SideofMcG

I'm wearing nothing but a ten gallon hat and a thin film of hot sauce on my junk. Let's get this party started!

"Everything's bigger in Texas!" laughed the cruel oncologist, "So you've got about three months left I'd say."

"Everything's bigger in Texas. So imagine how insignificant my manhood is when I'm up north" said the mortified flasher.

We don't dial 911 in Texas, down here we snapchat the police.

Jet fuel can't melt steel. But love can. What I'm trying to say is it's 9/11 in my heart every time I see you.

I've been a crime fighter for nigh on seventeen years now if you count eating donuts in my boxer shorts as crime fighting that is.

We got cream crackers, jam snackers and paddy whackers - that's why they call us the Knick Knackers.

Back when I was an autistic boy dreaming up whole worlds of doctors and detectives I genuinely believed the hospital was called Street Elsewhere.

When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go, home alone.

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you rarely leave your drapes open anymore.

If a train leaves Newark at 7am travelling 80mph and stops for thirty minutes midway to Chicago why doesn't my mother love me anymore?

Hear me now minions of Beelzebub, the day has come, the hour is nigh - it's the new spring line of dresses from Victoria Beckham.

You put the lime in the coconut and by lime I mean something genital based and by coconut I mean My Face. I'm terrible at innuendos

Yosemite Sam never got the kudos he deserved for his part in the gay rights movement.

Here at Insect-Washateria we're proud of all our customers from Flea to shining Flea.

You say "Selfie Stick" I say "Involuntary Suppository".

I see London, I see France, it's a great globe kid but get it outta my face I'm trying to drive the bus here

Toothpicks, pogo sticks, cheap tricks and Weetabix. That's what thin, hoppy, cereal-filled whores are made of.

An adult swan can break a man's arm easily with its wings and a man's heart seductively with its good looks.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo - I'm a Hufflepuff man myself

Riddle Me This, Riddle Me Please, Riddle Me Bits, I'm Riddled With Disease

When I get out of Alchemy School I'm starting my own Cash for Lead store.