance numbers. Just google "Top That" and you'll learn everything you need to know about this movie.

 

2). Ladyhawke

 

Jason mentions it enough times, they have to eventually do it. The music alone oozes 80's.

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1). Teen Witch

 

This absolutely has to happen. So many cringeworthy song and dance numbers. Just google "Top That" and you'll learn everything you need to know about this movie.

 

2). Ladyhawke

 

Jason mentions it enough times, they have to eventually do it. The music alone oozes 80's.

 

 

I second both of these, Teem Witch especially it's all the right kinds of bad, It would certainly provoke Sleepaway Camp levels of freaking out.

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First post for me. Just discovered this podcast last month.

Has anyone mentioned "The Lost Boys"?

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First post for me. Just discovered this podcast last month.

Has anyone mentioned "The Lost Boys"?

 

welcome! and no as far as I know, it's much loved movie I think but yeah it's really nuts when you step back and look at it from a subjective viewpoint.

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Haha! Very true. I suggested that one since I didn't think anyone would sit through "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" (1987)

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Guys! Seriously, guys!

You guys! Seriously!

 

Megaforce

 

Seriously.

  • Barry Bostwick as "Commander Ace Hunter"!
  • Michael Beck (from Xanadu, you guys!) as "Dallas," featuring the worst Texas accent in acting history!
  • The British guy from Knight Rider!
  • A flying motorcycle.
  • A flying motorcycle.
  • A.
  • Flying.
  • Motorcycle.

Seriously.

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Knock-Off

 

JCVD, Rob Schneider, Paul Sorvino in action scenes, Hong Kong, weird non-sequiturs, unexplanable camera manuveres and a major story line about counterfeit jeans.

 

Off the wall bonkers.

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Definitely agree with paulzero about Megaforce, that is an absolutely mental film.

 

My main recommendation is "The January Man" from 1989. It looks solid on paper - written by John Patrick Shanley ("Doubt", "Moonstruck" - but also "Congo") and starring Kevin Kline, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Susan Sarandon, Alan Rickman and Harvey Keitel. But it's a complete farago of a film - a serial killer/rogue cop set-up with a massive slice of whimsy and sheer lunacy added - I won't spoil the rationale for the killer's identification of his victims but I'll just say it relates to the musical notation of Neil Sedaka's "Calendar Girl". The movie also includes one of those insane late-career performances from Rod Steiger, who is wearing a toupee that I'm sure what give June a LOT of pleasure.

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2004's She Hate Me, a film about a fired corporate whistleblower who starts a lucrative business impregnating wealthy lesbians the "old fashioned way". It truly is the perfect film for HDTGM. Bonkers premise, lots of big stars in embarrassing roles. It features:

 

-Bai Ling!!!!

-Isaiah Whitlock doing his patented "Sheeeeeeeeeeet" line later made famous in The Wire

-The most batshit crazy CGI sperm/egg conception sequences you will ever see

-Kerry Washington, Monica Belucci, and the aforementioned Bai Ling are among the many lesbians

-Woody Harrelson, John Turtorro, and Pro Football Hall of Famer Jim Brown in supporting roles

-An extended flashback to the Watergate break-in for no clear reason (featuring Chiwetel Ejiofor!)

-Did I mention the title was derived from the "He Hate Me" name that was famously on the back of one of the players in the short-lived XFL football league?

 

Here's the trailer. Please, watch this movie!

 

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I think we need to all address the elephant in the room. You need to do Samurai Cop! Here are the reasons why:

 

1. It's really bad

2. It stars Robert Z'Dar as the villian, and he's supposed to be Japanese.

3. Robert Z'Dar has a sex scene.

4. Matt Hannon, the protagonist, is probably attainable as a guest. The Red Letter Media guys were able to interview him, and he's trying to promote the sequel.

5. I have it on good authority that he was once Sylvester Stallone's bodyguard. That's reason enough!

 

I'm going to send a copy to the Earwolf studios. Everyone will agree that once you watch it you will not be able to ignore it.

 

I also suggest Red Heat.

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1. Monkeybone - It is next level bonkers from start to finish

2. The Thing with Two Heads - Watch Rosey Grier, the man who tackled Robert Kennedy's assassin, in a movie where he has an old white man's head sewn to his neck.

3. All the Queen's Men - Matt LeBlanc, and a bunch of other guys, doing the worst drag ever, in a WWII movie.

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"It's Alive" (1974)

 

There's nothing like a movie about a killer newborn mutant baby being hunted by the LAPD and the baby's overacting father.

 

That movie would be a great Halloween episode. I saw it for the first time at a 24 hour horror movie marathon at about hour 18, and my mind exploded. It was preceded by that Italian zombie movie, where a zombie is underwater, fighting a shark.

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2004's She Hate Me, a film about a fired corporate whistleblower who starts a lucrative business impregnating wealthy lesbians the "old fashioned way". It truly is the perfect film for HDTGM. Bonkers premise, lots of big stars in embarrassing roles. It features:

 

-Bai Ling!!!!

-Isaiah Whitlock doing his patented "Sheeeeeeeeeeet" line later made famous in The Wire

-The most batshit crazy CGI sperm/egg conception sequences you will ever see

-Kerry Washington, Monica Belucci, and the aforementioned Bai Ling are among the many lesbians

-Woody Harrelson, John Turtorro, and Pro Football Hall of Famer Jim Brown in supporting roles

-An extended flashback to the Watergate break-in for no clear reason (featuring Chiwetel Ejiofor!)

-Did I mention the title was derived from the "He Hate Me" name that was famously on the back of one of the players in the short-lived XFL football league?

 

Here's the trailer. Please, watch this movie!

 

 

 

Damn. I'm sold.

 

Also:

 

Island of Doctor Moreau

 

Bad Lieuntenant! (it's a crazy movie. I don't know if it's really a bad one. but oh so much great Cage)

 

The Happening (probably the worst movie I've ever seen)

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