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JulyDiaz

Episode 139 - Simply Irresistible

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UNOFFICIAL SPONSOR OF SHOW.

 

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this fourth of July why not celebrate it in style!

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Late thought that I had watching this movie that I forgot to post.

 

This movie would probably be considered an early version of "Food Porn." Not like having sex with food, even though that's kind of implied in this movie, but making everything heightened and taking such care while going through the steps of preparing the food.

 

example I just stumbled upon today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty_pbsSu5RU

 

Believe me though, it is a thing, you can find a whole subreddit about it, and it's a search term on youtube.

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I think you could accredit the start of "Food Porn" to Nigella Lawson, with her use of double entendre's, and just generally being a sexy bitch

 

nigellalawson-large.jpg

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Big night is one of my favorite food films. but the best food film is

Tampopo

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_KctoG0bAE

 

Story about a Japanese cowboy trucker who teaches a Japanese lady how to cook noodles. lot of little sort story's mixed in between the main story, like pulp fiction. you should hit a noodle shop before watching this film . because I am going to warn you, by the end of this film, if you don't want Noodles your screwed out of luck if your watching it late at night. You've been warned.

 

I would like to point out that the trailer this film doesn't do it justice. it really is a great movie, and you should go and see it, it's funny and entertaining at the same time.

 

second best scene in the film is "How to Eat Ramen"

first best scene is "

"
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For this forth of july weekend why not try crabs!

 

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I wish I could of found that bobby flay cooking bacon on the barbecue clip, as it was priceless. and it worked out just as you would imagine cooking bacon on a barbecue would have, fire and grease everywhere. and he had this shit eating look on his face like Nope, I am glad I don't have to clean this shit up. it's one of those moments that you know only a celebrity chef could get away with.

 

out of question how to people get the text to scroll in the picture and not just a still image, in gifs

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13567406_10154404302959124_1106391606871764673_n.jpg?oh=0dbaf41d716d9863c0828ab72883ee67&oe=58349F47

 

Paul shared this. Now, is the kid a wrestling fan? Or is Paul the wrestling fan, and pushing it on the kid?

 

I would LOVE it if Paul's sat there, in a John Cena shirt, saying "Son, come and join your dad!" and June is looking on horrified as Paul waves his hand in front of his face saying "You can't see me, June!"

 

john-cena-wave.gif

 

"What does that even mean, Paul?! I can see you, all you're doing is waving your hand in front of your face... no, don't make our son do it too... Paul... Paul... stop waving your hand in front of your face, it makes no sense!!"

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13567406_10154404302959124_1106391606871764673_n.jpg?oh=0dbaf41d716d9863c0828ab72883ee67&oe=58349F47

 

Paul shared this. Now, is the kid a wrestling fan? Or is Paul the wrestling fan, and pushing it on the kid?

 

I would LOVE it if Paul's sat there, in a John Cena shirt, saying "Son, come and join your dad!" and June is looking on horrified as Paul waves his hand in front of his face saying "You can't see me, June!"

 

john-cena-wave.gif

 

"What does that even mean, Paul?! I can see you, all you're doing is waving your hand in front of your face... no, don't make our son do it too... Paul... Paul... stop waving your hand in front of your face, it makes no sense!!"

 

June should be more worried if she sees their son holding a teddy bear in a front headlock and waving his free hand in a circle.

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I'm still trying to figure out whose arm it is on the other page, possibly Undertaker since it looks like a glove on the hand, but I don't know with whatever flames are emanating off of the body.

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is sharknado being covered this year? it's on at the end of this month. anyone know the result of the twitter poll last year?

 

I sure hope not, I think HDTGM could do so much better.

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The problem with Sharknado is, the joke has worn REALLY thin now. The first one was organically stupid, "Hey, imagine if there was a tornado in the ocean, and it dragged the sharks up in it?"

 

Now it's become this "Pop Culture Phenomenom" where it's becoming more about celebrity cameos, and they've managed to ruin the fun of that by announcing who's going to be making cameos.

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I agree, the third one was pretty tedious.

 

On the other hand, they're fun, and something I'm trying to learn is to be less cynical and not hate fun. I think I'm becoming post-post-irony in my middle age. I seriously don't understand why they haven't partnered up with HDTGM and had Paul live tweet the thing.

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Morgan Freeman you are a Harkonnen!

 

dreamcatcher-eyebrows.jpg

 

I believe he's a Mantat rather than a Harkonen. His eyebrows imply that he's good at math and will be milking a cat in a few hours.

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The problem with Sharknado is, the joke has worn REALLY thin now. The first one was organically stupid, "Hey, imagine if there was a tornado in the ocean, and it dragged the sharks up in it?"

 

Now it's become this "Pop Culture Phenomenom" where it's becoming more about celebrity cameos, and they've managed to ruin the fun of that by announcing who's going to be making cameos.

 

They need to take it to the next level and go beyond D list actors. like Nicolas Cage, Sylvester Stallone, basically the cast of expendables. or just forget it all together. Why can't they get Eric Roberts and Danny Glover for Christ sake! ohh and Carrot Top better be in that next Sharknado movie or it's over for me. can we create a dream cast list.

 

The dream cast for Sharknado, WHAT EVER! the B list

 

Danny Trejo

Eric Roberts <--- he gets the staring role.

Danny Glover <-- he can't say no to anyscript.

Tom Sizemore

<-- his weapon is the bible. he's going to try and read to the sharks.

Michael Madsen

Daryl Hannah

Rutger Hauer

Vinnie Jones <-- "time to make some fish and chips out of you!"

Sasha Gray <-- she gets some dynamite and says "someone's got to blow that shark!" she takes one of the team! for the last time.

Steven Seagal

Christian Slater

 

i really would like to keep it in theme of shameless never saying no to any role once great actors still sort of are but can't say no to anything that is offered to them.

 

So i guess that means no Carrot Top, and maybe no Sasha Gray but I am keeping her on that list.

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I'd also be cool with:

 

Michael Jai White

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Tony Jaa

Danny Dyer

Tamar Hassan

Rob Riggle (Just because I love Rob Riggle in EVERYTHING)

 

Also, Stephanie Beatriz, because of the aforementioned "massive crush" and she needs to be in more stuff.

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Here's a guy who needs to be in it, Neal McDonaugh

 

neal-mcdonough-2016.jpg

 

I have literally only ever seen him in ONE thing where he isn't a complete piece of shit. This guy is a career bad guy, imagine a Sharknado movie where Neal McDonaugh's the villain.

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I enjoy the cameos, so long as they are recognizable. Like what was mentioned last Sharknado with the German podcasters, who honestly knows them outside of Germany? What I would love is keeping all of the cameos D and C list people except for one moment when all of a sudden there is a super A list or respected actor appearing like Daniel Day-Lewis or Robert Downey Jr. or Jennifer Lawrence, where they treat this role as if it's a bad commercial in Japan that they do for easy money and little recognition.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWYtrF1z5mc

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Oh shit, I think I have it! I think I have Sharknado 5's story, or "Sharknado 5: Obvious 'Quint' Reference"

 

A small scale Sharknado hits a small industrial complex in the middle of nowhere, the small area is absolutely decimated, but minimal casualties, it's deemed to be no big deal, however, a few million dollars of damage is caused, but because of the huge, catastrophic Sharknado's in the previous 4 movies, nobody really cares, just get a "Huh? That's weird?". Then a couple of weeks later, it happens again, slightly bigger, but again, industrial area, the area is damaged, but minimal casualties.

 

People remain on High Alert, but a Presidential Advisor (played by Neal McDonough) calls for calm, these are isolated incidents, and no casualties, these areas are priorities to be rebuilt ASAP.

 

Finn is keeping an eye on these Sharknado's, and he's baffled, there's no warning signs, these places aren't anywhere near the coast, how is all this happening?! A third Sharknado tears through Detroit, and it's HUGE, it came out of nowhere, and there's billions of dollars of damage done, people are dead, whatever remaining industry is there has been wiped out, even the Detroit Lions stadium his destroyed, but a Sharknado that size doesn't dissipate that quicky... until this one, it just disappeared, like a switch was hit, it was gone as quick as it arrived... but that can't be possible.

 

It wasn't... but it is now... we go to a control centre, a scientist is jubilant "The third test is a rousing success, I think we can commence Operation: Hammerhead, where do you want to start?!"

 

The camera pans around... it's Neal Fucking McDonough!!

 

"Well, nowhere in America, there's been three of these things happen, people are going to be prepared for it... hmmm... take out somewhere in Germany, there hasn't been one there, they won't expect it"

 

NEAL MCDONOUGH CAN CONTROL SHARKNADOS!

 

Now there are Sharknados forming, and they're heading towards Germany, England, Austalia, Japan, China, South Korea, and wherever else has strong industry, each of them would out manufacturing, and global business. McDonough seems to know this before anybody else, before even the weather forecasters, how would a Presidential Advisor know that?

 

Finn starts to think that McDonough is behind this, he's right, but he tells anyone, he'll be thought of as a nutcase, because "You can't control the weather, and if you could, why would they create the most devastating weather phenomena known to man?!" more importantly, where would they even carry it out without anybody noticing.

 

Under the White House, that's where!

 

With the world's armies preparing to provide aide to the victims of the Sharknado Barrage and evacuate major cities they're not going to welcome the Conspiracy Theorist to say "Come to the White House to kill this guy", Finn tirelessly looks through the internet, trying to find a group of mercenaries to help him take out McDonough, and he's got a group of bad asses, Danny Trejo, Steve Austin, Vinnie Jones, Michael Madsen, Rutger Hauer, Danny Dyer, Tamer Hassan, Tony Jaa and Michael Jai White.

 

After hacking into the White House's Command Centre (somehow, don't ask me how, I'm not some fancy screen writer), he tells his Mercenaries, "You take McDonough... I'm going Shark Fishing". After being spotted, an alarm is pushed, now there's a "Terrorist Attack at the White House". The team fights through White House security, and McDonough's own guards, they're going to take McDonough out and save the day... until Vinnie Jones, Danny Dyer and Tamer Hassan turn on their partners. They were with McDonough this whole time.

 

Vinnie Jones gets on the radio to Finn, who is in a fighter jet with Rob Riggle, says "McDonough's down, but we don't know what the fuck we're doing here, and the demolition team can't blow the command centre until we shut down these Sharknados, you need to be here to do it!"

 

Riggle and Finn make their way to the White House, meeting the demolition team of Austin, White and Jaa, they ask what he's doing there, they heard nothing of what Jones said, so the 5 of them go into the White House to investigate, they find the command centre, as the door shuts behind them, Jones, Hassan and Dyer have rifles behind them, and they're told to drop their weapons, McDonough turns around in his comically huge "Bad Guy" chair, and Finn says "Why?! Why would you destroy the lives of billions of people?"

 

"Supply and Demand" replies McDonough. "If I can make Sharknados, Finn, what else can I make?"

 

"What?!"

 

"Rain! I can make it rain!!" He clicks the button on a remote control, causing torrential downpours in Africa. "You see, rain is water, water makes plants grow, plants feed animals, and create crops, crops that can be harvested, and exported, that brings in money, that money can be invested into business, and that business exports more products, more products mean more money, which creates more business, which then means even more money... for me, you see, I have syphoned off billions of dollars of taxpayer money, without anybody even noticing, it's quite genius how I did it, but I won't waste time telling you, it doesn't matter to this part of the story, but I have invested heavily in Africa, and now, I'll make it pay off.", McDonough then clicks off the rain.

 

"But why do you have to destroy these places"

 

"They're my competition, if they can't compete, everybody will have to come to me. And, before you ask, 'Why Sharkados?" Well, if I was to just blow these places up, we're going to war, because I ain't taking the heat for this, if we go to war, I then have to wait to get this up and running, and even then, I can't just make it rain with a click of a button. Sharknados are "Natural Disasters", can't pick a fight over the weather. It's business, and I'm going to make a killing... after this killing of course..." and just as the turncoats raise their guns, we have the "Stupid Sharknado moment", where Steve Austin hits his "Stone Cold Stunner" finishing move

 

stunner2.gif

 

And the fight in the control centre is on, the longer the fight goes, the closer the Sharknados get to forming, Finn manages to kill McDonough, and hit the abort button, just before the Sharknados really form and do any damage. Finn has saved the world, again. As Finn and a couple of his guys are walking out, one asks, are we gonna blow it up? Finn says "No, I have an idea", Finn clicks the remote to start the African rain, putting an end to the decades long draught, saving millions of lives.

 

The command centre is actually used for good, as Nova is given a new Presidential Advisor position, working in the command centre, and using McDonough's technology to prevent weather based disasters, and to end it on a fun note, Finn calls her, says "I'm on vacation... could you do me a favour?" Nova says "Just this once, I like this job!" she turns a knob, and the weather where Finn is gets warmer, says "That's perfect" and starts sunbathing.

 

I wrote Sharknado 5, just for the hell of it. I need a hobby.

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I'm not sure how I'd rank the rest of the Avengers, but Black Widow definitely goes at the bottom of my list, because she can't have children and is therefore a disgusting monster. </Whedon>

 

And to make matters worse Dr. Helen Cho could of easily used the Regeneration Cradle technology ( Succesfully used to cure Hawkeye and create The Vision ) to rebuild Black Widow's damaged reproductive system at a molecular level so she could regain the capability to have baby Black Widow's... Buuuut Joss Whedon "suspiciously forgot" to include / write that into the film smh (When I first though of that my mind blew up)

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