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Everything posted by SirVizzle

  1. Before he bought it, it was called OMI Guard
  2. AAAAAND, I can use my AA keychain as a bottle opener!
  3. Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure the medical term is kyphosis. Stenosis refers to narrowing of a vessel or spinal canal.
  4. SirVizzle

    Tickle me elmo, guv'nah!

    Sir, in light of recent events, you'll have to sign this acknowledgment, waiver and consent form if you want to engage in any tickling activities with Elmo.
  5. When in Phoenix, do as the Phoenicians do: develop the first extensively-circulated alphabet, rise to a global seafaring and trade power, but ultimately succumb to a succession of foreign rulers and fade to relative obscurity by 2 a.m.
  6. I was amazed that I had somehow tricked everyone into believing that the office was mine and that I wasn't deaf. Or so I thought, until I realized everyone was dead! I can see dead people!
  7. Especially when you're dressing it in drag for Uncle Frank/Aunt Francine, who really needs a pick-me-up right now, because her hormone therapy is really kicking her ass. Jerry! Jerry honey, would you get me another bottle of wine?! God, I hope this works.
  8. Fat dads, you know what I'm talking about. Everyone else, take a break.
  9. SirVizzle

    But Mr.Murphy my mother birthed me

    She didn't tell me that I'd take her herpes per stirpes*, but I got the purple slurpees, and that's the durnkey's tits. *It's funny, and it rhymes, trust me. Or don't. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Per_stirpes
  10. Dutch dikes, Dutch boys...Hey, don't Dutch me there!
  11. Actual quote from Captain Janeway.
  12. Cause of death: blunt force trauma. Could've been a hammer. Maybe. That would be funny.
  13. Just like Jack and Steve, they like to Jack and Skeeve, but when the place is empty they get on with Jackin Me! To the beat of "Whatcha Want" by those impish scamps The Beatsie Boys.
  14. And may I say, in my experince, shouting "NO WHAMMIES!" doesn't help.
  15. I disagree. Her business plan clearly states that she would sell seashells *by* the seashore. In a busy boardwalk setting, a lot of people aren't going to want to go all the way down to the water to pick over what's left after she's already collected the best shells. I'm in for a 40 percent stake at $200,000. We're going to get you an LLC, some branding, some advertising, and this is going to be a sensation.
  16. But such a charming name: "polyorchid". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyorchidism