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Joe McGurl

Survivor Season 33: MEGATHREAD

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Alriiiight, you guys ready to get to Season 33 of Survivor? First things first, Joe I'll take back the crown from winning back to back seasons in the Hollywood Handbook Survivor Fantasy League. So, once again, the title of Hollywood Handbook Survivor Fantasy League Champion is back up for grabs!

 

Survivor is back this week and with it brings a new and more robust point system for our fantasy league here on the forums. This year teams may be picked before OR after the premiere however, if you pick a team after the episode airs, any points a castaway accumulates during the premiere will NOT count towards your final total whereas choosing your team beforehand will earn you full points. So, high risk/potentially high reward. Do you wait to see who might be an early all star and lose out on points that may potentially win the season for you or go in blindly and earn all those yummy points but risk losing players early? THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

 

As always, I shall keep the leaderboard updated on this post from week to week.

 

 

PRE-PREMIERE PICK RESOURCES:

 

If you're looking to choose your team pre-premiere here is a link to a video of Probst assessing the cast that you can get some impressions from and draw conclusions based off personalities. Full cast bio videos are available on that channel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWK1JeDrWr4

 

A link to a page with pre-show interviews with every contestant: http://parade.com/50...-vs-gen-x-cast/

 

 

And here is your form to pick your team!

 

Challenge Beast: Someone who will prove his or her challenge prowess.

The Strategist: Player who will show the greatest strategic aptitude.

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award; this is a female player who might be underrated or not so front-of-mind and can therefore strategically sneak her way to the top.

The Cutthroat: A player who will set out aiming to lie, cheat and steal their way to the million dollar prize no matter what it costs.

The Old Schooler: A player who will play more of the "old school survivor" mindset, i.e. focus less on the strategy aspect of the game and more in it for the experience. (Think someone like Keith)

Under The Radar: Someone entering Survivor aiming to play an undetectable game.

Wildcard: A player who is completely unpredictable in the game

Bench Player: A bonus player you like or think will earn you points.

Final 3 Prediction: The 3 players who will make it to the final.

Winner Pick: The player who will win this season.

 

 

Here is the link to the NEW and MORE ROBUST score sheet that will be used each week

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mq_S-wQiOvys-7SDBQPivTcKmt51m2gcIE77Tb2h7OQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

Here is the link to the spreadsheet where the scores shall be kept

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1xBhrJWdkWAiekwoeQlgihFYOaTVKjSvWJR7tIw9RopE/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

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Alright, I'll give you guys a minute to strategize...and we'll get started.

 

Leaderboard point totals:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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do the final 3 and winner pick give you points before the finale? aka should I not double up

 

Your final 3 picks earn you 2 points for every week they stay in the game. So doubling up is fine as it's a baseline 2 points across the board. Pick with what your heart tells you, dear Chefszki.

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picking a team for a all-new-players season is very hard and overwhelming so i have barely thought about any of these in any way

 

Challenge Beast: Taylor. wow. hehe. this guy, you look at him and you think "beefcake". anyone elses pants getting tighter when they think about this guy grabbing you by the hips and teaching you how to do snowboards better?

The Strategist: Zeke. i saw this guy moving around camp a little bit in a video with the sound off and i thought "hey this guy has a lot going on behind the scenes"

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award; huh ok a little racist but i'll bite. Cece.

The Cutthroat: David. this guy looks like a little wormy runt so he will probably have to talk a lot to get anywhere

The Old Schooler: Chris. hey he's on the old timer team and he is a buff bro so they will carry him a while for challenges

Under The Radar: Paul. everyone likes to carry the old guy and he seems p old

Wildcard: Sunday. she's got a dumb name and she looks crazy in the little thumbnail i saw on the website

Bench Player: Hannah. what can i say, you gotta have a guy with glasses on your team and that fits Hannah to a tee

Final 3 Prediction: Cece, Mari, Hannah. i say they go for a lady alliance this year based on nothing and im betting big

Winner Pick: Mari, because she's the one my kids care about

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OK, here's my highly-anticipated team:

  • Challenge Beast: Mari. Professional gamer/YouTuber and former ballerina. I'm betting there's a bunch of challenges that are just playing Super Smash that she'll crush at, and if I'm lucky they'll maybe think outside the box and have a challenge that's about balance or endurance or something.
  • Strategist: David. Dude wrote for Family Guy, so you know he's good at making jokes like "this reminds me of the time I played Stratego with David Bowie."
  • Black Widow: Figgy. She's hot. She'd be able to black widow me for sure. I'm gettin Figgy with it
  • Cutthroat: Chris. I don't think he wins, but I bet he makes moves and I give him highest odds of Probst calling him by his last name.
  • Old Schooler: Brett. Reminds me of Dan Foley. Hopefully funnier but equally blindly loyal.
  • Under the Radar: Michaela. She might blow up. But she seems very focused, very serious. I know what question the Joker would ask her.
  • Wild Card: Zeke. Already the GOAT of cast preview B-roll. Improv comedian. Looks a tiny bit like PFT? He goes #1 in the mustache draft.
  • Bench Player: Taylor. But he's not sitting on it. He's ridin that bench like a surfboard, baby

Final 3 prediction: Taylor, Sunday, Will. Sunday seems like a great goat. But she also might get booted first and screw me over. Taylor Will Win. Will Won't. (heh. Wordplay FTW)

Winner Pick: Taylor. It's only fitting that the most millennial dude ever wins Millennials Vs Gen X. Think how many snowboards he can buy

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Am I doing this right?

 

Challenge Beast: Jay

The Strategist: Lucy

The Black Widow: Mari

The Cutthroat: Bret

The Old Schooler: Michelle

Under The Radar: David

Wildcard: Hannah

Bench Player: CeCe

Final 3 Prediction: Adam, Michaela, Taylor

Winner Pick: Adam

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Survivor Boyz will continue into its 24th season as the greatest podcast about Survivor never released to the public. I will be making some promotional material for this asap.

 

 

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Survivor Boyz will continue into its 24th season as the greatest podcast about Survivor never released to the public. I will be making some promotional material for this asap.

 

We gotta release the fabled lost episode at some point

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Challenge Beast: Taylor

The Strategist: Zeke

The Black Widow: Michaela

The Cutthroat: Will

The Old Schooler: Chris

Under The Radar: David

Wildcard: Adam

Bench Player: Mari

 

Final 3 Prediction: Chris, Michaela, Mari

Winner Pick: Chris

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Challenge Beast: Taylor

The Strategist: My Boy Zeke

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award; Figgy Newton

The Cutthroat: Michaela

The Old Schooler: Chris

Under The Radar: David

Wildcard: Adam

Bench Player: Jay

Final 3 Prediction: The 3 players who will make it to the final

Figgy, Michaela, Will

Winner Pick: The player who will win this season.

Michaela

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Okay, here's my team Joe.

  • Challenge Beast: MICHAELA
  • The Strategist: MARI
  • The Black Widow: MICHELLE
  • The Cutthroat: BRET
  • The Old Schooler: CECE
  • Under The Radar: ADAM
  • Wildcard: ZEKE
  • Bench Player: KEN
  • Final 3 Prediction: JESSICA, BRET, DAVID
  • Winner Pick: DAVID

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Challenge Beast: Taylor

The Strategist: Adam

The Black Widow: Figgy Pudding

The Cutthroat: Michaela

The Old Schooler: Chris

Under The Radar: Bret

Wildcard: Zeke

Bench Player: David

 

Final 3 Prediction: Figgy, Taylor, Mari

Winner Pick: Gettin' Figgy With It

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Challenge Beast: JAY - He's a friggen beefcake, what else is there to say?

The Strategist: WILL - He'll probably do well on challenges too, but I'm thinking his youth will lead him to focus more on strategy than human connections and after a big betrayal he'll cry.

The Black widow: FIGGY - this is just based on the probst assessment where he said she sexy and she know it.

The Cutthroat: ZEKE - I've heard stories about Zeke breaking all the boys hearts to get to the end of big brother games, so I think he'll be willing to cut some throats.

The Old Schooler: ADAM - seems like he'll want to play a pretty basic strategy of numbers, I could see him getting screwed in a tribe swap/ merge.

Under the radar: JESSICA - could have been old schooler too. Seems like she'll play a basic strategy, but be better at hiding it and adapting.

Wildcard: RACHEL - Jeff sort of made it clear that she has a temper and can be unpredictable. Ready to see some rice get dumped.

Bench: DAVID - Seems like a sweet man who I would love to share a bench with.

Final 3: Figgy, Jessica, Zeke

Winner: Figgy

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Here are my 10-minute predictions, if I beat you you should be embarrassed

 

Challenge Beast: Taylor

The Strategist: David

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award: Figgy

The Cutthroat: Jay (I mean he compared himself to Russell Hantz...)

The Old Schooler: Bret

Under The Radar: Lucy

Wildcard: Zeke

Bench Player: Will

Final 3 Prediction: Mari, Figgy, David

Winner Pick: Mari

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ok so uh

 

 

Challenge Beast: Bret

Strategist: Adam

Black Widow: Hannah

Cutthroat: Jessica

Old Schooler: Paul

Under the Radar: Michelle

Wildcard: David

Bench Player: Chris

Final 3: Zeke, Jessica, Michelle

Winner: Chris

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I'M SO GLAD TO BE BACK! This was a really fun ep and I like the theme much more in practice rather than on paper. At least so far. I'm sure after another two weeks of Probst shoving the theme down our throats at every challenge, I'll get sick of it. BUT I give this ep a very solid PROB on Greggy's patented Probst system.

 

 

-Sorry, Mari, but CharDee McDennis is the true Game of Games.

 

- "Well they lay eggs, Jeff"

 

...

 

"All Right."

 

- Jay: "I call him Tails because..."

Proceeds to offer no reason for nickname.

 

- I see that Adam will be our resident confessional shouter this season. You had a good run, Michele.

 

- AH yes, the ol "3 person pretty cool kid alliance against a tribe of 10" that always works well. Well done you 3.

 

-"I lived off the grid for 5 years. As a model." -Ken, of tribe Gen X, saying the most Millennial thing all night.

 

- Probst: "This could be the worst weather in Survivor history, it's imperative that you build a shelter quickly"

Millenials: "lol k let's go play in the ocean"

 

-"I don't want to be the paranoid guy." - Dave, being overwhelmingly paranoid in every way possible

 

-"When I saw Jeff, my breath completely left my body."

So you exhaled?

 

-Props to the camera shots of that storm. That thing looked fucking intense

 

- That music when Zeke leveled up by starting a fire and becoming a man was really awesome. Felt like I was watching Spider-Man.

 

-"A wise choice given the size of the bodies they have!" -Probst just straight up calling the Gen Xers fat

 

- "Rachel adding a lot of the help on the sidelines. She was in first and did not get anything done." Classic Probst.

 

-They have so many more pieces than us!"

10. They have 10 more pieces than you.

 

-Jessica looks like a demon with her eyes holy shit that's so gnarly

 

- "David--"

"Oh no."

David is already a delightful trainwreck

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i got a lot of things to say so brace yourself. also anyone who wants to can use the PROBST scale, this is now a tradition

 

‣ “these 20 americans dont know it yet, but theyre about to be divided into two tribes” uh yeah jeff thats going to be a real shocker to them

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‣ ok i dont know who this kid is but he seems like a real goofball

 

‣ wow cant believe i let this fucker zeke on my team talking shit about phones

 

‣ lol sunday is a piece of shit

 

‣ good point david there are no young tv writers out there at all

 

‣ btw i will probably post too many notes because im excited

 

“oh shit,” the new gen x tribe members thought. “am i old now? i’m old, right? im going to die some day”

 

‣ tbh i hate when jeff gets philosophical about season gimmicks, like that class season was complete shit and this seems bad too

 

‣ gen x got some hot takes re: trophies/work ethic

 

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‣ huh how did this basket full of my dicks get on survivor??

 

‣ fucked up millenials, you want to kill a godam chicken on survivor island? such a bad choice

 

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‣ gen x tribe aka leave em hangin homies

 

‣ wow, interesting twist in the legacy advantage, wonder how that will shake out

 

‣ “i call taylor Tails cuz like he’s my brother like how tails the fox was to sonic, like i would do anything for him and he can fly by waving his butt around”

 

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‣ i can actually do this irl. no lie.

 

‣ david: “full disclosure, the thing you can tell by looking at me immediately is true, i have never done anything worthwhile to this experience”

 

‣ ken already hanging out in his underwear, david thinks the rock hes holding is a idol

 

‣ haha these millenial idiots are going to sleep on the beach in the rain

 

‣ honestly though i doubt any survivor tribe so far would have been able to get a waterproof shelter together in one night

 

‣ haha david why are you telling your tribe how you constantly think about death

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‣ oh damn wait he’s got his fists up is he ready to fight whats going on? nm he’s crying actually. in a confessional. talking to himself.

 

‣ huh, millenials actually did fire with the stick rubbing method, thats impressive

 

‣ hannah and mari going to work, love to see this

 

‣ shortcut puzzle thing is kind of a cool idea, good work challenge team

 

‣ wow that big jim gaffigan looking x’er just blew up his mask

 

‣ lol love when jeff talks shit

 

‣ it seems like the team that already has fire is always the one to win first immunity/flint

 

‣ while you’re coming up with your plan also think of what youre going to say to the people on the chopping block, nobody believes “i havent even had TIME to think about who i’m voting for!!”

 

‣ holy shit i cant even look at jessica right now, this is insane

 

‣ “why you say ‘oh crap’?” - jeff probst, 2016

 

‣ very sad to see rachel go, she was a good frontrunner for megababe of the season

 

‣ strong start to the season, i give it a PROB on the ol’ PROBST survivor scale

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- Jay: "I call him Tails because..."

Proceeds to offer no reason for nickname.

 

uhhhh he pretty clearly explained that it was because "he's like my homeboy from back home"

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do you think anyone on the cast said "hey wait a minute, 'works really hard and is resentful of entitled youth' isn't a gen x thing at all"

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yeah i thought gen x was all about being slackers

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Sorry for comin in late, here's my team:

 

Challenge Beast: David

Strategist: Taylor

Black Widow: Chris

Cutthroat: Will

OG: Hannah

Under the Radar: Bret

Wildcard: Adam

Bench: Jessica

Final 3: Lucy, Zeke, Michelle

Winner: Justin

 

full disclosure, I left this one up to chance and did literally 0 research. Hopefully random.org will do me well this season.

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