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Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

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I unironically enjoyed this (saw it early) and it's borderline fresh on RT but I believe it has the hallmarks of a potential classic HDTGM movie.

-It's tracking to be a huge flop at the box office, with franchise aspirations from a producer/writer who has either succumbed to incredible hubris or is about to pull a billion dollars out his butt.

-There's a terrible YA romance where the fully human male lead is the one who delivers a very robotic performance.

-It has an awful script with hilarious lines delivered by Oscar caliber actors.

-There are cyborg dogs, Cristoph Waltz has a giant rocket powered scythe-hammer and there's a lady who looks like a giant robot praying mantis

-a fictional sport is shoehorned into the plot

-"Hunter-Warrior" is a legitimate job description

-there is a scene where Alita loses nearly all her limbs and is basically a torso and an arm, about to die when she executes a one armed handstand into backflip, and just stuffs her whole fist into a dude's eye socket while delivering the greatest F-bomb of the PG-13 era


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Agreed on all your points. This movie is a mess. A beautiful, wonderful mess. So many Oscar winners saying so many inane things. A few more points:

- Alita sheds a single tear and in a one move, gets her shit together, draws her sword and slices the tear in half.

- The giant eyes are the only thing emoting in the entire movie to the point where you wish every character had them.

- Cinema's lamest last-scene movie-star cameo since Kristen Stewart showed up at the end of Jumper.

-  Speaking of cameos, there's unexplained Jae Courtney, Michelle Rodriguez and Jeff Fahey cameos.

-  A future world where guns are banned so everyone just gets dismembered with swords.

- A future world where half the population is missing limbs.

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The messages to women in this movie were terrible. Her "dad" knew exactly who she was when he found her, but was somehow the only one who should protect her? She falls crazy in love with the first boy she meets. He constantly lies to her, uses her, and even abandons her mid-date to go chainsaw the arms off someone robotic like her. She basically gets two jobs try try and support the men in her life, financially for the bf and protection for daddy. She literally offers to sell her body for her boyfriend to go to floatsville WITHOUT her. When his incredible stupidity kills him for the second time the movie just ends. If this doesn't get a sequel then that is it! Boom, her man is dead. End of story. Nothing else she does in her life will matter as much. Does shiny bounty guy fix his face and come for a rematch? Does she win the big roller derby championship? Will she push tyler durden over the balcony and into the trash heap from whence she came? Who cares cuz we know she ain't having babies now. Am I  alone in this?

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