Robin Hood got some wood whenever he strung his bow; but when he fired, his body tired, and he couldn't fire his bow.

[Robin Hood got some wood whenever he strung his bow; but when he fired, his body tired, and he couldn't fire his bow.]

Leprechauns have hacked my account! Send Help!

[Listen, it's not as bad as it sounds. First I'll just stop the world. Then maybe after that (if your up for it) we melt each other's bodies into one.]

Look, when I said there's nothing you and I won't do, I meant it.

[In West Philidelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I grew most of my Maize.]

Chillin all maxin relaxin all cool, eating some cornballs outside of school

 

Shout out to Colfax

[Oh we had fun fun fun for a while, but then fucking DADDY took the T-Bird away. Well the jokes on him, I'm going to start my own podcast!]

[In space, no one can you scream. Similarly, no one can hear your farts. Therefore, silence is implied and your farts shall just be called deadly.]

Save your acronyms for the less informed.

[In the time it took me to write this catchphrase a million voices cried out at once and then were suddenly silenced.]

I am a galactic super weapon.

[Oscar the grouch came from a family of 5 grouches that lived in this one dumpster. This concludes our tour of famous dumpsters of the lower east side.]

While the tour itself leaves a bit to be desired it actually takes a nice poke-go route including a poke stop and gym.

[This week's episode will be taped using the bumblebee filter from Snapchat. Henceforth please provide all donations in the form of unprocessed nectar.]

BEES!!

[Four Sisters hits theatres this Christmas starring Sandra Bullock as a hot headed hockey player who isn't afraid to ask how your father's doing.]

Rounding out the cast will be Queen Latifah, Lauryn Hill and some white girl no ones ever heard of.

[Waking up covered in my own piss is no way to start a day, but waking up knowing I just won three golds at the pee olympics warms me in other ways.]

The night before I won the gold medal at the national sex contest.

[Episode 433 - Government Pizza]

 

Thank you so much for logging back in to let us know this. We were wondering where you have been

 

 

Hey Guys,

 

Did I miss it did Mitchell America sign in?!?!?

[I stacked so many Cheerios on my baby that I cured his heart disease.]

Then I guess it became this big internet thing.

[When I first saw Earth's majesty from outerspace I thought about how small I am, penis-wise.]

[We've isolated the cancer cells, now extract them so Gerry can fart on them and then we'll toss them back in the body.]

We have fun at the doctors office.

[You know, once get past all the fur Chewbacca's actually pretty cool.]

[When the dinosaurs ruled the Earth, humans ruled Mars. And now it's basicially the opposite. Crazy.]

[Until his 45th year Bilbo was jokingly referred to as "Dildo". The jokes died off however after his chance encounter with "The Sisters" of Needlehole.]

He was asking for it, dressed like that.

[Episode 432 - Dana Carvey's Micro-Impressions]

Maybe it's just me but for me I would have preferred Victoria Jackson as the guest.

 

#TeaParty4Life

#ObamaAntiChrist

#HeyChaChaOkBabe

 

 

I thought Victoria was just pretending to be an idiot on SNL.

[It's a great day for UP! But it's a bad day, for upperdeckers.]

So don't even think about it.

[He was hung like horse. We slipped his head in a big ole noose and then whipped his rear end.]

Horse Penis.

[Well I found the problem, your car is a sentient killing machine, and it needs oil.]

You can only fix one, choose wisely

[He yelled "Get to the Chopper" but all I heard was jalapeno poppers.]

Spicy spicy!

[Using the transitive property of equality it was determined that Kevin Bacon is in fact an eggplant.]

I will show my work if necessary

[All jokes aside, this episode will just be straight talk coverage of Brexit.]

Right on

[After I killed my wife the police came, I just wish they didn't do it all over her corpse.]

And they called ME a sicko.