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andybeckerman

Is the existence of Orbit Fruit Punch merely a fever dream in a world gone mad?

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I live in New York City, a city in which you can find literally anything you’d want, from autographed 1977 Rollie Fingers baseball cards to black market livers. Yet no matter what newsstand I go to, I cannot find Orbit Fruit Punch gum, a gum I was extremely excited about when I learned of its existence via this show. Is this a fraud perpetrated upon the listening public by Howard and Kulap? What do you have to gain by getting my hopes up only to dash them on the shores of a non-existent but delicious-sounding gum? Are my desires merely a plaything for rich and famous podcasters, who are sick of the baubles their wealth has bought them and must now get off on destroying the dreams of commoners? Where is my gum?

P.S. I have included a SASE. If this gum does indeed exist, please include one slice so that I may know the taste of paradise, if only for a brief time, a respite from my own Orbit Fruit Punch-less hell.

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