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ChaseRoper

Help! I don't like the music my son is listening to!

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I have a 13yo who, over the last couple years, has steadily shown new interest in different types of music. I love music and enjoy most genres of it given the right mood or circumstance. For the most part, my son has always enjoyed new types of music that I have been introducing him to. After he started using Pandora, he found other bands that I've never heard of like Suicide Silence and other death metal bands. He says that he just really likes the percussion and progressive style of the music and I have to admit, that's a compelling reason to listen. What I take issue with, is how much he wants to identify himself with the culture surrounding the death metal music. Growing out his hair longer, brooding more, his attitude even seems worse (I mean for a 13yo that's saying a lot because they're already nuts). I don't want him to continue listening to music that is going to make others see him in a light that I know isn't true about him. Does anyone else here have this going on? Or have any suggestions on how I should handle this?

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I have, actually, been on the other side of this. When I was in my mid-teens, my family decided that it would be a good idea to sit me down, intervention-style, and confront me about the 'horrible' things I was into; things like the movie 'The Crow', music like 'Nine Inch Nails' and books like 'Harry Potter' and 'LOTR'. Since I've grown up and started my own family, my mother has told me that she regrets handling things the way that they did. I can't say that it necessarily strengthened my resolve to listen to what I wanted to and be independent, but it did not in any way lessen my interests in the things I liked. The best advice that I can give is to look at your child and base any decisions off of what you see, not what you think others are seeing. I still listen to a lot of the same music and enjoy the same types of books and movies. In fact, my musical tastes have broadened considerably and I listen to a good mixture of metal and melody, ranging from Dethklok to Sara Watkins to Mumford & Sons. Just hang in there and don’t do anything rash based solely on what you think others might be thinking. My interests grew over time and it had nothing to do with what anyone in my family was putting in front of me. Hopefully this helps, but if you ever need a little insight into the other perspective, hit me up.

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I would suggest... just be there to listen and do things together while letting him grow into his own person. I have gone through many phases in my life... some more constructive than others. Along the way, anybody telling me "no" was a sure way for me to head straight toward that thing, regardless of whether it was something I was even all that interested in. You have to allow your kids some control in their own life.

 

I believe giving freedom to explore is a gift parents owe their children. Otherwise, what happens when they really are out on their own having to face tough choices?

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I mean despite how much I dislike that style of music for its lack of originality, you gotta just let him do his own things sometimes. Though discussing things with him wouldn't hurt, I was heavily involved in the metal scene when I was in high school, mainly just to fit in since everyone else who played guitar there just wanted to shred and I do have a love for old metal like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest so it seemed natural. There are some genuinely nice people into that sort of music whom I'm still friends with to this day, but others after I grew up and realized its ok to be myself I just don't talk to. As long as he realizes its fantasy it should be fine.

 

In summation I'd say just monitor and discuss it with him. I think that would be awesome for both of you.

Side note about long hair, during my highschool days I also had long hair past my shoulders. Right before I graduated I cut it off and donated it to Locks of Love, so good stuff can come out of that hairstyle too :D

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Due to the age difference it happens with all parents and I think they should not interfere in what their kids like and force them to do things according to your likes. Let them do things which they enjoy unless it will have any negative impact on them and also keep a watch on what they are doing but don't leave them on their own.

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Update:

 

He's 14 now and I bought him and his friends tickets to Warped Tour for his bday in May so I guess I gave up on this.

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UN origional?? well new metal isnt cool

 

But SLAYER Rules Anthrax, MegaDeth, Amarth Anon... bunch of Good metal.

 

 

METAL!!!!! \m/ \m/

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UN origional?? well new metal isnt cool

 

But SLAYER Rules Anthrax, MegaDeth, Amarth Anon... bunch of Good metal.

 

 

METAL!!!!! \m/ \m/

 

 

As a fellow NP listener, I see what you did there... well played!

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