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DaltonMaltz

Episode 181 - Carl Tart, Our Close Friend

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I've listened to earwolf for over 4 years and these frickin jokers for at least 2 and a half and this is what finally made me verify my email for my forum account. I prepared a little speech as I could do nothing no longer.

 

Good morning. In less than a week, podcasters from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest Podcast battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is almost 4/20, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the middle of april will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Hollywood Handbook Day!

 

At least I can now say I've posted on a fresh Handbook episode before it's literally impossible.

RIP Bill Paxton

 

 

Also glad the show's back, love the show and Hayes and Sean and all my forum friends, old and new.

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Phew! Last week's episode scared me so bad I almost posted in the forums begging them to come back. Thankfully this week cleared things up and I can go back to never visibly showing any support for my favorite show until it's too late

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when are they gonna tell us about last week's prank

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It's very nice any funny to see so many regular posters making sock puppet accounts and pretending to be new, but that's a privilege not everyone has and this episode, while I am grateful that the show is not ending, made me wonder if anything that happens ever is either a prank or a double down prank leaving me virtually incapable of trusting others and ambivalent about forming new bonds with other humans. Welcome back. Please tell me if i am being pranked because I really don't actually get it. I don't know how to over-emphasize this without sounding sarcastic.

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It does't matter if the quality of the shows have gone downhill over the past 2 years.

 

Eh wrong!

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Hi Hayes and Sean (in no particular order) please get this letter to our friend Ira Glass. It's VERY IMPORTANT.

 

----------------------------

 

Dear Ira Glass,

 

Hi, it's your old pal Chanson. You don't know me but I live on this very normal island and we ALSO have a thing in a tree, but it's not people; it's a bike. Also nobody vaccinates their kids and it's fucking insane. You know, normal. Please do a show about us, literally everyone would freak the fuck out, they all think you're God (you know, like, in the way that everyone is "spiritual" but like hate organized religion, but most people probably say they're Buddhist. See? Normal American small town/island.) Okay see you when you come do the This Normal America Show.

 

PS - Tell Chana Joffe-Walt I say "'sup." She'll know what it means.

 

K thanks love you,

 

Chanson

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PPS - I WANT the show to get cancelled. I'm starting a GoFundMe to get it cancelled. It already has a billion dollars, so good luck getting it uncancelled, butt sniffers.

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Sources confirm Chanson has switched back to Diet Coke from Coke Zero. Quote: "I'm trying to get back to my roots".

 

This has been your Chanson Beverage Update.

 

My anonymous source also confirmed this.

 

Okay, you caught me. My anonymous source is the NSA.

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Finally! PW recovery finally worked and it's not too late for me to plead to Sean and Hayes to keep the podcast alive!

 

You guys have so much to podcast for. Don't stop now.. Just threaten to quit about 5 more times over 6 more months, and then start a Patreon and make over $10K a month each. It's easy! We have faith in you.

 

And don't listen to those "old school" turds that bought the pro version 3 years ago and now think they're so cool and better than the rest of us that they don't need the show anymore. They'll be pumping our gas in a couple years.

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And don't listen to those "old school" turds that bought the pro version 3 years ago and now think they're so cool and better than the rest of us that they don't need the show anymore. They'll be pumping our gas in a couple years.

 

ill pump your gas any time any place, frosh

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I.R.A. and Serial better count their britches before they get busted by these impractical prankers, even cody can prank them by playing laura palmer in a tree

 

p.s. i think we really should try to reward sean for being so good at mentioning newspaper comics. we all know that his newspaper comics stuff will never be as well-received as hayes's classic riffs, but sean seems to be really trying to be good. he said marmaduke today!

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This whole time, I thought that Hollywood Handbook was a tv show that I only had the audio version of but now I am finding out that it is a podcast. Very disappointing because I hate podcasts and I will no longer be listening. Sean and Hayes, you have made a mistake and lost a loyal viewer. If you change to a Seinfeld or Frasier format, I may come back but for right now I am disgusted and will be killing myself

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Thought last week was the last episode? Well, goes to show you, those hh boys do like to play

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I've been meaning to say this for a bit but the boy's have been releasing a string of great eps recently.

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If you thought the podcast was really over last week............. smh.... congratulations, you just played with yiurself

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Anyone else like this ep? Please fill out survey below if you did:

 

[] Yes

[ ] No

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What an intro! true mad dash to the finish til Hayes realized Sean was pulling ahead and cried out SHOWBIZ! maybe his safe word or something, interesting behavior from two guys famously known for not doing battles with each other

 

Carl did very well, tho I'm still not sure what island he's from. It's so fun how HH is slowly becoming Pee-wee's Playhouse with the cast of characters who make appearances every week. If only they were stranded together on a desert island or in a runaway bus, then this might really take off

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the advice about not getting a pullable leash is smart as hell thank you shawn

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ATTN shannon, dengler, brent morris, jeff ulrich, any of the earwofl people: thanks for moving shows to a different network, but it seems like they all come after hollywood handbook alphabetically. so if you could move beautiful storys, black list table, the cannon, crack podcast, denzel washigton etc, earwolf present (probably have to rename this one), face the nation, get upon this, hard nation, and hello magic tavern to the not-comedy network too that would be good so i dont have to scroll so much in the forums. tyvm

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ATTN shannon, dengler, brent morris, jeff ulrich, any of the earwofl people: thanks for moving shows to a different network, but it seems like they all come after hollywood handbook alphabetically. so if you could move beautiful storys, black list table, the cannon, crack podcast, denzel washigton etc, earwolf present (probably have to rename this one), face the nation, get upon this, hard nation, and hello magic tavern to the not-comedy network too that would be good so i dont have to scroll so much in the forums. tyvm

 

they should list it by most active forums instead.

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ATTN shannon, dengler, brent morris, jeff ulrich, any of the earwofl people: thanks for moving shows to a different network, but it seems like they all come after hollywood handbook alphabetically. so if you could move beautiful storys, black list table, the cannon, crack podcast, denzel washigton etc, earwolf present (probably have to rename this one), face the nation, get upon this, hard nation, and hello magic tavern to the not-comedy network too that would be good so i dont have to scroll so much in the forums. tyvm

Look, I'm not authorized to share this information, but turmoil in the podcast community has forced my hand.

 

You know as well as I do that Hayes and Sean have a history of lining up their next project before abruptly ending a show. The Mikal Cronin episode was supposed to be the last Hollywood Handbook, but

have been dragging their feet on finalizing contracts, so your beloved hosts have been forced to delay their plans for another few weeks.

 

All I can tell you about the successor to Hollywood Handbook is that it will steamroll every other "cult hit" podcast, and I think you'll be pretty happy about its alphabetical placement…

 

 

c6Jpv4Bh.png

 

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