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JulyDiaz

Episode 130 - Teen Witch

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abit of a confession here ... i went through most of this film thinking, or at best questioning whether or not if richie was an imaginary character ...

 

i knew nothing about this movie before watching it so at the beginning i just assumed she was already a witch. so when richie was under louise's bed i thought .. "oh ... she has some sort of annoying imaginary friend/foe".

 

then her mother came into the room to call her for school and she never even looked at richie ... so again i thought "yep, imaginary friend of some sort"

 

and i really thought it after the scene when louise came down to the breakfast table and richie was banging pots and pans and bringing mountains of food over to the table and again neither of the parents looked at him or said anything to him.

 

even at the birthday party no-one even blinked when richie was insulting louise with those classic one liners

 

i know he wasnt in the movie that much but it wasnt until he burst into the bedroom and asked about the chairs and louise and brad stood up that i thought i had it all wrong .. but even then, brad didnt talk to him or anything so i was kinda thinking maybe through brads eyes the door just opened on its own (cause of a gust of wind or something) and he got a fright cause he was in an awkward situation. (i know, i was stretching it there)

 

it wasnt until after richie was the butler that someone, his mother, mentioned his name (saying something about him cleaning up). it was then i knew i had it all wrong.

 

but still, for such a memorable character ... the only person who actually talks to him through the whole movie was louise ...

I think this is exactly why the gang said they felt like he was acting the way he was because his parents were neglectful to him.

 

I thought her parents were pretty shitty at parenting throughout the entire movie with both of them actually.

 

Like her mother picks out the worst clothes for her to wear and then throws out some extremely manipulative lines like "It's okay if you don't like it but they were really expensive." I can't stand when parents or family members do that to children. You made the fucking choice to buy it without paying attention to your child's sense of style!

 

And maybe that's part of the reason why Richie acted out a lot. He saw that their parents doted over Louise over and over again while he sat there ignored until they questioned whether or not he was on drugs.

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abit of a confession here ... i went through most of this film thinking, or at best questioning whether or not if richie was an imaginary character ...

 

i knew nothing about this movie before watching it so at the beginning i just assumed she was already a witch. so when richie was under louise's bed i thought .. "oh ... she has some sort of annoying imaginary friend/foe".

 

then her mother came into the room to call her for school and she never even looked at richie ... so again i thought "yep, imaginary friend of some sort"

 

and i really thought it after the scene when louise came down to the breakfast table and richie was banging pots and pans and bringing mountains of food over to the table and again neither of the parents looked at him or said anything to him.

 

even at the birthday party no-one even blinked when richie was insulting louise with those classic one liners

 

i know he wasnt in the movie that much but it wasnt until he burst into the bedroom and asked about the chairs and louise and brad stood up that i thought i had it all wrong .. but even then, brad didnt talk to him or anything so i was kinda thinking maybe through brads eyes the door just opened on its own (cause of a gust of wind or something) and he got a fright cause he was in an awkward situation. (i know, i was stretching it there)

 

it wasnt until after richie was the butler that someone, his mother, mentioned his name (saying something about him cleaning up). it was then i knew i had it all wrong.

 

but still, for such a memorable character ... the only person who actually talks to him through the whole movie was louise ...

So, this was "The Sixth Sense" a decade early? Luis Guzman is the normal one because she doesn't realize that she lost her younger brother, while her parents are totally fucked in the head and acting like absolute weirdos around their remaining offspring because they were traumatized by it. I'm going to guess that the way he went was food-related...

 

(Sorry, I had that epiphany immediately upon posting my original "Sixth Sense" comment)

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(Hi. I'm new to the forums, so forgive me for awkwardness)

  • Is this what normally happens in the girls locker room, just on a day to day basis? "HEY GIRLS I'VE GOT THE NEW CHEER!!!!!" "I----LIKE---BOYS!!"
  • When Brad encounters Luis Guzman on the side of the road, why doesn't he know who she is? They have a class together!
  • Also, Luis' line in that scene where she (I'm assuming) jokes about the incident being "a failed suicide attempt" was frankly very worrying. I'm concerned about her.
  • So, witches can just... spontaneously generate money?
  • The scene where Luis turns on the abandoned carousel in the middle of the night was fucking creepy.
  • How has nobody mentioned the part where Madame Serena summons the frog prince?
  • Lastly, why wouldn't Luis just make Hats popular too? That way, they can both have the life they've dreamed of having!

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I kept waiting for some kind of real conflict in this movie for Louis Guzman, any real consequences for her actions, and when that finally came in the form of Hats getting upset THAT WAS NEVER RESOLVED. I'm convinced Louis did not give a fuck about her best friend. They had one conversation about how Hats was upset and then Louis was like... oh well. Then she went back to focus on white bread (oops I mean Brad). The movie ended with no resolution to their friendship problems. Louis dropped her after that one argument and did nothing to try and fix it. Louis Guzman= Worst Friend Ever.

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How could they not talk about the nerdy cousin's clothes?!?! His outfit at that dance fits perfectly in 2016, it's freaky.

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The midget witch was running out of magic and that was why her magic was trash. When she gives Louise the potion to make herself popular she says, "I was saving the last of my magic..."

It appears that as you get older as a witch, your power goes away?

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How could they not talk about the nerdy cousin's clothes?!?! His outfit at that dance fits perfectly in 2016, it's freaky.

Ha I totally forgot to post about that! He looks like some hipster straight outta Silver Lake!

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Guys.... WHERE IS DAVID?!

 

Luis Guzman wishes he disappear and he does, minus his glasses. Not once does his cousin, Randa, ask about his whereabouts. Louise is a straight up killer!!!

 

Also what the hell did David mean when he told Louise, "“I can drive through a fog like a hog with a hard-on.”?

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After David gets incinerated, Louise takes off to Madame Serena’s house.

 

En route to it, the ADR dialogue is amazing. Nothing Louise is saying is necessary nor critical to the film. We totally get the concern she is feeling based on what just happened. She’s freaked the fuck out and yet this onslaught of dialogue takes place...

 

“What am I gonna do? How do I get him back? I don’t know what to do.

 

Madame Serena. Madame Serena will know what to do.

 

Oh, what if mom finds out? She’ll kill me.

 

Oh no. It looks like she’s home now. Serena, Serena, you’re not gonna believe this. Please be there, Serena.

 

Open up, hello! Hello! Oh no, she’s closed."

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The singer of “I Like Boys” is Elizabeth Weir and she is a family member of the music producer, Larry Weir.

 

Guys.... She recorded this song at 11 years old. Eleven! An 11 year old sings:

 

I'm giving up my hot stuff

To get a little boys

I'm putting on some lipstick

To attract some boys.

 

This grossed me out, almost as much as the sappy love song that played during the montage of the boy and Gooby.

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You know with Louise’s sudden popularity, I’m confused why she didn’t get pushed into a leading role of the play ala Teen Wolf.... which again this film supposedly ripped off.

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Robyn Lively’s younger sister, Blake, was a huge Teen Witch fan. So at Blake Lively and Ryan Reynold’s wedding, Robyn and her brother re-enacted the last dance scene.

 

Robyn is on record saying, "I got a blue dress, a blue tutu, and the music comes on. I had the necklace remade. I took it off and threw it to her. We did the whole dance!”

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I kept waiting for some kind of real conflict in this movie for Louis Guzman, any real consequences for her actions, and when that finally came in the form of Hats getting upset THAT WAS NEVER RESOLVED. I'm convinced Louis did not give a fuck about her best friend. They had one conversation about how Hats was upset and then Louis was like... oh well. Then she went back to focus on white bread (oops I mean Brad). The movie ended with no resolution to their friendship problems. Louis dropped her after that one argument and did nothing to try and fix it. Louis Guzman= Worst Friend Ever.

 

I think you're missing the point of the movie. It is more important that the girls find boyfriends, no matter how douchey they are, then to resolve their silly friendship issues. This is evidenced by the fact Polly tells Louise, in reference to her rapist date at the first dance, "Be grateful--I had to come alone." That's right, movie; it's better to be with a sexual predator than to ever be caught alone at a dance.

 

Also, while I'm talking about Polly, how come the popularity whammy doesn't affect her?

 

Furthermore, am I to understand that the magic ingredient for popularity is a trip to the mall and some styling mousse? It seems to me like that would have been a much easier solution than dabbling in the Dark Arts.

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I find it really strange that during the opening credits, we see a sultry, sexed up Louise.

 

I mean I’m fine with the choice, but then we as the viewer aren't surprised by her transformation into the most popular girl. The typical reveal at the top of the staircase is pointless.

 

We know she can look hot, since we saw her like that :40 mins earlier.

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In an interview with Buzzfeed, Robyn said the following about the dance routines...

 

“I took all the dancing too seriously at the time. I was a little more self-conscious back then. And when I had to do the ‘most popular girl’ spin inside the bedroom, I had twisted my ankle. I’m going to blame most of my bad dancing on the ankle.”

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The guys in this movie are awful, it makes me wonder why all the girls like (pause, hairflip) boys at all. I mean the cousin is a flat out rapist and apparently NO ONE CARES that he's dead. That's bleak.

 

When June said Brad needed to "be a gentleman" and drive Luiz Guzman home I was like, "Well, he's not." He just hit her with his car. Because he's a horndog that drives while making out. (I feel like "parking" was a staple of most teen movies. Brad's got a nice--for the 80s--car but you never see him park with anyone. He's like no lets go to an abandoned rape house.) He doesn't need to take her home, he needs to be slapped with a lawsuit. He is recklessly endangering people's lives.

 

You guys, I have the new cheer: I Like Lawsuits.

 

I very much enjoyed having two Junes in this episode. The discussion of bangs was beautiful.

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I kept waiting for some kind of real conflict in this movie for Louis Guzman

 

As is pointed out in the Nostalgia Chick review, the movie has no villain.

 

There are the types of characters that would become villains in a teen movie like this (the stuck-up popular kids, the annoying sibling), but none actually take the initiative to actually oppose Louise enough to serve as an antagonist.

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Furthermore, am I to understand that the magic ingredient for popularity is a trip to the mall and some styling mousse? It seems to me like that would have been a much easier solution than dabbling in the Dark Arts.

I know I mentioned this in the mini-thread but I still think we all really missed out on a scene where Louise steals a baby, bathes in blood, and then dances naked in front of a fire.

 

Would have really tied all of the Salem parts of this movie together.

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