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DeathToMikeyBay

The signs of a bad movie list

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Paul's official:

 

- Surfing/skateboarding

- Under 90 minutes

- rapping granny

 

others?

 

 

My additions:

 

- Crazy foreign couple

 

- "hip" remixes of classic songs

 

- a pair of twins minor characters

 

- DJing, record scratching

 

- More than 2 writers (even 2 is a red flag)

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Good question, D2MB!

 

Personally, I would say anytime there is an old person in a movie and they cuss for the sake of "comedy," you're probably watching a bad movie. To clarify, it's not not that an old person is cursing or shouldn't be allowed to cuss, but that their swearing is supposed to be the joke. For example, all of Betty White's dialog in Lake Placid.

 

And, not to get hung up on old people, I don't recall watching a movie where at some point an older person (let's say 55+) starts rapping as ever being a particularly enjoyable experience...

 

EDITED TO ADD: Come to think of it...why be ageist? Anytime any character raps in a movie, full stop. And, if somewhere in the course of the person's poorly busted rhyme they manage to drop their character's name, game fucking over! I can't think of a single instance where this ever came off as looking cool. My only caveat to this would be if the movie is specifically about someone becoming a rapper. If that's the case, I might give it a pass.

 

Also, to add to Paul's list, I want to say in the Hudson Hawk episode (I could be wrong) he also included "anytime a picture in a book morphs into live action" as being another sign you are about to watch a bad movie.

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Y'know...upon further consideration, and I am not sure how to put this bug in Paul's ear, but this could be a pretty fun addition to the mini-episodes. It could be called something like, "Exit Strategies: Professor Paul's Compendium of Cinematic Cyanide." Basically, we could submit tropes that we find to be signs of a bad movie, and he could use his expert knowledge of crappy movies to make the final determination as whether or not they belong in the Compendium. Shit, if he gets enough, he could probably compile them into a coffee table book or something. Fuck, why am I not doing that? I've got to start saving some of these ideas for myself...We're talking, potentially, hundreds of dollars here.

 

I just really like this idea. If it would be a time issue for the mini-episodes, I wouldn't be too upset if this replaced the "Would Nic Cage Be Better..." segment. I know that's probably not a popular opinion, but, let's face facts, the answer is almost always "yes."

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- More than 2 writers (even 2 is a red flag)

The thing to watch for is "and" in the writing credits. "Stu & Hank" means they worked together, but "Stu & Hank and Todd" means Todd did a re-write of what Stu & Hank turned in.

 

My sign: the title needs to be explained immediately in the trailer. See: Hall Pass, The DUFF, B.A.P.S.

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My question was knowing Paul has listed other signs but I had forgotten them.

 

Good one on the title explanation.

 

 

This one is a little after the fact to be considered a sign, but when even the short wikipedia plot description is an utter mess you can't follow, imagine how bad it is watching the plot. Exhibit A: Practical Magic

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You guys forgot the most important rule.

 

When a movie is starring, directed by and written by the same person that's a pretty good sign your in trouble.

 

Oh and when the music is done by brother..

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You guys forgot the most important rule.

 

When a movie is starring, directed by and written by the same person that's a pretty good sign your in trouble.

 

Oh and when the music is done by brother..

Unless that brother's name is Frank Stallone!

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Good question, D2MB!

 

Personally, I would say anytime there is an old person in a movie and they cuss for the sake of "comedy," you're probably watching a bad movie. To clarify, it's not not that an old person is cursing or shouldn't be allowed to cuss, but that their swearing is supposed to be the joke. For example, all of Betty White's dialog in Lake Placid.

 

And, not to get hung up on old people, I don't recall watching a movie where at some point an older person (let's say 55+) starts rapping as ever being a particularly enjoyable experience...

 

EDITED TO ADD: Come to think of it...why be ageist? Anytime any character raps in a movie, full stop. And, if somewhere in the course of the person's poorly busted rhyme they manage to drop their character's name, game fucking over! I can't think of a single instance where this ever came off as looking cool. My only caveat to this would be if the movie is specifically about someone becoming a rapper. If that's the case, I might give it a pass.

 

Also, to add to Paul's list, I want to say in the Hudson Hawk episode (I could be wrong) he also included "anytime a picture in a book morphs into live action" as being another sign you are about to watch a bad movie.

I believe the "old people swearing because it's wacky" thing falls under the "Rapping Granny Syndrome". Basically, any "See, it's funny, because they're OLD!" gag falls under the banner.

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Paul's official:

 

- Surfing/skateboarding

- Under 90 minutes

 

others?

 

 

My additions:

 

- Crazy foreign couple

 

- "hip" remixes of classic songs

 

- a pair of twins minor characters

 

- DJing, record scratching

 

- More than 2 writers (even 2 is a red flag)

I'd like to amend the 90 minutes thing to "Under 90 minutes, with unnecessarily long credits".

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How about anytime a European actor is cast in a movie as an "All-American" guy despite not being able to do, or even attempt, an American accent? Bonus points if their accent or nationality is never addressed in the movie.

 

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The thing to watch for is "and" in the writing credits. "Stu & Hank" means they worked together, but "Stu & Hank and Todd" means Todd did a re-write of what Stu & Hank turned in.

 

My sign: the title needs to be explained immediately in the trailer. See: Hall Pass, The DUFF, B.A.P.S.

I was gonna say this too only because Guardians of the Galaxy was written by Nicole Perlman and James Gunn and I still hold that as my favorite movie from last year.

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I'm all for ladies in comedy, but pregnant women are always a sign of a bad movie for me... 'Knocked up' being the only exception.

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Rosemary's Baby??? o_O

 

That's why I added "ladies in comedy". It's only when there's a pregnant lady in a comedy that it gets lame.

Horror pregnancies are the best

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When the first thing you hear in the trailer is "From the producer(s) of", that's not a good sign. After all, "Can't Stop The Music" was from the producer of "Grease", so it had to be great.

 

Similar to the writer example, count the number of editors in the credits. Larger and more effects-driven works do tend to have larger editing teams, but if a small-budget movie has five different lead editors like "Space Mutiny", you're in for a bad ride.

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When the first thing you hear in the trailer is "From the producer(s) of", that's not a good sign. After all, "Can't Stop The Music" was from the producer of "Grease", so it had to be great.

Worse yet is "From the STUDIO that brought you...", because nearly every studio is so diverse in what they release that to say two films came from the same studio means LITERALLY nothing in terms of comparing the types or quality of films. Yes, Disney has released so many great films over the years, but they're also the studio that brought you "Max Keeble's Big Move".

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In London, if the film is being advertised all over the buses, it's a sign the film is shit. Also, if the only review quotes they put on the poster are from The Sun, The Star, or any other publication designed for simpletons.

 

Also: Generic Title: The Needless Punctuation The Clunky Additional Subtitle

 

And when it's a pointless remake of a film that was perfectly good the first time. They're remaking Point Break. For fuck's sake.

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Unnecessary Parkour.

 

If someone is chasing after you with some kind of cleaver or firearm, just fucking run, don't piss-arse around with your cartwheels and rolls. just fucking run.

 

The "Fuck This" Car Gear.

 

When there's a car chase, and the chasing car is gaining on the car in front, and when when they get just close enough, the guy being chased says "fuck this", they do a close up of the gear stick as he hits the extra gear and he speeds off. If the car has that gear, just fucking use it.

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Nobody has mentioned the "Awkward Sport Scene(s)"

 

E.g. : "Catwoman" and "The Room" ( just to name a couple )

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Nobody has mentioned the "Awkward Sport Scene(s)"

 

E.g. : "Catwoman" and "The Room" ( just to name a couple )

And of course "Daredevil"!

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*Any remake of a what-will-turn-out-to-be-a-far-superior original 80's/90's film.

 

*When the poster for the movie compares it to another more successful movie.

 

*Tim Burton remaking whatever.

 

*Cameron Diaz in a comedy not named The Mask.

 

*"Starring Adam Sandler"

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Cameron Diaz in a comedy not named The Mask.

I recall kind of liking Being John Malkovich. I think she was tolerable and at times pleasant as an actress before the year 2000.

 

---------------------------------

My addition:

When instead of casting the big name actor or actress they had in mind they do the next best thing get someone that resembles that person.

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Okay, here's one that happens way too often in sports movies...

 

"The ref's on their side!!"

 

Because the 1,000,000/1 underdogs overcoming the 100 year in a row champions aren't enough odds to overcome, the referee's on the take too, and is biased towards the other team, the other team can't just be fucking awesome, but obnoxious and arrogant, they have to cheat too.

 

Which also leads to another point in sports movies that gets overused.

 

Ignoring the rules of the sport completely:

 

"This has never happened before in the history of this sport!" That's because you're not following the rules! Like the boxers who get knocked down more than three times in a round, which should end the fight in a TKO. They usually do this more in Combat Sports movies.

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