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JulyDiaz

Episode 130 - Teen Witch

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After listening to the episode here are some of my notes that I'm submitting for the Omissions segment of the next mini-ep... (Pick some, or pick all)

 

1. Luis Guzman has two alarm clocks? Is the one in the back a damaged/busted prop and can't be set for 7am so they put the other smaller one right front of it to cover it?

 

2. Jason did not mention the Wet pizza making sounds.

 

3. I thought the drama teacher was going to be revealed as a witch too? I'm I turning into June?

 

4. Someone contact Scott & Scott and tell them about that new U2 song! They might just make a new "U talkin' U2 2" me episode dedicated only to that import song.

 

5. Also I found it funny how she was casting an anti-lie spell and she proceeds to lie to her friend not a second after the fact...

 

6. There seems to be a convinient water source spell activated all over this movie when Luis Guzman needs to undo / fix a spell...

 

7. They cut out the scene where Brad is mad at Luis Guzman and asks her "Where the hell is my car?"

 

8. Did the voodoo stripping scene remind anyone of that "Furious 6" scene where The Rock and Ludacris make that british butler strip?

 

*This ones I thought of after listening to the episode*

 

9. So technically if Brad details the inside of his car the Rapey Cousin would re-appear? Right?

 

10. To me Randa's name is kind of Ran-dom ;) #badjoke

 

 

Random P.S. : PlanBFromOuterSpace I didn't catch Paul saying it specifically but the other day I found out via IMDB that the guy who plays the little brother, Joshua John Miller, is one of the writers of "The Final Girls" (2015) Did you know this?

 

I also found out that Trans World Entertainment also made the classic "Killer Klowns from Outer Space"

 

 

Thank you for reading...

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Although I don't get extremely grossed out like Paul, I 100% agree that it's very uncomfortable watching teens in these kinda films be very gentle and romantic. Even as an adult, no one has sex like that.

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I have a theory that Richie and the little brother from Better Off Dead were friends. Since the setting is vague in Teen Witch, it's conceivable that it took place in the same Northern California town of Greendale where Better Off Dead takes place.

 

The younger Meyer brother appears to be 10 or so in 1985 and by 1989 he seems to be 13 or 14. That would make him the same age as Richie. Neither of them ski, so what is there to do in Greendale other than make marshmallow pizzas and destroy your garage with a d-i-y space shuttle?

 

 

During the "how to pick up loose women" party in his room, I imagine Richie is there but unseen due to the narrow view through the door.

 

In this sense, Teen Witch is a sequel to Better off Dead- if only for the younger brother through-line.

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While I was watching the movie, and they were trying out for the play, I picked up the line where Hatz says something to the effect of "You're not Louise right now; you're Ondine." I'm relatively well-read, so I was curious as to what play they were performing and who exactly this "Ondine" was, so I scheduled a quick consult with Dr. Wikipedia, and was pretty surprised by what I learned. Apparently, Ondine was a play by Jean Giraudoux and has more than a little in common with Teen Witch.

 

In the play, knight-errant Hans (football player, Brad) is on a quest where he meets, and immediately falls in love with, a magical water-sprite named Ondine (Luis Guzman). The problem is that he is already betrothed to his "dark angel" Bertha (girlfriend Randa). Hans jilts his betrothed in favor of Ondine despite them coming from two different worlds (popular vs. unpopular). Eventually, after a period of time with Ondine, Hans deceives her in favor of his original betrothed (Brad's constant vacillating between Randa and Luis). Ondine vanishes (Luis declines Brad's invite to the dance), but later they meet up again where it becomes clear that Hans still loves Ondine (the final dance).

 

It is important to note though, that in the play, the condition by which they are allowed to be together is contingent on Hans not deceiving Ondine. If he ever left her, it would mean his death. This is significant because, in Teen Witch, Brad does end up going to the dance with Randa. At the end of the play, Ondine, as a "creature from another world" is sentenced to death, and because he was not faithful to her, Hans is to die as well. As she is being led off to be executed, she is granted a magical boon. Since she ultimately used her powers for good, a spell is cast upon Ondine that at the moment of Hans' death she will forget him entirely, thus alleviating some of the pain of losing her Love. However, this also means that they will not be able to reunite in the After Life. They share a kiss and he dies. As the play ends, Ondine looks at the body of Hans at her feet and says, "What a pity! How I should have loved him!"

 

It's simply tragic that this movie borrowed so heavily from the play Ondine, but failed to have the balls to follow it all the way through to the end. How epic would this movie have been if after the dance, as Luis is being led away to be burned at the stake, she sees the corpse of Brad on the floor and says, "He's so hot! I wish a guy like that would ask me to a dance?" At least then this movie could have a message other than, "being a shallow douche is cool."

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i dont get the affection for this at all. i did not enjoy this movie. i grew up in the 90s in ireland and loved watching all the american teenage high school movies and tv shows .. but this, to me, was a poor example of the genre. if someone asked me to recommend a movie from that time this would never get a mention ... but then i am watching it today as a 36 year old in ireland ... so its probably just a culture/age thing.

 

but there were 2 things i liked ..

 

like most people i felt the opening was abit like a late night softcore movie from the 90s .. so when dick sargents name came up in the opening credits looking like this ... i did smile ... thats a quality 90s porn star name right there

 

fdzvkh.jpg

 

 

and of course ... this dude

 

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Louise is really a shitty friend if she can't even do that for Hats. So then that brings me to one of my main points about the assumption of teenage girls in this film. I LIKE BOYS!!! That whole thing not only assumes right off the bat that every single one of those girls automatically knew the choreography for a song they had never heard before but it completely assumes the sexuality of every single one of them as well! There was maybe 15 cheerleaders in that locker room doing that number and you're telling me that every single one of them just likes boys? Okay I'll give it the benefit of the doubt that maybe some of them were bisexual or pansexual and could still comfortably be like "YEAH BOYS!" but it's genuinely hard for me to think that not a one of them would be like, "Okay but I like girls so..." Maybe I'm thinking just way too much in the modern times because I know for certain that girls in the 80s who were not straight would have still just gone with the flow to avoid being the pariah and a social outcast. Especially if they were cheerleaders. But it still just shows how much heteronormativity was within our culture when the entire movie specifically points out that girls are in want of a boy in high school. Also that all boys are just in want of sex! I wasn't sure how I was gonna tie this into this post I was making but bam I just did it!

 

Bless your heart, Taylor Anne...everyone knows "gay" wasn't invented until 1990.

 

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Bless your heart, Taylor Anne...everyone knows "gay" wasn't invented until 1990.

 

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Hey the AIDS crisis happened in the 80s and everyone thought that was just a "gay disease" so I think better yet "lesbians" weren't invented until 1990

 

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There was a black guy in the movie. I was looking for him, and I saw him.

 

There is also a cholo too. In the "Most Popular Girl" music number.

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OKAY I just looked up the little brother on wikipedia after they were talking about him and I found out THIS (which I don't think anyone has mentioned yet, sorry if this is old news) -- His first film role was in another HDTGM movie, Halloween III: Season of the Witch! I remember almost nothing about this movie, but apparently he played a character called "Wille Challis."

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I actually had the pleasure of working with Robyn Lively on a movie a few years ago. She was very nice from my interactions with her.

 

As for this movie, I legitimately thing everyone (except for maybe Hats and the parents) is a straight up sociopath.

 

The teacher is a creep. He makes fun of a student in public for having birth control. Louis Guzman's reaction is to force him to do something that would get him labeled a sex offender. If it wasn't played as a comical bit with magic, it would be a super dark episode of Dateline.

 

Two loosely related thoughts:

 

Regarding voodoo dolls, if you want to see an equal parts cool, disturbing, and funny take on it, watch Stardust.

 

Finally, this movie is like a live action episode of Rick and Morty starring Summer.

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I mentioned this in the mini-episode discussion, but....Where are the chairs? It's not like there's one right by the door! Or that her father looks directly at it...

 

 

cae249a489b3ef6341919da1d7e8b335.gif

 

Oh...

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Omission:

 

Hate to beat a dead horse but with regard to the magic, If water undos Luiz Guzman's spells, doesn't it follow that since everyone drinks water, all spells would be undone? And since our bodies our mostly water wouldn't spells not work in the first place?

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There was a black guy in the movie. I was looking for him, and I saw him.

 

There is also a cholo too. In the "Most Popular Girl" music number.

haha I took a screen shot of this exact shot!

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Omission:

 

Hate to beat a dead horse but with regard to the magic, If water undos Luiz Guzman's spells, doesn't it follow that since everyone drinks water, all spells would be undone? And since our bodies our mostly water wouldn't spells not work in the first place?

Damn you and your SCIENCE, sir! This movie isn't called "Teen SCIENTIST"!

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A couple of explanation hopes:

  • What was the saxophone budget for this movie? Every song and every piece of the score had some sort of sexy sax music accompanied along with it. Was this just another way of letting us know that it’s supposed to be sexy?

  • Why did Brad toss boo boo Kate Mara (Luis Guzman)’s soda in the air flipping it around? Super cool helping Fonze the fucking coke machine to get her soda out but to then to flip it so its basically gonna explode now. Dick move Brad.

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We need to talk about David.

 

Brad's girlfriend tells brad to give David the keys to his car and he just does it, for no reason! Does this mean that David's girlfriend is also a witch?

 

Then he pretty much date rapes Luiz Guzman. Was this a plan hatched by Randa to keep Luiz away from Brad?

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A couple of explanation hopes:

  • What was the saxophone budget for this movie? Every song and every piece of the score had some sort of sexy sax music accompanied along with it. Was this just another way of letting us know that it’s supposed to be sexy?

  • Why did Brad toss boo boo Kate Mara (Luis Guzman)’s soda in the air flipping it around? Super cool helping Fonze the fucking coke machine to get her soda out but to then to flip it so its basically gonna explode now. Dick move Brad.

I half expected the shirtless sax player from "The Lost Boys" to wander into frame.

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Then he pretty much date rapes Luiz Guzman. Was this a plan hatched by Randa to keep Luiz away from Brad?

You can take the "date" out of that. He tried to rape her.

 

And that was his actions, not Randa's, that caused that.

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I half expected the shirtless sax player from "The Lost Boys" to wander into frame.

 

Almost at the Shana concert. But we were just left with Captian Jeri Curl. Also, is Shana's song "Never gonna be the same" about Luis Guzman knowing that her virginity is basically on the chopping block once she finally gets Brad to like her.

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To its credit, for all the 80s white guy rapping in this movie, I don't think I heard a single "...and I'm here to say", which is quite the accomplishment. I think we can agree that that line in any rap is THE worst.

You must not be a Comedy Bang Bang fan then.

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abit of a confession here ... i went through most of this film thinking, or at best questioning whether or not if richie was an imaginary character ...

 

i knew nothing about this movie before watching it so at the beginning i just assumed she was already a witch. so when richie was under louise's bed i thought .. "oh ... she has some sort of annoying imaginary friend/foe".

 

then her mother came into the room to call her for school and she never even looked at richie ... so again i thought "yep, imaginary friend of some sort"

 

and i really thought it after the scene when louise came down to the breakfast table and richie was banging pots and pans and bringing mountains of food over to the table and again neither of the parents looked at him or said anything to him.

 

even at the birthday party no-one even blinked when richie was insulting louise with those classic one liners

 

i know he wasnt in the movie that much but it wasnt until he burst into the bedroom and asked about the chairs and louise and brad stood up that i thought i had it all wrong .. but even then, brad didnt talk to him or anything so i was kinda thinking maybe through brads eyes the door just opened on its own (cause of a gust of wind or something) and he got a fright cause he was in an awkward situation. (i know, i was stretching it there)

 

it wasnt until after richie was the butler that someone, his mother, mentioned his name (saying something about him cleaning up). it was then i knew i had it all wrong.

 

but still, for such a memorable character ... the only person who actually talks to him through the whole movie was louise ...

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I found two amazing facts about this movie. First of all, In 2007 they tried to make it into a Broadway Musical. The sountrack was released on Amazon and iTunes, and is still available, but the play never got off the ground. Also, in 2013, the groundlings put on a stage production of Teen Witch, and Colleen Smith played Luis Guzmán. Source: mental floss

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