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Willi B

Ailments you have fallen victim to during the absence of Bob:

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Recently, I went to an unlicensed but friendly doctor who I trusted to perform a simple mole removal. Well, colour me embarrassed because after he used anesthesia to put me under (this should have been my first warning sign, but suffering from insomnia as I do, I welcomed it) he performed the following unnecessary surgeries and treatments. Now, I don't go to "mainstream" doctors for fear of encountering a callous and mean "Dr. House" like figure or a particularly grumpy Doogie Howzer, so if you can give me any advice about how to deal with the after effects of the following surgeries, I would appreciate it.

 

Otoplasty

Autoplasty

Angioplasty

Rhinoplasty

White Rhinoplasty

Skin Grafts

Ear Grafts

Corruption and Graft AKA the Tammany Tiger AKA The Nixon Addition

Biopsy

Heteropsy

Biopsy Daisy

Hair Transplant

Heart Transplant

Skin Trans AM

Appendix Implants

A Triple Bypass

A Double Lane Highway

A High Colognic (not a misprint)

A Bone Bleaching

A Root Canal

And a mud pack

 

That you, and I can't wait to hear about the holistic and locally bought ways I can deal with this.

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I am truly sad to hear of so many ailments from fellow sufferers of Duccanosis. I think it is important to follow Bob's advise to look at these as "health opportunities" to avoid further afflictions - like Duccapression Depression. Though I have had some clearing of my rashes, I am sad to report that the following health opportunities have been contracted by yours truly:

 

Spina Bifida

 

Spina Bifida Occulta

 

Spina Bifida Tannen

 

Brent Spina Bifida

 

Erb's Palsy

 

Peaches N' Herb's Palsey

 

Brad's Paisley

 

Cottonmouth

 

Copperhead

 

Black Mamba #5

 

Black Mold illness

 

Black Death Bubonicism

 

Poor Aiming Bushwackers

 

Muggers

 

Buggerers

 

Hornswagglers

 

Mugs

 

Pugs

 

Thugs

 

Nitwits

 

Half-wits

 

Dimwits

 

Dimtits

 

 

Thank you, Bob Ducca, for your helpful podcast. I hope you get better soon and we all look forward to your quick return.

 

- Bill

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Hello everyone. Recently, I went into the world of self-publication. I created a public service announcement comic to help people aware of the various illnesses and ailments we are all susceptible to and to remind ourselves to worry. My character, Captain St. John's Hospital, who defends his homeland by calling for the nurse at appropriate times when they aren't on their smoke break. Despite this amazing ability, the character has his flaws in the form of sicknesses and ailments. He reminds readers to list their problems and then get help from a part time crystal healer (cheaper than full time) on a regular basis. Here is a list of Captain St. John's Hospital's various comic book derived illnesses and ailments.

 

Shrapnel in the Heart

The Legacy Virus

The Black Mercy Plague

Lesion of Super-Heroes

The Bat-Shingle

Kryptonitis

Crisis on Multiple Sclerosis

Crisis in Infinite Ears

Wonder Woman's Invisible Jetlag

Little Lulu Gerig's Disease

Peter Parkinson's Disease

Bed Thors

Saddle Thors

Sticking Out Like a Thor Some.

X-meningitis

Fallen Archies

Jughead

Dragonballs

Tintin Ear

Assterix

Bruise Wayne

Scurvy for Vendetta

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Dislocated Spleen

Swollen William H. Macy Nodes

Wal-Mart All-American Brand® Diverticulitis™

Ingrown Liver

Genital Warts

Genital Farts

Roget's Thesaurusitis

Herniated Weekend (At Bernie's)

Stage 3 Butt-crack Sack Plaque

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Recently, my circle of holistic medicine takers have been finding great success with various procedures that have been abandoned sometime in the middle ages. This could be because a lot of these have lead to death, and infection, but I feel that sometimes progress forgets to take some of the good stuff with it. Here are some REAL old-timey treatments that I recommend next time you have a boil or the black death.

 

Bloodletting

Bloodleading (putting lead into the bloodstream)

Bile Letting

Marrow Letting

Pee Letting (or "peeing")

Trepanation

Trepotation

Trecollinderation

Leeches

Tapeworms

Earwigs

Bears

Skin Loosening

Exorcism

Prayer

and most important of all "Faithing"

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I was just diagnosed with Adult Onset, Type Two Diarrhea.

I have to start taking daily injections of cheese.

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For those who are on a budget, I want to recommend the following over the counter medications.

 

Nyquil

Dayquil

Twilightquil

Solar Eclipsequil

Tylenol

Aspirin

Advil

Anacin

Jennifer Anacin

Bayer

Michael Bayer

Hudson Bayer

Sittin' On the Dock of the Bayer

Anti-Dandruff Shampoo

Pro-Dandruff Shampoo

Dandruff Neutral Shampoo

St. John's Wart

St. John's Pimple

St. Simeon Stylites' Colon Polyp

and Cheetos

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