You can't spell "manslaughter" without "man's laughter", unless you forgot the apostrophe!

[You can't spell "manslaughter" without "man's laughter", unless you forgot the apostrophe!]

;D

[Everytime God hands me a ladder, I break some windows. Amen. Now let's EAT!]

' Everytime God hands me a ladder, I break some windows. Amen. Now let's EAT! '

[NEW! Click on my voice for celebrity slideshows! BUY NOW! No credibility required!]

' NEW! Click on my voice for celebrity slideshows! BUY NOW! No credibility required! '

[Welcome to Cardigain BargainBag! Today's episode is presented with closed captioning by renowned R&B tribute group "Boys 3 Men".]

' Welcome to Cardigain BargainBag! Today's episode is presented with closed captioning by renowned R&B tribute group "Boys 3 Men". '

["How to Lend to Friends and End Foolish People" taught me all I need to know about child-rearing at the tender young age of RIGHT EFFING NOW!]

 

'"How to Lend to Friends and End Foolish People" taught me all I need to know about child-rearing at the tender young age of RIGHT EFFING NOW!'

[Never trade a broken wrench for a disadvantage! Welcome to Calmly-BringDogs.]

 

Never trade a broken wrench for a disadvantage! Welcome to Calmly-BringDogs.

[When I heard how much I could save in car insurance, I died a little inside. Some small, forgotten part of me finally became a man that day.]

 

'When I heard how much I could save in car insurance, I died a little inside. Some small, forgotten part of me finally became a man that day.'

[Ok- Elevator Pitch!: 180 degrees, 365 days a year, only ONE gets out alive!]

 

'Ok- Elevator Pitch!: 180 degrees, 365 days a year, only ONE gets out alive!'

[And now, it's time for a little something called plugs! Cody, you stapled the script wrong again.]

And now, it's time for a little something called plugs! Cody, you stapled the script wrong again.

[In the mortal words of Gabby Woods: "Happy Hookers Have Helping Hands!". Welcome to the Cosmic Bordello.]

In the mortal words of Gabby Woods: "Happy Hookers Have Helping Hands!". Welcome to the Cosmic Bordello.

[Slap me with a hammer 'n saddle me up, 'cuz it's The Calamity Big-Bog Show!]

Slap me with a hammer 'n saddle me up, 'cuz it's The Calamity Big-Bog Show!

[Posh! Such nonsense is beneath me, seeping into my shoes.]

"Posh! Such nonsense is beneath me, seeping into my shoes."

[My "that's what she said" thunder is what you're stealing- I'd like it back! (but not too soon)]

My "that's what she said" thunder is what you're stealing- I'd like it back! (but not too soon)

[That Reese sure does know how to butter a peanut! Ever since the days when Washingtons were first carved.]

That Reese sure does know how to butter a peanut! Ever since the days when Washingtons were first carved.

[When is a little boy with a sore throat not a little boy? When he's a metaphor. Welcome to Comedy Bag Balm.]

When is a little boy with a sore throat not a little boy? When he's a metaphor. Welcome to Comedy Bag Balm.

[If I can't catch this phrase, I'll have to go back to selling life insurance! Ya gotta cut me a break, Marty!]

If I can't catch this phrase, I'll have to go back to selling life insurance! Ya gotta cut me a break, Marty!

[Welcome back to the show! Before the break, the universe came to be, and some other stuff happened.]

Welcome back to the show! Before the break, the universe came to be, and some other stuff also happened! We'll see you next time- BYE!

[If I've ever learned only just one thing alone and nothing else, it's to never ever ever ever try to beef up a word that's already an absolute.]

If I've ever learned only just one thing alone and nothing else, it's to never ever ever ever try to beef up a word that's already an absolute.

[I can't fathom it- my fathometer is broken! Hold on, I know I've got a can of 'suss' here somewhere.]

I can't fathom it- my fathometer is broken! Hold on, I know I've got a can of 'suss' here somewhere.

[In trying times like these, we must remember what we're supposed to remember in trying times like these. Seriously, I forgot.]

In trying times like these, we must remember what we're supposed to remember in trying times like these. Seriously, I forgot.

[So's far as I'm concerned, N-S-F-W means "Not so fast, WEIRDO!".]

So's far as I'm concerned, N-S-F-W means "Not so fast, WEIRDO!".

[Now featuring gratuitous on-screen sex scenes and much larger explosions! 20% more 'Bang! Bang!' for your buck buck!]

Now featuring gratuitous on-screen sex scenes and much larger explosions! 20% more 'Bang! Bang!' for your buck buck!

[You're not my real dad, and neither am I! I guess we'll never truly know whose line it was anyway.]

;P

[Welcome to Comedy Bon-Bon, today's flavor of the day is Peppermint Bang-Bang!]

;P

[Well, so much for that.. Here's some Comedy Bang Bang instead!]

;P