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DaltonMaltz

Episode 69 - Why Are There So Many Questions? with Justin Theroux

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Justin Theroux is an actor, producer, screenwriter, and director who joins Jonathan to talk about early days living & traveling in China, landing his first major acting role, his outlook on life, as well as a surprise Q & A session with Tan & Antoni. Recored live at Vulture Fest.

 

Find Justin’s work at https://www.achancetobloom.org/. He’s on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/justintheroux.

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Episode 69? Up top my Thebrouxs!*

*The-brouxs is what the members of a very exclusive and very very top secret Justin Theroux fan club call themselves. I shouldn't even be posting this due to the exclusive and secretive nature of this fan club but unlike the other Thebrouxs (who seem to only want to hang out when I forget to take my medication) I'd like some new members to take a turn with the shovel once in awhile, the sooner this underground tunnel to Justin's bedroom is finished, the sooner we get to drain the mystical red and white fluids from within his meat shell using the piercing staff of Moloxium. After the liquid is fully harvested and we can locate a pump to make "New Justin" attempt our Plan B if the plan I'm about to spend 5 days transmitting to you telepathically: an imposter gnome is placed inside the shriveled husk of Justin as it's being filled with worm slurry and magic words to make dem worm mimic the movements and personality of Earth's only organism pretty enough to make time weep at it's inability to stop moving forward, weeps time tears because it is powerless to let him stay young, pretty, with all his red blood and white goo still inside his body instead of being mixed with the ashes of an assassin to make the sacred paste that a dyslexic beetle (who bravely overcomes it's obstacle by never learning to read or speak, just like every other beetle in existence) in-between staying mute and never going to school it will spread those ashes we mentioned 3 hours ago upon the Gorbianthiax Stone. A three headed tiger whose only purpose is to successfully masturbate into a backwards river while Joey Lawrence from TV's Blossom recites the reanimation spell tattooed on his scrotum at birth in a language only heroes and ghosts can hear, luckily a heroic ghost happened to be passing by with a pen and paper, he takes the spell over to a taxidermist to be woven into the skin of a live badger who will murder and eat the taxidermist but not before the taxidermist eats the badger, the resulting poop of the victor of that riddle contains the incantation that must be thought of aloud in a mirror after a shower with a old lady sitting in a corner pointing at your junk, making the thinker feel self-conscience. It is the blood from the eventual suicide of the old lady in a  dramatic twist you didn't see coming that we will use to bring back the Dark Lord Prince Ruler Guy Beast Thing to take his rightful place on the Throne of some word with x's and z's in it so you know it's all weird and magical and stuff. There he will summon the corpse chewers and the ice giants and the space ostriches with the sharp dicks and all the bad guys and we gonna stomp yo ass and we gonna enslave y'all and hope you like sweating and spending eternity swinging a pick-axe at a bunch of rocks and being chained to random strangers and probably getting raped by dead animals or some shit, it'll be brutal but that's what you get for not protecting Justin Theroux at all times like a smart planet does. You think someone who is that pretty WON'T have magical cumblood that will  be used as the catalyst for an apocalyptic dimension-shattering war among light and shadow? Have you even read the Shadow Slates of the Dead, they should be in the bottom of the deepest canyon in your deepest ocean accessible to all those who can survive the pressure (both literal and figurative pressure) like any other billion year old manuals from dimensions sharing your Ogg Orbit. Yeh DOYYYYYY. 

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