Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×

Glen Toran

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Glen Toran

  1. Massively off topic, but...is anyone a Game of Thrones fan like me here? Because I have just heard a huge...and I mean massive...spoiler from someone who was an extra on it. (a lot of it is filmed locally)

    If you want to know it...and it might be bollocks...I could spoiler tag or pm it for you if anyone is interested.


    "Shut the fuck up clem fandango!!!" ...



    nobody points better than matt berry. loved him since he popped up in boosh season one and then of course garth marenghi etc. i mean not many people can shine when vic and bob are in full flow but he did just that in house of fools. brilliant


    I rewatched the third and final series of Boosh a few weeks ago on Netflix, it was a lot better than I remembered it being.

    And yes, I too will be rewatch Toast clips for a few hours.

    An Actors and Prostitutes Blow Football Tournament is possibly one of the finest sporting ideas ever!


    My favourite bit of Toast (apart from the insane Bruce Forsyth/Nigerian princess lodger in the pilot) is when he's confronting Ray Purchase on the top of an open topped bus and tells Purchase his wife is a prostitute. Purchase denies this scurillous allegation while standing in front of a giant billboard that has a photo of the sexy Mrs Purchase that says 'Boys, for a good time ring Mrs Purchase on 020 654 etc...'

    • Like 1

  3. I'll tell you this though, Twitter has fucking ruined Father Ted and The IT Crowd for me, because Graham Linehan has shown himself to be such a huge douche, I tried watching them, and all I could think was "He's such a douche".


    Yeah. I can fully understand, he does seem a self righteous ballbag, but I still just cant let his ridiculous blethering ruin either of those classics for me.

    What about Toast of London? (See avatar) That's his very much more stable writing partner Arthur Mathews' gig along with the tour de force that is Matt Berry. Its got to go right up there with the previously mentioned two.

    Also, slightly off topic, the one off Alan Partridge special last week, Scissored Isle, had me near choking with laughter more than a few times.

    • Like 1







    Aww, okay then, just for the gosh darned heck of it.



    Just joined here after spending the last month or so catching up on HDTGM after accidently stumbling on it while looking for something to listen to to keep me alive while working night shifts.


    I saw Trollhunter a few days ago and just thought I'd give it a bump here as while its undoubtedly a very enjoyable watch theres stuff that, as the ancient post above mentions, scream out to be taken apart, prodded a bit and then flung into a corner in frustration.


    For instance, while fully acknowledging it was made on a very limited budget, the CGI goes from extremely impressive to something closer to sub sub Harryhausen seconds later and make Wallace and Gromit look like Jurassic World.


    The trolls themselves are too comical looking and after consulting wiki after watching I found out that they were based on Norwegian cartoon postcard type trolls for kids.


    Although they give an endearingly daft and laughable pseudo scientific explanation for the trolls turning to stone in daylight, or more accurately UV light, they never try to explain in any way the fact that the trolls get enraged by the smell of the blood of a Christian or believer in God, even though that turns out to be a pretty big element of the story. Also when the young Muslim camerawoman turns up, Hans, the troll hunter, who previously was pretty strict that everyone must be an atheist for their own safety, doesnt seem to give a shit that the girl is muslim, when asked if that is okay he just shrugs and says "we'll see" & that's all, he doesnt give a shit at all, even though, although Im no theologist by any stretch of the imagination, I'm still pretty sure that Muslims believe in God.

    Which might make the trolls a sub Artic off shoot of ISIS or something, just going after the Christians.


    The oh so clever electricity pylons that are actually cunningly disguised electric fences to keep the trolls in their preserve might be okay for the giant trolls but most of the others, even though pretty big, are nowhere near tall enough to be affected by the height of the wires and can just casually stroll under or maybe just duck to avoid the wires.


    Oh, and though its repeatedly stated that daylight is deadly to trolls, the climatic fight with the giant troll takes place completely in daylight. Or the grimy sunlight of the long artic summer daytime at least, but still daylight no matter what.


    But still a very enjoyable watch and worth a good kicking.


    And mention must be made of the really clever editing at the end where the Norwegian prime minister casually mentions in a press conference that there are trolls about and the ministry of wildlife guy from the film who is sitting beside him nearly shits his pants when its said. It wasnt until wiki-ing afterwards that i realised that that was the actual Norwegian PM at the time of the films release. That bit is really well done.







    You just cant go wrong with a Mrs Doyle gif.

    • Like 2

  5. I have to assume that people signed on to this after hearing Bono wrote it and Mel Gibson was a part of it.

    And now, 16 years later, just the mention of the involvement of those 2 very names would warn you off a movie quicker than if you saw their faces appear on a street map after googling them on a law enforcement website. Which is entirely possible in Mel's case.

  6. Aw man... has anyone seen the Dead or Alive movie? It's so good/bad. I only just found out about it this morning and snuck the first 15 minutes of it in at work and it's dynamite.


    It genuinely feels like the script was written by a ten year old. Just incredible. Some comedies fail to come up with such funny dialogue.


    Within the first ten minutes you get a shinobi princess who jumps off of a sword, over like a 50 ft wall - the other side of which appears to be a 10,000ft drop, she just uses her dress to glide and somehow catches an invite to the fighting tournament mid air... bearing in mind... she wasn't expecting one - and, I have no idea how whoever threw it guessed that she'd be in that approximate area of the sky at that particular time.


    and there's a scene where (former popstar) Holly Willoughby does a Basic Instinct moment, but then asks someone to pass her her bra, kicks the guy out of the guys hand beats everyone in the room up while her bra and the gun are flying through the air, then puts her hands up - through the bra and catches the gun.


    Honestly, just watch this movie.


    Wait a minute?! The Holly Willoughby, the wholesome UK breakfast TV show presenter usually found talking about fashion tips or "ladies" problems?!!


    Nottingham, which was once named "The Assassination Capital of the North", which pissed me off, because we're in the Midlands.


    But, for example, if we were to say "Are you going to the pub", it would come out "Orate, pal. Ayah gooint pub?" and I once heard a woman described as "Shiz gorrah fess lak an orse, bushiz gorra fookin mint perra tits!" which is translated to "She has a face like a horse, but she has got a fucking great pair of tits"


    Is it Nottingham where everyone is 'me duck'?


    Where I'm from, some people actually pronounce the word fight, "Feight". Back at school, bigger kids would walk up to smaller kids, and say "Wanna feight?!" and then when the smaller kid shits himself at the thought of having to fight this bigger kid, the bigger kid shouts "SEVEN!" because they're really saying "One off eight?"



    Bout ye. You from Belfast too like? Thats they way we mengle arr vowills, so it is. Youze cudden bate it wi' a big stick.

  9. I actually started watching Dragonheart and my hesitancy over this movie being HDTGM-worthy were instantly assuaged. Before the opening credits are half over, there is some legit Accent Schizophrenia between Dennis Quad doing no accent, English actors being English, and American actors attempting some awful whateverthefuck accents they think are English. Plus, the first meeting between Sean Connery's CGI Dragon and FUCKING GENOCIDAL MANIAC Dennis Quad is rife with physical comedy gags and jokes about dragon drool. Just the tone you want to hit when the last member of a species meets the man responsible for murdering everything he loves.


    So.... bring back Dragonheart?


    Watch a bit longer.....

    • Like 1

  10. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2145829/


    I feel a little ashamed about recommending this turd as it was filmed locally but it really is shite.

    Robots from somewhere unspecified in the the galaxy have taken over earth and implanted what's left of humanity with tracking devices that look like those huge ear deforming hipster earrings, only stuck in their necks.

    Seeing as I have the same technology on my phone that I cant even see if I take the back of my phone, this does not seem that impressive. Everyone is under house arrest or curfew or something. Well they arent allowed out on pain of horrible death.


    Anyway the planet seems to be ruled from an unamed small northern British seaside town for some reason...well why not? (actually the neighbouring towns of Bangor and Donaghadee in County Down and , I think, also Douglas on the Isle of Man).

    The robo ruler is a genuinely creepy looking robot midget/child hybrid thing.

    The small hands make him ultra creepy.


    Within the first few minutes we see some fella go doolally and run out into the street (Holborn Ave, Bangor) in his jimjams in the pouring rain to pathetically confront a giant robot cop in a scenery chewing meltdown and get incinerated by a death ray for his trouble.

    When his watching and understandably traumitised 8 year old son runs out to the smouldering remains of his father...oh, did I mention this was a kids film?...the child too is about to be incinerzapped when he is saved by passing human collaborator and robophile Ben Kingsley who leaves the child with neighbour the always lovely Gillian Anderson and her wisecracking brood of stage school brattery.

    Its down hill from there.

    Traumachild manages to disable the GPS implant technology of the interstellar travelling alien robots within minutes by hitting it with sticks or something.

    The kids sneak out.

    They dodge killer robot cops.

    They meet up with an underground Resistance organisation which was more convincingly portrayed in the South Park Movie.

    They run around a bit.

    They take to the hills.

    They run around a bit more.

    Ghandi tries to hit on Agent Scully (which is even creepier than the Tyrion Lannisterbot),

    The kids find their dad, Scully's presumed dead fighter pilot husband hiding out in the hills with 'La Resistance'.

    Lots of people are randomly tortured by Ghandi on whats obviously a fetish bondage rack with wires and LEDs taped to it - kids movie, remember?

    'La Resistance' somehow find the last working Spitfire (the only thing worth seeing in this whole farrago, a genuinely beautiful plane, possibly the most beautiful machine ever made).

    Presumed lost dad and his eldest son shoot down a giant robot spaceship hovering over Bangor with this WW2 fighter plane -suck on that Independence Day!


    For some reason - because Id lost interest long before by then and was just fast forwarding to see what local places I recognised - the robots say 'fuck it, this aint worth the hassle' & piss off whence they came.

    Cue a Bag End Hobbit type revel in La Resistance's hideaway at the end.


    Pish. Utter pish.


    This opened on 300 screens in the UK on the opening weekend and took in a grand total of just over £4000. Thats roughly 14 quid a screen.

  11. Google 'Derek and Clive' & listen to the clips on youtube or somewhere. Thats the reason why Dudley was a bit of a small hero to British teenage boys in the 70s. And Peter Cook too, of course. Utter hilarious filth.

    I havent listened to any Derek and Clive in years. I wonder if theyve stood the test of time? Like with a lot of Python stuff, I suspect not.

  12. I so much wanted to like this movie yet got let down quickly. I watched it twice because I didn't think i got it at first but then after the second viewing it still didn't make sense.


    Unlike the High Rise that is great. You should check that one out,



    High Rise was one of two movies rilmed on location here in my home town in the past few years. The other being Robot Overlords, and the less said about that the better....in fact, now that I think of it Robot Overlords would be ideal HDTGM fodder.

    Most the interior shots of High Rise were shot in the soon to be demolished municpal Leisure Centre and swimming pool which is a not going to be missed 70s brutalist nightmare of exposed concrete and weird angles. And the walled garden is an actual place which is quite as lovely in real life as it looks in the movie and free to the public...and only about 500 yards from the public housing estate (project) where I grew up as a teenager.



    The massive revolt against Dragon Heart has been heard we are shifting to THE BOY NEXT DOOR - Apologies to those who watched but based on your reaction, it wasn't time ill spent.




    Now that is a man who knows how to quell a rampaging unruly mob.




    • Like 4

  14. Has anyone read the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik? (http://www.naominovik.com/temeraire/) It's about dragons fighting Napoleon. And their training grounds are in Scotland, so I kind of think the Sean Connery voice might be historically accurate.


    /confuses fiction with reality

    I love those books. The new, I think final one, is due out soon.

    I had to wipe a solitary manly tear away* when I read the part about that heartless bastard Rankin being forced to console poor dying wee Levitas.



    * By 'wipe a solitary manly tear away' I actually mean blubbed like a well skelped kid.

    • Like 1

  15. I hated this film. Mostly because I loathe Mickey Rourke and thought Lisa Bonet was as sexy as treading in dog shit.

    I did figure out the Lou Ciphre thing and its unusual for me to work out even pish easy shite like that, so that's how obvious that was. Though I did enjoy yer man getting his head boiled in that big pot of gumbo. At the end I'd given up caring about who or where the fuck Johnny Fantastic or whatever the buggers name was, was.


    And if I end up going to hell (50/50 at this stage) then I hope the transport is a sight more gothic and stylish than a warehouse elevator.

  16. And this hunk of shit movie, which shouldn't have anything to do with my great nation, is the reason why the Marvel movie had to be called "Avengers Assemble" in the UK.




    Fucking A one, sunshine!


    It never occured to me that it wasnt called Avengers Assemble outwith the UK even though I know its a reasonably common practice.


    Theres a probably apocraphyl story that the Oscar winning The Madness of King George was changed from its original title The Madness of George III because stoooopid American audiences would think it was a sequel because youre all thick as shit or something, stupid yanks, hur hur hur.

    When in reality it was changed because there was no need for the roman numerals as the very first King that most Americans think of would usually be George III as he was your last one before that tax evasion scheme from all those mega rich white dudes that you call the American Revolution happened, and he is commonly just thought of as King George.

    At a stretch...a rather long long stretch, you could say that they should have left the III in for thick Brits so that they could tell which one of the 6 Georges that we have available it was referring to.

    Stupid British, hur hur hur.

    That doesnt hold much water either though because of all the King Georges hes the most famous and the first to spring to mind, mainly for being as mad as a rat in a biscuit tin. And for losing the 13 colonies, though that was hardly his fault, due to his condition. Inept fucktard Prime ministers and cabinets are hardly a new thing.

    He was supposedly a decent kindly old cove when not incapacitated.




    Now is there anyone left on either side of the Atlantic that I havent offended there?

  17. I agree with Paul that there is no way Sean would wear the head of the Grateful Dead bear, but he did wear the full body suit.


    I wished I could have been on set to watch Connery walk in from his trailer and see everyone just starring at him. There had to have been a crew member thinking, "Man, what has happened to James Bond to fall this far?"




    Oh that boat sailed decades before.

    Remember Zardoz?



    And when he married old Paul McCartney?



    • Like 6

  18. They didn't. They clearly say, "Twoma," because she's Uma #2.


    I appreciate everything you've written that's filled out the movie, but we should not have to read the earlier version of the script or watch the 60s television show that only a handful of Americans seem to know about in order to grasp what's happening in the 1998 film. Like it would have been awesome to see 2ma try to poison him with a kiss but that didn't happen and so it shouldn't be a factor in how we perceive the movie.


    Oh also out in East Texas during the summer there are wasps a plenty but I still don't see a wasp and make a connection to summer.


    Wasps are purely a summer insect here, usually late summer/early autumn. Youre lucky that you missed the wasp season on your recent trip to the British Isles, because though we only have them for a month or so, when we do, the wee fuckers are everywhere like bad tempered stripey flies that hurt a lot.

  19. Paul F Tompkins is really good whenever hes on, I only knew him from Bojack Horseman so his appearances made me look up his other stuff.

    That girl, I forget her name, from Broad City who guested on the Hercules in New York episode was great. Thats one of my favourite episodes too.

    And Chelsea Perretti in the Suckerpunch episode more or less moistening her knickers over the cook fella was great. Mind you, she could read the Toronto yellow pages in Croatian and I'd listen. Im a little bit in love with her.

    • Like 1