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Episode 167 - Chopping Mall: LIVE!

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The question of mall crime is brought up in this episode. A small study was done in 1978 (8 years prior to the film) about security at malls across the United States. 263 shopping centers were surveyed in this study and they reported the following about crime.

 

· 56 malls reported 2,851 cases of shoplifting.

· 73 malls reported 1,983 cases of parking lot thefts.

· 38 malls reported 175 cases of customer robberies.

· 30 malls reported 148 cases of sex offenses.

· 32 malls reported 109 cases of assault.

· 23 malls reported 51 cases of store hold ups.

· 33 malls reported 805 unspecified cases.

 

The most prevalent cases deal with theft, and by breaking down the cases per mall there are 50+ cases of shoplifting, 27+ cases of parking lot theft, and 4+ cases of customer robberies in 1 year. The more extreme cases, such as sex offenses and assault, are less frequent at 4+ and 3+ within the year.

 

In conclusion, crime is common in shopping centers. In a 1-year time there were 6,122 reported crimes by 263 malls. That is an average of 23+ crimes per year. Now, being a relatively small study, this cannot be seen as a full view of crime in shopping malls during this time, but it does show that killer robots may not be the necessary solution.

 

Link to study - https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Digitization/47831NCJRS.pdf

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The song Barbara Crampton is humming during the store-gy is Stranger in Paradise, which she suggests in this interview was used because it was public domain. The song is from the broadway musical Kismet and is better known than the musical itself. None of this explains why she was humming anything at all in this particular situation.

 

http://www.comingsoon.net/movies/features/771265-shock-interview-barbara-crampton-talks-chopping-mall-blu-ray

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So some stray lightning strikes fried the robots CPUs and they became killbots? Is this what we're suppose to believe? If you try to argue that one of things that got fried was their non-lethal programing or acceptable limits of voltage and strength to use with their tasers and lasers I can see that. Yet there is one action these robots do multiple times that would serve no purpose in their non-lethal programming which proves that these things were programmed for murder all along! These robots move, hide, and manipulate the bodies of their victims. They murder the first technician and hide the body from the next technician. When they kill gum chewer they position his body behind the cigarette machine even though he was killed over by the door. Then there is the fact that even though we pass by where several of the teens dead bodies should be they aren't there. Now I ask you why would the robots do this? What part of non-lethal programing would require they to be moving bodies? Also two of the bodies are moved or hidden in a way to lure the next victim into a trap. They are night security robots! Performing stings is not something they'd be doing so why is that programing in them? No clearly these things were always programmed for murder.

This is a great Correction and Omission! I just sort of rolled my eyes at the lightning strike thing because it was recently used as a reason for faster-than-light communication between galaxies in My Stepmother is an Alien and, as previously mentioned, for Johnny 5's sentience in Short Circuit. That some Quintessential Bonkers Nonsense.

 

If you will allow me, I think we can solve this through a Shared Universe Theory (an insane one, but it's not like any of these HDTGM movies make sense). Maybe these lightning strikes causing chaos for our technological breakthroughs are actually punishment from Zeus, the Greek god of lighting and transforming into animals so he can rape women. The same Zeus from Hercules in New York! After all the chaos caused by Hercules venturing into New York, Zeus has been frustrated with those increasingly pesky, hubris-filled humans. As a result, he is determined to send divinely-directed lighting strikes down to punish us arrogant mortals. We try to travel to or communicate with the heavens? Lightning strike! We try to usurp the power of the gods and create life in the form of automated security robots? Lighting strike! Zeus gave us a taste of what can really happen when we try to mold life out of inanimate objects! It rebels against you! Zeus knows all about that, as Greek mythology is replete with weird spontaneous generation of life and inter-generational conflict. He did, after all, overthrow his father Cronus who had eaten the rest of his children.... and Cronus himself had overthrown his father Uranus after cutting his dad's dick off.

 

The Greeks! They're sick!

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So I'll be the nerd and breakdown the financial obligation the mechanics think they owe to the mall. It's important to note, that when these calculations were done, the only major damage the teens have done to the mall is to the elevator and a few storefront windows.

 

Our female mechanic says they will be in hock to the mall for the next 85 years and will need to perform 2,900,432 tune ups.

 

From my quick research, "a standard tune up can cost $50 to $200, while more complex tasks can range from $500 to $900." (https://autoservicec...om/tune-up-cost)

 

So for this example, I'm going with the average of $200-$500 which is $350.

 

In today's market, $350 x 2,900,432 comes to $1,015,150,850.00 (one billion, 15 million, 150 thousand, 850 dollars.)

 

Taking that calculation and converting to what it would cost back in 1986, it would be $260,197,665.01 (260 million, 197 thousand, 665 dollars and 1 cent.)

 

So I'll just leave it at that.

 

Not only that but if you divide 2,900,432 tuneups by 85 years that means they're doing 34,123 tune ups per year or 93.5 tune ups each day if they worked 365 days a year. Now if you divide that by 2 you get 46.75 tune ups per person per day for the next 85 years...

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That's one thing I wanted to point out. The water the janitor was "cleaning" the floor with was disgusting.

 

chopping-mall16.jpg

Like why even mop the floor with that? If he's lazy or doesn't care about his job--fine.. but in this case it'd be better to not mop at all. That disgusting water is probably going to make the floor look dirtier and look like he didn't mop. If he's going to be lazy with his job, be a smart-lazy at least--so it's less obvious you're slacking off.

 

guys, this really bothered me..

Did you notice the water from the bucket the robot spilled had marshmallows in it? I'm pretty sure he was mopping the floor with Hot Chocolate.

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Overall a couple of things struck me watching this:

 

1. The clearly could have hidden easily from these robots, they couldn't look down as evidenced by the "hiding" behind a bag of dog food on the bottom shelf of the pet store.

- Sub-point: if you watch this movie in widescreen in the pet store it shows a box that appears to be a Cockatu starter kit but it's cut off so you only see Cock Start.

2. Either they are all the worst shots in the world or the robots are bullet-proof to some degree based on the amount of ammo expended.

3. What kind of name is Ferdie?

4. These kids needed a crawling coach. Either they can't and get blown up by a robot or at the end they crawl super ass slow to build tension... and run time I assume, even though she appears capable of limping into the paint store/explosives factory.

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Mary Woronov was also a Warhol scenester, a dancer for the Velvet Underground and best of all: Miss Togar in "Rock and Roll Highschool".

 

I created an account to defend her legacy.

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I was wracking my brains to come up with an alternative title and I've got it.

 

Small B.L.A.R.T. Maul Cop

 

The B.L.A.R.T. Means Bonkers Laser Attack Robot Teens

 

Either that or Shopping Maul

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Our female mechanic says they will be in hock to the mall for the next 85 years and will need to perform 2,900,432 tune ups.

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Not only that but if you divide 2,900,432 tuneups by 85 years that means they're doing 34,123 tune ups per year or 93.5 tune ups each day if they worked 365 days a year. Now if you divide that by 2 you get 46.75 tune ups per person per day for the next 85 years...

 

And you know what... The average length of a tune up is 2-4hrs. Also one has to assume they only work a 13hr day (6am-7pm.) So if we go with the average of 3hrs / tune up per person, that means they technically can only churn out roughly 8 in the end. And I already am assuming they are a two person operation in that they are quite new.

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Did you notice the water from the bucket the robot spilled had marshmallows in it? I'm pretty sure he was mopping the floor with Hot Chocolate.

did it really? I thought it was super dirty water.

 

If it was hot chocolate..why?

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And how the hell do you not use Barbara Crampton's name? They just didn't know her? The insufferable talk about "that actress" and her being a singer what not from a no name guest about a legend of horror movies is very embarrassing.

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giphy.gif

 

 

I'll just go ahead and confess this honestly -- for a second when she was punching numbers on the calculator, I thought she was on her cellphone.

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I'll just go ahead and confess this honestly -- for a second when she was punching numbers on the calculator, I thought she was on her cellphone.

 

Me too!

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I think the reason the mop water Dick Miller is using is so dirty, is because he quips back to the bucket before the bully janitors arrive that he's cleaning up some kid's puke. Like, the kid ate a metric ton of mall junk food and than ran around all hyped up like kids do, spewing a pizza/candy/popcorn/ice cream/shake concoction all over the floor, which the prop guy figured was the equivalent of marshmallowy hot chocolate (?).

 

I signed up to the Earwolf forum specifically to let you know what a massive effing creep Jim Wynorski is to work with...

 

I had enjoyed this movie, but that commentary really tainted it for me. There are far too many creeps in Hollywood (and in general) flying under the radar, so I appreciate when they're pointed out so I can withdraw any future financial support. Perhaps to remedy things in the future if a creep comes up during research, that fact can be stickied and then pointed out at the beginning of the show?

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I was wracking my brains to come up with an alternative title and I've got it.

 

Small B.L.A.R.T. Maul Cop

 

The B.L.A.R.T. Means Bonkers Laser Attack Robot Teens

 

Either that or Shopping Maul

 

 

Dead, Bath, and Beyond

 

Or alternately-

Bed, Death, and Beyond

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Chopping Mall Theory.

 

As there is no clear explanation given for the robot guards suddenly turning into Killbots (the lightning strike just doesn't hold up as the robots were not connected to anything when the bolt hit the mall)...I would like to posit this theory.

 

June was so disturbed by the creepy Director's commentary that it unleashed her latent psionic powers and she was able to reach into the past and take mental control of the robot guards' CPUs, a la the way Bran Stark took control of Hodor's mind on "Game of Thrones", and gave them a command to destroy all associated with this exploitative movie.

 

This may sound crazy, but the robots did not show any signs of aggression until the smoking lab tech guy objectified Protector One by transposing the robot's body with the image of a Playboy centerfold.

 

I rest my case.

 

All Hail June, The Robot Queen!

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Regarding Paul's Gratuitous Nudity Extinction Hypothesis:

 

The boobs in this movie and the director's commentary prompted me to wonder something: I keep hearing Paul lament that 90s movies were the last to feature gratuitous boobs. Most recently it was Time Cop, I think, that he claimed was among the last movies to feature gratuitous nudity. But, um... What is he talking about? Horror and comedy genre films still pretty consistently feature boobs-qua-boobs to this day. What's with the nostalgia for some imagined golden age of gratuitous nudity?

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I created an account to post this since no one else posted about it. I know in the episode someone brought up if this would be a better movie with the addition of Hollywood Montrose from Mannequin. Jason then wanted this to be a shared universe with the Mannequin movies...or at least to have some mannequins come to life.

 

What if Rick was a living mannequin the entire movie? In the final moments of his life he sacrifices himself by driving a mall go-kart (?) into one of the protectors. Once he dies he actually turns back into mannequin form. I saw this when I watched the movie, and couldn't believe a hypothetical regarding it came up on the podcast, but this wasn't mentioned at all.

 

 

 

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If you didn't know the director was creepy, just check out the remainder of his filmography, which includes putting out softcore films under the names:

Jim Wynorski

Arch Stanton

Noble Henry

Jay Andrews

Tom Popatopolous

Bob E. Brown

Harold Blueberry

H.R. Blueberry

Jamie Wagner

Bob Robertson

Salvadore Ross

J.R. Mandish

Andrew James

Rob Robertson

Sam Pepperman

Rip Masters

 

One of those names is the same as the title character of the Twilight Zone episode "The Self-Improvement of Salvadore Ross" ... a man who discovers that he can trade personal qualities with other people (for instance, he can get a year younger if someone else agrees to get a year older, and can similarly switch medical conditions, personality traits, etc.) which he uses to woo a lady who had turned him down for lacking empathy. In other words, the director of Chopping Mall took on as a fake name that of a guy who is trying to get laid by taking on qualities of other, nicer people!

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Regarding Paul's Gratuitous Nudity Extinction Hypothesis:

 

The boobs in this movie and the director's commentary prompted me to wonder something: I keep hearing Paul lament that 90s movies were the last to feature gratuitous boobs. Most recently it was Time Cop, I think, that he claimed was among the last movies to feature gratuitous nudity. But, um... What is he talking about? Horror and comedy genre films still pretty consistently feature boobs-qua-boobs to this day. What's with the nostalgia for some imagined golden age of gratuitous nudity?

 

Return to Return to Nuke 'Em High Aka Vol. 2 premiered this month and, like its predecessor Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1, it's chock full of gratuitous nudity, both boobs and... other body parts (including some which do not exist in nature).

 

And then there's Black Dynamite (the 2009 movie), which Roger Ebert praised at length for its gratuitous nudity, but also implying that it was the first such movie in a long time:

 

I am happy to say it brings back an element sadly missing in recent movies, gratuitous nudity. Sexy women would "happen" to be topless in the 1970s movies for no better reason than that everyone agreed, including themselves, that their breasts were a genuine pleasure to regard -- the most beautiful naturally occurring shapes in nature, I believe. Now we see breasts only in serious films, for expressing reasons. There's been such a comeback for the strategically positioned bed sheet, you'd think we were back in the 1950s.

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1. I love Mary Holland.

2. No mention of the aggressive dancing at the "party"?

3. This.

sOt3Yvv.jpg

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