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Cockney Mackem

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Posts posted by Cockney Mackem

  2. Posted

    All this talk about outrageous claims makes me want to write an 80's style high school comedy about a pair of geeky high school kids who keep getting bullied by the jock and his group of friends, so they seek out the weird guy who lives in a van in the mall parking lot who makes outrageous claims about his fighting ability to either train them or hire him to beat up the bullies for them. Hilarity insues.

     

    I really hate to do this but isn't that more or less the plot of Drillbit Taylor?

  4. Posted

    post-104089-0-60577000-1458192137_thumb.jpg

     

    I know it's New England and everything but I didn't realise how many British place names have been used in just that area;

     

    Boston

    Salisbury

    Amesbury

    Newbury

    Haverhill

    Rowley

    Ipswich

    Andover

    Gloucester

    Essex

    Manchester

    Beverly (sort of)

    Hamilton

    Boxford

     

     

    Actually on that map all but six of those places are English/British place names.

  5. Posted

    Okay, I just found a Frank Dux "fact" that made me laugh so hard that it made me go light headed.

     

    Frank Dux held a world record for winning a Tug of War... against 66 people... WHILST STANDING ON ONE LEG!!!!!!

     

    Is that one of his actual claims or one of the parodies of him that does the rounds?

  6. Posted

     

    Some of his claims are incredible, like how he's the only man in the world to break bulletproof glass, with a single punch, barehanded.

     

    Just imagine if Chuck Norris made up the Chuck Norris Facts, but wasn't doing it as a joke. That's Frank Dux.

     

    The high water mark of a bullshitter where I grew up was a bloke who claimed he once karate chopped a seagull in half as it flew past him. Spent so long in the SAS that he only ate his dinner with a spoon - didn't trust himself with a knife etc...

    • Like 4

  7. Posted

     

    Royce wasn't actually that good of a Brazillian Jiu Jitsu fighter, having lost to guys like Wallid Ismael, which is one of the reasons they picked him for the UFC tournaments, because it was a case of "Hey, this is one of the weaker guys, and his fucking everyone up, imagine what one of the better guys would do". But he does have an ego, he was on another show, and he said "People will be interested in the history... I am the history".

     

    There was actually a guy I went to college with, and he claimed to be a "UFC Fighter", and he was regailing me with these stories of his fights (baring in mind, he was 17 at the time), like the one time he got his arm broken, but knocked the guy out, with his broken arm, and how he took an elbow, and it opened up a cut from the top of his eyebrow, to the bottom of his nose, and it was, in his own words "Pissing blood", yet there was absolutely no scarring on his face. What he didn't know, I actually covered MMA as a side job/hobby, and pretty much knew the ins and outs of it, so I knew he was full of shit.

     

    So, I kept the bullet in the chamber, until he announced "Yeah, I'm training for a fight now, it's a qualifier to get into the UFC", so I asked "Oh, who are you training with?" considering I knew most of the teams in the country, and could have set up an interview at any time, he said "I'm just with my uncle". Then I dropped the bomb "So, which show are you on? Because I'm currently with a website, I'll cover it, do a piece on you" to which he said "Uh... well... it's... uhhhh... It's an underground thing, it's proper illegal, I shouldn't even be telling you about it". And he never spoke of his fight career ever again.

     

    The internet would have killed Dux's reputation for sure. The claim in the closing credits of Bloodsport it claims that over 5 years he fought 329 successive bouts, won them all and retired undefeated, and one of the tournaments involved 56 successive knockouts (in one tournament). Really?

     

    On the other hand the fact that there actually is a caption card at the end with information about the real life character makes this feel like one of the more serious and credible Cannon films, like it's their Hawking/Turing movie.

  11. Posted

    On the subject of child actors that got hot, I kept seeing an article pop up on different sites that said something like "You won't belieeeeeeeeeve what these former child stars look like now", accompanied by a picture of Natalie Portman or someone that I know I've seen AT LEAST a time or two since they were kids. Anyway, I check out the article (strictly for research, I assure you) and quickly learn that "got hot" means that they stopped wearing glasses, that they got the braces off, that they got a haircut that wasn't indicative of the time when they were popular, or that they simply became adults. Some of them were mildly surprising because there were some real one-hit wonders that I hadn't seen in 20 years, while others (like the blonde side character in Harry Potter) were people that literally grew up right in front of our eyes that have maybe been off of the mainstream radar for a couple of years.

     

    Other ridiculous related lists: "What do the guys from your favorite emo bands look like now?" (Spoiler alert: Haircuts) and "What do Game of Thrones stars look like in real life?" (Also haircuts, and they look like they shower)

     

    Those lists are always shite. Apart from the fact that you get bombarded with adware, they have some incredibly lame entries. "Celebrities you didn't know were gay" - Ian McKellen? Oh yeah, he's been keeping that under his massive wizard hat since he fucking came out 30 years ago and started publicly campaigning for gay rights....

  13. Posted

    Is Delta Force a HDGTM worthy movie? I know it is certainly one of MY favorites.

     

    Invasion USA is a better candidate in my very humble opinion. The presence of some real life stories and proper actors add a little too much realism to Delta Force, whereas Invasion USA is just balls-out mental and makes you yearn for the politically balanced, gritty realism of Red Dawn.

    • Like 1

  14. Posted

    Hey, guys. Are you aware that Robyn Lively isn't the only one in the film with a famous half-sibling? Joshua John Miller (Richie) is the younger half-brother of Jason Patric. Their father was Jason Miller, Father Karras from The Exorcist.

     

    Oh, and as far as his being a part of DiCaprio's "Pussy Posse," I don't know if that's true. Seems unlikely, since he's gay. :P

     

    Perhaps Leo is just very inclusive and appreciative of diversity.

     

     

    (And very cunning in his choice of wingman)

    • Like 1

  15. Posted

    Zelda Rubinstein pulls out a book from 1652 to show that they knew each other in a past life. The book had what appeared to be black and white photographs of them and other witches... Photography wasn't invented until the 1800's.

     

    Ooh, have a like. If only the photo was also a selfie

  16. Posted

    Ohhhh...that's a good ranking. Big Trouble in Little China is my favorite, but that's got a lot of nostalgia tied up in it for me (my uncle and I used to watch it together every summer when I was a kid). And I'd probably put They Live a bit higher and move The Thing down a bit. But otherwise, I think I'd probably agree with your list. My top five would be:

     

    Big Trouble In Little China

    Escape From New York

    Assault on Precinct 13

    The Thing

    They Live

     

    It's funny how much harder it is to rank the top 5-7ish than basically the entire rest of the list. Like, when Carpenter is good, he's SO FUCKING GOOD. There's such a small increment in how much I like, say, They Live vs Escape from NY.

     

    The other thing that's notable about John Carpenter is you have to go a loooong way down his list of films before you find something that's actually shit with nothing to commend a rewatch.

    • Like 1

  17. Posted

    Nice! They used my theme for the Second Opinions theme!

     

    And on a semi-related note... has anyone seen "Just One of the Guys?" Its another 80s movie where the main character's little brother has all the funny lines.

     

    Nice work getting your theme used!

     

    Fun fact: Just One Of The Guys" was a PG-13 film in the US but its rating in apartheid-era South Africa was the equivalent of R because they disapproved of the cross-dressing theme. No one under 18 was allowed to see it.

  18. Posted

    You're never too late to talk about John Carpenter :)

     

    Well, since I'm a geek and on a train journey, and too tired to concentrate on the novel I'm trying to write, here's my all time John Carpenter films list in order of preference. Only films he personally directed.

     

    The Thing

    Escape From New York

    Assault on Precinct 13

    Big Trouble In Little China

    Star Man

    Prince of Darkness

    They Live

    Halloween

    The Fog

    Dark Star

    Elvis

    In The Mouth of Madness

    Christine

    Vampires

    Village of the Damned

    Escape from LA

    Ghosts of Mars

    The Ward

    Memoirs of an Invisible Man

    • Like 1

  20. Posted

    Quite late to the party again, but isn't Jason basically the smartest guy in the room at all times? He's always very eloquent with all kinds of classical or kind of highbrow references like using the word diegetic in context in this podcast.

     

    In the last one it was him noticing that The Apple's story was resolved by a deus ex machina where God literally emerges from a machine.

  21. Posted

    Was this also your (and presumably Cameron's) reaction when Paul said he's been jamming out to the Hamilton soundtrack?

     

     

    I wonder quite a bit whether or not it would make a good HDTGM movie. It's batshit crazy, but it's kind of supposed to be. I feel like making fun of it would just be like, "Yeah, that's that's the point of it!"

     

    A couple of other random thoughts:

     

    When Paul was talking about the Funny or Die thing, he said something along the lines of, "Alf! It's got Alf. Alfred Molina." Question: Does Paul think that Alf and Alfred Molina are the the same person?

     

    Don't let goddamn Michael Bay anywhere near John Carpenter movies. Two of his classics have already been remade and were pretty shitty. They Live is in my top three Carpenter films, and it should be completely left alone because it is flawless.

     

    I know I'm really late to the party, but I really hope that Alfred Molina and Alf are in fact the same person. In the same way that I suspect that Andrea Riseborough is undercover in the aristocratic English reality TV crapfest as one of the women in some kind of bizarre living performance art project.

     

    I couldn't agree more about They Live. That whole bit made me sad and angry. Sorry Paul. Michael Bay should be hunted down with pitchforks and firehoses filled with liquid shit if he goes near any of Carpenter's films; even Vampires or Ghosts of Mars.

     

    I WOULD quite like to see a Michael Bay remake of Out of Africa. That's an 80s movie that would benefit from a few robots, explosions and gratuitous arse shots.

    • Like 1

  22. Posted

    That's actually pretty tremendous. For me, the gold standard will always be "Scarface" though, as far as edited movies I'd still watch all the way through.

     

    Ippy ky - yay kemo-sabe was the version of Die Hard we used to get here in the UK.

     

    In Lethal Weapon the bad guys were a bunch of muddy funsters.

     

    And an edited-for-Kuwait version of Robocop (long story) Murphy was a "mean mother-crusher," the robber firing his shotgun in the convenience store might have been saying "fcuk off" with his lips, but was saying "why me?" on the soundtrack. And my favourite was when someone accused of saying something preposterous or wrong was met with a cry of BULL-derdash!

    • Like 2

  23. Posted

    Well, I tried but I simply can't find this film to watch. I only have UK Amazon Prime and Netflix, and the subscriptions don't cross over to the US stores. None of the usual dodgy links work so I'm going to have to give this a miss.

     

    However, in a vain attempt to create a "motif" for my presence on these threads...

     

    Hello, early eighties Catherine Mary Stewart!

     

    Actually, fuck it. Also, hello, early eighties Miriam Margolyes

     

    bQQzJkd.gif

    • Like 1

  25. Posted

    Hey Everyone

     

    Just saw these comments. Just wanted to add my two cents.

     

    1.) Blake has never dictated an article. I always pick movies with Avaryl (Movie Bitches) and Nate - they often have seen them before and we try to find stuff that will breed an interesting conversation and be fun and different. But back to Blake after the movie is picked I tell him what we are doing. His approval isn't a consideration for me. Truly it's not. Sometimes he can't get that many people from the films like Death Spa and FF.

     

    2.) These are companion pieces that are posted on a film site - if you really wanted to hear some inside stories - you can read them. But they aren't exclusive to enjoying the show. I think they are fun to read but it's not a must and you aren't missing anything if you don't. It's like a DVD commentary track - if you choose to listen you can but you don't have to. I don't.

     

    3.) The mini eps and the articles are purely separate, I like reading a little something from them at the top of the mini but it's just a about a minute. What I pick to read in a mini has NOTHING to do with what was or was not covered in Blake's article. I think once or twice I've joked shamed people and sometimes I know that a thoroughly researched answer is in the article and I'll point to it. But that's it. I'm pretty much a one man band and combing through pages and pages of posts - I definitely gravitate to ones that have really crazy theories and point a finger at stuff we missed or talk about something that I didn't realize. Backstage stuff is less interesting to me unless it's really mindblowing. I just think the other types of posts are more entertaining. Also I try to pass the ball a bit and not read 3 posts from the same person. Most people aren't on the board, I try to make the minis engaging for those who don't post and if they are interested they can read themselves.

     

    4.) Re: Canon Films. I think they are fun. We aren't doing them exclusively. We try to move it around and we get into different territories. For awhile people were upset with 80's movies. So we movies to 90's for 2. Now we are

    Going to musicals for 2. We just find what's the most fun and chase it down. Same reason we picked Star Wars because it was something different and it seemed right.

     

    I love feedback. I love that you all listen and I'm bummed I almost missed this. Maybe I should set up a forum just for questions and maybe figure out how to get a vote system started for movies.

     

    Thanks for this all.

     

     

    PAUL FUCKING SCHEER!

     

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    • Like 4
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