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Episode 170 - Bratz

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Obviously, I have to be careful here, so let's just say I'm not NOT saying that...

 

It's too late ... Homeland Security has dossiers on us all by now.

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I wanted to hear some more discussion of Meredith's crazy Rube Goldbergian mechanism for starting a food fight and getting the Bratz in trouble with the Principal. Here it is in full:

 

 

She sends her dog to bite one of the Bratz in the ankle (presumably as punishment for being hit on by Meredith's boyfriend), which then causes her to spill her pasta at the precise moment another Brat is crossing below the staircase, which causes that Brat to stumble backwards into a very conveniently placed trash can, which rolls backwards into the exact table where another Brat is sitting and gets hit with another plate of pasta. As this other Brat stands up to complain, she trips on a very conveniently placed skateboard, which goes careening right into the precise path of the fourth and final Brat, who falls face forward into her own food (which appears to be a cream pie this time -- does anyone get a cream pie for anything other than a slapstick scene?). This then kicks off a food fight between the Bratz, though how the last of them knows where that skateboard came from is beyond me. In the ensuing melee, the very poorly-secured bust of Principal Jon Voight falls to the ground and smashes into pieces.

 

You might assume this was all just a very lucky coincidence, but as the food fight continues we very clearly see Meredith standing there and admiring her own handiwork, indicating that . . . she planned this? Very impressive work there by our resident mean girl.

 

Of course, the whole effort is immediately undermined (like everything else in this movie) when the Bratz make up and become friends again in detention. But even so, I admire her commitment. Really I spent the whole movie rooting for Meredith, who seems to have more defined goals than anyone else.

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Okay, I too just spent some time on the Bratz Wiki page to see if I could get to the bottom of Polly's Meredith Baxter-Birney question and I got really involved with the history of Cloe and Cameron's relationship, which - in the cartoons anyway - goes unrequited. So I can imagine that this movie provided some much needed closure for some of the die hards. Anyway, in my research, I found this synopsis for an episode of their television show:

 

So, while I'm not going to go so far as to suggest that her father was definitely eliminated due to his knowledge of extra terrestrial life, I will say, based on canonical evidence, it's not outside the realm of possibility.

HkPOzEH.jpg?1

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The clear answer is that Principal Jon Voight is running his school like some banana-republic dictatorship and simply installed his daughter as President without holding any elections. This is some Donald and Ivanka shit going on here.

Well here is where things get weird. Jon Voight is only doing all of this because of Meredith! He's just a puppet! In his first scene he's reading the book on how to run a prison and his first line to Meredith is "You're right it says here...." implying that she's the one that read the book and gave it to him and is pulling the strings. We see in later scenes that she's clearly manipulating him. Any time that he takes action it is on her orders. Meredith is the one with the flashdrive and blackmail schemes, she's the one that in her first year of high school becomes school president for life, she's the one deciding who gets to be her competition in the talent show. She uses her father the principal to get what she wants and he's so concerned with having his daughter love him that he's willing to do whatever she wants. She enters high school "Daddy, I want to be president." "Okay sweetie I'll make it happen." While these are cruel actions one might think he's doing it for one reason, the love of his daughter.

 

This is also why I theorize that her Mom is probably dead. Now she could simply be divorced but lets look at the facts. They live in a very expensive house way beyond that of a high school principal's salary. They have contacts at MTV. They have the money to throw two super luxurious parties for the daughter. If the parents were divorced the mother must have done something really bad to leave Jon Voight with all that wealth. Rather it makes sense that Meredith's mom had some sort of high income job with lots of connections. She passed away, thus leaving all her amassed wealth and the house to Jon Voight and Meredith. This would also explain his willingness to give into Meredith's wants and whims. Let's not forget the scene at Meredith's sweet sixteen where we see him just sitting all alone playing ring toss. He's deeply depressed and lonely.

 

If we think of the end where there is a tie in the talent show and they split the prize. That was his one Meredith free decision in the movie and what does he do? He gives the meaningless award to his daughter and gives the real prize, the scholarship, to the Bratz. He's trying to appease his daughter but also do the right thing. He's just a sad widower who is trying to run a safe but maybe not fun school and give his daughter everything she wants.

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Well here is where things get weird. Jon Voight is only doing all of this because of Meredith! He's just a puppet! In his first scene he's reading the book on how to run a prison and his first line to Meredith is "You're right it says here...." implying that she's the one that read the book and gave it to him and is pulling the strings. We see in later scenes that she's clearly manipulating him. Any time that he takes action it is on her orders. Meredith is the one with the flashdrive and blackmail schemes, she's the one that in her first year of high school becomes school president for life, she's the one deciding who gets to be her competition in the talent show. She uses her father the principal to get what she wants and he's so concerned with having his daughter love him that he's willing to do whatever she wants. She enters high school "Daddy, I want to be president." "Okay sweetie I'll make it happen." While these are cruel actions one might think he's doing it for one reason, the love of his daughter.

 

This is also why I theorize that her Mom is probably dead. Now she could simply be divorced but lets look at the facts. They live in a very expensive house way beyond that of a high school principal's salary. They have contacts at MTV. They have the money to throw two super luxurious parties for the daughter. If the parents were divorced the mother must have done something really bad to leave Jon Voight with all that wealth. Rather it makes sense that Meredith's mom had some sort of high income job with lots of connections. She passed away, thus leaving all her amassed wealth and the house to Jon Voight and Meredith. This would also explain his willingness to give into Meredith's wants and whims. Let's not forget the scene at Meredith's sweet sixteen where we see him just sitting all alone playing ring toss. He's deeply depressed and lonely.

 

If we think of the end where there is a tie in the talent show and they split the prize. That was his one Meredith free decision in the movie and what does he do? He gives the meaningless award to his daughter and gives the real prize, the scholarship, to the Bratz. He's trying to appease his daughter but also do the right thing. He's just a sad widower who is trying to run a safe but maybe not fun school and give his daughter everything she wants.

 

I like this theory, but at one point, she threatens to "tell mom" he was calling her "polliwog" and being too familiar with her in public. He then backs down immediately as if dealing with her mother is terrifying.

 

So, I don't know. That's weird, though. "Principal of School" isn't usually considered a high paying gig. Especially when you're as incompetent as he is. How are they so rich?

 

Maybe she's a high priced assassin? Ooh! Maybe her mother was hired to eliminate Cloe's father! And maybe that's why she keeps hiring her mother to do work around their house! She's trying to keep her close to determine how much information about extra terrestrial life he shared with the rest of her family!

 

Or...maybe his wife has a high position in government and was able to get her husband a cush job at her daughter's school through nepotism. It's all about those...Family Ties. Wait a second. Family Ties? Meredith Baxter-Birney? Meredith Baxter-Dimly? Polly, is that what's going on here?

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I like this theory, but at one point, she threatens to "tell mom" he was calling her "polliwog" and being too familiar with her in public. He then backs down immediately as if dealing with her mother is terrifying.

 

So, I don't know. That's weird, though. "Principal of School" isn't usually considered a high paying gig. Especially when you're as incompetent as he is. How are they so rich?

 

Maybe she's a high priced assassin? Ooh! Maybe her mother was hired to eliminate Cloe's father! And maybe that's why she keeps hiring her mother to do work around their house! She's trying to keep her close to determine how much information about extra terrestrial life he shared with the rest of her family!

 

Or...maybe his wife has a high position in government and was able to get her husband a cush job at her daughter's school through nepotism. It's all about those...Family Ties...Wait a second. Family Ties? Meredith Baxter-Birney? Meredith Baxter-Dimly? Polly, is that what's going on here?

Also let's not forget the previous discovered link to hell in the Bratz world. What if Meredith's mother work for a B.P.R.D type government office. Aliens could fall under her department as well. She's so scary because she works with monsters and could in theory send somebody she doesn't like to hell. Cloe's father found out the truth and bought himself a one way ticket to hell. Feeling bad they reached out and hired Cloe's mom to "help them out" but it was motivated purely by guilt or to throw off an sort of suspicion.

 

Elektra might be happy to note that this theory could also tie the Bratz universe into the Monster High universe as well.

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Also let's not forget the previous discovered link to hell in the Bratz world. What if Meredith's mother work for a B.P.R.D type government office. Aliens could fall under her department as well. She's so scary because she works with monsters and could in theory send somebody she doesn't like to hell. Cloe's father found out the truth and bought himself a one way ticket to hell. Feeling bad they reached out and hired Cloe's mom to "help them out" but it was motivated purely by guilt or to throw off an sort of suspicion.

 

Elektra might be happy to note that this theory could also tie the Bratz universe into the Monster High universe as well.

 

DyFC7FU.gif

 

Let's see if we can flesh this out...perhaps Carey Nation High School is on a Hellmouth or some other interdimensional portal and it is Dimly and Meredith's appointed task (by his wife, her mother) to ensure that this portal remains shut. Perhaps separating the kids according to personality type, and according to Meredith's eldritch seating chart, helps diffuse the hormonal energies that keep this chthonic portal in a state of homeostasis. By disrupting this through their refusal to conform, the Bratz are upsetting this delicate balance.

 

Maybe, Cloe's dad knew all of this. Maybe he isn't a good guy at all. Maybe he tried to open this portal and release hordes of Hellspawn upon the Earth! Meredith's mother couldn't allow that! In a dramatic battle over a fiery chasm in the auditorium, Meredith's mom and Cloe's father fought. Ultimately, Meredith's mother triumphed and cast Cloe's father into the infernal pit, but not before she herself was tainted with Abaddon's Affliction. Knowing she's been corrupted by his wretched touch, and that the Hell breach cannot be sealed until all damned souls have been returned, she tearfully says farewell to her family and tragically throws herself in. Meredith and Dimly then make a vow to each other that she will not have died in vain and promise to safeguard the school...forever.

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So, while I'm not going to go so far as to suggest that her father was definitely eliminated due to his knowledge of extra terrestrial life, I will say, based on canonical evidence, it's not outside the realm of possibility.

You might assume this was all just a very lucky coincidence, but as the food fight continues we very clearly see Meredith standing there and admiring her own handiwork, indicating that . . . she planned this? Very impressive work there by our resident mean girl.

Well here is where things get weird. Jon Voight is only doing all of this because of Meredith! He's just a puppet! In his first scene he's reading the book on how to run a prison and his first line to Meredith is "You're right it says here...." implying that she's the one that read the book and gave it to him and is pulling the strings. We see in later scenes that she's clearly manipulating him. Any time that he takes action it is on her orders. Meredith is the one with the flashdrive and blackmail schemes, she's the one that in her first year of high school becomes school president for life, she's the one deciding who gets to be her competition in the talent show. She uses her father the principal to get what she wants and he's so concerned with having his daughter love him that he's willing to do whatever she wants. She enters high school "Daddy, I want to be president." "Okay sweetie I'll make it happen." While these are cruel actions one might think he's doing it for one reason, the love of his daughter.

 

This is also why I theorize that her Mom is probably dead.

I like this theory, but at one point, she threatens to "tell mom" he was calling her "polliwog" and being too familiar with her in public. He then backs down immediately as if dealing with her mother is terrifying.

Also let's not forget the previous discovered link to hell in the Bratz world. What if Meredith's mother work for a B.P.R.D type government office. Aliens could fall under her department as well. She's so scary because she works with monsters and could in theory send somebody she doesn't like to hell. Cloe's father found out the truth and bought himself a one way ticket to hell.

Let's see if we can flesh this out...perhaps Carey Nation High School is on a Hellmouth or some other interdimensional portal and it is Dimly and Meredith's appointed task (by his wife, her mother) to ensure that this portal remains shut. Perhaps separating the kids according to personality type, and according to Meredith's eldritch seating chart, helps diffuse the hormonal energies that keep this chthonic portal in a state of homeostasis. By disrupting this through their refusal to conform, the Bratz are upsetting this delicate balance.

 

Maybe, Cloe's dad knew all of this. Maybe he isn't a good guy at all. Maybe he tried to open this portal and release hordes of Hellspawn upon the Earth! Meredith's mother couldn't allow that! In a dramatic battle over a fiery chasm in the auditorium, Meredith's mom and Cloe's father fought. Ultimately, Meredith's mother triumphed and cast Cloe's father into the infernal pit, but not before she herself was tainted with Abaddon's Affliction. Knowing she's been corrupted by his wretched touch, and that the Hell breach cannot be sealed until all damned souls have been returned, she tearfully says farewell to her family and tragically throws herself in. Meredith and Dimly then make a vow to each other that she will not have died in vain and promise to safeguard the school...forever.

Actually, now, I think it was never aliens. I think Meredith herself may be a demon. It explains sycasey's observation about Meredith's odd telekinetic control over the food fight. It also explains why Dimly is completely powerless against Meredith. I think that "telling mom" is Dimly shorthand for "sending you into a flaming hellscape," where her mother (perhaps Abaddon) reigns supreme. And in that case, it's not a stretch to assume that she might have the power to foresee that Cloe would catch her mortal boyfriend's eye in high school, and may have proactively sent Cloe's father to hell in an attempt to give her a life-long distraction (i.e. her wreck of a widowed mom). Or maybe Cloe's father was close to discovering the truth anyway, and decided to kill two birds with one stone.

 

In other words, I think we know who Cloe's dad is:

doom-cover-art.jpg

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So Yasmin gets shoes from Bubbie in exchange for chocolates. I find it hard to believe that sniping a couple of chocolates from an unmanned candy dish is harder for Bubbie than whatever the hell she's doing to get those shoes, but whatever, I'm a team player. I'll play along.

 

But each time Bubbie takes the chocolates and tucks them... in her bra? Aren't those chocolates and her bra just going to be a sticky disgusting mess inside of 5 minutes?

 

#putherinabra

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Is Bubbie diabetic? Is that why she can't get her own damn chocolate? Is Yasmin enabling her self-destructive behavior?

 

ETA: I did some research on Diabetes and I think I got this wrong. Still, why can't Bubbi be trusted to get her own chocolate? Is it a diet thing?

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Is Bubbie diabetic? Is that why she can't get her own damn chocolate? Is Yasmin enabling her self-destructive behavior?

Also, Bubbie is giving Yasmin expensive pairs of shoes, likely worth hundreds of dollars, in exchange for a small piece of chocolate. Two questions:

 

What is Bubbie's shoe hook-up? Does she know a guy at the docks? Is she a compulsive shoplifter? Does she run a sweatshop? Does she have a giant inheritance that she uses sparingly to trade goods for chocolate?

 

Which leads us to question two: what is in Yasmin's chocolate? Does she have some magical chocolate making technique that makes a small piece enough to satisfy even the most discerning of chocoholics? Or is 'chocolate' a codeword for the methadone that Yasmin is withholding from her junkie grandmother? Or is this chocolate laced with speed, that she gives out when Bubbie's really starting to get the shakes?

 

There's much more to this clandestine shoes for 'chocolate' trade.

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As for Dylan, I felt like we were watching the origin story for a Daredevil villain. Think about it. Both are missing one of their senses. Daredevil is blind, Dylan is deaf. But both have miraculous abilities to feel the vibrations around them to make up for the deficiency. Daredevil uses them like radar to give him sight. Dylan uses them to listen to music, even to compose it by "spinning", which is apparently just making wiki-wa noises at random intervals.

 

I imagine Dylan and his gang could blare 15 seconds of various songs at a time, including spinning some of them, but jumping from one song to the next like the movie. The constant musical score change wouldn't allow Daredevil's sonar to adapt, rendering his "vision" impaired. Then they could....

 

I was going to elaborate further, but I need to get started on this screenplay immediately.

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As for Dylan, I felt like we were watching the origin story for a Daredevil villain. Think about it. Both are missing one of their senses. Daredevil is blind, Dylan is deaf. But both have miraculous abilities to feel the vibrations around them to make up for the deficiency. Daredevil uses them like radar to give him sight. Dylan uses them to listen to music, even to compose it by "spinning", which is apparently just making wiki-wa noises at random intervals.

 

I imagine Dylan and his gang could blare 15 seconds of various songs at a time, including spinning some of them, but jumping from one song to the next like the movie. The constant musical score change wouldn't allow Daredevil's sonar to adapt, rendering his "vision" impaired. Then they could....

 

I was going to elaborate further, but I need to get started on this screenplay immediately.

That sounds like a horrble modern remake of See No Evil, Hear No Evil.

 

 

Also, don't know if it was explained or not, but why the fuck was there a full, in costume mariachi band in the main character's house?

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Is Bubbie diabetic? Is that why she can't get her own damn chocolate? Is Yasmin enabling her self-destructive behavior?

 

ETA: I did some research on Diabetes and I think I got this wrong. Still, why can't Bubbi be trusted to get her own chocolate? Is it a diet thing?

 

At the end of the movie Bubbie confesses that she's a chocoholic. So I guess the implication is that she has an uncontrollable addiction, and will go completely cuckoo for Coco Puffs if her impulses are left unchecked. Therefore Yasmin is her sugar daddy (or chocolate daddy, in this case), and rations out chocolates in controlled portions. The only chocolate her own mother is allowed to eat is what Yasmin provides. Which means that the shoes are either payment or some kind of bribe so Bubbie gets her fix.

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At the end of the movie Bubbie confesses that she's a chocoholic. So I guess the implication is that she has an uncontrollable addiction, and will go completely cuckoo for Coco Puffs if her impulses are left unchecked. Therefore Yasmin is her sugar daddy (or chocolate daddy, in this case), and rations out chocolates in controlled portions. The only chocolate her own mother is allowed to eat is what Yasmin provides. Which means that the shoes are either payment or some kind of bribe so Bubbie gets her fix.

 

So Yasmin is, like, providing Bubbie's methadone?

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Which leads us to question two: what is in Yasmin's chocolate? Does she have some magical chocolate making technique that makes a small piece enough to satisfy even the most discerning of chocoholics? Or is 'chocolate' a codeword for the methadone that Yasmin is withholding from her junkie grandmother? Or is this chocolate laced with speed, that she gives out when Bubbie's really starting to get the shakes?

 

There's much more to this clandestine shoes for 'chocolate' trade.

 

At the end of the movie Bubbie confesses that she's a chocoholic. So I guess the implication is that she has an uncontrollable addiction, and will go completely cuckoo for Coco Puffs if her impulses are left unchecked. Therefore Yasmin is her sugar daddy (or chocolate daddy, in this case), and rations out chocolates in controlled portions. The only chocolate her own mother is allowed to eat is what Yasmin provides. Which means that the shoes are either payment or some kind of bribe so Bubbie gets her fix.

Even if Bubbie is totally hooked on chocolate, just ... go to the goddamn store?

 

This is like Mark from The Room sneaking up to his weed stash on the roof and hiding out like a teenager. It's like, dude, you're both adults ... just buy your meth chocolate with your own money and smoke your brickwall weed in your apartment!

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Even if Bubbie is totally hooked on chocolate, just ... go to the goddamn store?

 

This is like Mark from The Room sneaking up to his weed stash on the roof and hiding out like a teenager. It's like, dude, you're both adults ... just buy your meth chocolate with your own money and smoke your brickwall weed in your apartment!

 

Yes, this! But also Bubbie and Yasmin's transactions seem to be a secret - FROM WHO? In their household there is only Yasmin, Bubbie, the pedo-kid with the hairdo,and a mariachi band. It's not like she's Cliff Huxtable hiding his sub sandwich indulgences from Claire Huxtable... in this scenerio there is no Claire. There is no Zaydee to keep this Bubbie accountable. Lady, you want some damn chocolate? Literally go to ANY store that sells ANY thing.

 

Which brings me to only one conclusion - Those are magic mushroom chocolates like I ate in college.

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But each time Bubbie takes the chocolates and tucks them... in her bra? Aren't those chocolates and her bra just going to be a sticky disgusting mess inside of 5 minutes?

 

#putherinabra

 

Also - this should not be ignored. Putting chocolate in a bra is a ridiculous idea.

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Yes, this! But also Bubbie and Yasmin's transactions seem to be a secret - FROM WHO? In their household there is only Yasmin, Bubbie, the pedo-kid with the hairdo,and a mariachi band. It's not like she's Cliff Huxtable hiding her sub sandwich indulgences from Claire Huxtable... in this scenerio there is no Claire. There is no Zaydee to keep this Bubbie accountable. Lady, you want some damn chocolate? Literally go to ANY store that sells ANY thing.

 

Which brings me to only one conclusion - Those are magic mushroom chocolates like I ate in college.

 

It is the ONLY logical conclusion.

 

Welcome to the boards, by the way! Post often, stay a while!

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It is the ONLY logical conclusion.

 

Welcome to the boards, by the way! Post often, stay a while!

 

Hey Thanks!

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Which brings me to only one conclusion - Those are magic mushroom chocolates like I ate in college.

 

Well, that would explain the mariachi band!

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Well, that would explain the mariachi band!

Honestly I think the mariachi band is the first sign of Yasmin's psychotic break. She's suppose to be our main brat right? We never visit Jade's house and barely spend time with Chloe and Sasha's but both their parents home are relatively grounded and so are their issues. Any time Yasmin gets involved, things get way over the top and out of control hijinks happen. She's the only one that wasn't able to make new friends or connections. I think she might be insane.

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