9 replies to this topic

[John Morrow]

I keep thinking of awesome crappy movies. Here is another one that amazes me. The Tim Burton indulgence and Marky Mark vehicle, Planet Of The Apes. I leave it to you to discover the wonder that is Helena Bonham's hairy monkey tits. A must-see as far as I'm concerned.

Would you at least get a blowie from HBC in the ape makeup? I am thinking yes.

[sillstaw]

Creepiest ending to a post ever? I believe so.

[DaveSteffey]

+1 vote for Planet of the Apes

+1 votes for "blowie" from Paul Giamatti in orangutan makeup

Bringing us to a sum total of: Two movie votes, and Two bestiality lovers.

[Jonathan1326657693]

Tim Burton has admitted that the ending doesn't make sense. haha

[Julia Hays]

I'm kind of surprised that we've covered more than one Nicolas Cage film and have yet to do a Mark Wahlberg movie. And, when we do, I'd like to nominate Andy Samberg as the guest, please. "...Say hi to your mother for me."

[Johnny Unusual]

Yeah, Mark's been in some weird movies. This is a pretty lame one, but for me the only memorable thing is the awful ending and Paul Giamatti.

[jarrycanada]

This movie wasn't that bad, The ending was ok at best. Not great but I would watch a sequel if it was made. I would look forward to it more openly then dare I say it the new Star wars movies. I don't even think J.J. Abrams can save that dead franchise. Don't even get me started about midi-chlorians gees what a mess. I would watch this movie again over phantom.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace]

One of my biggest problems with this film was that they took away the whole "humans can't talk" thing from the original. Here, the people talked, they were intelligent, and they were just treated like shit, right? There was really nothing special at all about Wahlberg's character, like he was more or less just the guy that rolls into town and causes the oppressed people to stand up for themselves and butt heads with the authorities, isn't he? I saw the whole thing in theaters once, and anything I've seen of it on TV since then I just don't remember.

[Shannon]

I just watched this very recently. We rented the original, this, and the james franco prequel and watched them all in one night. I saw the Tim Burton one in middle school and all I could remember was HBC looking like Michael Jackson.

The most annoying thing is what you mentioned PlanB... The humans can talk and are not stupid even a little so the whole idea that they are tortured daily by the smart monkeys is insane. Like when a little girl gets captured early on and put in a cage she just cries silently, but it seems like a baby monkey would scream and so would a human child. But no. Also, the apes are fucking stupid half of the time and the other half they are clearly spending lots of time making each other really ornate leather kimonos to wear. Tim Roth spends 70% of the movie on wires flying himself around which looks RIDICULOUS.

Mark Wahlberg doesn't like the apes OR the people and spends the whole movie telling everyone else to go away. Oh, and another bs plot point is that this isn't Earth in the future, but an entirely different planet in an alternate universe. But there are still totally kid apes playing soccer in the street wearing modern day soccer jerseys.

uuuughgghh and the ending before the stupid nonsensical ending, where everything is saved by Wahlberg's test monkey showing up at exactly the right time and place.

This movie is super duper terrible.

[seanotron]

I never spent a lot of time researching the subject, but I always suspected that the ending was not part of the original script. It feels like something a studio exec came up with after wandering onto the set one day.

'Hey, you know what everyone remembers from the first POTA movie? That crazy ending! That's what this movie is missing. And you know what the best part of that ending was?'

'Well, the fact that Charlton Heston realizes that this is Earth, and that humanity had already destroyed itself...'

'No, no, no! The best part of the ending is it involves a national monument! We need an ending that involves a national monument!'

'Uhh, okay, well I guess...'

'The Washington Monument? No. Mount Rushmore? No, that's been done. Oh, I've got it! The Lincoln Memorial!'

'The Lincoln Memorial? Well, I guess we could come up with something...'

'Oh I've already got it! Mark lands on Earth and the Lincoln Memorial is an ape! Not just any ape, but Tim Roth's character!'

'But uhhh, we left him trapped in a broken spaceship with no fuel? How could he possibly...'

'It doesn't matter! Don't you see what a crazy mindfuck that ending will be?'

'That doesn't really make sense, though.'

'We've found our ending! Let Tim know.'