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Episode 204 - Holiday in Handcuffs (w/ Jessica St. Clair)

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Jessica St. Clair (WOMP IT UP!) joins Paul and Jason to discuss the 2007 ABC family holiday film Holiday in Handcuffs starring Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez. They talk about the rough lighting, party perms, Jessica’s Mario Lopez story, and Paul’s personal relationship with three of the cast members of the movie. Plus, everyone is determined to find out the truth behind Mario Lopez’s chest hair.

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I haven't listened to the podcast yet, but I just want to bring this up right away.

There was a moment that reeeeeeally made my stomach churn:

When Mario and Melissa were sitting down to right their letters to Santa, they ate some milk and cookies. Then MJH proceeded to break out some wine.....my GAWD. To me that just seems like bubble guts waiting to happen.

 

Btw....I really liked Melissa Joan Hart in this movie.

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Can we get a spinoff podcast where Paul just tells stories from his bizarre childhood please?

Scheer Tales. Like and Subscribe.

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I haven't listened yet I just saw that Jessica St. Clair was the guest and exclaimed" Awww yeah! They brought out the big guns they brought back St. Clair!!! " my cats looked at me like I'm as crazy as Melissa Joan Hart in this monstrosity. Which... Rude. Though the fact that I worry about my cats approval so maybe?

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1 hour ago, SideofMcG said:

Can we get a spinoff podcast where Paul just tells stories from his bizarre childhood please?

Scheer Tales. Like and Subscribe.

I would PAY to listen to the bizarre world of Paul's childhood. They could have psychologists on to try to figure... Whatever is going on there. I'm fascinated by how Paul turned out somewhat normal.

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I don't think that actual duche Nick would have waited MONTHS to have sex with MJH.  I also don't think that MJH would wait months to have sex with her boyfriend.  So if he broke up with her because they had finally had sex why would he have stuck around so long if that's all he wants? She says that they've been dating for a few months so it seems like a good idea to bring him home.  He's a giant prick and I can only imagine that he's just constantly hounding her for sex during their relationship. That sounds awful! 

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I don’t know why the description leaves out June but I had a moment of being bummed before being happy that St Clair was on. And then! She was there! It’s a Christmas miracle 

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I loved that Jessica St. Clair was on an in studio episode. I knew this would be a great episode just on her being the guest and it did not disappoint.

What angered me most about this movie was Mario Lopez makes no real effort to explain his situation to anyone. I know it's the premise of the movie but why did he only tell people one time that he was kidnapped? He is in a horror movie scenario. I would never stop telling people until someone took me seriously. Imagine being in this scenario and all you do is tell someone one time. It drove me crazy.

Did anyone else think, when June Lockhart said, "I WAS ON BROADWAY!" the first time that it was out of character? I didn't know her character was an actress until much later and I thought that they left in a genuine moment of frustration.

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5 minutes ago, grudlian. said:

I loved that Jessica St. Clair was on an in studio episode. I knew this would be a great episode just on her being the guest and it did not disappoint.

What angered me most about this movie was Mario Lopez makes no real effort to explain his situation to anyone. I know it's the premise of the movie but why did he only tell people one time that he was kidnapped? He is in a horror movie scenario. I would never stop telling people until someone took me seriously. Imagine being in this scenario and all you do is tell someone one time. It drove me crazy.

Did anyone else think, when June Lockhart said, "I WAS ON BROADWAY!" the first time that it was out of character? I didn't know her character was an actress until much later and I thought that they left in a genuine moment of frustration.

Right?! Also I get it's for movie purposes but even if someone told me that was how a person joked clearly he is UPSET. I would be worried about why this person was so upset over their joke. There a "she dragged me gere! I'm kidnapped haha " and the  there's " PLEASE HELP ME THIS PSYCHOPATH HAS ABDUCTED ME! " . Even if I bought it was a joke I'd be weirded out by the anger and desperation. If he kept it up or cornered someone and was like " look I am Not Joking " maybe So they might have believed him?

 And she never told her siblings that lie.  So their first impression is her boyfriend angrily calling her names to their faces. Which they find not only acceptable but the brother seems to think is hilarious. Sorry I personally don't like people who mock and degrade their significant other and if I was her sibling I would think this guy was crazy and a dirtbag for straight up calling her names when meeting me for the first time.

I might honestly worry  she was in an emotionally abusive relationship but then again this family is awful.

 

 

This movie did teach me that if I'm ever kidnapped and my captors try to make it seen like I'm supposed to be with them I'm going to just flat out cry. Like sobbing can't breath snotfaced cry. Good luck convincing people I'm ok if I'm sobbing like a baby. Honestly he should have broken down crying and that would have shut this shit down quick. People are very uncomfortable with tears  and I bet because of our society 's fucked up toxic masculinity seeing a sobbing Mario Lopez would have really thrown that family for a loop. 

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This episode was a Christmas miracle.  I don't think this can be made into a shirt but June's "and I hate women too" is an all time HDTGM line.

Jason is spot on that every action Mario Lopez is taking in the diner is insane but from the movie's point of view it is necessary.  MJH has to think that Mario Lopez is alone otherwise she is a true monster when she kidnaps him.

I think this movie needed a little more backstory on Mario.  I would have thrown in that he spent 7 years in Tibet and while he was there a lot of people thought he was the reincarnation of Buddha because of the otherworldly patience he showed in all aspects of life.  How else can you explain how easily he settles into this situation?

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49 minutes ago, SaraK said:

I don’t know why the description leaves out June but I had a moment of being bummed before being happy that St Clair was on. And then! She was there! It’s a Christmas miracle 

Knowing that they were wearing matching outfits brought me more joy and serotonin than Prozac ever has

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I need to know in why in the world Mario Lopez's girlfriend wouldn't kill him for proposing to her in a diner. Given her characterization she didn't seem like the diner type. If they had just added a line about that being the spot of their first date or something it might fix it.

Also when did he call off their (what seemed like it was going to be) elaborate wedding. Like how close to the day are we talking? Because the closer to the wedding itself and the more I hate him because that's just rude. Think of that poor maid who's already suffered so much for this shitshow. You could have prevented that. And all the people working on it,  the guests coming from out of town etc. 

I'm not saying he should have married her but he should have broke it off in a timely manner for everyone else at least. If not for himself. 

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So I was half asleep near the end but did Mario's ex fiancee's own the place he was vice president at? Because I bet that's another reason he's starting whatever the fuck that company is (other than a blatant attempt to employ MJH). Exactly how in demand is this company going to be?

Speaking of money why was MJH acting like Mario was Richie Rich and she was from a family of blue collar workers? Her parents are paying for her sister's law school tuition. Bitch you are solidly upper middle class! 

also your loft is giant and not shitty at all. You just need to get your stove fixed and buy a fucking microwave! ( what was she even going to do if it worked? She didn't have a pot of pan out just the Chinese food box. Was she going to put that on the stovetop?!)

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50 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

Right?! Also I get it's for movie purposes but even if someone told me that was how a person joked clearly he is UPSET. I would be worried about why this person was so upset over their joke. There a "she dragged me gere! I'm kidnapped haha " and the  there's " PLEASE HELP ME THIS PSYCHOPATH HAS ABDUCTED ME! " . Even if I bought it was a joke I'd be weirded out by the anger and desperation. If he kept it up or cornered someone and was like " look I am Not Joking " maybe So they might have believed him?

 And she never told her siblings that lie.  So their first impression is her boyfriend angrily calling her names to their faces. Which they find not only acceptable but the brother seems to think is hilarious. Sorry I personally don't like people who mock and degrade their significant other and if I was her sibling I would think this guy was crazy and a dirtbag for straight up calling her names when meeting me for the first time.

I might honestly worry  she was in an emotionally abusive relationship but then again this family is awful.

 

 

This movie did teach me that if I'm ever kidnapped and my captors try to make it seen like I'm supposed to be with them I'm going to just flat out cry. Like sobbing can't breath snotfaced cry. Good luck convincing people I'm ok if I'm sobbing like a baby. Honestly he should have broken down crying and that would have shut this shit down quick. People are very uncomfortable with tears  and I bet because of our society 's fucked up toxic masculinity seeing a sobbing Mario Lopez would have really thrown that family for a loop. 

This is what I'm saying! If someone told me at a Christmas party that they were kidnapped, I'd think they were making a weird joke. If they kept saying it over and over, I'd think they were really fucking strange or they were serious. At the very least, I'd ask my friend what's up with the weirdo they brought. I'd definitely ask my other friends or family "Why is that guy still doing this kidnapping bit? Do we need to contact the police? A mental hospital?"

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Oh my god, the part where Melissa Joan Hart tries heating her food with a hair dryer! YOU ARE 28 YEARS OLD! YOU KNOW THIS WON'T WORK! If she were 10, I'd be okay with it. If she is that stupid, I can understand her family thinking she's a mess even if she has a job loving on her own.

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What was Mario thinking calling his girlfriend  instead of the  police?! I know you don't want her to worry but call for help from professionals first THEN try her 

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This was probably my favorite episode of the year! Thank you everyone at HDTGM.

At the end of the movie everything seems to be finally working out for MJH. Not only does she have the opportunity to exhibit her art, but she actually manages to sell her piece - thereby validating her life choices. However, in the final moments of the movie, she is surprised to learn that the buyer was none other than Dimps! 

Obviously, this is meant to be a grand romantic gesture, but really, I feel like discovering Dimps bought her art would be far more damaging to her self-esteem than had she not sold her painting at all. Think about it: for a fleeting moment, this hapless loser gets to feel like the work she does is appreciated and that her passion is validated, only to have it all come crashing down when she learns that the piece wasn’t sold because it was necessarily good or well-regraded, but because a loved one bought it for her. It’s the equivalent of a mother telling you you’re handsome or pretty or a friend telling you your manuscript is great. Of course it’s sweet, but ultimately, because those people are biased, it’s always going to feel like hollow praise. I feel like it would have been far more romantic for him to have anonymously showcased her work and then allowed it to stand on its own. It would have shown his faith in her abilities without coming off as patronizing.

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50 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

What was Mario thinking calling his girlfriend  instead of the  police?! I know you don't want her to worry but call for help from professionals first THEN try her 

I couldn’t understand why he tried to make the call from the downstairs (i.e. high traffic) bathroom. He could have locked himself in a room or gone outside or any number of things. Why go to the one place where you’re most likely going to draw suspicion or get caught?

And I bet MJH’s brother was pissed when he found out the phone he leant to Dimps for a few minutes just got flushed down the toilet. Seriously, bro? I was doing you a favor!

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I haven’t finished but I saw Jess was the guest and they immediately started talking about the hair situation, and Paul went into a weird childhood story, then back to the hair. This is like exactly what I wanted. Merry Christmas to us all.

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1 hour ago, Cameron H. said:

This was probably my favorite episode of the year! Thank you everyone at HDTGM.

At the end of the movie everything seems to be finally working out for MJH. Not only does she have the opportunity to exhibit her art, but she actually manages to sell her piece - thereby validating her life choices. However, in the final moments of the movie, she is surprised to learn that the buyer was none other than Dimps! 

Obviously, this is meant to be a grand romantic gesture, but really, I feel like discovering Dimps bought her art would be far more damaging to her self-esteem than had she not sold her painting at all. Think about it: for a fleeting moment, this hapless loser gets to feel like the work she does is appreciated and that her passion is validated, only to have it all come crashing down when she learns that the piece wasn’t sold because it was necessarily good or well-regraded, but because a loved one bought it for her. It’s the equivalent of a mother telling you you’re handsome or pretty or a friend telling you your manuscript is great. Of course it’s sweet, but ultimately, because those people are biased, it’s always going to feel like hollow praise. I feel like it would have been far more romantic for him to have anonymously showcased her work and then allowed it to stand on its own. It would have shown his faith in her abilities without coming off as patronizing.

I agree with you but I think on some level she deserved this. She's clearly unstable and Mario Lopez doing this could have been a great fuck you to her. Imagine her thinking she's made it then Mario comes in and says "Nope! You're getting my money for this picture but you've gained no fans. No exposure. You're still unsuccessful and that's what you get for taking me hostage!"

1 hour ago, Cameron H. said:

I couldn’t understand why he tried to make the call from the downstairs (i.e. high traffic) bathroom. He could have locked himself in a room or gone outside or any number of things. Why go to the one place where you’re most likely going to draw suspicion or get caught?

And I bet MJH’s brother was pissed when he found out the phone he leant to Dimps for a few minutes just got flushed down the toilet. Seriously, bro? I was doing you a favor!

And why is June Lockhart so angry about how long it takes him to change pants. She's banging on the door after maybe a minute. Let this guy change pants! We know he's on the phone but June Lockhart doesn't. 

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49 minutes ago, grudlian. said:

I agree with you but I think on some level she deserved this. She's clearly unstable and Mario Lopez doing this could have been a great fuck you to her. Imagine her thinking she's made it then Mario comes in and says "Nope! You're getting my money for this picture but you've gained no fans. No exposure. You're still unsuccessful and that's what you get for taking me hostage!"

And why is June Lockhart so angry about how long it takes him to change pants. She's banging on the door after maybe a minute. Let this guy change pants! We know he's on the phone but June Lockhart doesn't. 

I was starting to worry  the way she was acting it was the only bathroom in the place which is madness given the size of the cabin. Why couldn't she go to another bathroom?

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2 hours ago, Cameron H. said:

I couldn’t understand why he tried to make the call from the downstairs (i.e. high traffic) bathroom. He could have locked himself in a room or gone outside or any number of things. Why go to the one place where you’re most likely going to draw suspicion or get caught?

And I bet MJH’s brother was pissed when he found out the phone he leant to Dimps for a few minutes just got flushed down the toilet. Seriously, bro? I was doing you a favor!

If I was the brothers is be furious. If I was the cabin owner is be even angerier. That can't be good for the pipes

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2 hours ago, Cameron H. said:

This was probably my favorite episode of the year! Thank you everyone at HDTGM.

At the end of the movie everything seems to be finally working out for MJH. Not only does she have the opportunity to exhibit her art, but she actually manages to sell her piece - thereby validating her life choices. However, in the final moments of the movie, she is surprised to learn that the buyer was none other than Dimps! 

Obviously, this is meant to be a grand romantic gesture, but really, I feel like discovering Dimps bought her art would be far more damaging to her self-esteem than had she not sold her painting at all. Think about it: for a fleeting moment, this hapless loser gets to feel like the work she does is appreciated and that her passion is validated, only to have it all come crashing down when she learns that the piece wasn’t sold because it was necessarily good or well-regraded, but because a loved one bought it for her. It’s the equivalent of a mother telling you you’re handsome or pretty or a friend telling you your manuscript is great. Of course it’s sweet, but ultimately, because those people are biased, it’s always going to feel like hollow praise. I feel like it would have been far more romantic for him to have anonymously showcased her work and then allowed it to stand on its own. It would have shown his faith in her abilities without coming off as patronizing.

Yes!!! She thought she had made it with her shitty art. NOPE! Also if this business is going to work one of then should know something about how the art world works and I don't think either of them understand it outside of making creepy portraits and having a place to hang said portraits. You need connections and contacts. 

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The one line that got me the most in this movie was MJH describing her exceptionally spacious loft apartment as a crappy dump. Mind you, it is decorated in copious amounts of curtains (even the bathroom is partitioned in bathtub curtains - which, for any date she brings home that suddenly needs to take a dump, is very unfortunate, audio-wise). Even in 2007, her loft apartment would have been going for big bucks, and her artist ass would have been gentrified out of that space once the Yuppie transplants started moving into the urban core.

The ice skating scene really got me because the bandstand is in the middle of the frozen lake or lagoon or whatever that body of water is. Does this mean in the autumn, spring and summer months, the bandstand is just floating out in the middle of the water?

If you were kidnapped and granted access to a cell phone, which number would you call first? If you said "911," then you are a fuckin' idiot! Everyone knows you call your vacuous girlfriend's drunk parents first. 

MarLo and the dad go into town for "extra virgin olive oil." MarLo get's no help from the store owner when he explains he's been kidnapped and needs to use the store's phone. His next move should have been to tackle the dad, grab the car keys and drive the fuck outta there. I mean, right?

During the dinner scene, MJH's sister admits to her parents that she has taken her tuition money and is going to open a palattes studio in California. The dad seems mildly angry, but not nearly as angry as he should be. His daughter basically embezzled tens of thousands dollars in tuition payments under the false pretense of going to law school so that she could have seed money for her new studio 3,000 miles away. 

On that notes, when learning that his daughter is moving to California, the dad makes a very dated crack about this being the place where are the whackadoos live. Hey Dubya, that line would have worked in John McClane's day, but it's 2007. Have you been to Florida?

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1 minute ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

The one line that got me the most in this movie was MJH describing her exceptionally spacious loft apartment as a crappy dump. Mind you, it is decorated in copious amounts of curtains (even the bathroom is partitioned in bathtub curtains - which, for any date she brings home that suddenly needs to take a dump, is very unfortunate, audio-wise). Even in 2007, her loft apartment would have been going for big bucks, and her artist ass would have been gentrified out of that space once the Yuppie transplants started moving into the urban core.

The ice skating scene really got me because the bandstand is in the middle of the frozen lake or lagoon or whatever that body of water is. Does this mean in the autumn, spring and summer months, the bandstand is just floating out in the middle of the water?

If you were kidnapped and granted access to a cell phone, which number would you call first? If you said "911," then you are a fuckin' idiot! Everyone knows you call your vacuous girlfriend's drunk parents first. 

MarLo and the dad go into town for "extra virgin olive oil." MarLo get's no help from the store owner when he explains he's been kidnapped and needs to use the store's phone. His next move should have been to tackle the dad, grab the car keys and drive the fuck outta there. I mean, right?

During the dinner scene, MJH's sister admits to her parents that she has taken her tuition money and is going to open a palattes studio in California. The dad seems mildly angry, but not nearly as angry as he should be. His daughter basically embezzled tens of thousands dollars in tuition payments under the false pretense of going to law school so that she could have seed money for her new studio 3,000 miles away. 

On that notes, when learning that his daughter is moving to California, the dad makes a very dated crack about this being the place where are the whackadoos live. Hey Dubya, that line would have worked in John McClane's day, but it's 2007. Have you been to Florida?

Mario even tried to crash the car  and the dad is somehow OK WITH THAT! I don't drive but if I did and someone tried to MAKE ME CRASH because they don't want to go back to where we were I WOULD BE VERY CONCERNED at the very least. I would not think that it's just nerves. He's barely been with the family by then. For the dad this is just a sudden freak out. I would worry about this person and the state of their mental health. Like it's so obvious that something is not right. This is a crazy person willing to inflict bodily harm on themselves and others .

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