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Cockney Mackem

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Posts posted by Cockney Mackem

  10. Posted

    That is fairly common for book adaptations in general. It can be hard to get around something on screen not matching up to what you picture in your head.

     

    I will say, I have hated Bram Stoker's Dracula for a long time just because it does not match up to the book, but I admit I have not seen it in a long time and would be willing to revisit it. However, it might still be hard for me to accept Theodore Logan Esquire as Jonathan Harker and Lydia Deetz as Mina.

     

    I don't mind when films deviate from the source material to make a film, if the result is good (and if the book is a cherished favourite, if it stays true to the spirit of the original).

     

    The things that piss me off about Bram Stoker's Dracula are, in no order:

     

    - claiming to be a really close faithful adaptation of the book (why do that, if it isn't?)

    - claiming it's the only faithful adaptation of the book (hey Francis, Christopher Lee says go fuck yourself)

    - Keanu Reeves making Dick Van Dyke's attempt at an English accent seem like Meryl Streep's Iron Lady by comparison

    - Sadie Frost (ooh look a werewolf! I must IMMEDIATELY let him smash my back doors in)

    - Mina Harker (don't go yet Mr Dracula, I haven't given you a blowjob yet)

    - Van Helsing's accent (if Keanu can't be bothered vy should I, ja?)

    - Van Helsing deciding that just as the final battle kicks in is the perfect time to decide to shag Mina Harker. Oh, but she's seducing him with her vampiry ways and he's only the most experienced vampire hunter in the world, he won't know what's hit him

    - Shooting the whole thing like a Meat Loaf video (only shorter)

    - The whole dead wife motivation for Dracula - sorry, is this Mel Gibson's Dracula?

    - Dracula's wife hears a rumour he's dead and immediately chucks herself off the side of a castle without checking whether it's true or not. Dracula's wife is a fucking idiot.

    - Jonathan Harker: well my wife to be totally fell in love with this dude and fucked his brains out, but I have no qualms whatsoever about our future together

     

     

    Although in fairness the first forty minutes in Transylvania are pretty good, and Tom Waits is tremendous.

  11. Posted

     

    Yes, but don't be mistook. In this instance, the Bible Salesman, as a corrupter of God's Word, is clearly an analog for Lucifer. He even shares Satan's penchant for ridiculous facial hair.

     

    36726-12366.jpg

     

    satan.jpg

     

    Look guys, I'm not going to just let go of the fact that this movie is basically a very deep religious allegory.

     

    Well, since you mention it, one could interpret the whole thing as a punishment from God for our consumerist greed and loss of values, and when the waitress is screaming "We made YOU!" she's just arguing the Nietschean viewpoint that if God did not exist it would have been necessary to invent him...

    • Like 2

  12. Posted

    While I was watching this movie, I felt the movie has some sort message, but I was not quite sure what the message was.

    Then I started to notice the movie seemed to use religious symbolism in a few instances.

     

    Like the hitchhiker girl doing a crucifixion pose

     

    post-96260-0-49571700-1443022587_thumb.jpg

     

    And the part with Emilio Estevez telling her they could escape using a boat to an island called "Heaven/ Haven" on which has no motor vehicle. A man and a woman on an island called "Heaven/ Haven" with most likely few or traces of human civilization. Mmm...

     

    Then there was the trucks' honking, which reminded me of the sound of trumpet in the Book of Revelation. I mean, given the situation, and then the was the bible salesman (who was kind of a False Prophet) talking about "fall of mankind," it's kind of hard not.

     

    There were also a lot of black trucks, red trucks, and white trucks....

     

    Then there was this:

     

    post-96260-0-27315400-1443025962_thumb.jpg

     

    Who the hell would put de Vinci's Last Supper on a jukebox?!

     

    And one of the trucks drives over the salesman's suitcase full of Bibles.

    • Like 1

  16. Posted

    I don't know if this is a correction or an omission because I'm not listening to the podcast until I finish Breaking Bad this weekend. However, the coast and their escape route is half a mile away, and the machine gun vehicle lets them know they're out of fuel. The trucks have one gun and the truck stop has an arsenal. And the machine gun is only dangerous if you don't duck. Why the bloody fuck do they waste time refuelling all the homicidal trucks when they coin wait until they all run out of gas and stroll to the marina?

  18. Posted

    If they're going to do a remake of Roadhouse with a female lead, they should go all out and reverse the genders of all the roles. Bouncers, villains, henchmen, rowdy drinkers, redneck bystanders, blind guitarists, all women. Plucky, non-sexual friend who explains the story as needed, male. Strippers and dancers, male. Drunk par patron who gets half naked, dances on a table and starts a riot, male. Slutty Sex plaything of the villain who dances nude in the bar for no reason, delaying a full on death match fight between the rival bar teams, and offers the goods on a plate to the lead bouncer, male. Which will be a cunning inversion of social mores when the female bouncer says "keep your dog on a leash" and when the female villain gives him a black eye to keep him in line. The sexy doctor love interest should still be female though, and they should still have a love scene which is explicit and over extended to the point of awkwardness. It will also add spice to when the (female) psycho henchman (henchwoman? Henchperson?) says "I used to fuck girls like you in prison." Maybe this could be accompanied by a gratuitous flashback scene.

  24. Posted

    But it's not just that their detractors are looking to ding them on things. There are plenty of people that really like the MCU but still feel like there needs to be more leading characters that aren't white dudes. They're making progress with Captain Marvel and Black Panther, but if that's all they do, then it just feels like they're giving token movies to say, "Look, we gave you a female character!" Now, their television is doing better with Agent Peggy Carter and the upcoming Jessica Jones. They are definitely making strides in the right direction, but pointing out marginalization of female/POC characters isn't just looking for something to complain about.

     

    There was a really great article on AV Club yesterday that explained this really well, comparing this to people that love Return of the Jedi but hate Ewoks:

     

    http://www.avclub.co...nd-femin-224765

     

    That is a damn good article.

    • Like 3

  25. Posted

    I thought about seeing this but when I was reading a review of it the bastard reviewer spoiled the twist, which didn't sound that bad in comparison to other M. Night twists, to me it came off like a vintage Tales From the Crypt episode. Yet if any M. Night movies are to be done by the show it has to be The Happening first.

     

    The twist is reeeeeaaaaallly badly done in the film. It's like a shit campfire tale.

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