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EPISODE 112 — Jupiter Ascending

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It's a WolfPop teamup! This week Paul & Jason are joined by two special guests, from "Blacklist Table Reads", Franklin Leonard, and from the equally popular "Picking Favorites, Razzle Dangerously. They try, and almost succeed, to understand the plot of the Wachowski's 'Jupiter Ascending'. All the hard hitting questions are asked, including; why do no two aliens look the same? At what point did Channing Tatum realize what he was in for? Does being part dog help you in space? And why is our theme song so loud?

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Correction!

 

When you guys repeated the line "up is hard down is easy" it all clicked for me. Why sometimes it looked like he was sakting and other time the boots seemed to power themselves. My theroy is to raise yourself higher with the boots you actually have to physically propell yourself or air skate as i like to call it. Then in the downward direction its all smooth air gliding.

 

Edit. Also i belive sean beans daughter is held hostage to make stinger betray cain.

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I'm only at the part where they're talking about how the actors must have been sold on just the storyboards, and it reminded me of "Jodorowsky's Dune", which I highly recommend! It's really entertaining and it makes you think about all the things that might NOT have happened if it had ever been made, as when it fell apart, the "Dune" team basically moved on to make a DIFFERENT super influential film.

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I'm glad you got someone on who enjoyed this film as much as I did. I know it's Looney Tunes, but I thought it was a lot of fun!

 

I noted that this is the second HDTGM film (Godzilla being the first) where it seems like a character in the movie got their hands on the actual film footage. When...um...Whispery Abrasax? Eddie Redmayne's character is watching a hologram replay of the egg donor clinic, he's watching the previous scene in the movie, Spaceballs-style. Not security footage, not something from any of the alien's point of view, THE ACTUAL MOVIE.

 

Also, I feel I should point this out because June wasn't there to--no one making this movie understands how a maxi pad works. The blood-absorbing side is not the same side as the sticky side. That would be very painful.

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Great episode! I have really been enjoying The Blacklist Table Reads!

 

Has anyone else noticed how common it seems for bees to play a pivotal role in shitty movies? Off the top of my head I can think of Jupiter Ascending, The Wicker Man, The Happening, and Upside Down. Is it possible that there isn't really such a thing as Colony Collapse Disorder and that bees have just gone into hiding due to their continued association with crappy movies?

 

Regardless, I really think the apian community should consider seeking new representation...

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I noted that this is the second HDTGM film (Godzilla being the first) where it seems like a character in the movie got their hands on the actual film footage. When...um...Whispery Abrasax? Eddie Redmayne's character is watching a hologram replay of the egg donor clinic, he's watching the last scene in the movie, Spaceballs-style. Not security footage, not something from any of the alien's point of view, THE ACTUAL MOVIE.

 

This reminds me of what I think may have been the most egregious "no one's gonna fuckin' care" use of this that I've ever personally seen, which was the Jackie Chan movie "Mr. Nice Guy". In it, there's a hidden camera inside a wall or something that no one in the movie is supposed to see. Bad things happen, someone gets killed or something, and someone runs off with the tape. Later, they're watching it, and it's the fully edited scene, from a camera that was basically set up to see through a hole in the wall. Great stuff.

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Mr. Leonard brought up Caine's name being really on the nose, which is something that I noticed as well. I brought this up on the mini-sode threadl, but I had a good chuckle when I realized "Caine" was just "canine" without the extra "n." Not to take credit for another person's observation, but fellow poster Lando then pointed out that Sean Bean's character's full name is Stinger Apini--"apian" being the Latin term for "bees."

 

But the "on-the-noseness" doesn't stop just at the names. When I was watching this movie early on Wednesday and had my back briefly turned to the screen during the bounty hunter shoot out at the fertility clinic, I heard the distinct sound of a dog barking. When I turned back around, I realized there wasn't an actual dog barking, but rather that was the sound Caine's gun made whenever he fired it. Bravo, Jupiter Ascending! Bravo!

 

And sorry, but I have one final thought while on the subject of human/animal hybrids. The elephant pilot. What the fuck was that about? Okay, I get splicing a person with a wolf to make them a better tracker. I can also buy splicing a man with a bee in order to make a person a fighter who would do anything to protect the Queen. What I can't buy is that splicing a person with an elephant somehow makes them a better pilot! Also, it seems like the splicing is specific to whatever trait they want to imbue in the person, but not necessarily the physical trait. Aside from the ears, Tatum doesn't really look like a wolf and Bean doesn't look anything like a bee, but for some reason this guy has a full elephant head? That doesn't make sense even within the logic of the movie. What function does that serve? Shouldn't he just look more or less like a regular person, but maybe just have the strength of an elephant?

 

And, to be fair, I'm not trying to begrudge an elephant's right to be a pilot if he or she so chooses. I'm just saying, "starship pilot" isn't what immediately springs to mind when I think "elephant."

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I need animation of them trying to remember who hired whom.

 

"No, Eddie Redmaye hired them?"

"No, the dinosaur was his."

"Who hired feather beard? What happened to feather-beard?"

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Ahh this episode could have been 10 hours long... I think that's how long my boyfriend and I ranted about it after we saw it

 

Thanks for taking Josh to task, because of people like him, I saw this movie expecting a really fun so-bad-its-good movie and was so goddamn disappointed at what a mess it was... did he just say female empowerment?!?! she was a straight up damsel the entire movie! She got carried like a baby by Channing Tatum far too many times...

 

uugughghgh i'm still really mad that I spent $2 to see this at the discount theatre

 

tumblr_n32pz0aHjF1rzoznmo3_r1_500.gif

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OMISSION!

 

This is the 2nd Douglas Booth movie to be featured on How Did This Get Made. Douglas played the part of space-Oedipus (aka Titus Abrasax) in Jupiter Ascending but I think we all prefer to remember him as Kyle, the most beautiful boy in all of Chicago, in LOL.

 

tumblr_mpudw6aNeb1qeqs4so1_500.jpg

 

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What a beautiful boy.

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And sorry, but I have one final thought while on the subject of human/animal hybrids. The elephant pilot. What the fuck was that about? Okay, I get splicing a person with a wolf to make them a better tracker. I can also buy splicing a man with a bee in order to make a person a fighter who would do anything to protect the Queen. What I can't buy is that splicing a person with an elephant somehow makes them a better pilot! Also, it seems like the splicing is specific to whatever trait they want to imbue in the person, but not necessarily the physical trait. Aside from the ears, Tatum doesn't really look like a wolf and Bean doesn't look anything like a bee, but for some reason this guy has a full elephant head? That doesn't make sense even within the logic of the movie. What function does that serve? Shouldn't he just look more or less like a regular person, but maybe just have the strength of an elephant?

 

And, to be fair, I'm not trying to begrudge an elephant's right to be a pilot if he or she so chooses. I'm just saying, "starship pilot" isn't what immediately springs to mind when I think "elephant."

 

Maybe so he'll never forget how to get where he's going?

 

And what about the owl guy? Why does he need to be an owl? It is more arbitrary than the animal hybrids in Dr. Moreau.

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Thanks for taking Josh to task, because of people like him, I saw this movie expecting a really fun so-bad-its-good movie and was so goddamn disappointed at what a mess it was... did he just say female empowerment?!?! she was a straight up damsel the entire movie! She got carried like a baby by Channing Tatum far too many times...

 

While I agreed with Josh as far as liking the movie...yeah, he couldn't have been further off-base in saying this is empowering to women. This movie's favorite thing is to have a girl make a stupid mistake, and a boy to swoop in and save her by murdering a bunch of people. It happens at least four times.

 

I also felt a little icky when he said, "Jupiter starts out making so many bad choices--she's about to sell her eggs..."

What's wrong with egg donation? Assuming your doctors aren't murderous aliens, it's a safe way to make a lot of money and help families that can't have kids. Her actual dumb mistake, and it's incomprehensible, is agreeing to pay her cousin 2/3s of what she makes from the donation. Why...why? He literally didn't do anything to earn it.

 

 

...Actually, the cousin's involvement/purpose in the plot was so baffling to me, that I was pretty sure he was one of the killer aliens too. That he had been planted in the family to encourage her to go get a procedure done that would allow them to test her DNA. And they had all been given false memories that he was actually a family member. I was almost certain.

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Her actual dumb mistake, and it's incomprehensible, is agreeing to pay her cousin 2/3s of what she makes from the donation. Why...why? He literally didn't do anything to earn it.

 

Duh, she needs it for the FOUR THOUSAND DOLLAR GOLD PLATED TELESCOPE so she can see Jupiter in the light polluted city of Chicago. What else do you expect her to do, save her toilet scrubbing wages for the $200 Walmart telescope or scour Craigslist for a used one? Nope, not a completely nonsensical plot device at all.

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This movie was awful! So much hate!

 

Mila Kunis didn't react appropriately to any situation. I've only seen 2.5 of her films; has she ever been able to act? On a weird note, why is she so heavily made up in every movie? Did anyone see that terrible Oz movie? In both flicks, she has eye makeup slathered on with a trowel!

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while on the topic of the magic boots you missed the beautiful description of how they work. Later I will try an find the exact quote, but basically the boots convert gravity into differential equation slopes and surf them. So he is surfing on math. I feel like the writer googled gravity. Then saw a chart and the term "differential equation" on the first result and decided that made my total since.

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Haven't listened to more than 5 minutes but I am so mad I can't hear June's take on this movie. I just wanted a classic, "Guys... I loved it. I loved it."

 

EDIT: Okay I'm already loving this episode even without June's beautiful presence lol.

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DUDE: IT'S "MEE-LA." NOT "MY-LA."

 

I don't understand how someone hears three people pronouncing a name one way and refuses to go along with it.

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When Reddy Edmaine screamed "I CREATE LIFE!" followed by a shy whispering of "and I destroy it." made me emit the biggest PFFFFTTTTTT of my entire life.

 

My fiancee, who wanted to see this in the theater (I refused) did admit after we watched it "Yeah...that was pretty bad."

 

I like how Jason was just so baffled by how bad this movie was that he almost wasn't on his usual level of snark. That's how much it affected this poor man.

 

Also, guests were excellent this week! And I really want to check out both their podcast.

 

I've had a rough 2 weeks so I'm so happy you guys could deliver a super entertaining podcast to lift my spirits. Real talk.

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DUDE: IT'S "MEE-LA." NOT "MY-LA."

 

I don't understand how someone hears three people pronouncing a name one way and refuses to go along with it.

 

And I love you Paul, but your pronunciation of "Mario" is like nails on a chalkboard...

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Really glad to hear Paul and Jason discuss that version of the Second Opinions theme, because to be honest I would not mind if that one were banished straight to hell.

 

Someone made an amazing little short one with June and sparkly 80s music a while back... does that still exist?

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DUDE: IT'S "MEE-LA." NOT "MY-LA."

 

I don't understand how someone hears three people pronouncing a name one way and refuses to go along with it.

He also said "Chain-ing Tatum" and "supposably." Put me down as never listening to that guy's podcast.

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maybe i missed it but, when mila kunis becomes the owner of earth does she stop the practice of harvesting humans for the youth juice? or is that shit cool now that shes royalty?

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