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Auden

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Posts posted by Auden

  2. Posted

    - Paul mentioned that Gene Simmons' audition consisted of him staring at Michael Crichton for a minute without making any expressions. I feel like this audition process is flawed. Anyone would come off as a psychopathic killer if they stared at you for a sustained period of time expressionlessly.

     

    - In her young life Penny had been a dancer, a data programmer and a cop. She also worked in construction. Only Barbie had a more multifarious career.

     

    - There's a sort of Chekov's retinal scanner situation going on. When a movie makes a big show of a retinal scanner, someone should be enucleated (not that a stolen eyeball would work IRL). Instead we had Luther using a fake eyeball. Never mind that the technology of making artificial eyes that can fool retinal scanners is way more advanced than the technology behind a mildly souped up Hexbug with an acid-filled needle stuck in it, but those two are different technologies. Luther, and this movie, is all about robotics. Bioengineering was not once mentioned.

     

    - Lois should have died. A movie with bad robots that kill is more effective if a good robot dies. And to make the death scene even more moving Lois should make an emotional speech before she dies. Something like, "I've...done things you people wouldn't even believe. Assembled IKEA furniture without having a nervous breakdown. I got the exact amount of ice needed at every party. All those..moments...will be lost in time, like spaghetti sauce...in...drain. Time...to die..."

     

    - Trust June's beautiful mind to think of taxes in a movie about robots run amok. I'm with June in spirit on this. The public should not have have to foot the clean-up bill of corporations' screw-ups (booooo, bailouts). But I understand why the police are in charge of catching robots. A police's job is not just to apprehend criminals but also to protect people. The robots in Runaway explode all the time (one of the people on the farm refused to catch the agribots because he was afraid the robots' fuel cells would blow up in his face). They are practically bombs that can turn a farmland into Baghdad. The malfunctioning robots can be stopped seemingly only by jackets and lasers. I wouldn't want the private security team of a corporation running around with laser guns. Public safety shouldn't be in the hands of corporation mercenaries. I imagine those companies that make robots that endanger the public will be paying millions in fines, penalties and reparations to federal and state governments and victims of their products. Like how the Justice Department is making BP pay billions of dollars for the Deep Horizon oil spill.

     

    - The time suck that is TV Tropes has a page on Runaway. My favorite tv trope used in the move is "Painfully Slow Projectile: The homing bullets of Luther's gun. From the bullets' point-of-view they travel only slightly faster than their running targets."

    • Like 3

  3. Posted

    I see that there is a lot of discussion (almost 2 pages worth) about the missing Episode 16 — The Smurfs. There were speculations and theories. That's human nature I suppose. When we don't have clear answers we supply our own. That was how gods become the answer for good things and demons become the answer for bad things. What I'm about to disclose won't shed too much light on the mystery of the missing episode. It's certainly not enough light to keep the demons at bay.

     

    I was an intern for Earwolf in the summer— well, half the summer— of '13. I could not believe it when I got the internship. I, a single mom had beat out students and recent grads for a highly-paid internship. When I interviewed with Chip Gardner, my boss, I told him about my baby, Bella. I always volunteer the fact I'm a single mom to employers during interviews. I told them that they won't find a harder worker than me but there are times when I will have to take days off, or times when I will not be able to stay late because things happen when you have kids. I would rather employers find excuses not to hire me than find excuses to fire me.

     

    Chip told me that my job was to go through audio files that had been junked by the various shows to find usable bits that could be cobbled together to be sold at the Earwolf store or given to donors as bonus episodes, extras, and gag reels. I was pleasantly surprised. I thought I would be going on Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf runs, getting dry cleaning, walking yappy toy dogs. Chip said he assigned a desk job for me so that I could bring Bella with me to work instead of putting her in the daycare center and save some money. I was so grateful.

     

    I was apprehensive however on my first day at work, walking down the hallway carrying Bella in her car seat in one hand. Chip had been extraordinarily understanding and accomodating, but what if others didn't feel that way? As if summoned by my thoughts, Scott Aukerman stepped out from one of the offices. He was delighted to see Bella. "What a healthy baby," he cooed. Then he left the building and drove off in a shiny Bugatti Veyron.

     

    I quickly got into the swing of things. Everyone at Earwolf was pleasant. Bella was fussed over and doted on. Nobody acted like bringing a baby to work was something out of the ordinary. I thought perhaps I wasn't the only mom with an infant, that there were other moms who brought their babies to work. There weren't. But there were moms with infants. Rosemary Saperstein (advertising) was repainting the nursery in her penthouse because she had recently heard of VOCs. Adrianne Armond's (audio engineer) husband headed up the Paris division of his company and she thought that only the baby clothes from the Left Bank were acceptable.

     

    I often stayed late at work. I could do that since I had Bella with me. I wanted to get through the files as fast as I could so that I would impress the higher-ups and be given bigger and more important responsibilities. At around 8 P.M. on a night in the June of '13, I tackled HDGTM's junk audio folder. I went through a few files before I came across a file titled Episode 16 — The Smurfs. The Smurfs episode! The episode that was mysteriously pulled from the roster before I had had a chance to listen to it. I excitedly hit play. The episode was hilarious. I rewound the episode to listen again to the part about the Smurfs going to war with the Lutherans of Lake Wobegon. I stopped the rewind button at various time stamp trying to find the bit. The button froze at 6:66. Before I could convince myself that the time was a technical glitch, a voice started to speak even though the button was still on pause. "Hey nong, hey nong, hey nong," the voice growled.

     

    A prickle ran down my spine. Bella and I were no longer the only ones in the room. The temperature in the office dropped and the lights dimmed. I turned around. There was a man. Or something that resembled a man. His skin is overly smooth and his hair look weighty, like the strands would drag in a breeze. The scariest part about the man were his eyes. There was no life behind them. He was like a CGI character came to life.

     

    The man started to walk towards us. "Give me your baby," he chanted with every step. I wanted to grab Bella and run but I was frozen to the spot. No matter how much I struggled I could not move, I could not make a sound. He stopped in front of the car seat and reached out for Bella. I screamed soundlessly.

     

    The door to the office opened. It was Mike, the janitor. The man disappeared and the lights and temperature went up. Mike chatted rambunctiously—he wanted to volunteer with International Coastal Cleanup and pick up trash at the coasts of Ecuador but was having trouble raising money for air fare—as he went about cleaning the office. I somehow knew that the man wouldn't come again that night, that Mike had broken a deadly spell. But just to be sure, I went to delete Episode 16. It was gone. I could not find it in any of the drives.

     

    I called Chip the next day to tender my resignation. His attitude was very cool, with non of the warmth he had shown towards me. I thought he might be understandably upset that an employee quit without notice giving only a vague reason of "family emergency", but I needed to warn him of the dangers of Episode 16 in case it was still lurking somewhere in the computer system. Before I could say anything, Chip asked, "If there's nothing else..." He was not interested in hearing more from me. He was not interested because he already knew. "No, there's nothing else," I answered.

    • Like 3

  7. Posted

    Paul: Also, this is another good point here, um, "I can't believe I made an account specifically to answer this one point," this is of course marq with a q saying this. He goes, "But as a staunch defender of this movie, I have to point out that the reason Splinter has an Asian accent is because -- as a rat -- he was from Japan." Marq just gave us a facial.

     

    Quick, get up from your knees, unshut your eyes and move out of the way*. HDTGM was right to say that Splinter spoke with a "stereotypically Asian accent". No one on the podcast and in the forum has a problem with Splinter (and Shredder) having an Asian accent. As other forum members have pointed out, what is problematic is that the Asian accent is a racist one.

     

    *P.S. No judgment on the ladies and gents, but especially the ladies, who like to take it in the face.

     

    Edited to add: I did not delibrately time my post with seanotron's above me.

    • Like 6

  11. Posted

    I've hesitated to post this because I don't want to start a, as Cameron H. puts it, forum firestorm, but most of the people here seem chill so here goes. Adam Pally's accent bits are problematic. He reveled in them too much for them to be a critical lampooning of racist accents. Thank goodness the hosts called him out on them (in a way that saved face for Pally).

     

    Certain kinds of racial humor are like Mt. Everest. The first few summittings are notable because they were the firsts and shed some light on human nature. However, since more and more people have done it, climbing Everest have become an individualistic and vainglorious activity that adds nothing to the world except for frozen turds, garbage and corpses. I applaud the HDTGM crew for not heeding the "because it's there" siren call of those kinds of racial humor.

    • Like 5

  12. Posted

    Apparently they released a teaser trailer for the sequel before they even signed on a director. I'm not sure if they have even gotten someone yet to take over but I'm pretty sure that the sequel is still set for a 2017 release with the third coming out in 2018. But we'll see if that really happens because it is not uncommon for people to realize their mistakes and abandon a franchise.

     

    I refuse to pay for this movie so if they do it I hope it's either on Netflix or easily torrented because this is a piece of trash.

    For sure there will be a second 5SoG movie--or at least a serious attempt to make one--the movie made $500 million (good lord) with a $40 million budget. I read that E.L. James has a rather particular vision for the movies that was difficult for Sam-Taylor Johnson to work with, and probably will be for other directors as well. I would not be surprised if James ends up directing the adaptation of her own work.

    • Like 3

  14. Posted

     

    Hey, Auden! Yeah, I would agree with you from a historical standpoint, and if that were the reason posited in the movie, I would have bought that. The problem is that’s not the reason the movie puts forward. In the movie Splinter says, “Now the outside world beckons your teenage minds, but they can never understand. Their world can never be ours.”

     

    My argument is: they seem to be positively drowning in “understanding.” Everyone they meet immediately accepts and loves them. So hiding from the world kind of seems silly, again, as far as the movie is concerned.

     

    To sixgunbuddy’s point, regarding keeping their identities, I get that as well, but again, there isn’t any “in universe” evidence to support that this would be an issue. In fact, in David Warner’s character, they have a character in the movie who could directly address this. The ooze that created them is a direct result of experiments his company was conducting, yet he doesn’t ask them for so much as a blood sample? I mean, really? That’s not even invasive. You’d think just out of scientific curiosity he’d ask for that. Then again, the libido of his scientific curiosity seems to be so flaccid that when his company loses a canister full of hazardous goop down the city's sewer he does absolutely nothing! Oh, he knows it fell into the sewer, he tells them as much when he first meets them, yet he didn’t do a damn thing to try and retrieve it. Seriously, that’s taking apathy to a whole new level!

    Hi Cameron! Ah, okay, I get your point now. Yeah, it makes no sense then for the turtles to hide.

     

    The most alarming thing in the movie is Professor Perry's lackadaisical attitude towards mutagenic irradiated chemical waste.

    • Like 2

  16. Posted

    Cut to: a cross-legged Keno gazing up at Splinter with awe and reverence. And this leads me to my biggest question: Why are the Turtles in hiding again? From April and Casey Jones in the first movie, to Keno, the Doctor, Vanilla Ice and everyone at the club in this one, no one seems to give the slightest shit that these guys exist! It really makes you wonder why Splinter is so adamant that they remain in the shadows… Sure there’s a bit of shock when someone first encounters them, but ultimately everyone just accepts and loves them. Why not just send out a video that says, “Hey, we exist. We’re good people. We’re looking out for you?” Is it possible that Splinter is just projecting his own crippling agoraphobia on his sons and is thus depriving them of rich and fulfilling lives?

    I'm not an expert onTMninjas, but ninjas were spies and assassins. I'm guessing that even though there's nothing ninja-like about the turtles' activities, costumes, fighting skills etc., anonymity is the one aspect of ninjas that the writers decide to incorporate.

    • Like 4

  18. Posted

    I'm watching TMNT right now. Quick question: is anyone not familiar with the Turtles?

     

    I don't mean, like, you've never heard of them, but more like, you don't know their origin story, who April is, how they ended up in her apartment - that sort of thing?

     

    I'd be really interested to hear anyone's reaction to this movie that knows a lot less about the Turtles than I or most of my friends growing up did. I'm kind of hoping June is in that boat for this ep because I feel like this movie is almost incomprehensible if you don't at least have a baseline knowledge of the Turtles and some of their background.

     

    Anyway, I'm off to go remove all the bells in 15 seconds...while working in concealment.

    I've not seen any Turtles stuff but I feel like the synopsis provided by mgo.com prepared me adequately for the movie.

    The Turtles have been forced to move in with their friend the news reporter April O'Neil, because the Foot Clan knows the whereabouts of their lair in the sewers. While the Turtles are looking for a new home, they encounter a pizza delivery boy, Keno, who is trying to fight off a band of robbers. The Turtles intervene and help him. The turtles learn that Shredder is not dead and that he is searching for the green ooze that created them. Shredder hopes to create a group of mutant animals to use against the turtles. So the turtles have to prove again that they are the better ninja fighters.

    It took me two days to finish the 88-minute movie because I kept falling asleep while watching it. Okay, so there's no emotional connection to the source material, outlandish storyline and arresting visuals to keep me interested in the movie. But what about fight scenes? Surely there are some solid ones given that this is a movie about ninjas? Nope. The fight scenes are so poorly choreographed. I've seen senior tai-chi class that's more riveting.

     

    *watches fight scene from The Grandmaster to help with martial arts blue balls*

    [media='']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Tk44p0tLlg[/media]

  19. Posted

    Also, she went from teaching applied mathematics to a maid?

    Right? While it is true that immigrants often get downgrade professionally--sometimes to a drastic degree--in their new country, it is usually due to immigration status and language barrier.

     

    Aleksa is fluent in English; she was a math professor in Russia, a country with a world-beating mathematics education. She could've easily tutored students for $50 - $200 an hour, in cash, so she wouldn't have to worry about a work permit.

     

    Seems a bit unnecessarily insensitive in a film full of every imaginable alien / humanoid creature in the universe to have him fly in a thrown with a black slave attached to the front like a trophy. No?

    That scene bothered me a lot.

     

    I love Jason's line, "He has all the bees." And the discussion of the the aliens shopping for clothes made me laughed.

     

    The most on-the-nose name belongs to the rat splice overseer of Balem's refinery, Chicanery Night.

     

    My favorite line in the movie is the one uttered by Jupiter when she and Caine were in the car going to Stinger's House of Bees and she had just been told by Caine that Titus had hired him to look for Jupiter, "I have never even met this Titus, what's his name?" You just said his name.

     

    My next favorite line is when Jupiter and Caine are on board the Aegis' spaceship and Caine handed her some vials and said, "Portaling can be a little rough on the royal bowels."

     

    Jupiter might be quite kinky. She got incredibly turned on when Caine addressed her as your majesty, she likes to be bitten, and there was that hint of bestiality ("I love dogs."). If it weren't for their complete lack of chemistry, Jupiter and Caine would've made a good pair. They could have S/M sessions where Caine taps into the obedience of a canine for his role as a sub.

     

    Speaking of sex, orgies seem to be a regular thing now in the Wachowskis' works and they are getting more and more comfortable with portraying orgies. In the second

    , we have an orgy masquerading as a dance party. In JA, an orgy is unambiguosly happening but there is no nudity. The latest orgy scene is in an eppy of
    . It's NSFW. And shockingly hot. Here's an idea. Now that Sam Taylor-Johnson has left the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise in a huff, the Wachowskis should step in.
    • Like 1
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