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Episode 88 — Neil Campbell, Our Close Employee

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So Mr. Barton, you say that your son was just excited to see the owls at Hooters?

 

Yeah. So I had to take him. I tried to explain to him what the restaurant was really about, but he was just a kid ya' know? He saw the logo and the name and he couldn't believe that it was really about guys paying a premium to be near big-tittied ladies who would briefly pretend to be friends with them. That kind of thing isn't going to make sense to a kid. So I took him.

 

But that only explains part of the legendary story. How did he meet up with Shaq for the photo "heard round the world?"

 

Yeah, right. Well the weird thing is that Shaq was there for the exact same reason as Colt. He just wanted to see some owls. Their bond was instantaneous. They actually remained friends for several years, until Colt hit puberty and lost interest in ornithology.

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Their bond was instantaneous.

It should also be mentioned, the vibe was immediate.

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It should also be mentioned, the vibe was immediate.

 

Their bodies crashed together like a child-size crash test dummy and wall.

 

(In a totally consensual side hug.)

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"One time Colt Barton liked my post and I grew Shaq sized Hooters, the rest is history."

- Kate Upton

 

I logged into the forum so that I could like this and am now posting this message to prove the great lengths I'm going to make sure you know how much I like it. Also because I literally have nothing better or more interesting happening in my life.

 

Edit: forgot to mention I'm on my cell phone. Otherwise it doesn't seem like such a big deal.

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please don't bring up Kate Upton, she is reserved 4 my fanfics only

sorry bout that tell her I said hi
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U would not believe the jokes that kill at a child's birthday party. Some lady said a fly on the cake was just "extra protein" and everyone laughed really hard.

 

I made a Benghazi joke and no one even responded.

 

what was the joke?

 

Shap only cried twice in his life. Once when Tracy Morgan slapped his bottom in snl. And once when he met colt Barton.

The rest is shaqstory.

 

Shap is now canonical for Shaq.

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As the years past Shaq attempted to reclaim the magic of that moment. Was it Colt? Was it that Hooters? Did the stars just so happen to align in perfect harmony that day? No one is quite sure, but the harder Shaq tried to recreate the moment the more desperate and unhinged he became. He is a shadow of his former greatness. Colt seems to have moved on and adjusted well.

 

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Shap is now canonical for Shaq.

 

 

It's about damn time I brought some canonical change to this forum. thanks for helping Shap off it's feet.

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Chanson is actually a really nice guy and a good person too. New people are often way too hard on him because of a bit the boys do.

Please direct anymore Chanson talk to www.chansontalk.biz

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It's about damn time I brought some canonical change to this forum. thanks for helping Shap off it's feet.

no one is saying don't enjoy the moment. just know we expect your 12th post to destroy our whole world. aaaaaaand go.

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also this is my jam today

 

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Oh god so much pressure riding on this 12th post. (Bonnie, don't fuck this up you nincompoop, play it cool) Oh yeah um here's a pic of me meeting Shap at a Hooters in 2009.

 

a007PvW.jpg

 

(Ok cool maybe they won't notice)

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Oh god so much pressure riding on this 12th post. (Bonnie, don't fuck this up you nincompoop, play it cool) Oh yeah um here's a pic of me meeting Shaq at a Hooters in 2009.

 

a007PvW.jpg

 

(Ok cool maybe they won't notice)

that's awesome. i never heard of anyone meeting shap.

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If you ask me, Shap really shined in Soup to Nuts. It's too bad he left the stooges to pursue a solo career but hey...Larry, Moe and Curly didn't star in Kazaam now did they?

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I've been drinking ciroc because it represents a lifestyle that I aspire to live. And tomorrow is Father's Day so my wife has assured me I can sleep in and she will get me Taco Bell breakfast.

 

Just wanted to say the forums have been everything I've dreamed of and u all are very smart and funny and cool and nice.

 

Enjoy your holiday if you're a dad and if not feel free to send your dad a cool emoji as a thanks for him raising u.

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Thank-you for this beautiful song with intricate guitar work. Anastasia is right that Chanson is actually a beloved forum member. He's not only a friend, he's like a stepbrother to me. Embrace your inner Chanson, Rachel. Not only should you embrace it, you should brag about it...I know Chanson would.

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I've been drinking ciroc because it represents a lifestyle that I aspire to live. And tomorrow is Father's Day so my wife has assured me I can sleep in and she will get me Taco Bell breakfast.

 

Just wanted to say the forums have been everything I've dreamed of and u all are very smart and funny and cool and nice.

 

Enjoy your holiday if you're a dad and if not feel free to send your dad a cool emoji as a thanks for him raising u.

What if I am not a dad and my dad was a lame duck and there is no Taco Bell within a hundred kilometres?

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Yesterday I complained about ill prepared wedding speeches, now I would like to suggest people make wedding playlists with some perspective. "Getting Jiggy With It" at a wedding between 24 year olds? In the age of Beyonce and Miguel and even Justin Timberlake if we're going top 40 from more than 5 years ago?

 

Also no one including me knows the Electric Slide any more, seeing white people half remember it and attempt it is torture. Did you know there's a Cha Cha Slide with the beat to Bringin Sexy Back now? And that it makes it worse?

 

However I tried to be a good sport and may have went the lowest of all when Mr. C wondered aloud if we could get down low

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Yesterday I complained about ill prepared wedding speeches, now I would like to suggest people make wedding playlists with some perspective. "Getting Jiggy With It" at a wedding between 24 year olds? In the age of Beyonce and Miguel and even Justin Timberlake if we're going top 40 from more than 5 years ago?

 

Also no one including me knows the Electric Slide any more, seeing white people half remember it and attempt it is torture. Did you know there's a Cha Cha Slide with the beat to Bringin Sexy Back now? And that it makes it worse?

 

However I tried to be a good sport and may have went the lowest of all when Mr. C wondered aloud if we could get down low

 

Love you man but I have some problems with this:

 

24 year-olds getting married makes me cringe.

 

"Gettin Jiggy With It" is a classic. I mean, I'm 25, so that one year could make all the difference. But I have fond memories. They're from elementary school, but still.

 

About the line-dancing. Mormons, bro. They love that shit. No touching. They know every line dance ever. They are line-dancing pros and I think are keeping the line-dancing industry alive.

 

Those are my potentially controversial opinions.

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Another thing:

 

Colt, you think you could use your hookup with Shaft to get the Sonics back?

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Another thing:

 

Colt, you think you could use your hookup with Shaft to get the Sonics back?

I was an honorary ball boy for the Sonics for a game when I was like seven years old. They picked me out of the stands and I got to shoot hoops with the guys and go into the locker room. I have a picture, I'll try to locate it.

 

I think I could be considered NBA royalty.

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