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Episode 132 - Bloodsport: LIVE!

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KUMITE! KUMITE! KUMITE! LIVE from Largo in Los Angeles, Nicole Byer of Party Over Here joins Paul and Jason to discuss the cult 1988 Jean-Claude Van Damme martial-arts film Bloodsport. They'll cover Frank Dux being a real man, Van Damme's soft baby buns, blindfolded tea training, the not so secret illegal Kumite martial-arts tournament, Ray Jackson, and much more. Plus, two cousins duke it out in a question kumite battle during Audience Q&A! Don’t forget to check out Blake Harris’ Oral History of Bloodsport over at www.slashfilm.com! Get yourself a BB-8 “What Is Its Mission?” T-shirt or Tote Bag over at http://howdidthisgetmade.bigcartel.com/ Set your DVRs for Party Over Here, a new FOX sketch comedy show from The Lonely Island and Paul starring Nicole Byer, Jessica McKenna, and Alison Rich. It airs Saturdays at 11 pm. People of the internet: Watch Paul in Fresh off the Boat on ABC. Awhile ago, Paul and Rob Huebel did a comedy special on a 60 foot glass bus that traveled around LA. Now you’ll be able to see it. Go to https://itun.es/us/3M4J9 now to buy it! You can also see Jason in Transparent on Amazon and in Dirty Grandpa in a theater near you! Also, check out June in Grace and Frankie available on Netflix, and in all the episodes of NTSF:SD:SUV:: on HULU for free, and Jason in The Dictator (he’s still in it!).

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I rewatched Michael Schiavello's interview with Frank Dux to go along with this episode, Bloodsport is just the tip of the iceberg. It's well known within the Martial Arts community that Dux is a 10th Degree black belt in the art of Lai-Ying-Ah-Sol. Even though he spoke for the "Oral History" with Blake, he's a bullshit artist, and he'll come up with different stories.

 

But, let's just say this. Imagine Chuck Norris making up the Chuck Norris Facts, but wasn't doing it as a joke and took them seriously, you'd have Frank Dux

 

Some of the more memorable claims that Dux has made;

- He once beat 66 people in a Tug of War, on his own... Whilst standing on one leg

- He also beat 23 people in a Tug of War, on his own in a kneeling position

- Bruce Lee was told that Frank Dux was much faster than he is, and Bruce Lee just had to meet him.

- Dux has to wear Sunglasses because the injuries sustained in his fight career cause two brain tumours, which made his eyes very sensitive, he was given a 10000/1 chance of survival.

- Dux is the only man on record to break bullet proof glass with one punch

- Dux was offered $25,000 to kill the guy down the street from his dojo. That guy? Steven Seagal!

- Dux pratically invented Vale Tudo shorts, which are basically bike shorts

- Dux has done work for the CIA, the Navy SEALS and Ukranian Counter Terrorism units

- Frank Dux was the inspiration behind the UFC, as his nickname was "The Ultimate Fighter".

- Frank Dux actually wrote "The Quest", but he was screwed out of his writing credit.

- He sold a sword he won in a Kumite in an attempt to free some enslaved children

- He had his military records rewritten to eradicate certain events

- He was bestowed a rank of a Soviet Army Captain

 

However, speaking of the UFC, Frank Dux does have a tangential connection to the UFC. In 1993, Dux got beaten up by a guy in the first tournament, a guy by the name of "Nasty" Zane Frazier, who is known for knocking himself out when he and his opponent rolled out of the ring and hit the floor. But, Dux's version of the event is that Frazier sucker punched Dux with Brass Knuckles so hard that it's left four small square imprints in his skull, and then "Five UFC Guys" jumped him, and started hitting him whilst he was down.

 

Here's where it gets weird. Zane Frazier came out with a couple of stories about Frank Dux, but these stories should always be taken with a couple of fistfuls of salt.

- Frank Dux tried to get some of his students to rob a bank as a part of some weird "Ninja Training"

- Dux tried to order a hit on Frazier and his wife because Frazier kicked his ass.

 

Now, as for Dux's recollection of the "real" events of Bloodsport

- The "real" tournament actually took place in the Bahamas

- Chong-Li was real

- Ray Jackson was a composite of two people

- Chong-Li killed more than the two people in the movie

- Dux and Chong-Li fought on more than one occasion, and Dux won every time

- The blinding happened, but it wasn't a powder, it was the same substance Sonny Liston used when fighting Cassius Clay.

- The brick thing happened too.

- He caught a fish with his hands at a restaurant, but the fish he caught cost $4,000

 

And, the Mortal Kombat character, Johnny Cage was inspired by JCVD in Bloodsport, as you'll remember in the Mortal Kombat episode. Mortal Kombat was originally going to be a JCVD project. Somewhat ironically, he pulled out as he was about to star in the Street Fighter movie, which then became it's own terrible game. But Johnny Cage wears the same outfit that Van Damme wears in Bloodsport, and even does the nut punch today.

 

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Now, the question is, who would win a fight, Chong-Li? Or Tong Po?

 

Well, Chong-Li would, because the Chong Li fought a guy in the tournament by the name of "Suan Parades", Suan Parades was played by Michael Qissi, who also played Tong Po in Kickboxer

 

527385.jpg4733878-kickboxer++tong+po+++michel-qissi.jpg

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My god, this episode. Having Nicole Byer on it is like having a female Mantzoukas and you would think that'd be overkill BUT IT AIN'T.

 

KUMITE

KUMITE

KUMITE

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I'm halfway through, and it's the best episode yet.

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Paul & co, if you're by any chance reading this; for your next Van Damme flick (that I know you wanna do) make it DOUBLE IMPACT.

JCVD plays himself and his twin brother in it and if that's not a thing you wanna see... Well, just know that you won't regret it.

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On top of everything, Frank Dux actually took JCVD to court, but he didn't want money, he was just trying to get him out of the Hollywood lifestyle, get him to go to drug rehab and to see his kids.

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I know I'm posting a lot, but I'm doing this as I'm listening, but I'm glad Paul brought up the sequels, because they're batshit insane.

 

The main guy in all three is played by Daniel Bernhardt, and Ray Jackson does return in Bloodsport 2, which is basically the same as the original.

 

Long and short of it is:

Daniel Bernardt plays street thief, Alex Cardo, who steals an ancient sword from wealthy businessman David Leung (played by Pat Morita) and is sent to prison after his partners betray him. Whilst in prison, he meets Master Sun (played by James Hong). Leung finds out that his sword is being awarded to the winner of the Kumite, and he sends Alex and Master Sun to fight in the Kumite to retrieve it, however, he has to fight "Demon", the most brutal prison guard where he was incarcerated.

 

Bloodsport 3:

Daniel Bernhardt returns as Alex Cardo, who vows vengeance when Master Sun is killed by a crimelord, and has to go through the Kumite to avenge his trainer's death.

 

Bloodsport 4:

Daniel Bernhardt returns as Alex Cardo... except he fucking isn't... he's now "John Keller". So Alex Cardo no longer exists, neither does Pat Morita, or that entire story. He's now this other guy, who has to go undercover, as there is a Kumite going on in a prison, where prisoners are being forced to fight to the death.

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Something caught my attention at the end of the movie. It says the real Frank Dux claims to have 56 consecutive knockouts in the same tournament. This struck me as improbable, so I did a little math.

 

That would imply a tournament with at least 56 rounds, so let’s say it has exactly 56 rounds. If we assume it’s a single elimination tournament like the Kumite is, and we assume nobody gets a bye to the next round, that would mean a tournament with 72 quadrillion, 57 trillion, 594 billion, 37 million, 927 thousand, 936 participants. Which is over 10 million times the current population of earth.

 

Furthermore, if we say the average length of a fight is 1 minute (an extremely conservative estimate), the length of time spent fighting would be 137 billion, 4 million, 855 thousand, 294 years, which is over 30 times the age of the earth. Of course this time could be lessened by having multiple fighting rings and concurrent fights, but still, Frank’s claim is obviously bullshit. The real Frank Dux may be a badass, but unless everything I know about tournaments is completely wrong, he is also a fucking liar.

 

P.S. I’ll attach my work. If anyone finds a flaw in my math or logic, please let me know, but I think it’s all sound.

 

post-35819-0-13932000-1458726795_thumb.jpg

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The version that Dux tells is that it wasn't single elimination of the course of a few days, it was months. Where you can fight guys more than once.

 

Like K-1, they would have a World Grand Prix, where it just looks like it's a tournament of 8 in one night. But they have tournaments in Asia, Europe, America and Oceana. So guys who win that, end up in the World Grand Prix, so I think it might be a situation like that.

 

Not only that, Frank Dux is a notorious bullshit artist.

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the flashback in this movie was ridiculously long ... i have it at over 11 and a half minutes ... and thru the whole thing JCVD is in some sort of trance ... so it got me thinking ... what if you walked into the room as he was in the trance

"hey JC?

JC?

Oh great ... you're remembering again"

 

so i made a video ... this is what i imagine it would be like if you were in the room with him

 

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I usually don't post until I've listened to the whole episode, but I'm less than five minutes in and Jason said, "I'll go on record as saying, 'This movie...is fucking awesome!'"

 

I feel like we all knew he'd have that response, but I can't say it made me love it any less.

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The guy who took his pants off to do the splits onstage to chants of 'KUMITE' is a straight up legend

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so i made a video ... this is what i imagine it would be like if you were in the room with him

 

 

I don't use the word hero lightly...

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the flashback in this movie was ridiculously long ... i have it at over 11 and a half minutes ... and thru the whole thing JCVD is in some sort of trance ... so it got me thinking ... what if you walked into the room as he was in the trance

"hey JC?

JC?

Oh great ... you're remembering again"

 

so i made a video ... this is what i imagine it would be like if you were in the room with him

 

 

I haven't gotten through the episode yet, but this is about the funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen. Bravo!

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also, in the mini thread i said this was the most GIF-able movie ever ... please indulge me for a while

 

do you remember when you were in class and some joker down the back would let one rip:

 

bloodsportfartproper.gif

 

 

and i think we can all agree this movie has the best acting ever .... but the eye acting was amazing ... a few examples

 

bloodsporteyes.gif

 

 

little old lady getting VAN DAMMMEEDDD

 

313rac0.jpg

 

 

and this just made me laugh ... his change in expression

 

 

15eigwm.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

thanks for your time

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Now, the question is, who would win a fight, Chong-Li? Or Tong Po?

 

Well, Chong-Li would, because the Chong Li fought a guy in the tournament by the name of "Suan Parades", Suan Parades was played by Michael Qissi, who also played Tong Po in Kickboxer

 

527385.jpg4733878-kickboxer++tong+po+++michel-qissi.jpg

 

OMG! I saw him and was like... ist that Tong Fucking Po?!

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Paul & co, if you're by any chance reading this; for your next Van Damme flick (that I know you wanna do) make it DOUBLE IMPACT.

JCVD plays himself and his twin brother in it and if that's not a thing you wanna see... Well, just know that you won't regret it.

 

I second this recommendation. This is the first movie I have ever seen where the main henchman was a lesbian and JCVD whups her ass for raping the love interest. Blew my mind when I saw this as a child.

 

The second movie that is peak JCVD is Timecop. It is the high nadir of JCVD movies. Random sex. Splits. JCVD inexplicably playing an American. Good fights. And Ron Silver as the bad guy. So good.

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Damn, this is the best movie Bolo Yeung was ever in! He was sooo good as the villain in this.

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I hope everyone glances at a window and sees this today.

 

rfteilS.jpg

 

My extra favorite part of this is that JCVD is hallucinating Chong Li in clothes that he has never seen him in before.

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OMG! I saw him and was like... ist that Tong Fucking Po?!

 

Believe it or not, there are actually 5 Kickboxer movies, and Tong Po features in three of them. Qissi plays Tong Po in the first 2, but when Tong Po returns in Kickboxer 4, he looked like this...

 

tong-po-69981.jpg

 

Because it was an entirely different guy, and they had to use even more make up, which resulted in the botched botox look, and now, for some reason, instead of a Muay Thai Champion in Thailand, he's now the head of a drug cartel, in Mexico. What makes it worse is they use archive footage of the first Kickboxer movie, showing that it's an entirely different guy.

 

The Kickboxer series is fucking insane.

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So now that we have brought up the connection to Tong Po/Kickboxer.... aren't these two movies essentially the same??

 

I agree that the time frame doesn't work to connect Chong Li to the death of Tanaka's son in the previous Kumite tournament. However it was a total miss on Sheldon's part to not link Frank's desire to enter intense training and then fight in the Kumite. But again, this is literally the same plot as Kickboxer. JCVD quickly learns to become a perfect "martial scientist" to enter a secret tournament to avenge the paralysis of his brother by the hand's of the #1 fighter.

 

I strongly feel that the cinematographer and producer of Bloodsport got together at the craft services table during the filming and came up with the concept of Kickboxer. Each had a huge role in the follow-up film in that the former becomes the director (per the amazing Amazon 5-star review) and the latter was one of the writers of Kickboxer.

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Sorry to pile on to Sheldon (the writer of the film), but I really would love clarification on who Frank Ducks is fighting for? Is it...

1) His own personal honor of being the champion?

2) For the Tanaka Name/Clan?

3) Avenging the death of Shingo Tanaka (the master's son)?

4) Avenging the minor cut on Ray Jackson's head?

 

Argh!!!!

 

And can we all agree once we arrive in Hong Kong, we are talking about 2-3 days? So in that time, Frank and Ray have not only become best friends, but enter an essential blood pact where they promise they will always be there for each other no matter the circumstance or location. Hell, the tell each other they love one another. The only thing each knows about the other, is that they like to fly half way around the world and enter a tournament where either could kill their opponnet. That is insane, but I guess insanity needs company.

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I think I may have a legit correction for this episode; however, I would never have arrived to it without a valuable assist from the gang. So thanks, guys!

 

To the question as to why JCVD is being pursued by Forest Whitaker and the old guy, I had questions about this too, especially because the weird, wooden guy who watches JCVD shower at the beginning of the movie tells him that the colonel wants to see him before he goes on furlough. It seemed odd to me that they would be so concerned about what he was doing on his own time--even if the thing he wants to do is participate in some crazy, possibly illegal, underground fighting tournament. However, knowing now that he was evidently being trained to be "a killing machine" for the government, and therefore probably a valuable asset that they've poured considerable time, resources, and expense into training, it makes sense that they wouldn't want it see that just thrown away for--what they would consider--a senseless blood orgy in which their weapon could conceivably be irrevocably maimed or killed just to win a silly, ceremonial sword.

 

I mean, it probably would have been nice if the movie had payed even a little bit of lip service to this and made their motives a little more explicit, but it's a Cannon film--what do we really expect? It's not like they spent most of their dialog explaining the obvious rules of a full contact, anything goes tournament...

 

ETA: I'm pretty sure the significance of the sword was that the father of his friend had competed in the Kumite and had, years ago, won it himself. Hence, his line about having to earn it, and it being the prize at the end.

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