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JulyDiaz

Episode 102 — Tango & Cash

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Great ep guys!

 

 

You seemed to have touched on how crazy the prison in this movie was but you didnt menyion that when they first get walked to their cells - the fucking hallway was on fucking fire! There was open fires and the guards didn't not only care but seemed totally cool with it.

 

And when Kurt Russel met Teri Hatcher he asked her if she knew it was him and she said she pieced it together. WHAT!?!

 

You mean your brother was on trial for murder and you never once went to the court to see what was happening or for that matter read a newspaper article about the trial or watched a news story on it.

 

Oh and you never read one of the many articles just about his day to day exploits?

 

Good point. Why did the prisoners have access to open flames?

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Good point. Why did the prisoners have access to open flames?

 

And also, should we be surprised when the escape plan orchestrated by Cash's friend--the assistant warden of this burning den of insanity--doesn't work?

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I love love love this flick. It's a quip a minute movie, but my favorite line is by the captain when Kurt Russell is at Teri Hatcher's house and he tackles the captain through a screen door and cappy says, "is this how you screen all your guests?"

 

Then there's Jack Palance continuous justification for why it would be better to set T&C up rather than kill them, which his underbosses understandably keep disagreeing with him over.

 

Also, I like how you touched on the newspaper headlines, and I'm a big fan of movies in which people who would never be publicly known for their work as being famous in the movie they're in. Quick: name a police office who you either don't know personally or who isn't the Chief of Police of L.A or New York.

 

June, I am MAJORLY upset that you think that the strip club (?) in this movie is appropriate for a date? For who, Travis Bickle?!

 

Oh I could go on. Such a fun, dumb awesome movie.

 

Btw, the new theme song is AMAZING!

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I remember watching this movie several times before, and the only thing that really stuck out in my mind thinking back on it was the Super Truck...but really, I can't see why. Its a cool truck and everything, and they did the thing of building it up as being awesome, but then did nothing with it.

 

Do we see the big ass gatling gun on the side tear shit up? No, the camera basically just points at the two guys in the car the whole time. (who fires that, anyway? Cash is just driving, Tango is firing wildly out the window, but the gun just keeps firing on its own, is the truck self-aware?)

Does it have any other cool gadgets it uses in the midsts of the firefight? No, it just kinda drives around. Hell, if it wasnt for the fact that Parrett had those 2 trucks with like North Korean surplus rocket launchers in the back, nothing would have been exploded or nothing cool would have happened that whole sequence.)

Hell, it even has gun-ports for someone inside to safely stick a gun out of and fire...which Tango doesnt use at all since he just rolls the window down.

The only thing it has going for it ultimately is its kinda bulletproof, and then its just out of gas, and its taken out by a couple of pieces of construction equipment. Its like the death of Megaweapon all over again.

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I love love love this flick. It's a quip a minute movie, but my favorite line is by the captain when Kurt Russell is at Teri Hatcher's house and he tackles the captain through a screen door and cappy says, "is this how you screen all your guests?"

 

Are we doing favorite lines? Mine has to be--

 

TANGO--"Where'd you learn to drive??"

 

CASH--"Stevie Wonder!"

 

Wait...What?

 

But, then again, that is how most of the dialog seemed to go. Half of it was just them saying each other's names and the other half was delivered/directed so poorly I couldn't tell if it was a joke or just bad writing. It's like the film was written by a schizophrenic Dadaist.

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It seems like Tango and Cash was an offshoot of Beverly Hills Cop altogether. While Harold Faltermeyer barely changed anything in the score, Beverly Hills cop 3 went on to also include an "Agent Q" type character with Bronson Pinchot.

 

Who can forget the Annihilator 2000?!

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And also, should we be surprised when the escape plan orchestrated by Cash's friend--the assistant warden of this burning den of insanity--doesn't work?

 

 

Yeah, and when people escape from this prison the guards get other prisoners (like "conan") to catch them? Why didn't that prisoner just escape too?

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The whole bullet thing in the opening scene with Stallone is strange, but I think the bigger question is: WHY DIDN'T THE GUYS IN THE TRUCK JUST RUN HIM OVER?

 

They're barreling down on him while driving a big-rig tanker truck and he's just standing in the middle of the road. Run him over! Or maybe go around him? Instead, they slam on their brakes, which is stupid enough, but then the force of their stopping sends them BOTH through the windshield! If the driver is thrown from the cabin, wouldn't the truck keep moving since he's not there to apply the brake anymore? Do truck brakes work differently or something?

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As a person who has worked in a state prison for a while now I can honestly say that they did have a lot of things right in regards to prison life, outside of the corrupt fighting and boiler room thunderdome scene. Outside of solitary or administrative segregation, the inmates are able to move freely to another inmates cell and visit or visit out on the yard, unless there is a code happening and then the inmates are placed into their locked cells. They are able to decorate their cells within the guidelines of the prison (no explicit porn or violent images, etc.). Many do have jobs inside the facility and if they are late it is the staff's responsibility to make sure they make it to their job by calling the guards to check on them.

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CAMEO ALERT: Wasn't that Jerry Orbach as the dead FBI agent at the set-up crime scene when T&C get busted? If so, he got off easy!

 

Also: VERY surprised to learn that was Big Face's real face. I thought for sure it was a prosthesic chin...because later on they call him "Conan" and "Dr. Anabol" or whatever, so...maybe it was supposed to be a dig on Arnold Schwarzeneger, like Sly wanted to zing Arnold for having a big steroid face? Maybe? #Lottalayershere

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Is anyone else ever surprised by Paul's mispronunciations of actor's names? For someone who I assume has listened to all episodes of Serial and has heard her name multiple times, it was a bit odd to hear him say "koe-nig" instead of "kay-nig." Also, I'm pretty sure he was screwing up Palance as well.

 

Paul says stuff incorrectly all the time but Paul's also really great, so he gets a foreverpass.

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The issue of Stallone and writing credit is a long and storied one.

 

In his book HOLLYWOOD ANIMAL Joe Eszterhas writes at length about working with Stallone on F.I.S.T. and how because Stallone had been nominated for an Oscar for writing ROCKY he insisted on having his name listed as a writer on everything since.

 

It's the same issue of ego as the guys who were on this show talking about CROCODILE DUNDEE IN LOS ANGELES in regard to Paul Hogan pointlessly rewriting the script so he could have his name on it.

 

Eszterhas also said that he didn't want to share the credit, since he had written the whole thing himself. But when Stallone found out that Eszterhas had signed a big-money deal for the paperback rights to the novelisation of the film he threatened to not allow the publisher to use his image on the cover, which, obviously, would be the thing that would sell the book. So Stallone basically blackmailed Eszterhas into giving him co-writing credit so they could use his image on the book.

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Correction. Nick Kroll is not the most frequent guest cuz he's been on three episodes. He's the most frequent guest cuz he's been on EVERY FUCKING EPISODE WITH THAT FUCKING EARWOLF OUTRO! What the hell is with that? What's wrong with you people?!!!

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Sorry, I only work out to the Get Fit Now with Bill Carter theme song by Brett Morris.

 

Listening to it right now, thanks dan. :)

 

Sounds like it's no sweatin to the oldies.

 

1zzqivn.jpg

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Oh, the drag shot. So surprised you missed it and seemed like it was out of the blue. Perhaps you are forgetting the classic (no, seriously, I love this movie), Nighthawks, which features Stallone in drag twice.

 

http://media.giphy.com/media/1q7hzWrW5fyla/giphy.gif

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-85M2wuJ3QQQ/ThhebwjOe2I/AAAAAAAABKQ/WF2PjU32fGE/s1600/Nighthawks-2.JPG

 

And, for one of the minds behind ArSheerio, it should be noted when they were on Arsenio plugging the movie, they did dueling "drag" clips, including one of Arsenio... perhaps future fodder.

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This film is a prime example of the sort of crazy, "This had to be a joke right?" sort of homoerotisism in the 1980's action genre. If anyone hasn't checked out Ruthless Reviews guide to 1980's action, it's pretty classic. Here's their take on Tango and Cash:

 

http://www.ruthlessr...144/tango-cash/

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Some notes:

 

I know the gang mentioned Clint Howard as Tango's cellmate, but did anybody notice that Andre Rosey Brown AKA Big Fatso was Cash's? Maybe Clint and Andre signed onto Barb Wire as a package deal in '96, 7 years after T&C.

 

Here's a list of the celebrity names that T&C drop throughout the movie:

 

Rambo

Jabba

Conan

Mr. Potato Head

Stevie Wonder

Cousin Itt

Bullwinkle

 

When Cash went to the talent show strip club to meet Katharine - didn't Katharine tell Tango in the beginning of the movie that she "had a plane to catch" and was going away for 1 or two months? Since their bust, trial, imprisonment and escape seemed to occur inside of a week, I thought this was strange.

 

Tango tells the fed that prosecuted against him that he needs "more iron in his diet" while pointing his gun at him. Bullets are made of lead, not iron.

 

Finally, during the rainy escape scene, Cash is holding a fence up for Tango to pass under before telling him not to touch the electrified wires. Cash is standing right next to the end of the fence, where there IS NO FENCE. Why didn't Tango just walk around the fence like Cash did???

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Okay, this may actually have been addressed in the movie, but--believe it or not--I am having a hard time with Palance's plan.

 

According to Palance, he has to get rid of Tango and Cash within two weeks. He sets it up that they find the dead guy in the warehouse to frame them. Okay, so far so good. I imagine that the Asian guy that Cash interrogates at the beginning is a set up so that he will be at the right place at the right time, so my question is: How did Tango know to be there? I honestly don't remember a scene where he discovers a piece of crucial evidence or is told that something is going down at that location. He just sort of shows up. What we do know is that when Tango and Cash have their meet cute, Cash says he has been on the case for 30 minutes, yet Tango says he has been tracking this guy for three months!!!

 

If this is the case, how could Palance be so sure that they would both be in the right place at the right time for his plan to come together? As far as he knows, the two have never met so there is no reason they would share that information with one another. And If he was so confident that Tango was a good enough detective to track them to that specific warehouse at that specific time all without planting false evidence, why was he never able to pull off any of his other jobs? It seems to me that once you realize you have someone on your trail, it should be very easy to exploit that knowledge to your advantage.

 

However, this does lead to one of those ambiguous "is that a joke?" moments. Cash says something to the effect of, "This is my bust!" End scene. Next scene, Cash says, "Okay, this is your bust..." In any other movie I would say it was meant as a joke, but since it is not delivered like a joke, I honestly cannot tell. It is like Tango and Cash both suffered from severe short term memory loss....possibly from personally testing the drugs at all of their busts.

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Stallone I think was informed by the truck driver in the beginning, like where the shipment was headed, though i could be mistaken.

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How could you talk so much about the homoeroticism (was happy to hear that mentioned first thing by the way, cause it's all I could see) and not mention them wanting to blow that dude's dick off?! They straight up reached in his pants and dropped a grenade in them. As Jason would say...that is next level bonkers.

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How could you talk so much about the homoeroticism (was happy to hear that mentioned first thing by the way, cause it's all I could see) and not mention them wanting to blow that dude's dick off?! They straight up reached in his pants and dropped a grenade in them. As Jason would say...that is next level bonkers.

 

Oh, blow off as in explode with a grenade, totally different than what I was thinking within the subtext of this movie.

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Stallone I think was informed by the truck driver in the beginning, like where the shipment was headed, though i could be mistaken.

 

 

Fair enough. You're probably right. However, that means Palance had to enact his nefarious plan pretty much on the fly. I just find it highly unlikely he could coordinate such an elaborate frame up in just a few hours. It all seems incredibly serendipitous. I guess where others might view two of your henchmen getting caught as a crisis, he only sees opportunity, and sadly, that is exactly why I can never be a criminal mastermind. When life gives him lemons, he digs deep into his "people who are easily corruptible" Rolodex and makes lemonade :) We can all learn so much from his example.

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