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Episode 37 — Speed 2: Cruise Control


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#1 Earwolf Admin

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Posted 04 June 2012 - 11:04 PM

Are you listening to this podcast on a computer? If so, you could be a villain in Speed 2! In this epic summer sequel we lament the absence of Keanu, marvel at the lack of deaths when a cruise ship levels a community, and wonder why computer genius Willem Dafoe has a gun if he never uses it. Do you have a bad summer movie you think we should cover? Post your suggestions on the HDTGM Facebook page or in the appropriate forum!

#2 sorrykansas.com

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 12:15 AM

Give Paul a break Scott. Especially since you said Jeff Bridges instead of Jeff Daniels.
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#3 TimThompson

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 02:08 AM

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#4 Luke HENDERSON!

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 04:49 AM

Spectacular episode.

#5 AlamoBasement

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 05:39 AM

I was waiting for scott to say MY WYYYFE cant believe it took till 39 minutes haha great ep

#6 A Alexander

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 06:10 AM

Thank you Scott Aukerman for your comment about how the 1st 5 minutes of Alien3 invalidates the entire Aliens movie. This has been my longstanding belief and it is nice to finally hear someone else say it. Oh, and loved the rest of the podcast too!

#7 gibbering ape-faced moron

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 06:10 AM

Scott was an excellent guest, he really fit in. I think this episode ranks among my favorites.

#8 Kristopher Mills

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 06:54 AM

Kudos for shoehorning in anothe My wiife!

#9 jes l

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 06:56 AM

Hilarious as always! Just to add to the whole "no chemistry" thing between the leads, check out these photos from the premiere. Looks pretty awkward.

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#10 PlanBFromOuterSpace

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 07:43 AM

Does anyone else remember Pepsi Blue? I swear I'm the only person that ever bought it, and it was fucking delicious.

I wasn't as upset about "Alien 3" invalidating "Aliens" as I was about "Iron Eagle 2" playing the same trick. The first film is a light action flick about an Air Force brat (Jason Gedrick) that has to steal a jet with the help of Lou Gossett Jr. (who was probably too old for this shit) and his high school buds, so that he can rescue his dad, who's been shot down behind enemy lines. He manages to take on the entire military of some Middle Eastern nation or another before saving the day, and then he's shot out of the sky in the opening moments of the sequel. Bummer, dude.

I've got no problem with the characters saying what they're signing anyway, as not everyone in the scene knew sign language. It's when people say something in a foreign language in a movie to other people that speak that language and then immediately repeat it in English that bugs me.

Wasn't there also a 7-11 in "Thor" or something, in this town at the ass-end of nowhere where you'd never expect to see one?

I wouldn't say that time is elastic in this movie. It's more like a mobius strip, an unending series of events that keeps repeating itself into infinity, which is about how long it took me to watch this film. I remember picking it up for a few bucks used at Blockbuster shortly after it came out, and I tried and tried to get through it, but I don't think I could stay focused on it for more than a few minutes at a time, and I pretty much ended up having to "Clockwork Orange" myself into watching it. I was huge fan of the first one, and had heard about it for months and months before it came out, because my dad was in charge of the people working on the highway during the filming of most of the bus stuff. Watching "Speed" with him is like watching it with a commentary track that you can't turn off.

Ebert gave the movie a positive review, and his partner was taken from him a year and a half later. Karma, man. Karma...

I think this was one of the ONLY big summer movies that I didn't see in theaters in 1997. I had just been stationed at Beale AFB in California at the end of May, and I didn't know anyone yet, so ALL I did was go to the movies in my free time. Not sure what I was doing that weekend, but "Batman & Robin" came out the next week, and you could bet your ass that I was there opening day. "Con Air" and "Face/Off" came out that month too. Wow, some of the best and worst action movies of the year all came out within weeks of each other. As a matter of fact, you could do an entire summer's worth of shows based on the summer of 1997. I see Con Air, Speed 2, Batman & Robin, Face/Off, Air Force One, SPAWN, Conspiracy Theory (which seems more and more like a Mel Gibson documentary with every day that passes...), G.I. Jane, and STEEL. Good/bad/great summer!

Of all the big-budget, overlong films about boats sinking that Fox put out that year, this is EASILY the second best one.
Leonard Part 6: A Film Without Equel

#11 Julia Hays

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 08:23 AM

The whole leeches element was so confusing! It almost made me want to watch the movie to understand it... almost...
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#12 Wien

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 10:39 AM

You could have done an entire show over this scene alone:


Did the black guy really say "This is not a dream!"????

And why does that lunatic keep talking about how fast the boat is going after its already crashed ashore?
THIS CONCLAVE IS OVER!!!!!!

#13 MasterCob

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 11:22 AM

I hope Aukerman says, "my wife" in every podcast he's on this week.

#14 nascartween

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:40 PM

the guy on the date who Jason Patric takes on the boat chase is in the first one. Keanu "borrows" his car to catch up to the bus or something. I am imagining he was living in whatever tropical location they were in to get away from the LAPD while living on his settlement from the city. hence the "this is not my dream!!!"

#15 Shannon

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 04:11 PM

I really thought someone would say something about the FIRST SHOT of this awful movie

Not Keanu's motorcycle descends from the sky like a jet landing and it looks SO RIDICULOUS! I shouted "What?!? This movie has been on for 7 seconds and it's already unbelievable!"


This was a wonderful episode, it lessened a little of the regret I had from sitting through all 121 minutes of this movie and spending $1.50 to do it

#16 Finnias_J

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 05:55 PM

Hey, I sponsored the show this week! Just got my certificate in the mail yesterday, signed by the crews from Professor Blastoff, Who Charted, and some of HDTGM including future guest Danny Trejo. Thanks for the shout-out and all the great programming.

— David Finn

#17 TimThompson

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 06:55 PM

View PostShannon, on 05 June 2012 - 04:11 PM, said:

I really thought someone would say something about the FIRST SHOT of this awful movie

Not Keanu's motorcycle descends from the sky like a jet landing and it looks SO RIDICULOUS! I shouted "What?!? This movie has been on for 7 seconds and it's already unbelievable!"


This was a wonderful episode, it lessened a little of the regret I had from sitting through all 121 minutes of this movie and spending $1.50 to do it


I caught that too...terrible. Reminded me of the start of 'Cool As Ice'. Both are at the start of the movie, there must be a bad movie directors workshop on that scene.
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#18 Jacob C

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 07:31 PM

Amazing episode. TOP FIVE! FAST FIVE? HIGH FIVE!





...Anyway, I was truly baffled by Willhelm Dafoe's motivation in this movie. Maybe I'm alone in this, but at the beginning of this thing, I thought the whole point of his take-over of this ship was so that he could, essentially, go on a suicide mission and get revenge against those who fired him. He was so bitter about getting fired, and he kept on going on about his under-appreciated intellect...and yet, no. Nope. The dude just wanted some diamonds. And of course, to spend some more times with his buddies, the leeches. The gang missed the best line of the movie, in my opinion: "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours," HE SAID TO THE LEACHES.

The craziest thing about that ending "crash" sequence was that there was all this tension built around, "Oh no! They can't crash into that oil-tanker! It'll explode and everyone in it will die!" But then at the end, the THING FRIGGIN' EXPLODES! "But all those people died!" you say? Well you're wrong, because before Vilhelm Dafoe crashed into the antennae of the tanker, all the dudes in the tanker got in lifeboats and evacuated. WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT TEN MINUTES AGO WHEN THE HUGE CRUISE LINER WAS...ugh. This movie.

THIS MOVIE! THE NERVE OF THIS MOVIE to introduce a sympathy dog in the last ten minutes of the movie! The audacity! How are the stakes not high enough? A cruise ship full of characters that we've gotten to know over the past HOUR AND FIFTY MINUTES is about to crash into a highly populated town! The bad guy, William I think his name is, has captured the leading lady! Things are happening! But nope, we don't care enough, and so the movie has to resort to threaten a poor puppies life for cheap tension.

Oh man...I hated this movie.

You know what really irritated me, though? The fact that that blind girl got rescued in the first ten minutes of Billiam taking over the ship! That was insane. I thought the fact that a poor deaf girl was trapped in an elevator and this actiony dude has to save her was going to be like, the movie. But it totally isn't. And good thing, too. Otherwise, how would we have gotten that tension-filled "slowly lowering a rope into a propeller scene." Yay?

#19 Mean Detective

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 08:20 PM

Wait so on the official HDTGM rating scale, this is a "Watch It," right? What is that, like 3 1/2 Buseys?

#20 Kevin Irmiter

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 11:37 PM

View PostA Alexander, on 05 June 2012 - 06:10 AM, said:

Thank you Scott Aukerman for your comment about how the 1st 5 minutes of Alien3 invalidates the entire Aliens movie. This has been my longstanding belief and it is nice to finally hear someone else say it. Oh, and loved the rest of the podcast too!


This was a sarcastic comment, right? I mean, pretty much everyone who hates the movie (i.e. the majority of people who saw it) complains about this when they mention why it's bad. I actually haven't seen it, but it's one of the most common complaints I hear just from people talking about the movie.