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You guys, my waking thoughts this morning were about Dr. Giggles, a slasher film from the early 90s starring the dude from L.A. Law (he was also the bad guy in Darkman). I have a weirdly burning desire to watch it battling with a more rational desire not to. I have not seen or thought about this movie in almost 30 years (since it played on HBO nonstop when I was a teenager). I think I’ve officially become mentally unglued.

Either that or I would watch and

I’m too lazy.

I honestly forgot today was Monday. Days have lost all meaning and I'm USED to being at home!

A vampire who backs bare-assed into a crucifix has hot cross buns.

The Boys help TONY HAWK make the next Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater video game.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I, I wondered if two roads diverging meant there were two choices, or four? And that made my head hurt, so I, I chose the road I had already traveled, and went home.

Might I recommend...

gonna have to rewatch Rockula

"Ye will surely say unto me this ad-lib, '"Improv Man, catchphrase thyself."

The good news is that I won't have a large list of words to select from for my Movie of the Weekend.

Also on Amazon Prime.

it's on the youtube

OK I finally found something that might be fun Let's rock

What's the pick for breakfast?

whoa i thought i was like 6 months away from choosing again i'll find a pick after breakfast

Yeah, the taotie is one of four legendary creatures often called The Four Fiends. So with all the talk of sequels, you got at least three more to build the Great Wall universe. The Hundun, a formless creature of chaos with six legs, four wings, and no face, although it's also been described as a large sack; Qiongqi, a cross between a hedgehog and large tiger that flies with giant wings; and the Taowu, a shaggy beast with a human head and long boar-like tusks. It's clear the moviemakers just wanted to use the Taotie in name only to refer to the alien dogs that act like hive-mind insect swarms, but for the record the mythological Taotie are creatures with a giant ram's body, tiger’s teeth and human face and hands, although its eyes are hidden under his armpits and has a baby’s voice. The Four Fiends are the evil counterparts for the Four Auspicious Beasts, one for each of the Four Courners of Heaven, aka the cardinal directions of East, West, North, South: the Blue Dragon, the Vermilion Bird, the White Tiger, and the Black Tortoise. I kept looking for ways that the movie might make the human characters stand-ins for one of the Auspicious Beasts in order to symbolize the mythological rivalry, but then I realized I was giving more thought to it than the filmmakers did so I stopped. Disclosure: not Chinese, just a folklore enthusiast. Disclosure II: not Chinese, but after living in Shanghai for five years, I've become *That Guy* who cringes every time every single person mispronounced Taotie. It should be "tao-tee-yay", but I'll forgive if you don't have a falling tone on the last syllable. I did look up "tao-t-a-i" that slant rhymes with "bow tie", and apparently "淘汰" could be read as "natural selection" or "elimination as in natural selection," so that fits!

I’m never gonna pants again.

For my Movie of the Weekend, I chose Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot (2018). I forgot my original intention of the program, which was to pick another movie with a word from the discussion's title. For Velvet Goldmine I chose National Velvet. Yet last time I forgot and made it rhyming. Couldn't find anything like Titanic so I went the opposite direction and picked Fantastic Voyage. This week I did the same with a "foot" title instead of "head". Next time I'll try to go back to the original deal. Read below for a semi-spoiled review.

At first, I wanted to call shenanigans on the hosts for suggesting that all of the characters should have been decked out in magnets to protect themselves from the tao tei as there was a line in the movie where Strategist Wang calls it a “strange stone,” implying that they were somehow unaware of the existence of magnets, or at the very least, unaware of the effect magnets might have on rabid space mutts. However, while searching for the scene to support this with a quote, I stumbled on another scene where Strategist Wang not only refers to the stone as a magnet, but that they actually have an ancient record of another instance where a magnet was present and the tao tei simply stopped attacking and allowed themselves to be slaughtered. Okay, if the presence of a magnet was that conspicuous during this weird outlier encounter that it was worth being recorded in their tao tei tome, then yeah, there is absolutely no reason why they shouldn’t have spent the subsequent six decades stockpiling magnetite. Why wouldn’t you? You’ve known it works for at least 60 years! According to Wikipedia, magnetite isn’t even all that rare, and that it is commonly found with iron ore. In other words, the same material they’re using to make their armor, weapons, comically large pruning shears, and Cirque de Soleil bungee hoops is lousy with the exact material they know for a fact will peacefully subdue their enemy. I’m sorry, but there’s just no excuse why that entire wall isn’t just overlaid in lodestone.

Nobody could seem to figure out what type of accent Matt Damon was going for in this movie. And apparently that was by design. In an interview with Yahoo, Damon discusses the character's accent, which he created with acclaimed Hollywood dialect coach Tim Monich. "The accent we made up," he says. "It had to be understandable. It couldn't be modern English. And then [Monich] made rules for it -- the way he does with any dialect we're working on -- so we kinda cobbled it together that way.” Who wants to speculate on what those rules could possibly be? I’m guessing they were based on the color of the outfit each character that Damon spoke to was wearing. If the person wore blue, Damon spoke in an Irish accent. If the character wore red, he spoke with a Texas twang. And so on.

Just watched this thanks to Quarantine; Holy Cow this is bad! No idea if the English dub makes it bad, or if it was just that bad to begin with. Favorite line, “you were beaten last time because of your lack of access to rocks” And just in case you needed another reason to watch, there is a Man-bear with a backpack minigun!

JULIE KLAUSNER and AYO EDEBIRI join forces to help Sean with a very special audition.