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Episode 156 - xXx: Return of Xander Cage: LIVE!

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Adam Scott joins Paul, June, and Jason for a family reunion to discuss Vin Diesel’s fan fiction to himself, xXx: Return of Xander Cage. Recorded live from Largo at the Coronet in Los Angeles, they cover everything from forest skiing to riding motorcycles underwater. Plus, a xXx and Fast & Furious crossover is pitched during Audience Q&A!

 

 

 

Where to Find Jason, June & Paul:

Paul’s new comedy Drive Share is available on Go90. You can see June and Paul on NTSF:SD:SUV:: on HULU. June stars in Grace and Frankie on Netflix, as well as Lady Dynamite alongside with Jason.

 

Jason can be seen in How to Be Single, Sleeping with Other People, and is still indeed in The Dictator.

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Well, now to enter lurk mode. See you all in two weeks!

 

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Excellent, I skipped last weeks, so I'm all in for this one.

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The reason that Xander has the xXx tattoo is, as Gibbons says "You have three X's tattooed on the back of your neck. I think that's rather appropriate, since you're looking at three strikes. Grand theft auto, reckless endangerment, and that little bridge stunt of yours makes you a three-time loser. Maybe you ought to call yourself "Triple X." But if you do what I want, I'll make all your little recent criminal transgressions go away and let you get back to that pathetic excuse of a life."

 

It is that moment that he offers Xander to join his spy cell. It is only because of Xander that it is called "The Triple X Program" and when Darius Stone is chosen it is because he is of a similar mentality(He is serving time in Jail, 9 years of a 20 year sentance and is a former Navy Seal...A perfect candidate.).

 

Edit: Also every lead agent of The Triple X Program has a specialty. Xander's just so happens to be extreme sports, Darius' is hijacking and souping up cars/tanks and diving(He's a navy seal after all) and Neymar's is Soccer.

 

Double Edit: Just got to the end of the episode and they go over the Tattoo.

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I can't wait until they retire Xanders fur jacket and put it in the Smithsonian right next to Indiana Jones's!

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Well, now to enter lurk mode. See you all in two weeks!

 

 

I'm with you, bro. ;)

 

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I know Hollywood can be incredibly ageist and sexist when it comes to casting actresses who are over 25, but the age gaps for Vin Diesels love interests in this movie are beyond insane.

 

The age differences

 

Nina Dobrev - 21 years

Deepika Padukone - 19 years

Hermione Corfield (British Chick)- 25 years

Ariana Arevalo (village girl from the beginning)- 25 years

 

Like seriously WTF - also all brunettes not a blonde in the bunch. Nina Dobrev was great but now I can totally see that scene in my head with June playing it and it would've been 100% funnier.

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Just on a physics thing, even on the zero gravity planes NASA uses to train, you only get about 30 seconds of zero g's per dip. This film has them being weightless for about 10 minutes also any sort of fighting in zero g's is super ineffectual because you don't have any force behind you.

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vin-diesel-xxx-the-return-of-xander-cage.jpg

 

ahahhahahahhahahahhaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhhahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahaahahhahahahhahahahhaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhhahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahaahahhahahahhahahahhaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhhahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha

 

(desperate gasp)

 

ahahahhahahahhaahahhahahahaahhahaahahahhahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhhahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha

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Takeaways:

 

1. This movie made $100 million in Mainland China in 6 days. Such is the power (and awesomeness) of Donnie Yen. If you're new to Donnie Yen check out his scene in Hero.

 

2. Vin Diesel is King of the Douchebags and Zuckerberg is just like all the other douchebag nerds I've met.

 

 

3. "When did this turn into beautiful world?" and all I could think of was Devo's cathartic (and strangely prescient) masterpiece:

 

4. June must have been raised Catholic because 'eating-sushi-in-a-cinema' guilt sounds like a classic example of Catholic guilt

 

5. Does anyone know the clip they played at the end? There's music throughout so I couldn't tell what was happening.

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When Paul announced this, a new film was the pick.. I was disappointed that it's a NEW movie... and I had to go to the theater . COMPLETELY forgot that I already seen it . It was that forgettable.

I feel EXACTLY like June.

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June wastes no time reminding us why we love her so much. This House Bunny sushi tangent is classic JDR.

 

And I love how Jason always slips up and reveals his nerd power level -- "They were trying to Greedo-shot-first this scene!"

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First, if the threat is 250,000 satellites which they plan on dropping 1 a day, satellites will be raining down for nearly 685 years.

 

Second, when we get our xXx/Fast and Furious crossover, I demand the movie ends with xXx and Dom having so much respect for each other that they gift each other their jacket and necklace as they part ways.

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What I found truly amazing, is that within the first 3 minutes, this film deposits the idea that super heroes exist in this universe.

 

Neymar's title card says that he was under the assumption he was being recruited for The Avengers. So I ask:

 

1) What ability does Neymar bring to the table when The Avengers is made up of folks like a Greek God or a Giant Green Monster. Is it simply for the fact that he has fancy footwork? What would be his superhero alter ego... Dropshot?

2) And if The Avengers exist, why is the government entrusting this over-the-hill, X-sports douchebag when they can reach out to Tony Stark or Capt America?

 

Oh and let's not unpack the mind bending reality that Nick Fury now has a functioning right eye.

 

So this raced through my head and I knew it was only going to get worse... for the better!

 

 

Pete the "S" Man

 

lBvtxv7.jpg

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Okay but June yelling, "It's a coat!" over and over is so far my favorite moment of this episode

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1) What ability does Neymar bring to the table when The Avengers is made up of folks like a Greek God or a Giant Green Monster. Is it simply for the fact that he has fancy footwork? What would be his superhero alter ego... Dropshot?

The Avengers literally have a dude that just shoots a bow and arrow. Their standards can't be that high. (PS - you know I love Hawkeye, Taylor Anne. Please don't hurt me.)

I know Hollywood can be incredibly ageist and sexist when it comes to casting actresses who are over 25, but the age gaps for Vin Diesels love interests in this movie are beyond insane.

 

The age differences

 

Nina Dobrev - 21 years

Deepika Padukone - 19 years

Hermione Corfield (British Chick)- 25 years

Ariana Arevalo (village girl from the beginning)- 25 years

 

Like seriously WTF - also all brunettes not a blonde in the bunch. Nina Dobrev was great but now I can totally see that scene in my head with June playing it and it would've been 100% funnier.

Beat me to it, ya jerk.

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The Avengers literally have a dude that just shoots a bow and arrow. Their standards can't be that high. (PS - you know I love Hawkeye, Taylor Anne. Please don't hurt me.)

giphy.gif

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Okay but June yelling, "It's a coat!" over and over is so far my favorite moment of this episode

I particularly loved how the boys doubled down on 'jacket' despite June correcting them.

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Correction on Live audience member comment:

 

When Xander puts the TV on for the villagers, this is not the Brazil vs. Germany World Cup game. First, Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in the World Cup semi-final of 2014, not the final. Second, the team on the screen against Brazil are wearing dark jerseys, which Germany often do in international play, but for that World Cup game, they wore red and black hoops, as pictured here:

 

germany-world-cup.jpg

 

So, it isn't the same game.

 

Also, if we are to believe that the satellite crash and the soccer game are happening at the same time, if it were the 2014 World Cup, Neymar Jr. broke a bone in his foot in Brazil's quarter-final win over Colombia and missed that humiliating loss to Germany. This might explain why he's off being talked to by Samuel L. Jackson, but it doesn't explain how Neymar is able to kick a napkin dispenser at a robber with such an injury.

 

Long story short: this is absolutely not the World Cup humiliation of Brazil in this movie.

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In case you're interested - here's the show Jason's talking about that featured Eric Bana on "Australia's Saturday Night Live" (it's not really like SNL). He was a comedian on the show "Full Frontal" for years. His big breakout role was playing all-round asshead Chopper Read, which vaulted him into serious roles.

 

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That Sherlock skill he has, Cage also had in the first movie. When he first meets Samuel L Jackson in the diner and Cage said he knew it was a ruse because his mother was a career waitress and would never have worn heels to work.

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I didn't actually get to see this movie so purely going off of what was discussed in the podcast - was Ruby Rose barely in this movie at all??? Like the only reason I would have gone to see it is for her being a total badass (because if we're going to talk about the most attractive person on screen it's her every time). So if she's not even really in it then I declare this movie to be traaaaaash!

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