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Cockney Mackem

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Everything posted by Cockney Mackem

  1. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120.5 - Minisode 120.5

    I want to join in the discussion but I haven't found a way of watching the film yet so I'm a bit behind. I vaguely remember seeing about half of it years ago but that's not the standard these great people are used to.
  2. I searched the forum and couldn't see this. Victory, released in the UK and some other territories as Escape to Victory, is a real candidate for HDGTM. It's got Stallone and Michael Caine (during his most productive period for bad movies) and was trying to capitalise on the shortlived popularity of soccer in America in the 70s with the NASL. For unknown but presumably AWESOME reasons they decided to make it a soccer movie combined with a World War 2 escape movie, and cast various real life football (OK, soccer) stars who were then playing and some former legends like Bobby Moore and Pele. This gives ample opportunity for some amateurish attempts at acting by people who are athletes not movie stars, and even better you can see some fantastic attempts by Michael Caine and, yes, Stallone to play soccer convincingly. Sly gets to play in goal despite being about a foot too short... There's all kinds of other tensions in the making of the film, as they got the legendary John Huston to direct. He seems to have been shooting for something along the lines of Bridge on the River Kwai with a bit of Great Escape thrown in, and really didn't get there. It's also strange watching him try and do the soccer scenes and going for a rabble rousing England-centric finale when he was renowned for hating the British. For all that it's actually a very enjoyable film and I'd love the team to feature this movie in a podcast.
  3. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

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  4. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    OK then! How aboot those Oilers, eh?
  5. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    I'd be keen to move to Canada but I'd like to preserve some of my lifestyle here in England so I don't get too homesick. Is there a Canadian city with a substandard transport system and sporting teams that keep letting you down?
  6. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    Would it be right to think that the minisode is going to be released tonight, and we can see what his Excellency Sir Paul has to say about our comments, and what the next episode and film will be? *clutches hands to chest excitedly*
  7. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    So it is. My fading memory is of it in a double bill with Degrassi Junior High on UK television way back when
  8. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    Wasn't The Red Hand Gang a Canadian show as well?
  9. Cockney Mackem

    Boat Trip (2002)

    Aaaah Jesus, fuck this movie
  10. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    A couple of quickies: The wormhole appears on a distant world, a world which is on the brink of environmental catastrophe and whose wise elders are desperate for a solution. Who should emerge clutching the mysterious Japanese synthesiser, blinking behind sunglasses, but Bono from U2. "No thanks," say the elders, "We don't want to save the planet THAT much." The wormhole appears, bathing an alien planet in multicoloured light. Standing near it are a multitude of little green people wondering who is this visitor from across the universe. It's English Beatles tribute act Oasis. Immediately a violent struggle ensues, the like of which this galaxy has never seen. And when Liam and Noel have finished kicking the shit out of each other, they talk to the aliens. Out of the wormhole, blinking and stumbling, comes Adam Levine from Maroon 5, bringing with him the Cosmic Key and its haunting melodies. The people of this distant world say "Are you a master of melody sir? We have been searching for a musician for some time." Adam confidently plays them a selection of his hits including "Moves like Jagger" and "She Will Be Loved." The aliens listen carefully, then huddle together for a discussion. After a time they turn and ruefully shake their heads. "Sorry," they say "We ARE looking for some music to use as a weapon of battle to demoralise our enemies, but we don't want to commit war crimes."
  11. Cockney Mackem

    Mirror Mirror (2012)

    Fun fact: "Mirror" is one of the few words that sounds less cool in an American accent than in a British accent. Same as "Herbs." Is there a film called "Herbs Herbs"
  12. Cockney Mackem

    True Identity

    I had the dubious pleasure of seeing this in the cinema when it came out. I don't know what I was thinking.
  13. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    Aaaaaaaaand I've got a new podcast to add to my queue, because I love the gute....
  14. Cockney Mackem

    Caligula (1979)

    They should totally do this, and so the full uncut version where Bob Guccione took the film off the director and inserted loads of hardcore porn into it.
  15. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    OK so here's a few things I wanted to add, sorry if anyone's raised them already. It feels like they missed out the first half hour of the film, which would have set up the world of Eternia and the struggle between He-Man and Skeletor. They don't do that, but they keep referring back to these events that we have no knowledge of and aren't invested in. At one point the locksmith expresses nostalgia for a time when people didn't need to lock their doors, and hopes that time will return. What an idiot - he's a locksmith, he'll be unemployed. Also, the character of Kevin is supposed to be the hero but he's a complete dick. He sees what he thinks is a valuable Japanese synthesiser and just steals it and takes it to his sound check. When he gives a description of his missing girlfriend to the police, he complains about the cop writing down the description saying "is that what you're going to do? WRITE stuff?" Yes you moron, to help him find your missing girlfriend. Then when people are trying to explain to him what's going on and that it's quite important to listen and co-operate, he argues and holds everyone up. Skeletor appears to have a staff shortage in this film. "It's vitally important to my plans to control the universe that we catch He Man and retrieve the key. Send those three guys." Julie is also a complete idiot. In the middle of a battle with strange beings she doesn't suspect a thing when her mother just appears and asks her to help the bad guys. Small point but it's weird that Teela sees the cow in the woods. Firstly, do cows live in the woods now? Also, she says it's ugly when it fact that's a damn pretty cow. And where does the ginger goblin find all the equipment to galactically pimp his ride? Later on he has none of the gear needed to make his magic key work, and is lucky that the three strangers he's randomly met happen to have the parts needed for interdimensional travel. "An octode rectifier? Why, I think I've got one in my bag here..."
  16. Cockney Mackem

    What film got you into the podcast?

    Yeah, there's a period in which the podcast is still establishing itself in terms of what features they do and what part each of the regulars plays in discussing the movies Great username by the way!
  17. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    By the way, has there ever been a more pointless example of a cumbersome and difficult costume than Meg Foster's as Evil Lin? It's just a hat, a long black tunic, a cape and some accessories. What benefits the film for it to be so heavy she suffers groin damage, for fuck's sake? And what materials did they use?
  18. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    Right, you fuckers, I am totally depressed by England's poor showing in the rugby world cup, and I need you to cheer me up. I know the lovely Americans amongst you don't even know what I'm talking about but I need you to lift my spirits. Help me out here.
  19. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    I get what you're saying about CG but people in furry costumes would have been perfectly in keeping with everything else that happened in this film.
  20. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    Am I missing the web page for Blake's Oral History for this film? Or is just not up yet?
  21. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 120 - Masters of the Universe

    She is awesome. I'm watching season 3 of Orphan Black (no spoilers you rotters) and during the show you totally believe there are ten different people who look like her running around.
  22. Cockney Mackem

    EPISODE 119.5 - MINISODE 119.5

    Later on, He-Man played football (yes football) in England