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SeanBeaumont

WISHES FOR JASON MANTZOUKAS AND SCOTT AUKERMAN

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I think you guys underestimate your popularity. People won’t want to get too outlandish due to your ability to veto their entries. Mine would be to have you read my book, (should only take a few hours) give honest criticism and suggestions on what to do with it, go to a taping of CBB where I’m the guest and my book talked about favorably, (contrary to the actual criticism) then go to dinner and hang out for the rest of the 24 hours where you try your best to teach me how to be funny.

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I would like Scott to recreate a Scene from Twin Peaks starring himself and other Earwolf regulars.

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  • Be a guest on the CBB podcast 3 times
  • Get hired by Earwolf as Part Time Comedy Alchemist and Chief of Chuckles and Development (all I ask in return is $125K/year, relocation services, 401K, health insurance, 5 weeks paid vacation, 23% discount on my verizon bill and on-site child care)
  • dinner party and a solid hang at Scott's house
  • Jason join twitter for 1 month and have to reply to every tweet at him

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I want to host an episode for the first 20 minutes, then Scott and Jason run in and fire me. But they really have to yell and be angry.

 

Or

 

Normal episode. But I get to be on for 20 minutes mid-way through. And after 20 minutes they really yell at me and tell me to leave.

 

Either way, I want Scott and Jason to to ban me from being on the podcast.

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I want Scott and Jason perform my ten page script and release it as a stand alone podcast episode on Earwolf Presents.

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Scott to come to my office, shout "EAT SHIT JANET" at one of my coworkers.

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I would like that we would get in a time machine, and return to my childhood. For a month Heynong-zouks would take piano lessons, and my father would stand behind him saying things like:

 

You are not practicing enough.

I can't believe I spend this much on lessons, and you never improve.

This better not be like the last recital.

How did you grow a full beard by the age of twelve?

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Scott to come to my office, shout "EAT SHIT JANET" at one of my coworkers.

 

LOL! Elegant. But what about Mantzoukas? Maybe he could kneel down behind her for a potential shove. Plus, why not fill your whole day and go see a movie or something?

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To the Twitterless, Film and Comedy-Loving Jason Mantzoukas:

 

It seems impossible to me that no females have jumped at the opportunity to have you grant their wishes for an unreasonable sum of money, as announced on today's podcast. My wish would be a reasonable request:

 

Ground rules:

- We spend a long weekend together in Los Angeles (the good parts) -- maximum 4 days

- You provide at least 13 Raffi impressions

- One double date with Scott Aukerman and the widow Kulap (she's not yours yet)

- One group dinner with Lauren Lapkus, Jessica St. Clair, and Alison Brie (so we can all tell you your best qualities and fight over you)

- One Andy Daly suicide during said weekend

- No omelettes allowed (or other egg products)

- # of alcoholic beverages included? Infinite

- If all goes well, maybe some French kissing?

 

Think about it.

 

I'm serious.

 

You're the best.

 

Thanks,

MS

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My wish would be to go to private room karaoke with Scott and Jason (and, if possible, Adam Scott and PFT) for an evening. I'd even come to L.A. and put myself up. Come on! Scott, if you're reading this, I'm the one who sent you and Adam a flash drive full of music. Who could be more deserving? I promise to sing whatever U2 song you choose.

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My wish is for Jason to host one episode of the CBB podcast with Scott as the character guest.

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i would like to play guitar with scott and zouks would play drums or keyboards or saxophone or something -- it doesn't even matter... we'd write and record several hot dog memorial plugs theme songs.

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My wish is for an episode of Talkin' Tang hosted by Hey Nong Man-tzoukas featuring Tom Leykis and Don Dimello.

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An entire dinner with Scott & Zouks is filmed My Dinner with Andre style.

 

Scott makes a short video about a day in the life of Rocky.

 

Video of Zouks breakdancing.

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My wish for Scotty & 'Zouks is that they each paint a distasteful nude of the other and that these paintings then be proudly displayed in the homes of the depicted for no less than one full calendar year.

 

And Jason must get on board with "Shame Nong You."

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My double down wish is to go smash a car with Manzoukis and Auckermans.

 

Also for a real one to go take one of those shitty mall glamour shots with Scott and Jason like this:

 

1010.jpg

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Wish will be fulfilled in winter on a snowy day in a field in Ohio. The three of us will be in the field with a horse that has recently died of natural causes. Jason, dressed as Han Solo, will cut the belly of the horse open, and pull out the guts of the horse. I will be fully conscious but will allow my body to be limp and lifeless as Jason stuffs me inside the horse. While this is happening Scott will be dressed as Princess Leia and he will be wringing his hands and saying things like "I'm so worried."

Once I am inside the horse the three of us will then record a live podcast episode in the field which will be sold on the earwolf store for $19.99. All proceeds will benefit the Make a Wish Foundation.

 

Due to the difficulty of anticipating the natural death of a horse both Scott and Jason must be ready to go to Ohio within four hour notice at any time during the month of Feb.

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That Scott would bring the CBB podcast and Jason would bring HDTGM to Portland and do live shows back to back and I and 3 guests get front row seats and heynong man shirts. Also, all ticket sales, after paying for expenses, will go to Porltand charities of my choosing. That's my wish.

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