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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 115 — Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

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On a separate point, I expected them to bring up the fact that, according to IMDB, the crew was fired when they asked for a union contract, and " the majority of the film was shot with a replacement crew of unskilled technicians."

Any verification there?

 

 

They did mention it. Scott said as long as they were WGA he could still do it.

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What the what!? Does it say who he played or what scene he was in?!

Says he played "Club Promoter". I don't remember him.

 

 

 

Anyone see Lavalantula? I didn't, but I been Dinocano (the dinosaur volcano movie pitched in the Sharknado 1 episode) would be better.

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Okay only two things I felt that they should have mentioned that I now remember

 

1. Mark McGrath and Ann Coulter surfing down the stairs on paintings of old presidents. Those would not have held their weight no matter the situation and definitely shouldn't have blocked them from the sharks that just destroyed buildings.

2. The incredibly long cut scene of Fin walking to the shuttle. Every time I thought they would end it they just showed him in another hallway. Unbelievable.

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I have a question. Why has Jedward got a God Damn cameo in this? They're sitting at the back of the coaster and Tara Reed shows hem a photo of her daughter. Who in America knows who Jedward are? The least they could do was to let the annoying little gobshites get eaten but we didn't even see that

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Agree with your entire post. And now to something more fun than anything in the Sharknados...I guess that you either teach English/Writing or you are an editor.

 

Oddly enough, you were pretty close on both counts. I went to college to become an English/Writing teacher, but after a couple of practicums I couldn't muster up the desire to teach a subject that I loved to a bunch of shitty, unappreciative kids. And I did do a little freelance editing last year for indie authors, but after correcting "to/too/two" about a billion times, I had to quit or risk an embolism.

 

Author (?) : It's just a short story, how come you're not done yet?

Me: Well, it would go faster if I didn't have to correct every third word or have to email you and explain how punctuation works.

 

I should also point out that the majority of the titles I worked on were erotic fiction, and although I have no problem with that per se, reading illiterate erotic novels is mind obliteratingly terrible.

 

However, now that you have chosen to engage in my little game, I should remind you that should you fail to guess my profession in fourteen days your soul will belong to me! HAHAHAHA! Oh, did I not mention that in my previous post? Must have slipped my mind...

 

tick-tock, tick-tock...

 

giphy.gif

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I actually created an account just that I can add these two omissions:

 

1) The tour guide Babs is a reference to Babs from Animal House, who became a tour guide for Universal Studios, and Animal House ends with "Ask for Babs" when visiting Universal Studios

 

2) Kellita Smith is in Charleston as a member of the National Guard named Warren. She also plays a former member of the National Guard named Warren in Z Nation. Thus the line from Frankie Muniz "Could be worse, could be zombies."

 

These two things combined means that Sharknado takes place in the same universe as both Animal House and Z Nation.

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I should also point out that the majority of the titles I worked on were erotic fiction, and although I have no problem with that per se, reading illiterate erotic novels is mind obliteratingly terrible.

 

However, now that you have chosen to engage in my little game, I should remind you that should you fail to guess my profession in fourteen days your soul will belong to me! HAHAHAHA! Oh, did I not mention that in my previous post? Must have slipped my mind...

 

tick-tock, tick-tock...

OK, if the stakes is my soul, as low as that is, I want at least a clue. And non of those BS riddles doled out by sphinxes!

 

It's fascinating that you got a lot of erotic fiction. I guess everyone wants to be the next EL James, or at least that lady who got rich from writing dino porn.

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Oddly enough, you were pretty close on both counts. I went to college to become an English/Writing teacher, but after a couple of practicums I couldn't muster up the desire to teach a subject that I loved to a bunch of shitty, unappreciative kids. And I did do a little freelance editing last year for indie authors, but after correcting "to/too/two" about a billion times, I had to quit or risk an embolism.

 

Author (?) : It's just a short story, how come you're not done yet?

Me: Well, it would go faster if I didn't have to correct every third word or have to email you and explain how punctuation works.

 

I should also point out that the majority of the titles I worked on were erotic fiction, and although I have no problem with that per se, reading illiterate erotic novels is mind obliteratingly terrible.

 

However, now that you have chosen to engage in my little game, I should remind you that should you fail to guess my profession in fourteen days your soul will belong to me! HAHAHAHA! Oh, did I not mention that in my previous post? Must have slipped my mind...

 

tick-tock, tick-tock...

 

giphy.gif

 

You make the crossword for the Sacramento Herald

 

anigif_enhanced-buzz-10240-1428210843-5.gif

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For some reason I think Ian Ziering looks like Jesse Tyler Ferguson, so I just kept imaging Mitchell Pritchett from Modern Family as Finn. It really added another level to the movie for me.

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Long time listener, first time poster! April is wearing her wedding ring OVER her prosthetic glove-thing. I should think that if you have your arm bitten off and you have to wear a creepy black S&M dish glove (with a mini chainsaw inside, no less), that you might be forgiven for wearing your wedding ring ON YOUR OTHER HAND!

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Something that wasn't mentioned was the fact that several characters have names that directly reference "Jaws."

 

At the military base, Fin visits with a "General Gottlieb." That refers to Carl Gottlieb, the screenwriter who is credited as co-writer of "Jaws" with the book's author, Peter Benchley. Speaking of Benchley, while I couldn't find this in the IMDb credits, I could have sworn I heard a character mention another character named "Benchley," I believe during the scene in the Capitol.

 

Also, Chris Jericho's character is listed in the IMDb credits as "Bruce the Ride Attendant." "Bruce" was name that Steven Spielberg gave to the mechanical shark in "Jaws," after his lawyer (when he wasn't also calling it "the Great White Turd," of course--the shark was the bane of his existence because it kept sinking into the waters off of Martha's Vineyard).

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Omission (of sorts): About 28 minutes into the movie,Tara Reid (April) and Bo Derek (her mom, named May) are discussing names for the baby. Mom suggests the name June to which April replies "no, April, May, June, that's ridiculous". Of course you can say that's just some ctrl+alt+save-that-shit level writing, but is it actually ridiculous? I think it's kinda cute, and I think the writer of this movie, a man who has proven his tendency to use names symbolically, might be up to some meta level symbolism here.

 

I posit that this piece of dialogue is actually a stub at our very own June (Diane Raphael) and that a certain Thunder Levin is broadcasting a secret, yet crystal clear message, a "fuck you" to the HDTMG gang, if you will, regarding their petition to write Sharknado: The Next One.

 

Am I reading too much into this? Obviously. But then again, am I?

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Listened to this a second time and it just really solidifies for me that I hate this franchise. As much as I loved the sharks in space I really hate these movies. So please #SharkNAYdo4, for the love of God NAY that shit.

 

Also I love that Scott pointed out all the parts that genuinely made me laugh too.

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I created an account just to add this correction: the part with Tara Reid and Kyle Richards (sister of Kim Richards and another Real Housewife of Beverly Hills) selling makeup was NOT part of the movie. That's a commercial for Benefit Cosmetics that's been airing for weeks, at least on Bravo.

 

The product placement for the Benefit "They're Real!" mascara product placement was ridiculous - what bothered me the most was that among all of the Shark artifacts in that van, Nova had a pristine, unopened box of it sitting on a shelf.

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Has anyone heard the German "How Did This Get Made"-type bad movie podcast?

 

It's stark, austere & decidedly unfunny

Ok, how can you hear this "German podcast", when those "German podcasters" NEVER recorded a podcast at all?! They're doing a TV-Show, that's more in the vein of MST3K.
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Having never even bothered to see a single minute of any of the Sharknado movies, I'd at least skim the next one for scenes with a HDTGM/Aukerman cameo were it to ever happen. Let the guys & gal write it, and I'd pay to see it!

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"You only have to get half way to the moon before its gravity takes over." - Space Cowboys and this thing, probably.

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I was at work making coffee in the break room when Scott and Paul informed Jason about Big Bang Theory with no laugh track, and I let out a huge snort hearing Jason's reaction to that premise. hee hee it really tickled me, just getting to hear Jason learn of a thing that delighted him so.

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Ha!

 

I posted that towards while listening to the beginning of the episode--before it was revelaed they were two actual German film critics.

 

Ok, how can you hear this "German podcast", when those "German podcasters" NEVER recorded a podcast at all?! They're doing a TV-Show, that's more in the vein of MST3K.

Ok, how can you hear this "German podcast", when those "German podcasters" NEVER recorded a podcast at all?! They're doing a TV-Show, that's more in the vein of MST3K.

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Man, I actually had to work today, and I came back to a ton of awesome shit you guys said.

However this is where things fall off the rails. After that shot of the countdown clock we then see Fin being suited up. This is followed by the Sharknado hitting Cape Canaveral, April and Fin getting into the shuttle, and Nova jumping into a fighter jet to clear a path for them. We cut back to the count down clock and the local time now reads 18:31:24. 4 seconds! All of that took place in the span of 4 seconds! Despite mission controls statements of launch in 5 minutes and 10 minutes they showed a close up of a clock twice and only a matter of 4 seconds had passed! Unless this is some Tarantino inspired shots out of order scenario, the timing makes no sense. Finally at the end of the movies Gil has to get from the Star Wars satellite to the moon. We can safely assume the satellite is somewhere around 37000 km above the earth as that would put it into geostationary orbit. The moon, at it's closest to Earth is about 405,000 km away, making the minimal distance David Hasselhoff would have had to travel to get to the moon around 368,000 km. There is no way he could have survived that let alone get their in time to salute his grandson being born.

This was infuriating for me. Fin was like, "Let's get you suited up!" and then April is suited up and in the fucking shuttle in a matter of seconds. It would take longer than five minutes just to get her pregnant ass in a goddamn flight suit, much less getting to the shuttle itself, which - as someone else mentioned - seemed to be about 400 hallways away.

 

Also, didn't Fin have to leave The Hoff because his little jetpack thingy couldn't get him back to the shuttle? Or did I misinterpret their probably totally legit science? Because if he couldn't make it back to the shuttle, how the fuck could he make it to the goddamn moon?

One of the hosts actually was part of a german dubbing of "MST3K: The Movie" in the 90s, which is funnier than the original.

That's some sacrilegious bullshit right there, dude.

1. Mark McGrath and Ann Coulter surfing down the stairs on paintings of old presidents. Those would not have held their weight no matter the situation and definitely shouldn't have blocked them from the sharks that just destroyed buildings.

Not to mention that they could have literally jumped the shark (which this movie did during the first goddamn installment) because it was standing in the middle of, like, ten steps and completely not moving at all.

Jericho played Bruce, the ride operator (which was also the name of the mechanical shark from "Jaws"), and the Universal Studio people made him cover up his arms, because he has tattoos, and they don't allow their employees to have visible tattoos.

Can we fucking talk about Bruce's death? They mentioned on the episode about how there was no reason for him to be there, but what's even worse than that is that Fin and April can't even be bothered to stop their conversation for five fucking seconds while Bruce is yelling at them about a shark. They straight up let him die, and then they really don't give a shit about what happened to him. These motherfuckers are selfish.

 

(And that's how you make one long post instead of 20 short, one-sentence posts....)

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corrections? omissions? these are more like explorations...because aren't we all explorers of these movies, and explorers of thought?

 

Let me start off by saying those protesters in the beginning really confused me too, at first I thought they were protesting to leave the sharks alone, because I guess I assumed after the first two movies the government would already be killing off sharks. luckily (or rather unluckily) I watched the first 10 minutes twice because my on demand screwed up and I lost my place on the first try, and I saw they were anti-shark (and actually one said "fin for president," so suck on that mark cuban).

 

side note on president mark cuban: IMDB now says his character name is Marcus Robbins.

 

Great segue into my next piece, about characters and cameos. At what point does a role stop being a cameo? I'd say Cuban and definitely The Hoff were pretty important characters. I feel like people are starting to use "cameo" to just mean a role by a celebrity that wasn't made public before the movie? or that maybe is beneath their status? Someone, made the point that that real housewife lady was actually a child actor, so this could really be seen as just another role for her.

 

Moving on, there was a scene that made for a lot of confusion in this episode, but seemed clear to me when I watched it. Those mascara bullets! I assumed that she had taken mascara things, and made shotgun shells out of them, so she was assuring the soldier that they were real ammunition, not just tubes of black shit for your eyes. I can't figure out why she would need those though, since you have to be carrying a shotgun to use them and at that point you aren't being sneaky. but it does actually add level of depth to her saying "they're real," despite that level being shameless product placement.

 

Lastly, I want to keep going on about this shark biology question. They mention the lack of consistency on how the sharks move through buildings and people, but I feel like this one took it to a whole other level that they didn't even touch on. It seems like when people are doing the killing, the sharks are now just made of jello. in the beginning, fin shoves a statue head into the face of a shark, with apparently a lot of difficulty and doesn't seem to get all that much power into it. Regardless, that head makes it probably half way into that shark body, and it just becomes goo. this culminated, for me, in the daughter on the rooftop with her new boyfriend shooting sharks. When she runs out of ammo, she basically pistol whips an oncoming shark with the rifle, and it completely disintegrates! There is NOTHING left of that shark! just from being swatted with a rifle butt! chainsaws and shotgun blasts don't usually show that level of power!

 

I think there was something else but I forgot it. oh well...

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So, I'm meant to believe that the Hoff has enough fuel (he doesn't) and enough oxygen (he doesn't) AND the mental capacity (he doesn't) to calculate the trajectory from the Earth (moving 960+ mph through space) to hit the moon (revolving around the Earth)? If he can do that a Sharknado is the least of your problems.

 

Who does he think he is, The Rocketeer?

 

You should do The Rocketeer.

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