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Grand Moff Talkin'

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Everything posted by Grand Moff Talkin'

  1. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Den of Thieves (2018)

    Watch this on Showtime last night. It's bonkers. This is gritty David Ayers LAPD crime drama rip-off that I never knew I needed. Everyone's got weird facial hair and everyone is acting hungover and it has the most ridiculous automatic weapon gunfights in public.
  2. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Starcrash (1979)

    This is up next week. I watched about a half hour on Prime before I realized this would be much less awful watching the MST3K episode on Netflix.
  3. Grand Moff Talkin'

    The Poison Rose (2019)

    This movie is just debuted on Prime and it is a doozy. John Travolta must be still battling with Nicholas Cage after all these years since Face/Off because he's been out-Caging Cage by putting out bad movie after bad movie. Synopsis Travolta sports the worst hairpiece of his career as he unconvincingly plays a world weary, hard-drinking PI from LA who gets caught up in small town corruption in the south. Also in the film is Morgan Freeman, an overly botox'd Femke Janssen, Robert Patrick, Peter Stomare and an unrecognizable Brendan Fraser looks like Peter Griffin pretending to be a doctor while doing a lispy, Lindsay Graham accent. This movie is completely phoned in and is unsure of how campy it wants to be.
  4. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Fateful Findings Seattle Show

    Edited: figured it out
  5. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Ninja Assassin (2009)

    Just watched this on Netflix. Oh, boy. This is a stinker. I can't believe it's a major studio film. This is perfect HDTGM material, especially with two F&F franchise alum in minor roles #justiceforhan
  6. Grand Moff Talkin'

    The Relic (1997)

    His films are always so dark. He did The Musketeer starring a pre-Greys Anatomy Justin Chambers as d'Artagnan and his angle was to use Hong Kong style fight choreography shot in natural light but being pre-industrial everything is lit by candlelight or a torch. It's unwatchable.
  7. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Serenity (2019)

    They're doing this live soon.
  8. Laughing Vulcans. Row, row, row your boat. Triple-boobed cat aliens. Rocket boots. "What does God need with a starship?" Of all 13 Trek movies, this one is primed for HDTGM. Synopsis: A renegade Vulcan makes Kirk (William Shatner), Spock (Leonard Nimoy), McCoy (DeForest Kelley) and the Enterprise go to a planet at the center of the galaxy. The behind the scenes stuff is fascinating. Shatner's ego couldn't take the fact that Nimoy directed the previous two films so he demanded to direct their final film in the series. The film got caught up in the writer's strike and Shatner ran through the budget, leading to terrible reviews and box office, so much so the cast decided to come back for The Undiscovered Country so they could finish on a high note.
  9. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

    Agreed on all your points. This movie is a mess. A beautiful, wonderful mess. So many Oscar winners saying so many inane things. A few more points: - Alita sheds a single tear and in a one move, gets her shit together, draws her sword and slices the tear in half. - The giant eyes are the only thing emoting in the entire movie to the point where you wish every character had them. - Cinema's lamest last-scene movie-star cameo since Kristen Stewart showed up at the end of Jumper. - Speaking of cameos, there's unexplained Jae Courtney, Michelle Rodriguez and Jeff Fahey cameos. - A future world where guns are banned so everyone just gets dismembered with swords. - A future world where half the population is missing limbs.
  10. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Blown Away (1993)

    No, not the one where Tommy Lee Jones listens to U2's Joshua Tree while making bombs. I'm talking about the fourth and final film The Coreys made together, the Canadian Basic Instinct rip-off Blown Away. All I remember about this movie is that even though this movie starred the hottest young stars the early 90s had to offer going straight to the bone zone (there is a LOT of fucking in this movie), this movie was the least sexy, most creepy erotic thriller from the era. From IMDb I mean, it had Baywatch-era Nicole Eggert as the femme fatale and she had the look down but somehow this movie managed to make her just sad. Everyone looks coked up and phoning it in and the Coreys have lost their late 80s magic by this point. This is a perfect HDTGM candidate.
  11. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Episode 205.5 - Minisode 205.5

    It was shot in Toronto and judging by the cops' uniforms, I think it's supposed to be set in Toronto's Little Italy.
  12. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

    There are three HDTGM Trek films: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier aka the one where God bums a ride, Star Trek Into Darkness aka the one where Cumberbatch really was Khan and Star Trek: Insurrection aka the one where the aliens needed Starfleet to violate the Prime Directive for plastic surgery reasons. Paramount wanted a "funny Trek" and boy did they get it. This is the Trek movie from which we get the "Shake It So" meme Synopsis from IMDb: "When the crew of the Enterprise learn of a Federation conspiracy against the inhabitants of a unique planet, Captain Picard begins an open rebellion." Sounds straightforward but what we really got where a villainous, plastic surgery-obsessed alien race who all looked like Katherine Helmond in Brazil We got Picard CTRL+ALT+DELing Data by singing Gilber & Sullivan We got Troi and Beverly technically passing the Bechdel Test with this dialog: "Have you noticed your boobs have firmed up?" We got Riker shaving his beard, taking a bubble bath and using a video game joystick to fly the Enterprise. This movie is a collection of insane ideas.
  13. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Cellular (2004)

    It's on Netflix. Watching it now. It's so bad, I remember this coming out but never saw it. I feel 3 or 4 versions of this "I'm on the phone with a kidnap victim" genre have come out in the last decade. Didn't Halle Berry star in one?
  14. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Top Films of 2018

    I haven't seen a lot of the Oscar-bait films but I have a hard time seeing what could top Beale Street.
  15. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Top Films of 2018

    1 If Beale Street Could Talk 2 Black Panther 3 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 4 Avengers: Infinity War 5 Mission: Impossible -- Fallout 6 Crazy Rich Asians 7 To All the Boys I've Loved Before 8 Annihilation 9 Widows 10 Tully 11 Mandy 12 Ant-Man and the Wasp 13 The Meg 14 Game Night 15 A Star is Born 16 Bumblebee 17 Blockers 18 Ocean's Eight 19 Deadpool 2 20 Hearts Beat Loud 21 Solo 22 Incredibles 2 23 Hereditary
  16. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)

    "Let's read this Nicholas Sparks novel and then we'll go meet God."
  17. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Under the Cherry Moon (1986)

    Where do you go to buy a Sam Cooke album? Directed by Prince Written by Betty Johnston (who went on to write The Prince of Tides and Seven Years in Tibet) Prince and Jerome from "The Time" are a pair of con artists in Nice, France who plan to swindle an heiress (Kristen Scott Thomas in her first film) out of her trust. Just one problem. Prince falls in love with her. Under the Cherry Moon won five Razzies including Worst Picture yet Prince also won a Grammy for his iconic song "Kiss." In fact it may be the worst film to have the best soundtrack. Other fun facts: Kristen Scott Thomas was nominated for a Worst New Star Razzie; Prince fired the original director and took over himself - because it was filmed in France DGA rules didn't apply. This film is both awful and awfully great.
  18. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Kidnap (2017)

    This looks to be the new "Taken." Except that instead of Liam Neeson it's Halle Berry. And instead of taking place in Paris, it takes place in a Chrysler Town & Country. Kidnap
  19. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Chopping Mall (1986)

    This is streaming on Amazon Prime too!
  20. Grand Moff Talkin'

    The Wraith (1986)

    This is next week's movie and it's streaming on Netflix!
  21. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Jem and The Holograms (2015)

    80s cartoon updated...check! Source material ignored...check! musical numbers...check! This may be one worth doing while it's still in theaters.
  22. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Episode 153 - Escape from L.A.: LIVE!

    Correction & Omission At the end of the podcast D'Arcy mentioned that if this film got made today it would probably work. Well, in 2012 there was a film produced by Luc Besson called Lockout starring Guy Pearce as Snow, a Plisskin-like ex soldier locked up for a crime he didn't commit who was promised a pardon in exchange for rescuing the president's daughter from an orbiting space station prison. It's really awesome. I call this a remake because John Carpenter sued Besson citing Lockout was a rip off of Escape from New York and a French judge ruled in Carpenter's favor and awarded him, the co-writer and studio $95,000. Well, Besson thought it was horseshit so he appealed. The appellate court not only upheld the previous judge, but upped the damages to $500,000! I saw Lockout in the theater and enjoyed it but it did seem like a lost Snake Plissken tale.
  23. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Perfect Blue vs. Paprika

    If we're talking vs., I'd go Prefect Blue vs. Millennium Actress instead of Paprika. I think Prefect Blue and Millennium Actress do a much better job of using Kon's "is this real?" storytelling to build suspense and tell a solid story. Paprika is pretty but I the story a little empty emotionally.
  24. Grand Moff Talkin'

    The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

    I saw this movie in theater on my 12th birthday and I gotta say, that's still in my top 5 best birthdays ever. I knew every single line of dialogue and could recite it (this is how we killed time on the bus before smartphones brought the internet to us). I owned the toys of Kupp, Rodimus Prime, Galvatron, Ultra Magnus and Blurr, even though they were much shittier toys than the original Transformers. I was pissed that the sexism that made Arcee the only female Transformer also made her pink and not a toy. I really wanted an Arcee toy. This movie was like someone at Hasbro watched Heavy Metal and said "let's do that" and that's why it's better than Bays movies.
  25. Grand Moff Talkin'

    Predestination (2014)

    I think this is a good candidate just to hear Paul's attempts to explain the plot to a very confused June and Jason.