Glen Toran

Brilliant! Its early! I wasn't expecting this to be up before Monday at the very least. Now I have something to help me through the late shift at work tonight. Friday nights on the shop floor of a plastics factory isnt my favourite part of the week, but at least I'll have a laugh now.

Yeah, hands up who else was surprised that Mel is a WW2 veteran. Sadly theres not too many left these days.

Damn straight. You cant drink or smoke in a shower. I dont smoke, but if I did I'd be mightily pissed off if the shower made my stoogie/fag end/spliff too soggy to light. Many a can of Tennants or glass of Bushmills has been drunk while Im soaking in a bath relaxing too.

I was watching Parks and Rec on a satellite channel a fortnight ago - theyre 3 years old by the time we see them over here - & I was surprised and delighted to see June pop up as a guest star playing a rich Eagletonian valley girl type competing with April for her job. Its easy to forget how damned good looking she is, especially if you only really know her from the podcasts. Paul is definitely batting well above his average having snagged her. No offence Paul. I wonder how he managed it...erm...sense of humour and wit aside, of course. It must have been the way he just sits there licking his eyebrows.

Im not very metrically minded (I'll be cold and dead before they measure my height in fucking centimeters and weighing in kilos are only really used by drug dealers and the BBC, which are basically the same thing anyway) so im not sure the Celsius equivalent, but to work Celsius to Fahrenheit the rule is usually double it and add 30 for a very rough estimate, so if you can reverse that etc. When you condider that where I live is on the same latitude as that dangly bit of Alaska that is penetrating Canada's back door like a Russian porno, then you might u derstand how we get all excited and, well, bewildered, if we get weather that we can take our coats off in before July.

I am going to force myself to watch this film. Especially as I have such fond memories of the TV series. Im prepared to be aghast and inflamed. Its getting such a bad rep on here that I figure that it just cannot be as bad as you lot say. Surely? By the way did you enjoy your trip to this side of the pond? The weather was reasonably well behaved for this time of year for a change. At least it was up in this latitude.

Far be it for me to stick up for what overwhelmingly seems to be the cinematic equivalent of a communal outside toilet during a dysentry epidemic on a hot August, but in the frankly impossible event of someone quoting that first line of 'the owl and the pussycat went to sea,' at you then, 'in a beautiful pea green boat' is the only available reply as they are the first two lines of the famous childrens rhyme called, 'The Owl and the pussycat'. It must just be a British thing, I suppose. 'They took some honey and lots of money wrapped up in a five pound note' with them to tide them over. The two were eloping in the throes of some weird, some would say sick, inter species passion. Maybe their offspring might be fox-like? Being cattish with owlish wisdom corrupted to cunning. I dont know if I want to watch this turd now. Its one of the few that are covered by the team that I would be able to as its on Netflix here, but the response has been so negative that I now fear for my TVs safety if I do.

Just listening now. I often listen to the show in the bath, while having a bath. And have been known to fall asleep in the bath too. Though not while listening to the show happily enough. Baths are awesome, weary limbs get rested not like showers where you just get wet. If a bath is a torrid summer affair in Paris with Scarlett Johansen, then a shower is a quick knee trembler up that alley beside the bookies with that old slapper who brags about sucking off Lemmy after a gig at the Ulster Hall in 1981 and is now resistant to penicillin.

Sorry just edited my post before seeing your reply. Though you never really need an actual reason to post pictures of Glynis Barber (or Nigella, come to that)

Glynis Barber is still fucking gorgeous, in fact shes even hotter looking now that shes in her 60s. Do you remember, or maybe I should say, have you even heard of, as I wouldnt have thought youre old enough to remember, Sapphire and Steel? Starring Joanna Lumley (again) & David McCallum - another time defier - as crimefighting aliens with special magic powers. If the team did TV shows then that would be a prime candidate. This show was played absolutely straight as if they were acting in Brideshead Revisited or something. Possibly the most baffling show ever. Jam packed with cod scientific bollocks and blatently made up on the spot over complicated jargon and made on such a low budget that I cant recall any special effects whatsoever. Im sure there must have been some but I cant remember any. Any action that required a decent amount of SFX, took place off camera with the a head shot of either Sapphire or Steele (I dont remember or, frankly, care who was who) vebally describing what was going on in the most overcomplicated way ever. "Oh no, if that tractor beam reaches the flux capacitor then the womble count will reach ten thousand on the jazzmag scale. If we dont wankle the tuppingham adaptor to furlong the muckley resistor it will reach critical mass and we will be blown to kingdom come before Scotland Yard get here! Oh the colours, such beautiful colours! What an amazing sight!!" It made Doctor Who seem like Interstellar.

Yep, me. It was extremely camp and fun, so appealled enormously to kids back in the early 70s when I remember it from. Though I always picture it in my head in black and white as that was what our TV set was back then. I only remember the late 70s remake version with Joanna Lumley (from Absolutely Fabulous) as Purdey in the Emma Peel sidekick role, in colour. ITV seemed to specialise in churning out very arch, swinging London type shows about playboy crimefighters and spys that frequently ended in 'ers' back then. The Avengers, Ther Protectors, The Persuaders, The Champions. Usually with a token famous Yank for overseas sales.

Probably the finest movie about a pig accused of child murder in 1340s rural France ever! I have to be honest, I fucking love this film but it would be entertaining to hear the teams take on it. A frankly amazing cast of British thespianism, Colin Firth, Nicol Williamson, Ian Holm, the butler from Downton Abbey playing...well a sort of butler, even Donald fucking Pleasance, for Christs sake. Firth plays an up and coming Parisian lawyer who, along with his trusty manservant, the Butler fella, flees plague ridden Paris for the relative safety of a far flung rural province. While there he finds that the legal work he was hoping for is pretty scant and the local gentry try desperately to snag such an eligible cosmopolitan bachelor for marriage to their frighteningly inbred daughters. He hears of an intriguing case of serial child murder that has been accused on the pet pig of the town's only Jewish family (yes, I know, not very kosher). Appalled at such errant nonsense and disgusted my the prejudice and erm....pig ignorance of the local population he vows to clear the pig's name in court and also find the real murderer. Can Colin beat local hosility find the real murderer and save the pig's bacon in a dramatic courtroom showdown? Well watch the bloody thing and find out. It really is a rather wonderful wee film.

KEBABS! YOU DELUDED COLONIAL FOOLS!!! Shove your tacos and pizza up yer hoooooooole. Right, now that thats that off my chest. (three 'thats' in a row) lets look at the world's finest cuisine of dubious content.

But she was barely piping up, so you could force yourself if you had too.

- And famously - and frighteningly, Vlad Putin:

Daniel Radcliffe seems to be cropping up a lot in recommendations recently , doesnt he. A budding Nicolas Cage or Stallone perhaps?

You can get the same amount of groinal inconvenience and painful discomfort by buying a 3 pack of.... ahem... 'Calvin' Classics at the local market for 5 quid. One half hearted fart and they're shredded into flapping bunting. Though I'm sure that the show endorsing Meundies are sturdy and stain repelling works of art at the cutting edge of underwear technology and can even resist and restrain a weekend spent on Guinness and vindaloos.

Oh, in that case I might give it a whirl. I doubt I'd last a month though. And thank fuck for Netflix. Otherwise bankrupting myself and hanging out in Bangor Omniplex - never the most salubrious of cinemas in the first place - during all my free time would have no doubt resulted on me being put on some sort of list. No matter how innocent the reason. "Honest, officer, its for an internet thing." isnt going to sound too convincing, is it.

Famously, even Spinal Tap didnt sink that low. The leashes were worn by them. That way it wasnt sexist.

Them thars fightin' words, pardner. You can put all the little dots over the o in doner you want , but its never going to convince anyone here that the doner isnt as British as Stonehenge, the White Cliffs of Dover, Monty Python and the Rolling Stones. Even...no...especially, if you are very probably correct.

Im pretty sure that 'morality' and 'Hell comes to Frogtown' were, if not at the stage of already divvying up the kids and CDs between them then were at least separately consulting lawyers.

That sounds a lot like the HBO series Vinyl, which I loved in spite of everything. Clunky dialogue ,"Hey Mama Cass, how are ya? Stay away from that buffet now." Extremely variable standards of acting. Or just obvious 'guess who the extras milling around in the background are tarted up as?' Look, theres half of the Ramones standing beside Iggy Pop. Or the sometimes good, sometimes bad portrayals of the famous who have dialogue and something to do with the plot. The guys playing Alice Cooper and David Bowie were very good. Robert Plant less so. West Midlands born and bred Robert Plant does not have a Cockney accent. And while the excellent actor Ian Hart was sensational delivering a hilarious anti German rant as Led Zep's infamously violent and foul mouthed manager Peter Grant, he was literally half the size of substantially burly Grant in real life. And in the final (I think) episode of the series,Richie, the main protagonist, is sitting in his favourite New York bar having a relaxing drink when the bartender/owner tells him that hes not making enough money running the bar as it is and hes going to have it refurbished as a music venue called Country, Blue Grass and Blues. Richie tells him that its too awkward a name and that he'd be better shortening it. So that links with the film too.

I take it this is new releases in the cinemas? If it is then you'd have to be a fucken millionaire to do it here in the UK.

The original mums , from the picture of them posted earlier, look mid 20s at best. Completely bangable, undoubtedly, but reaching the upper limit of childbearing around 40ish, when the the first new generation of horny young dudes comes onstream. Maybe they can squeeze out two more at best. Of course fertlility treatment facilities in 'Whateverthefuckitscalledland' could be absolutely top notch and help put off menopause for a decade or so, but I doubt it.