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Episode 153 - Escape from L.A.: LIVE!

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JammerLea, I'm just wondering how there are so many iconic movies you DON'T remember!

 

Do you and June have the same movie erasing disorder!?

I've already been joking about that. A lot of the iconic ones I haven't seen in years. Then again there's a lot of movies I've seen in recent years I don't recall too well. Having reviews usually helps jog my memory for the recent ones thankfully.

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Seriously. Who doesn't remember the Tim Allen classic Jungle2Jungle?!

 

 

I've never seen that piece of shit

 

I was thinking more along the lines of George of the Jungle

 

 

I actually think that movie is a satirical piece of genius and genuinely love it

 

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I was thinking more along the lines of George of the Jungle

 

 

I actually think that movie is a satirical piece of genius and genuinely love it

All I remember is thinking that Brendan Fraser was cute.

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I was thinking more along the lines of George of the Jungle

 

 

I actually think that movie is a satirical piece of genius and genuinely love it

 

 

I think you're a satirical piece of genius

 

 

 

No, I don't really know what that means

 

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Signed up and following people who I think are here.

Jesus, I didn't realize so many movies are released in a given year. I got to page 5 of 2015 and quit.

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Signed up and following people who I think are here.

Jesus, I didn't realize so many movies are released in a given year. I got to page 5 of 2015 and quit.

Yes. I got to like page of 46 of 2016 and I hadn't heard of anything in pages. The older the year the fewer entries, so I decided to start in the 80s but even then there I was giving up around page 15.

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I don't know about the rest of you, but I really don't have much more to say about Escape from LA--except for maybe Snake's absolute inability to thank anyone who helps him. I mean, I imagine manners are the first thing to go at the end of the world, but just because you live in a dystopia doesn't mean you have to act like it.

 

Anyway, since it's Wednesday and all, I thought we could play a little game. It's called BOLD CLAIMS. Basically, what I'm looking for are ridiculous pop culture brags. For example, the first line from the Bee Gees' song, "Stayin' Alive:"

 

Well, you can tell by the by the way I use my walk

I'm a woman's man: no time to talk

 

Let's really look at this for a moment...

 

You're walking down the street and you see Barry Gibb strutting past you. You politely nod and say, "Hey, Barry! How's it going?" And this motherfucker strides right by, and over his shoulder calls back at you, "No time for pleasantries, mate...You know, on account of all the fucking I have planned today."

 

Barry Gibb is saying this to you. This man:

 

c9a8d29265c986c9cfe91363ab43d656.jpg

 

Handsome? Sure. But so tied up in sex he can't say "Hello?" I don't think so.

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I don't know about the rest of you, but I really don't have much more to say about Escape from LA--except for maybe Snake's absolute inability to thank anyone who helps him. I mean, I imagine manners are the first thing to go at the end of the world, but just because you live in a dystopia doesn't mean you have to act like it.

 

to be fair to Snake .. most of the people who help him end up getting killed ... maybe he was just waiting till it was all over to thank them but just never got the chance because, you know, he got them all shot or blown up ....

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When I first watched Escape from LA I had sooo much to say about but honestly a lot of it is kind of obvious now. I feel like this movie predicted our current political climate pretty spot on and that's terrifying. So I guess I'll see all of my other moral criminal friends in LA when they deport us for whatever reason.

 

I really really don't like how they made Hershe's character. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had missed out on this huge story from Escape from New York since I didn't see it, but it doesn't seem like that's the case. If that's so then why in the fuck did they need to change her voice and say that she used to be a man? What does that actually add to this movie? Like to not only change her voice but then to have Kurt Russell grab at her and say a gross ass comment about what is in between her legs just really left a gross taste in my mouth. Pam Grier deserved better. Transgender women deserved better.

 

And when you think about how the movie is set up at the beginning why is Cuervo Jones (seriously wtf is that name) automatically the bad guy? Like besides dressing him up to look more like a typical anarchist terrorist what were the things that led us to believe he was the villain of this story? A bunch of people seemed to have been wrongly deported for simply not being what the "majority" of America liked and to me he seemed to be just a leader of a resistance that wanted to go against the grain. Of course then you see him murder a bunch of people for fun and really just be super in to anarchy but that was what, an hour into the film? Until that point I was kinda on his side and thought Snake should just like die because who wants to help a tyrant of a president who did away with the Constitution so that he could rule for a lifetime? And then after everything was all said and done he did exactly what Cuervo was going to do anyway!

 

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MOVIE!?

 

ANYWAY, Barry Gibb? Nah. Jimmy Fallon dressed as Barry Gibb? Sure.

 

tumblr_inline_muq2obbg6B1qglkfj.gif

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An actual conversation last night between my roommate (EternalSammich) and me.

 

Her: You don't remember the plot of An American Tale?

Me: Some mice go to America and Fievel gets separated from his family. Then they sing "Somewhere Out There."

Her: You don't remember the cats?

Me: ...no?

Her: The big orange one?

Me: He was voiced by Dom DeLuise.

 

My only recollection of the sequel is the sister trying to become a saloon dancer.

 

(The worst part of this is that I'm sure I still have a giant plush of Fievel somewhere at my parents house.)

 

 

 

I have some follow up for Escape From L.A.

 

Okay, so Snake's told if he pushes the button, he's going to throw the world back into the dark ages and they'll lose all their historical information. Does this mean that it was expected that by 2013 that BOOKS would be nonexistent??? I mean sure, digital copies are becoming more popular, but there'd have to be a good number of people hoarding away personal libraries.

 

AlSO, the whole power-down-the-world thing... okay so people have to go back to living without electricity... like how do the satellites control that? And wouldn't the satellites shut themselves down? But okay, let's give the benefit of the doubt, that somehow these amazing satellites are capable of shutting down energy in general... power grids, backup generators, solar, wind, and so on...

 

You have a new problem now, a bit more dire than just living without electricity.

 

Nuclear. Which we know is still relied upon because of the submarine he uses. You'll still have nuclear power plants and nuclear powered units that have live and spent fuel rods that you won't be able to do anything about. Kind of a huge oversight by the president, considering there's a good number of nuclear power plants within the US. Sure, it's not like a bomb going off, but you're still gonna end up with a lot of fallout radiation there. Thanks, Snake, you've just contaminated my hometown.

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The Hershe stuff did seem pretty odd... like I liked her character in general, but the set up was a joke pushed a bit too far, so it was cringeworthy.

 

And when you think about how the movie is set up at the beginning why is Cuervo Jones (seriously wtf is that name) automatically the bad guy? Like besides dressing him up to look more like a typical anarchist terrorist what were the things that led us to believe he was the villain of this story? A bunch of people seemed to have been wrongly deported for simply not being what the "majority" of America liked and to me he seemed to be just a leader of a resistance that wanted to go against the grain. Of course then you see him murder a bunch of people for fun and really just be super in to anarchy but that was what, an hour into the film? Until that point I was kinda on his side and thought Snake should just like die because who wants to help a tyrant of a president who did away with the Constitution so that he could rule for a lifetime? And then after everything was all said and done he did exactly what Cuervo was going to do anyway!

 

I agree... it would've been better if Cuervo wasn't shown to be so much a tyrant as just a resistance leader, because it's obvious that the president is the real dick in the movie. I think Snake knows this too. Maybe this is why he didn't just kill Cuervo when he had the chance. Snake isn't interested in taking life, he just wants to get the goods and get out to save his own life. He's not that interested in following the evil presidents orders.

 

And to go back to an earlier point, it didn't surprise me so much that Snake didn't recognize the all powerful president. Because he's just off doing his own thing and gives no shits about politics. I doubt he watches much TV.

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The thing that I hated most was the promise of a much, much better movie just on the other side of the credits. Cuba and Brazil are invading Miami! Cuervo's buddies are massing in Anaheim getting ready to invade the mainland! I want to watch that movie way more than anything they gave us. And yes, I know the idea now is that once Snake flips the switch the invasion likely dies because the invaders have no electricity, but surely they brought flashlights!

 

MOST OF ALL, THE US CAPITOL IS NOW IN LYNCHBURG BUT THE PRESIDENT STILL CALLS HIS HOUSE THE WHITE HOUSE.

 

TAKE ME TO LYNCHBURG, MOVIE!

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The thing that I hated most was the promise of a much, much better movie just on the other side of the credits. Cuba and Brazil are invading Miami! Cuervo's buddies are massing in Anaheim getting ready to invade the mainland! I want to watch that movie way more than anything they gave us. And yes, I know the idea now is that once Snake flips the switch the invasion likely dies because the invaders have no electricity, but surely they brought flashlights!

 

I know we all want the Cleveland chapter too, but who's up for finally making Florida an island to do "Escape From Miami"?

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Barry Gibb is saying this to you. This man:

 

c9a8d29265c986c9cfe91363ab43d656.jpg

 

Handsome? Sure. But so tied up in sex he can't say "Hello?" I don't think so.

 

The monster Gibb?

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ANYWAY, Barry Gibb? Nah. Jimmy Fallon dressed as Barry Gibb? Sure.

 

 

Sorry, you lost me at Jimmy Fallon.

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Sorry, you lost me at Jimmy Fallon.

 

Well, that's fortunate since it comes at the end of the sentence :P .

 

True Story: Every time gay guys flirt with me, they say I look like Jimmy Fallon. Straight women, never. Personally, I don't see it, but still, it's flattering.

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Sorry, you lost me at Jimmy Fallon.

He may be boring but he's still cute lol. Young Taylor was all up on that in his SNL days.

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He may be boring but he's still cute lol. Young Taylor was all up on that in his SNL days.

 

I can't forgive him for that terrible track on the Hamilton Mixtape.

 

tumblr_ls6qywk1vv1qfl54bo1_500.gif

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I can't forgive him for that terrible track on the Hamilton Mixtape.

Lord, yes that was horrible. I thought it was gonna be funny and something along the lines of the stuff he did back in the day, but then it's just him trying to do Jonathan Groff and just no sweetheart no please no.

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Anyway, since it's Wednesday and all, I thought we could play a little game. It's called BOLD CLAIMS. Basically, what I'm looking for are ridiculous pop culture brags. For example, the first line from the Bee Gees' song, "Stayin' Alive:"

 

Not sure if this counts as a brag, but I've always wondered about this. In The Who's "Pinball Wizard":

 

He's a pinball wizard

There has to be a twist

A pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist

 

Do you really need a supple wrist to be good at pinball? Why only one wrist? Wouldn't you want supple fingers instead? A pinball wizard's got such supple metacarpophalangeal joints.

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He may be boring but he's still cute lol. Young Taylor was all up on that in his SNL days.

He's like that dude that always has to have something silly to say regardless of the occasion.

 

Example: he tweeted this stupid shit right as the Trump Press Shitshow was starting this morning...

 

zaGkHIu.png

 

Then he (or whoever runs his shitty twitter account) blocked people who were like, "Maybe you should ask Trump next time you're rubbing his hair"

 

ETA: he blocked me, but my response was "Acknowledging your shitty tweets while the future of our planet goes down the toilet #ResolutionFail"

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Ugh. He tries way to hard to stay popular.

 

Definitely don't disagree with you.

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