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Posts posted by Grand Moff Talkin'
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I recommend Under the Cherry Moon. I feel like it's in the HDTGM sweet spot. Purple Rain is so good and iconic. Graffiti Bridge is way too incoherent.
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Watch this on Showtime last night. It's bonkers. This is gritty David Ayers LAPD crime drama rip-off that I never knew I needed.
Everyone's got weird facial hair and everyone is acting hungover and it has the most ridiculous automatic weapon gunfights in public.
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This is up next week. I watched about a half hour on Prime before I realized this would be much less awful watching the MST3K episode on Netflix.
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This movie is just debuted on Prime and it is a doozy. John Travolta must be still battling with Nicholas Cage after all these years since Face/Off because he's been out-Caging Cage by putting out bad movie after bad movie.
Synopsis
QuoteA hard-drinking detective takes on what looks to be a routine missing person case, only to be drawn into a complex interwoven web of crimes, suspects and dead bodies.
Travolta sports the worst hairpiece of his career as he unconvincingly plays a world weary, hard-drinking PI from LA who gets caught up in small town corruption in the south.
Also in the film is Morgan Freeman, an overly botox'd Femke Janssen, Robert Patrick, Peter Stomare and an unrecognizable Brendan Fraser looks like Peter Griffin pretending to be a doctor while doing a lispy, Lindsay Graham accent.
This movie is completely phoned in and is unsure of how campy it wants to be.
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Edited: figured it out
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Just watched this on Netflix. Oh, boy. This is a stinker. I can't believe it's a major studio film.
This is perfect HDTGM material, especially with two F&F franchise alum in minor roles #justiceforhan
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His films are always so dark. He did The Musketeer starring a pre-Greys Anatomy Justin Chambers as d'Artagnan and his angle was to use Hong Kong style fight choreography shot in natural light but being pre-industrial everything is lit by candlelight or a torch. It's unwatchable.
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They're doing this live soon.
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Agreed on all your points. This movie is a mess. A beautiful, wonderful mess. So many Oscar winners saying so many inane things. A few more points:
- Alita sheds a single tear and in a one move, gets her shit together, draws her sword and slices the tear in half.
- The giant eyes are the only thing emoting in the entire movie to the point where you wish every character had them.
- Cinema's lamest last-scene movie-star cameo since Kristen Stewart showed up at the end of Jumper.
- Speaking of cameos, there's unexplained Jae Courtney, Michelle Rodriguez and Jeff Fahey cameos.
- A future world where guns are banned so everyone just gets dismembered with swords.
- A future world where half the population is missing limbs.
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No, not the one where Tommy Lee Jones listens to U2's Joshua Tree while making bombs.
I'm talking about the fourth and final film The Coreys made together, the Canadian Basic Instinct rip-off Blown Away.
All I remember about this movie is that even though this movie starred the hottest young stars the early 90s had to offer going straight to the bone zone (there is a LOT of fucking in this movie), this movie was the least sexy, most creepy erotic thriller from the era.
From IMDb
QuoteMegan, the seventeen year old daughter of a strict but wealthy businessman, falls for Rich who works at his ski resort. Megan's mother has recently died in a car accident, which she blames on her father. Is Rich so in love with Megan that he'll watch her kill her own father ?
I mean, it had Baywatch-era Nicole Eggert as the femme fatale and she had the look down but somehow this movie managed to make her just sad. Everyone looks coked up and phoning it in and the Coreys have lost their late 80s magic by this point. This is a perfect HDTGM candidate.
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46 minutes ago, Elektra Boogaloo said:I am already mad at this movie. It’s not set in THE Little Italy. It’s a Lake Placid situation. Argh.
also I agree Kelly Thompson is great.
It was shot in Toronto and judging by the cops' uniforms, I think it's supposed to be set in Toronto's Little Italy.
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There are three HDTGM Trek films: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier aka the one where God bums a ride, Star Trek Into Darkness aka the one where Cumberbatch really was Khan and Star Trek: Insurrection aka the one where the aliens needed Starfleet to violate the Prime Directive for plastic surgery reasons.
Paramount wanted a "funny Trek" and boy did they get it.
This is the Trek movie from which we get the "Shake It So" meme
Synopsis from IMDb: "When the crew of the Enterprise learn of a Federation conspiracy against the inhabitants of a unique planet, Captain Picard begins an open rebellion."
Sounds straightforward but what we really got where a villainous, plastic surgery-obsessed alien race who all looked like Katherine Helmond in Brazil
We got Picard CTRL+ALT+DELing Data by singing Gilber & Sullivan
We got Troi and Beverly technically passing the Bechdel Test with this dialog: "Have you noticed your boobs have firmed up?"
We got Riker shaving his beard, taking a bubble bath and using a video game joystick to fly the Enterprise.
This movie is a collection of insane ideas.
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It's on Netflix. Watching it now. It's so bad, I remember this coming out but never saw it. I feel 3 or 4 versions of this "I'm on the phone with a kidnap victim" genre have come out in the last decade. Didn't Halle Berry star in one?
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I haven't seen a lot of the Oscar-bait films but I have a hard time seeing what could top Beale Street.
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1 If Beale Street Could Talk
2 Black Panther
3 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
4 Avengers: Infinity War
5 Mission: Impossible -- Fallout
6 Crazy Rich Asians
7 To All the Boys I've Loved Before
8 Annihilation
9 Widows
10 Tully
11 Mandy
12 Ant-Man and the Wasp
13 The Meg
14 Game Night
15 A Star is Born
16 Bumblebee
17 Blockers
18 Ocean's Eight
19 Deadpool 2
20 Hearts Beat Loud
21 Solo
22 Incredibles 2
23 Hereditary
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"Let's read this Nicholas Sparks novel and then we'll go meet God."
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Laughing Vulcans. Row, row, row your boat. Triple-boobed cat aliens. Rocket boots. "What does God need with a starship?" Of all 13 Trek movies, this one is primed for HDTGM.
Synopsis: A renegade Vulcan makes Kirk (William Shatner), Spock (Leonard Nimoy), McCoy (DeForest Kelley) and the Enterprise go to a planet at the center of the galaxy.
The behind the scenes stuff is fascinating. Shatner's ego couldn't take the fact that Nimoy directed the previous two films so he demanded to direct their final film in the series. The film got caught up in the writer's strike and Shatner ran through the budget, leading to terrible reviews and box office, so much so the cast decided to come back for The Undiscovered Country so they could finish on a high note.
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This looks to be the new "Taken." Except that instead of Liam Neeson it's Halle Berry. And instead of taking place in Paris, it takes place in a Chrysler Town & Country.
In the US, a child goes missing every 40 seconds. You never think it will happen to you. Until it does. Alone and scared, Karla Dyson (Halle Berry) is unwilling to leave the fate of her son's life in someone else's hands. When she catches a glimpse of the abductors speeding away, she decides to fight back. In a heart pounding race against time, Kate begins a high speed pursuit and will stop at nothing to save her son's life. -
This is streaming on Amazon Prime too!
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This is next week's movie and it's streaming on Netflix!
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Correction & Omission
At the end of the podcast D'Arcy mentioned that if this film got made today it would probably work. Well, in 2012 there was a film produced by Luc Besson called Lockout starring Guy Pearce as Snow, a Plisskin-like ex soldier locked up for a crime he didn't commit who was promised a pardon in exchange for rescuing the president's daughter from an orbiting space station prison. It's really awesome.
I call this a remake because John Carpenter sued Besson citing Lockout was a rip off of Escape from New York and a French judge ruled in Carpenter's favor and awarded him, the co-writer and studio $95,000. Well, Besson thought it was horseshit so he appealed. The appellate court not only upheld the previous judge, but upped the damages to $500,000!
I saw Lockout in the theater and enjoyed it but it did seem like a lost Snake Plissken tale.
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If we're talking vs., I'd go Prefect Blue vs. Millennium Actress instead of Paprika. I think Prefect Blue and Millennium Actress do a much better job of using Kon's "is this real?" storytelling to build suspense and tell a solid story. Paprika is pretty but I the story a little empty emotionally.
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I saw this movie in theater on my 12th birthday and I gotta say, that's still in my top 5 best birthdays ever.
I knew every single line of dialogue and could recite it (this is how we killed time on the bus before smartphones brought the internet to us).
I owned the toys of Kupp, Rodimus Prime, Galvatron, Ultra Magnus and Blurr, even though they were much shittier toys than the original Transformers. I was pissed that the sexism that made Arcee the only female Transformer also made her pink and not a toy. I really wanted an Arcee toy.
This movie was like someone at Hasbro watched Heavy Metal and said "let's do that" and that's why it's better than Bays movies.
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I think this is a good candidate just to hear Paul's attempts to explain the plot to a very confused June and Jason.
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The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)
in Bad Movie Recommendations
Posted
I like to pretend this is a flashback episode of Angel where Angelus bullied and murdered a scrawny kid and he got his comeuppance from the kid’s vengeful ghost.