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Episode 155 - Airborne: LIVE!

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4. Mitchell shows up with his stick and a half full back pack. Yet he seemingly also has a large wardrobe. Is he buying new clothes? Is he just an efficient packer? Why did he bring shorts to Cincinnati in the winter?

 

Have you seen Wiley's closet?

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That was a surfing magazine. He wasn't going to sully a single page of that. Plus, there's no way he got a good wipe with those glossy pages. Everything I wrote still stands!

 

 

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Have you seen Wiley's closet?

Mitchell can't wear those! He is what he is just like Popeye.

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Mitchell can't wear those! He is what he is just like Popeye.

 

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Oh, snap!

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Okay a few more thoughts on Airborne

 

1. Let's talk about the first "prank" played on Mitchell with the desk that falls apart. There is a lot luck that went into this prank. This is only the second day Mitchell has been there yet they knew what his first class of the day was? They also didn't make it so that was the only free desk. When he walks in there are three free desks. What if he sat in the wrong one? Also what if he didn't decide to lean back? All I'm saying is they got lucky.

 

Maybe it's a Cincinnati thing, that pratfalls and visual humour is woven into their DNA. The laughter that cruel pranks that would certainly occasion bodily harm seem to be the main source of entertainment in that school. Mitchell could smash his head into the desk behind him, break his coccyx, any number of things, and with all that, you're right, he's not necessarily going to sit in that desk. The setup for the gag seems laboured, too - everyone's being super kind to him so he's comfortable enough to enter the classroom without suspicion, so they've told everyone this is happening. Add to that, someone's spent a good amount of time before school jury-rigging that chair to collapse, so they've carefully sawn it down or removed the bolts, and then balanced it just so. What happens if someone walks in and bumps it with their hip before the prank? This seems a lot of work for a juvenile payoff.

 

While we're on the subject - Cameron H has already masterfully covered the toilet paper prank, but can we just note that such a prank requires 3-4 people to be familiar with Mitchell's after school dump schedule, so they have all met after school with beer cups full of water to play this joke. And WHY are toilet paper rolls hanging so high? That means, after he's done, he has to stand right up to get the paper, which seems unnecessarily gross at the best of times.

2. How is this school not pissed at the hockey team? Ruining all the toilet paper in the boys room, covering the stairs in water, destroying desks, these are all things that effect the other students. Why is nobody calling them out on it? "Look you are the idiots who got the new kid from California who has no hockey experience to play and he messes up. What did you expect? Now I have to write Spanish notes on my lap and had to go half way across the school to use the toilet and I slipped on some wet stairs in the process! We get it, you're mad but it's your fault so just move on!" Also why are they trying to murder Seth Green? The car thing could have legitimately kill him and he really didn't do anything that wrong. He just wasn't that good. Also if you only have six people on the entire team, why even have a team? Hockey is a very exhaustive sport. No way they're playing a whole period let alone a full game with just six.

 

Someone else rightly pointed out the inefficacy of adult figures in this film: no teacher ever says anything to any of them. Mitchell and Wiley are well within their rights to complain about being victimised (I guess that's not what Pepe would want). Is this school the Lord of the Flies?

3. Is the game in the rink even a legitimate game? Like a sanctioned school game? It sure seems that way, but yet when Blane and Jack get into it Jack decrees "first one to three wins." How can he just make up rules like that? Also, why not just play a full game? You could play for hours and if they were really that good not even get three goals. This combined with the "no rules but the first team with three people wins" in the final race just proves that these kids love the number 3 and don't really get what rules are.

 

It seems sanctioned, with a full stadium and working scoreboard, but you're exactly right: there's NO way they play with so few players, much less the full equipment. The average hockey shift is 80 seconds, and then you have to go have a rest. That's what SIDNEY CROSBY can handle. Do we buy that Blaine and Jack are hockey supermen? And there's no umpires, SO WHO DROPS THE PUCK? How can you have a scoreboard but not an umpire?

 

Also - in the ball hockey game, why are they doing full checking? Just asking for spinal injuries, right there.

4. Mitchell shows up with his stick and a half full back pack. Yet he seemingly also has a large wardrobe. Is he buying new clothes? Is he just an efficient packer? Why did he bring shorts to Cincinnati in the winter?

 

Come on, you're Canadian - you know those bozos in the middle of February in shorts, saying 'it's not that cold, man'. I've seen two this week. Macho dummies.

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Come on, you're Canadian - you know those bozos in the middle of February in shorts, saying 'it's not that cold, man'. I've seen two this week. Macho dummies.

Sadly, I have shoveled snow in shorts.

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Sadly, I have shoveled snow in shorts.

Oh, I barbecue every week of the year regardless of weather. It's just part of the deal of living up here: cold is relative. ;)

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But the dude was from California! He was not ready for an Ohio winter!

 

I'm not ever even ready for the one day it snows here!

 

But I would love all y'all northerners to come down here during the summer and then I can tell you that heat is just relative lol (it's not it's horrible Texas summers are horrible don't do it)

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The setup for the gag seems laboured, too - everyone's being super kind to him so he's comfortable enough to enter the classroom without suspicion...

 

Natural Selection, bro. If they're too dumb to read the signs...

 

And WHY are toilet paper rolls hanging so high? That means, after he's done, he has to stand right up to get the paper, which seems unnecessarily gross at the best of times.

 

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Snow related funny story.

 

This year we had a teacher from Okinawa (the Hawaii of Japan) start work at my school. Two weeks ago it snowed and she was losing her mind because she'd never seen snow before. She ran inside and grabbed a plastic bag and filled it with snow. She tied it off and left it on her desk. Twenty minutes later after running around in it, she comes in back in and sees a bag of water sitting on her desk. She was asking about who took he snow and we had to explain that it just melted. She was dumbfounded because she literally had no idea snow was just frozen rain.

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Snow related funny story.

 

This year we had a teacher from Okinawa (the Hawaii of Japan) start work at my school. Two weeks ago it snowed and she was losing her mind because she'd never seen snow before. She ran inside and grabbed a plastic bag and filled it with snow. She tied it off and left it on her desk. Twenty minutes later after running around in it, she comes in back in and sees a bag of water sitting on her desk. She was asking about who took he snow and we had to explain that it just melted. She was dumbfounded because she literally had no idea snow was just frozen rain.

 

Oh, bless her heart.

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Snow related funny story.

 

This year we had a teacher from Okinawa (the Hawaii of Japan) start work at my school. Two weeks ago it snowed and she was losing her mind because she'd never seen snow before. She ran inside and grabbed a plastic bag and filled it with snow. She tied it off and left it on her desk. Twenty minutes later after running around in it, she comes in back in and sees a bag of water sitting on her desk. She was asking about who took he snow and we had to explain that it just melted. She was dumbfounded because she literally had no idea snow was just frozen rain.

Wait, and this person educates children?

 

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Wait, and this person educates children?

 

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In her defense the kids she teaches are 2 to 3 years old.

 

However, she did ask once if the internet she gets on her computer is the same as the internet I get on mine.

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In her defense the kids she teaches are 2 to 3 years old.

 

However, she did ask once if the internet she gets on her computer is the same as the internet I get on mine.

I've seen the future, and it's not pretty.

 

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But I would love all y'all northerners to come down here during the summer and then I can tell you that heat is just relative lol (it's not it's horrible Texas summers are horrible don't do it)

Sssshhhhh don't tell them.

 

EVERYONE COME DOWN FOR THE SHOW AT THE END OF MAY. IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE AND NOT AT ALL FUCKING MISERABLE

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Sssshhhhh don't tell them.

 

EVERYONE COME DOWN FOR THE SHOW AT THE END OF MAY. IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE AND NOT AT ALL FUCKING MISERABLE

End of May still isn't as bad as July & August. That's when I refuse to walk outside unless it's 8 AM.

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End of May still isn't as bad as July & August. That's when I refuse to walk outside unless it's 8 AM.

True. But May is bad enough for northern-types.

 

One of my friends from our NY office at my first grown-up-type job got into grad school at Rice. She went down to visit Houston, like, late April and was like, "It's so HUMID! And there are mosquitos everywhere!"

 

I was like, "Yeah, welcome to the Gulf Coast"

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True. But May is bad enough for northern-types.

 

One of my friends from our NY office at my first grown-up-type job got into grad school at Rice. She went down to visit Houston, like, late April and was like, "It's so HUMID! And there are mosquitos everywhere!"

 

I was like, "Yeah, welcome to the Gulf Coast"

HA! I literally just did the same thing they did about winter lol!

 

I'm like May??? May is NOTHING!

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I went to New Orleans in mid July a couple years ago. I'm still amazed that human beings are capable of living in that weather on a day by day basis.

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I am curious about that outdoor rink. Where was that? They set up an outdoor rink in Fountain Square each year around Christmas for skating and broomball, but that's the only one I can think of and that is not where they were playing. There are high school hockey teams now in Cincinnati but that is a fairly new development (they weren't around in the 90s when I was in high school) and as far as I know, they all play in the few indoor rinks in the area.

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Mitchell can't wear those! He is what he is just like Popeye.

 

I have to restrain myself from defending this movie every second.

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I went to New Orleans in mid July a couple years ago. I'm still amazed that human beings are capable of living in that weather on a day by day basis.

Oh god. I had some friends that wanted to go to NOLA in July this year. A couple are from San Diego and a couple others are from Canada. Then there are two from the same group that are from Florida. And it was me and the Floridians being like, "No, you REALLY don't understand how bad that shit is going to be."

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Let me drop some additional info from the perspective of someone who was there for some of the filming——I was not part of the crew, but attended one of the schools it was filmed at:

 

 

- The scene in the classroom was shot at the School for Creative and Performing Arts, as I recall mainly because they needed that window to crash through (it is only a few feet off the ground, and is above an easily accessible parking lot.) Also, a few of the actors in that scene were cast from SCPA. In town productions that needed children often came to SCPA for casting (Sarah Jessica Parker, Carmen Electra, etc were alum from that period). Everyone, including apparently some the crew, knew this film was corny and not going to be so great. People were however super excited to have Seth Green there (this was not that long after his "Ka-Ching" commercials).

 

 

- The inside scoop was that it was developed for Milwaukee or Minneapolis or something, but then they came to Cincinnati because, in addition to tax breaks and it being a production friendly town, it had plenty of the hills they needed for that dumb-ass race (obviously there are not that kind of hills in Minneapolis or Milwaukee). This also makes sense because hockey is not a big thing in Cinncinati. Cinncinati is a big baseball and football town. Nor was roller blading a thing—if anything, it was, and still is, much more known for skateboarding. Trust me, everyone was thoroughly embarrassed by this corny ass film. Except for Seth Green. Everybody loved Seth Green.

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To preface: this is literally one of my all-time favorite movies.

 

I want to elucidate a scene that the all-stars had trouble with - the scene where Seth Green tries on all the clothes.

 

 

Wiley's problem was that he didn't have an identity to call his own (he displayed this in speech class by saying he was a hockey man, when he clearly was not). Because of this, he tried a rainbow of disparate styles that he thought would impress Gloria. In fact Mitchel explained it in that very scene. He said that Popeye was a great man because he knew who he was - in direct contrast to Wiley.

 

Otherwise, I guess I'll just apologize on behalf of the author that everyone had such a hard time following an 82 minute movie where at least 20 minutes was essentially devoid of dialogue while various "cool" 90s x-games things happened.

 

Addendum: I never picked up on the total absence of adult intervention until it was mentioned on the podcast. I'm watching it right now & I totally see it.

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