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Cockney Mackem

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Everything posted by Cockney Mackem

  1. I don't know if he's a werewolf, but his hair is perfect
  2. You know what, I'm just going to plough right on and post things even though I'm still on page one and I'm going to look even more stupid. Christopher Lee did several Hammer horror films with his best friend Peter Cushing, another old school screen legend. Some of the Hammer films were terrific (Lee's first outing as. Dracula especially) but there was some dross. In one they were doing a version of the Mummy, and Lee said "This is terrible, I'm just done up in bandages, I don't get to say anything." You're the lucky one," said Cushing," Have you seen the script?"
  3. Fuck's sake, I'm so sorry
  4. God damn it, I only had to read two more posts! Sorry
  5. Sorry if already mentioned, but the incomparable Christopher Lee is credited with vocals on at least one European thrash metal album. He also served in special forces in World War 2, including pretty hardcore missions behind enemy lines. In the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Peter Jackson was directing him in a stabbing scene and said "I want you to imagine the sound of a knife cutting into a human body." Christopher Lee said "I don't have to." "Don't have to what?" asked Jackson. "Imagine," Lee replied.
  6. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 179.5 - Minisode 179.5

    If anyone fancies something British and utterly baffling, I recommend Athletico Mince
  7. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 179.5 - Minisode 179.5

    That would be an ecumenical matter
  8. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 173.5 - Minisode 173.5

    Same universe as the goblin truck in Maximum Overdrive?
  9. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172.5 - Minisode 172.5

    So, Hoek - Joi -
  10. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172.5 - Minisode 172.5

    When I was at school watching a film wasn't part of the curriculum, it just meant the teacher had a hangover
  11. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172.5 - Minisode 172.5

    Ha, I've been checking cinematography and art direction
  12. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172.5 - Minisode 172.5

    Ooh, Winter's Tale Starring Oscar winners Jennifer Connelly, Russell Crowe, William Hurt, Eva Marie Saint, written and directed by Oscar winner Akiva Goldsman, scored by Oscar winner Hans Zimmer
  13. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172.5 - Minisode 172.5

    The Devil's Advocate Starring Oscar winners Al Pacino and Charlise Theron, directed by Oscar winner Taylor Hackford, co-produced by Oscar winner Arnold Kopelson
  14. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172.5 - Minisode 172.5

    Reindeer Games features Oscar winners Ben Affleck, Charlise Theron and Isaac Hayes
  15. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 172 - The Last Dragon: LIVE!

    In the world of this film Vanity is an extremely desirable woman who is looking for a relationship, but there are no available men. Even when she essentially makes herself available to the entire city by offering a date with her as a competition prize, the only people in the whole of NYC showing an interest are Leroy's little brother and other twelve-year-olds. She instantly goes for Leroy and makes huge efforts to get with him, even though he dresses and acts like the village idiot, because he's literally the only available male over the age of consent. Her frustration when she throws herself at Leroy and he runs away suggests she hasn't had sex in a very long time. I'm surprised she didn't give one of the kidnappers her phone number. I also have a theory that this film is a bizarre extension of the Sucker Punch universe where each of the characters is undergoing a shared delusion in Berry Gordy's nightclub. Eddie Arkadian and his crew seem to think they are characters in a 30s gangster movie and just adapt their psychosis to the whole music scene environment they find themselves in, Leroy thinks he's a character in a Bruce Lee film, Sho'nuff thinks he's in a gang film, and Leroy's brother is a child who thinks he's an adult (and a pimp). Berry Gordy is some sort of all-powerful, unseen psychiatric puppet master applying shock treatment to various disturbed people.
  16. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 171.5 - Minisode 171.5

    Oh hello Vanity
  17. Cockney Mackem

    The signs of a bad movie list

    Dozens of writing credits. In the UK, heavy advertising rotation for the film on the sides of buses. Five star reviews from shit newspapers
  18. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 171 - Miami Connection: LIVE!

    This could have been a great product placement opportunity for Tupperware. They could have cleaned up with the obviously untapped cocaine smuggling market with their handy resealable containers designed to keep the contents safe and fresh.
  19. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 170.5 - Minisode 170.5

    OK, so according to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, "Miami Connection" was screened at the CANNES FILM FESTIVAL? Can this be true? Because if so, my mind is blown and whoever pulled that off deserves a feckin medal
  20. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 170.5 - Minisode 170.5

    If I went round saying I was an Emperor just because some moistened bint threw a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
  21. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 166 - Timecop: LIVE!

    The Movie Timecop also bears a slight resemblance to the 1993-1994 TV series Time Trax, in which a cop from the future comes back in time to catch fugitives. Although with all this jumping around in time it's hard to say who was first
  22. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 166 - Timecop: LIVE!

    I don't have anything to add to the episode, I just wanted to share the fact that when I produce a document at work that I need to discuss with colleagues, I don't ask for feedback or suggested changes, I ask for Corrections and Omissions
  23. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 165.5 - Minisode 165.5

    All hail Paul!
  24. Cockney Mackem

    Episode 165.5 - Minisode 165.5

    I know Cam would disapprove but a Goldblum masturbation story would be entertaining. "Oh yes, 'ooh, aah' that's how it starts. But after that it's running - and screaming..."